| friends |
[07 Jan 2009|10:05am] |
during this past month, i realised how little friends i have. i have hundreds of numbers in my phone but less than a handful i can actually call to have a heart-to-heart talk or out to party with.
i'm coming 29 and i'll just use the 200+ friends i have on facebook to work it out. and out of these 200, i can only really count just 10 as my friends. which also means, i am just like a passerby to the other 190.
i quite dislike it that i receive invites to birthdays and weddings but nobody calls me for other celebrations like christmaas, new year's eve or erm, valentine's day..hahah i was joking about valentine's. that would be a date. am i there just to deliver a pressent (i can't afford the obscenely expensive presents like gucci or LVs that i see my friends exchanging. i never ever see them using my presents - too cheap to be on their bodies i guess) or to deliver ang baos?
have i taken my practice of detachment too far? till the extent that i have no more friends to call on? i can't think of anyone to go to if i need some comfort. in fact i'm embarrassed to call on people - the seemingly happy ones, cause they may think i'm a pessimistic person. it's always the same phrase i hear - aiya, don't worry la. it'd be fine.
what am i expecting anyway? a loan? don't think anyone would do that. a hug? most people would find it scandalous to hug someone from a different gender, and hugs are really costly these days. people dispense money more than hugs or smiles these days.
i'm becoming like a tree i feel. people walk pass me, they don't even give a thought about how i'd feel on a rainy day or if there are worms crawling on me. they don't even stop to say hello. who would talk to a tree anyway?
i want to be human, but i've lost the human-ness in me. i can't speak properly to humans. some tend to misinterpret my views and get offended when that's the last thing i'd do. and sometimes, i myself misinterpret signals from others and end up terribly misled. if only people communicate properly like computers - proper encoding and decoding. but it would be utterly boring won't it?
how? i'm totally dissatisfied. haha.
this entry is all about ME ME ME. so self-centred.
oh...i've yet to come up with my new year's resolution. i need to have one so i'll have plans and so that it can be a productiev year for me(hopefully).
okay this has gone on for too long. haha bye.
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