Jessi

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11th July 2004

7:51pm: HEY!
PLEASE SIGN UP WITH ME! YOU HAVE TO MAKE A PET, BUT THATS ALL!!!! PLEASE PLEASE I NEED EVERYONE'S HELP!!! I LOVE YOU, PLEASE HELP ME!!!

---love---hate---fate---
-jessi




don't make my neo pet sad...


twistedjess86 got their Neopet at http://www.neopets.com





make her happy!


twistedjess86 got their Neopet at http://www.neopets.com




CLICK ON THE BANNER TO MAKE HER HAPPY!
6:58pm: i partied!!!!
all i have to say was that i partied, hard. i drank and i was really bad and i got high. we were running around naked in the dark, lol. actually everyone else was and dave fucked sarah in the middle of the road at like 1 in the morning. we were there and she makes noise, and you know what? she is LOUD! hell, i'm not even that loud, lol. ANYWAY! i won't do anything like this again for like, another 6 months....heh. i don't have a hangover mind you, my brain is just a little misty, lol. OH! and the FAMILY knows about sev and i. they know i am no longer a virgin, and let me tell you, that was fun to bring up while they were half in the bag! lol. it wasn't my fault but someone said something and i didn't want to lie...so i didn't. i was very vague on details, but....heh, it was interesting none the less. they weren't mad at all about me actually committing the act (heh, it sounds like i committed a crime, lol)they were just sad that i didn't go to them and tell them about how great it was! yes, my weekend was interesting to say the least. but it was awesome. those are the only details your all getting, lol.

I MISS EVERYONE!!! *blows kisses to all* its driving me crazy! lol. love you guys!!!

---love---hate---fate---
-jessi

i love you sev...
Current Mood: lethargic
Current Music: HARRY POTTER and the Philosepher's Stone- movie! wOOt!

9th July 2004

1:28pm: a heads up....!
i'm going to miss you guys! i'm going away for the weekend and i'll be back online on sunday, not that it really matters, cause no one reads this anyways. lol. ^_^

last nights dream...oh my goddess....i got engagded and married at 16 to sev. and the family was happy about it! although, it was a christian wedding...which really scared me because, heh, i'm wiccan, and thast not cool lol. i woke up in tears of joy...i wish it were real...but umm....yeah. we exchanged vows and oh!!! it was so great...heh, i hope i don't scare sev if he reads this, lol. i love you sev! well, i'm off...cheers all. *blows kiss*

---love---hate---fate---
-jessi
Current Mood: chipper

8th July 2004

5:33pm: dun dun DUN!!!!
well it has been a nornal day in the life of me<<< the drama queen, lol. hey, i have a new title i am "THE JESS" !!!! dun dun DUN!!! heh, i feel special, i have a title, woohoo *dances then stops suddenly, noticing those watching* i mean....yeah....heh.

well anyways, today is just dragging on. i've had two arguements with sev about the damnedest things....first, he beleives he has no talent. fuck off! he's a fantastic poet and he's a great guitarist, granted he isn't my father, but he's still great. he keeps digging himself down a deep dark hole of self blindness. he thinks hes this untalented retard thast good at two things....computers and video games. he needs to wake up and realize that he's perfect the way he is. i hate how he puts himself down, it just erks me to no end because i love him and i see so much in him, he is my everything and its just....err...thats right, frusterating, thats all. the second little bickering contest between us was which of us has more being asked of us. that was pointless...and now its going on to the " I don't understand how you can think all this about me." blah blah blah. I FUCKING LOVE YOU! okay? i love you for who you are....you are my everything, goddess, don't you fucking get it? YOU ARE PERFECT! GOD!.....*hides face in hands* i can't deal with him doing this to himself...i love you sev...thats all thats important to me...is you....i mean...look at me! i have tears coming from my eyes! DO YOU NOT SEE HOW MUCH YOU MATTER!?!....fuck it....

*sigh* fuck me.....i'm stupid...

---love---hate---fate---
-jessi
Current Mood: frustrated
4:03pm: HELL??? lol, dante's inferno test
lets see, if hell is real then lets see where i will be burning...

The sweet light no longer strikes against your eyes. Your shade has been banished to... the Seventh Level of Hell!
Seventh Level of Hell

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Guarded by the Minotaur, who snarls in fury, and encircled within the river Phlegethon, filled with boiling blood, is the Seventh Level of Hell. The violent, the assasins, the tyrants, and the war-mongers lament their pitiless mischiefs in the river, while centaurs armed with bows and arrows shoot those who try to escape their punishment. The stench here is overpowering. This level is also home to the wood of the suicides- stunted and gnarled trees with twisting branches and poisoned fruit. At the time of final judgement, their bodies will hang from their branches. In those branches the Harpies, foul birdlike creatures with human faces, make their nests. Beyond the wood is scorching sand where those who committed violence against God and nature are showered with flakes of fire that rain down against their naked bodies. Blasphemers and sodomites writhe in pain, their tongues more loosed to lamentation, and out of their eyes gushes forth their woe. Usurers, who followed neither nature nor art, also share company in the Seventh Level.

HAHAHAAAA!!!! DAMN! i'll be burning for sure!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Level | Score
Purgatory | Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo | Low
Level 2 | High
Level 3 | Low
Level 4 | Low
Level 5 | High
Level 6 - The City of Dis | Low
Level 7 | Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge | High
Level 9 - Cocytus | Moderate

there i go, lol i'm catergerized as "Violent" lol. mwahahahaaaa!!!!! lol.
cheers all....

---love---hate---fate---
-jessi
Current Mood: amused
3:45pm: my disorders, lol
wow, this was interesting....i'm officially disgusted with myself, lol. and you know whats sad? i caught myself doing the things rated high and very high on several occasions already, heh, its interesting.... sorry, i though i'd put this in cause its interesting, for me anyways....WARNING!!! LONG ENTRY!!!

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Very High
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

here are the definParanoid
Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships with others. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant to others. They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges.

Schizoid
People with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. They genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They tend to seek jobs that require little social contact. Their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance. They are perceived as humorless and distant and often are termed "loners."

Schizotypal
Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.

Antisocial
A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. They tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often agressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others.

Borderline
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.

Histrionic
People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.





Narcissistic
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. They tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.

Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.

Dependent
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.

Obsessive-Compulsive
Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder is similar to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder. People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.


well, cheers all....lol.

---love---hate---fate---
-jessi
Current Mood: curious

5th July 2004

4:53pm: my confessions...
i need to get this out of my system, so who ever reads this, bare with me....

MY CONFESSIONS:

i scare myself sometimes i am a drama queen
i'm addicted to attention i am my own worst enemy
i use people i put myself down to get brought back up again
i long to be different i wish i were the same
i contredict myself i don't know what i want
i stare at myself in the mirror i think i'm pretty
i'm conceited i long to have problems
i'm not perfect i wish i were perfect
i hate the way i act i hate the way other people act
i look for ways to make me look insane
i love myself so much that i hate myself
i am pathetic
i can sing well i like preps
i wish i were goth i try to act goth, heh, i'm not
i try to be bad ass i'm a weak person
i like the color pink i cut myself and enjoy it
i lie...all the time i make up lies to make me interesting
i am a terrible person i am a goodie-twoshoes
i love to be loved i love to hear people talk about me good or bad
i like to cause problems w/ myself i love to cause problems for everyone else
i hate being annoying i hate being smart
i am a cheater i am very very egotistical
i am ashamed of my actions i long to be popular
i swear too much i still have lingering feelings for the asshole cory
i like to be mean i like to see others hurt
i like to be asked for advice i like it when people come to me
i am ashamed of my confessions...

---love--hate---fate---
-jessi
Current Mood: depressed
3:08pm: the fourth of july....^_^
i woke up at around 11.45, lol, to the sound of the shower going. i got up and did my chores while on the phone with sev. we were talking about the events that were to take place on the birthday of america....bleh, fuck america with its polluted air and its homeless people and its rich people. this country has done nothing but fuck hte rest fo the world....*sigh* anyway...i took a shower and then went to sev's house for 1.30. wehn i got there i sat in the back with mum and watched them cut the branches off of a tree...that erked me a little, but oh well. we went inside and hung out for a while. we watched foamy on the big screen tv, lol, it was great. then sev and i went up stairs for about 2 1/2 hours until kris knocked on the door and gave sev the phone, it was jay. tougie was on his way to pick us up. so sev hopped into the shower while i layed on his floor infront of the fan until he was dressed and ready. tougie, jay, sev and i all fit into tougie's truck, i unfortunatly had to sit infront of sev, between his legs on the floor facing the dash board. it was so uncomfortable...err...lol. well after that we finally got to jay's after stopping for me to get money and coolwhip (which made me sick today cause i ate it alone) and chips. we swam and had fun just busting eachothers asses. kat was there and we changed in the bathroom together. she gave me her two piece to wear i felt like a seacow, but i was told otherwise. after changing and eating all sorts of junk food (most of which i bought) we went to the fireworks down town. that was a cluster fuck. we left the fire works like 10 minutes early and still hit massive traffic. jay got out of the car like three times and we ended up shutting off the car to save gas a few times too. it was fun though. when we got back to jay's sev and i left with tougie to come to my house then me and mum brought sev home. i came home and crashed, what a fucked up, but fun, fourth of july. ^_^ cheers all, and fuck bush and his retarded morals....love you sev...

---love---hate---fate---
-jessi
Current Mood: full
Current Music: my belly yelling at me cause i ate too much....errr
11:20am: saturdays events...^_^
heh, saturday was fun...i woke up at like 10.30-11 and came down stairs and fucked around online for a little while before sev went to dave's house. then i played the champions of norrath for like the rest of the after noon until about 7.30pm, lol. that game is addictive. heh, my character is bad ass lol. heheheheeee....well anyway, talked to sev on the phone for a while then hung up to play some more ^_^. mum came home from the Women's Open and was a very happy panda. she had been outside all day and she was so fried on her shoulders lol. well, she started cooking ribs and stuff and then was all "hey, call steve and have him come over and we'll light off fireworks." i was all happy, but then i couldn't find him to tell him. eventually, we got ahold of him and then we got him around like 9.30. we went to lynne's house and swam and hung aound for a while, until 1.30 then we brought sev home. my mum kept telling me how greta sev was for me and she also told sev, when he was driving himself home, mind you, lol, that " You know, i'm a little wigged out from my daughter dating, but you are a great guy and you are perfect for her. i love you stephen....blah blah..." lol. she really likes him too. and before we even got him, she said to me, "You know, i wouldn't mind you spending the rest of your life with him." i said "me too....i love him...*smiles*" lol. so sev is very welcome in my family, hell, even my grandmother loves him and says how sweet and kind and polite he is. lol. if only they knew the real stephen...LOL. so i finally went to bed at like 2.30 after dropping sev off home. mmm...he let me borrow his huge sweater, so thats what i slept in. mmm...it smells so good....i love sev...yes i do, lol. later all....cheers!

---love---hate---fate---
-jessi
Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: Van Helsing game sound effects

3rd July 2004

11:41am: learning to fly...
yesturday was amazing...

i was woken up by my crazy mum this morning and she was in a fantastically good mood, lol. she messed around with the dog on my bed to wake me up, lol. crazy woman.... anyway i got up and took a shower and stuff to get ready for my learners permit quizy thingy. we left about 9.30 and we had to stop at an atm machine. i got out in downtown springfield to get to the fleet bank where the atm was. i walked inside and took off me shades and the guy in front of my looked at me for like, a second and started spazing the fuck out. it was so fucking funny i can't even tell you! he started pacing and kept turning around to look at me as if i were to pull a gun outof my bra or something *laughs* oh my goddess it was so funny! well i got back into the truck to tell mum about it and she laughed. well...we eventually made it to the RMV and i filled out a yellow pice of paper and wait for my number to be called: C409, heh, i remember it because the damn person over the intercom kept calling C408 and i got up to go like three times before realizing it was 08 they were calling not 09. lol. finally got there and gave the lady clerk person money and my birthcertificate and stuff. then she took my picture (oh my god! it is SOOOOO bad lol! my face is so long it take sup most of the box!) and then off to take the test i went. 20 questions that stop at 14 correct. OH MY GODDESS! its was SO fucking easy i can't beleive i even took the time to read the book from online on thursday! lol. it was all common sense, and if oyu just watched other people driving you would pass with flying colours, lol. well, got my permit and left at 10.45. went to lunch at burgerkig (eww...lol) and i came home to wait for my big brother rob to call me. sev called and told me about how he got his licsence!!! yay sev! i'm so proud of him, lol. well, i had to get off with him so that i could change into hiking clothes (shorts and a disturbed teeshirt, lol) and wait for rob.

rob came to pick me up at like 12.30 and off we went to baremountain! it took a while to get their because of the women's open traffic, so we just talked. i asked him to formally handfast myself and someone else when the time came, and he siad of course and was so pleased about it. we talked aboutt hat for a long while thentalked about the coven. we got to baremountain about 1.20-1.30 and climbed up 1,820 feet, or something like that. it was alot of fun and i can't beleive how out of shape i am lol. we never rested, but i still huffed and puffed a little bit on the way up, but maybe that was because i decided i wanted to carry the pack with three huge waterbottles and cheese nips, lol. wehn we got to the top, i couldn't believe how beautiful it was. i mean, the wind was blowing lightly and it was clear and sunny. i wish i could explain it, but its worthless, because words can't even begin to describe it. i mean, the horizon was all mountains smoothly layered with a soft fog. the sky was an intinate blue and the hight was so entreging. it made you want to learn to fly. dragons runway was beautiful and everything was so intricate, i eman, you noticed every detail of the sound of the air and the smell of rock, soil and wood. it was priceless. rob took off his shirt (the lucky bastard, but he got burnt so baddly he couldn't wear his shirt, so he deserved it, mwahahahahaaa!) and i roled up my shirt as high as i could. it was great. the rocks were hot and the air was cool. we meditated and talked about everything, like we always do. this one hawk with a white splotch on his wing kept going by us, eventually 5 others came to watch us and talk to us. they circled us and then left, but the white splotched one kept coming by. i asked that if he flew over my head, i mean right over my head, i could die a happy person. he did it, twice even. the first time not so much, but when i was salone, he came by again, about 10 above my head he flew right over me. i wanted to just stop living and rewind it to live it over and over. awesome, it was totally awesome.after that it felt like about 4.30-4.45 so we thanked each element (cause they were already there in the natural circle) and then the god and goddess and blessed the cakes and ale ( a huge cheese nip with four squares stuck together, and two crubled up peanutbutter cookies and arizona blueberry tea) and gave part to the mountain and then half to us. the ale decided to get blessed by the mountain before we had finished blessing the food,because neither of us had touched it and it fell out of the little nook it was in and roled down the cliff. rob went and retrieved it after scaling down several jagged rocks to find it in a bed of evergreens. it was so funny. we ate and drank and thanked everything once again and went down the mountain, which was faster, but not easy lol.

we got in the car and went to sarah's house ofr a cook out. (sarah is the high priestess of the coven)rob and i talked about my wiccaning (a dedication to the craft and to the gods, like a rebirth and an inniciation), oh i can't wait. we went to sarahs at 7.00 and ate stake and burgers to later go and pick dj up and then come back just to get in the car to go see the chicoppee fireworks. they were okay, i really missed sev though. i really just wanted to lay on the grass with him and watch the display. *sigh* but it was okay, i was with close friends and family. (not real family mind you, lol) then we went back to sarah's house screaming out the windows "FUCK BUSH!" and "FUCK AMERICA!" while blasting Korn and Static-X and moshing in the car, lol. it was awesome lol. then they brought me home because i had to be home for like 11-11.30 so i couldn't stay for the full moon ritual, which really sucked! well, i came home and talked to sev on the phone until 12.15 and then crashed. lol. what a day it was....cheers all....

---love---hate---fate---
-jessi

love you sev!
Current Mood: amused

1st July 2004

9:39pm: fucking learner's permit....
*slams head on desk* BAM BAM BAM!!! today was okay...work sucked...i cleaned and cleaned then filed....ewww i hate filing, er! came home and ate then played around on the computer. started studying for my learner's permit test thingy tomorrow. then i talked to mike and sev about being a pornstar lol. they said i could do it?!? lol! i dunno, could i be a pornstar? i mean, a real sexy one? nah, i that i'm going to go for my childhood dream, i have wanted to be this since i was 8 years old. a PLAYBOY bunni! what do you think? yes or no? haha, that should be interesting lol. well, i finished studying and now i'm here and i'm tired as hell. i think sev is going to call me and i'm going to go get changed for bed cause i'm fucking tired!!!!! nighty- night all! talk to you lal later...(like anyone really reads this anyway....) cheers all...^_~

---love---hate---fate---
-jessi

i love you sevorian...
Current Mood: drained
Current Music: RED SOX GAME! GO SOX!!! WOOHOO!
1:15pm: bittersweet tears...
ah, yesturday....*smiles* well let me tell you, it started out shitty. i woke up and took a shower. my ride was late by like 20 minutes. so i got to work kind of late. everyone it seemed was in a pissy mood. well, i went up stairs and filed. i got o bored with it (because its so mindless) that i ended up tattooing myself with a pen. it came out good, but ir smudged. well, mum came and picked me up. (the little weasle came along too) and then we went out to lunch at bickfords. i saw meagan there, that really made me happy. she was looking for a job. i missed her so much. i gave her a big hug, then went on back to the table to finish my food. (it was really really yummy, i love strawberries ^_^) then we went home. mum had to finish this webpage thingy, so i thought i wasn't going to be able to go to sev's house. i was really bummed until he called me and asked his daddy to come and pick me up. this all happened at 2-2.30 mind you. well i was happy and got all ready (not that i really did much, i was wearing comfy shorts and my disturbed shirt...heeee) well they didn't actually pick me up until 4.30. i was so anxious waiting, lol. well on the way to sev's hosue i listen to everyone bicker back and forth, it was so funny. sev and his older brother crack me up lol, and so does his daddy. well, got to his house and helped unload stuff from the truck/car ( i don't know whether its a small truck/suv thing or a very large car, lol) and then off up into sev's room we went. later to be intruded on by his other older brother, joey. he's awesome. they had the kids and stayed up stairs with us and just talked and played with the baby. (can't spell her name, so i'm not even going to bother...) she is so cute, then dante came upstairs (sev's nephew). i can't believe how sweet sev ooks with a baby in his arms. his whole face lights up and he's all smiles. its so adorable...^_^ well, after that, we went down stairs and ate spagettii that mum made. mmm it was yummy. then went upstairs and stayed there for the rest of the night unitl i got picked up at 10.45. we layed there listening to evanescence and just held eachother. at one point i had a seering pain in my lower belly, but it was way to the side right above my left thigh. oh my god, it hurt so badly. poor sev, i never want to see that look on his face again. he was so concerned...i hated making him feel that way. it hurt so badly i cried. he held me close and rubbed the pain away with his hand. he wiped away my tears and held me there...we were quiet and the cd had stopped. i liked crying in his arms, no i loved it...i felt so safe and so...loved. i love him...my tears were bittersweet. the pain that brought them was so bitter, but crying in his arms was one of the best feelings i've ever had....*sighs* anyway, a little while after laying there for about and hour, sev's dad banged on the wall to ask us if we wanted to go see spiderman2. it was 9, so unfortunatly i couldn't cause i had work in the morning. sve didn't go cause he wanted to stay with me, so everyone else went, but his mum stayed home with us two. i felt guilty having sev not go....but he said not to worry about it. we went back to bed (sleeping!!!!)(2 minutes!!!!) and then about 10.15 we went down stairs to wait for my mum. we sat together on the couch and watch MONK until she rang the door bell. i went home and as soon as i went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, i fell on my bed and off to sleep i went...

yesturday was a great day even though like the first half of it really sucked. ^_^ love you sev...later all...cheers.

love...hate...fate
-jessi
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Thunder Storm

29th June 2004

7:28pm: IMPORTANT NEWS FLASH!
SEVORIAN!!! mum siad that she is working from home tomorrow, so...do you wanna do anything? call me and let me know babe! love you!

love...hate...fate
-jessi
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: Champions of Norrath- Sound effects
7:06pm: yet another day in my pitiful excistance...
wow, i can't spell, lol. yes, today, ah what a day of SHIT. i got up this morning at 7 to an interesting dream, man i'm so fucking tired. took a quick shower and was ready to be picked up for work at 7.30. work was joyous *laughs highpitched* oh yes, i was up stairs in the filing room doing, can anyone guess? FILING! *rolls eyes* then mum came and brought me home at 12.15. off to work she went and i stayed here and tried to exercise cause at work i had a break down. i decided that i was completely sick of being the wieght that i am. i don't fucking care what the rest of you say, i don't like my body image so i'm going to change it. i worked out for about a half hour to 45 minutes. heh, i had fun with the punching bag and pretended it was someones huge nose (hint hint) *wink* that was fun. then mum called me on her cell telling me that she won tickets to the Women's Open and she was going to meet up with dad and justin (the weasle i'm forced to be related to) and alas i am home alone. when she got home she's like "oh go out and have fun!" so i was like all excited and called sev....but his mum was asleep so i got all bummed out. how exactly did my mother expect me to go out? i can't drive and neither can some of my friends...anyway, i couldn't get a ride and i told my mum and she was like "oh well hun. sorry....how does this shirt go with these shorts?" thanks for carring mum. i wanted to go and see him so badly. i hate not being able to see him everyday. its torture to just talk to him on the phone and not actually see him. at least his voice is comforting....she left then sev called. i talked to him for a while and stuffed my face. interesting how i still stuff my face even though i'm sick of being over weight...interesting, eh? *yawns* then the fun began *sarcasim* sev and i started talking about my "cutting problem" and it got ugly. we were bickering back and forth like crazy. he made me promise never to do it again. i had to promise unfortunatly, cause i don't like him to worry. after that cluster fuck he called and we talked some more. when i had to get off for the weasle to call GAMESTOP i took the trash out and did the dishes. yay me...oh well, now i'm here blabbing about how fantastic my day was. heh...

i am so fucking tired....i can't wait to go to bed and dream, heh. i love my dreams. sev is always in there somewhere. its cool cause i get to see him every night. i can hardly wait for that to happen for real. waking up next to the person you love, heh, it puts a huge smile on my face and gives me butterflys. heh, i'm weird, let me be wierd lol. don't make fun of my spedness, lol. summer needs to get better, lol. talk to you all later (not like anyone really reads this, lol) *waves) later....cheers...

love...hate...fate
-jessi
Current Mood: restless
Current Music: Champions of Norrath- Sound effects
2:08pm: *slams head on desk*
ARRRRRRRRRRRGH! i have all this energy and NOTHING to do with it!!! i wanna go over sev's house but no, i can't get a ride because fate likes to shit on me. well fuck you fate! *slams head on desk* ARRRR!!!! i'm all alone in the house cause my whole family is at the Women's Open and i'm here alone. i did talk to sev, but me phone was about to die, so i'm charging it. grrr......i hate this! i hate not being able to drive yet! i'm such a sped.....errrrr....looks like i'll just sit and rott playing a new video game called "Champions of Norrath". it look cool, but i still wanna go see sev....errr..... *goes to hit punching bag*

love...hate...fate...
-jessi
Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: my own shouts of pissedoffedness!!!

28th June 2004

6:46pm: and so it continues...
you know what? you would think summer is going to be a blast until it comes and all you do is sit on your ass on the computer and watch the time slowly, slowly tick away. i mean, you sit in school and just count down the days until your out of school then when it comes, its like "errrr....i can't do anything" and then you just get lazy (if your like me, lol) and gain like a billion pounds sitting there typing and reading on the computer. i guess i should stop complaining and do something but like i said, i'm a lazy fuck.

anyway, today is sucking lol. its almost 7 o'clock and sev should be calling me anytime now. you know what, i was thinking about the dreams that i had last night and he's always there. i'm like obsessed with him. yes i am obsessed. is it a bad thing? i don't know, maybe. we got into a fight yesturday because i'm a retard and decided to make a big deal about something that was just a little joke. i'm not going to get into it. but anyways, i was ripped and i hung up on him. well to make a long story short, he got all upset and was quiet when i called him. i was upset that i made him upset. i was so upset that i was ruffling through drawers to find a razor... well i didn't find one. i eventually took some staples and cut my upper thighs a few times, 4 little scratches and 2 deeper ones and then 1 that really bled. i was pissed at myself for doing that to him so i cut myself. is that obsessivness? oh well....i love him just the same. i'm going now, i've talked too much...cheers...

love...hate...fate

-jessi
Current Mood: okay
Current Music: Short Stories with Tragic Endings- From Autumn to ashes
5:43pm: boring.......*slams head on desk*
how boring can a day get? i mean honostly? i went to work this morning at 7.30 and got there for 8. then i worked upstairs in the filing room until 12. when i came home, i sat and ate food and watched a movie. the banger sisters. i fucking love that movie, lol. its great...heh. anyway, i ate and ate and ate, i'm sick of eating lol. thats what i do when i get bored, i eat. no wonder i'm a cow. i need to cut that shit and start working out. i need to get my lazy ass into shape. my goal, to lose at least 10 to 15 pounds. i'll probably gain a little bit because my smushy fatness with become muscle. i have to be ready for ROTC next year. i'm a lutentant biotch! lol. i get to boss people around lol, yay me. *kicks a cadet in the stomach and points down* Drop and give me 50! mwahahahaa! i can't wait lol. yeah anyway, i'm waiting for sev to get back from daves or for him to call me. he had better call me, lol. i miss him and i need to talk to him....yeah i know i know, i'm in deep, but i don't care, i'm in love. wOOt! yeah well, thats all for now....cheers...

love...hate...fate
-jessi
Current Mood: peaceful
Current Music: Real Emotion- FFX-2
5:20pm: love, hate and fate
first entry....hmmm....what to say? well i am twisted, lol. my saying "love, hate, fate" mean exactly what they spell out. thats all life is about, finding love and losing it, hating everything after you lost it, and fate. everything is fate, everything is destiny. what you do desides your fate as well. life is a twisted web of silver lies. be careful not to get caught in it too much. thats all for now, cheers...

love...hate...fate
-jessi
Current Mood: good
Current Music: Before I'm Dead- Kidney Thieves
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