| driving! |
[10 Mar 2006|10:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Suga Suga-Baby Beech |
] |
alright, so i'm really bored...josh is down the card shop so i'm sitting here, waiting for someone to come online so i can talk to them...i'm bored as hell. don't wanna play xbox right now. i actually wanna go driving...yea, thats right, i got my license. it's so cool! i can go anywhere i want...even though i don't have a car. but my stepdad let me drive to practice and it was awesome. i feel that i did really well. *pats self on back* lol. can you tell i'm excited? i realize now that i don't have anyone in the car with me i'm alot more relaxed. i can just be in my own little world and do what i need to do. i can think about the day and everything else. yea, its great. but this feeling will eventually wear off and everything will become boring...but for now i will enjoy it. omg, i just can't wait to get a car...soon i hope. that will make things so much easier for me and josh! i could go up his house and not have to worry about my parents picking me up. that'll be great. that'll be the most fun thing about driving i think. plus i can go more places with my friends! but for now i just gotta sit back until i get a car...thats all i'm waiting for...but until then i'll sit here bored out of my mind...but i think i'm just gonna go to sleep now...cause i'm tired...so night everyone.
A Wazz
|
|
| boredum |
[25 Feb 2006|10:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Grind On Me-Pretty Ricky |
] |
i'm in a writing mood today...i don't know why...probably cause i'm so bored...didn't do anything today except drive...my mom had me out on the highway which wasn't bad. i did really good. came home ate...sat in my room and took a nap...i thought i would have heard from josh but i haven't. =( i'm very sad. i wanna hug and kiss him so bad...i wanna know how he did at districts too...i hope he did good. i guess i'll find out tomorrow. but i don't wanna wait that long...god, why can't we live closer? it sucks being so far apart...but somehow we deal. it just sucks when you really want to cuddle. and i want to cuddle now...maybe if i go to sleep the night will pass by quicker..yea, i'm about to do that anyways...because i'm so bored...so yea, i'm out for the night.
peace, A Wazz
|
|
| sometimes you can't let go... |
[28 Jan 2006|08:38am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 gloomy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Always Be My Baby-Mariah Carey |
] |
why does it seem like everything goes wrong at the same exact moment? and it seems to repeat over and over. and i can't help but think...what i should do about it all...i've been thinking about the past alot lately...because i keep being reminded about it. i don't want to think about my past. certain parts of it i'm not proud of...certain parts i wish i could forget...i'm finally able to let go of the past now, because josh showed me it was alright. he helped me see that. but now its coming back again. certain parts, but not others. it bothers me...and i don't know what to do. recent events seem to have that effect on my mind...and lets not forget the comment my mom gave me this morning...seriously who needs that first thing in the morning when they just woke up fucking bitch. i seriourly can't stand her...i can't stand any of my family. god, i need to get to josh's today. ASAP. i'm gonna call him. i need to be with my baby and just forget about this past week. i'm out.
A Wazz
|
|
| blech |
[08 Jan 2006|09:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Outta Control-50 Cent |
] |
well, not much has happened since i updated last...not that i remember when that was...i was sick yesterday and couldn't do anything and today i can't go to prctaice which also means i can't go to josh's afterwards. i'm mad now. i was really looking forward to hanging out. but thats HER rules. ugh, it sucks. i'm gonna be stuck inside the house all day today which isn't good for me. and i feel fine. my stomachs not bothering me, i don't have a fever. i feel like i could eat anything...but yea. just gotta take it easy for the day and i dunno, play halo for a while...how fun...but yea. i'm out for now, i got people to call. peace!
A Wazz
|
|
| *sigh* not enough time |
[04 Jan 2006|10:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 busy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Outta Control-50 Cent |
] |
yea, so not too much has been going on lately...basketball has me really busy lately. i'm trying not to get stressed out from school...its kinda working so far...i have 3 tests on friday...it really sucks...i don't know how i'm gonna do that and pass each one...but i gotta do my best. especially in chem and history. not so much worried about english. i know my stuff. so i just gotta study tomorrow night after my game...oh that should be fun...lets see, what else is going on...not really anything else. i'm just really busy and don't seem to have enough time for anything except sleep...lol...so yea, speaking of sleep, thats what i'm gonna go do now...so peace out everyone.
A Wazz
|
|
| short entry |
[31 Dec 2005|11:14am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Stickwityou-Pussycat Dolls |
] |
well, its been a while since we saw each other and hung out. and it was killing us...man, how are we gonna deal when we get older? its gonna be tough. but we'll do it...somehow. but we finally got to chill last night. and it was more than worth the wait. today is new years eve. i'm not sure if we're gonna be able to hang yet or not. my dad is stil sleeping so i have to wait until he wakes up...hopefully i can go over after my practice and chill until midnight. get in our first kiss of the year. omg, that would be so awesome!! but we'll see whats going on later. man, i really don't want to go to practice today...i'm so tired and i just wanna chill today. not do anything else...well, yea. i'm really bored so i'm gonna go...if i don't update later have a happy new year everyone! see you in a year!
A Wazz
|
|
| brrr... |
[29 Dec 2005|12:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Bring Em Out- T.I. |
] |
so i'm freezing my ass off right now...holy shit i'm so cold...yet, i continue to drink milk...which is the reason i'm so cold...brr, freezing. but anyways...lets see my day. woke up at 10:30 had 15 minutes to get ready and go to bball practice. got there in time. i was drained afterwards but i played a little morrowind called sam and her phone was busy...whatever. so then i ate dinner, josh called we talked for a little bit then we hung up. i played some mroe morrowind. he called back and we talked until 10:30. got off. i played some more morrowind and then came online...that was my day...not very exciting. just another day for me, that i didn't get to see my baby...so yea, i'll be seeing him tomorrow though. i finally get a nice hug and kiss! after a day...lol. omg, he got me a shirt that says "my boyfriend wresltes. any questions?" omg, as soon as he showed me that i was like omg! its so awesome! i'm gonna wear it to school when we go back...just not sure which day. so yea, thats my day in a nutshell. peace,
A Wazz
|
|
| *jeopardy theme* |
[26 Dec 2005|06:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Stickwityou-Pussycat Dolls |
] |
after a great night i didn't end up waking up until after 11. so i called josh and we talked for about an hour. i went to bball practice. my brother didn't have it...lucky son of a bitch. and man, everyone was so blah today. i was beat beyond belief. man, then coach was like yea, there's gonna be 5 jv players tomorrow and they all complained and said that was alot of running, or something of the sort, and coach was like well, ashley played the whole jv game and the varsity game. how was that ash...i just replied, fine, but that was alot of gatorade. lol. so yea, i get home about i dunno 3:30 maybe. called josh again and we made plans for tonight. we're going to perkins! yay! since we weren't allowed to on friday. its our anniversary dinner. =). i can't wait it's gonna be so nice. only and hour left until he comes...lol. what am i gonna do until then?? talk to people for a while...since i got 2 IMs going right now. so i'm out. update later...
A Wazz
(how long has it been since i signed it "A Wazz"?)
|
|
| merry xmas! |
[25 Dec 2005|05:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Just A Lil Bit-50 Cent |
] |
about halfway through a really bitchy entry my doorbell rings. so my dad calls me up and says that my mom dropped some stuff off for me...why i didn't just say thats impossible is beyond me...because she's working...but i'm a little slow...lol. so anyways. i get upstairs into the living room and he points to the couch and i just happened to look over at the tv and who should be there but my wonderful baby boy. all this time i thought he just didn't wanna talk to me so he got off the phone with me(thats basically what i was bitching about before) but he really was coming over to give me a christmas present. he gave me a pair of earrings and their BEAUTIFUL. i love them so much. i'm wearing them tomorrow. but it was great. but, he wrapped it up in about 3 boxes, with duct tape, gift wrap, tissue paper, and regular tape. i had one hell of a time getting it unwrapped. he had a good time watching me. lol. i love him so much. he's so thoughtful and caring. unfortunately, i didn't have anything to give him...i didn't plan on seeing him today so i didn't bring it with me...but he'll get it. it's his turn to have "fun" unwrapping shit. lol. i'll make it REALLY difficult for him to open. don't worry baby, you'll see. lol. so we went up to my room for a little bit and just chilled. talked and had a great time. then my dad asked if we wanted to watch stealth with him and steven so we headed downstairs. watched it. it was pretty good. and then he had to go. it was such a great christmas, yet again. 2 years in a row. never has anyone done that for me. been with me and just made christmas the way it was supposed to be. loving. he's the greatest thing that ever happened to me. i don't know what i would do without him. he's so sweet and i love him to death! i have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world and he's all mine!
|
|
| favorite...and i'm not it |
[24 Dec 2005|06:59am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
worried |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Let Me Hold You-Bow Wow |
] |
christmas is coming...and its looking like a really gloomy one too. josh and i were supposed to go out to dinner last night but his mom wouldn't let us...so he took me to coach's for the party(for bball) and i still had about 15 minutes so i took a walk around the block to clear my head. god, something josh said is still ringing through my head. it had me so worried last night that i cried myself to sleep. he never says that. i'm so worried. i'm gonna call him later. i just really hope he's allowed on the phone. i don't know whats going on for later if we're gonna hang out, if he's allowed. i don't know. my moms playing favorites now. i mean, why is it that i ask if i can go over josh's for a little bit and she freaks, but as soon as steven comes home she sugarcoats everything for him. "oh hey honey, how was school? come here give mommy a hug" how can you do that to your own flesh and blood. the one you gave life to, feed, clothed, sheltered. the one you claim to love but show none of it unless you have to. why is life like that? why do we choose favorites? why is everything so fucked up now? i don't understand how, out of your children, you can pick one, just one of them, and treat them better. how can you do that? and how is it him? because he's younger? less responsible? not able to take care of himself? i don't get it. i really don't. this christmas is turning out to be the worst for me. it really is. i wish everything was better, for both of us. and i really hope josh is ok. i have to call him later. at some point today. and make sure he's doing ok. god, i'm so worried. no one would even understand. god, his tone, the look in his eyes, the words he said. none of it makes sense. i wished on a star last night. let's hope my wish came true.
|
|
| one year...and still going |
[17 Dec 2005|10:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Real Thing-Gwen Stefani |
] |
so we made it to a year...omg, a year. i dunno...like, this time last year we were just going out 2 days...it's just...wow. thats all i can say. to be in love for a whole year, its really something. i can't explain it. i've never felt this way before...never been in love like this before...at all...everything we do is new to me...every emotion is new and its all so exciting. everything we go through together. god, it's so great. i feel like the luckiest girl in the world to be in love with someone so special and unique...who cares about me so much and would do anything for me. i love him so much. and i can't believe it's been a year. when we started goign out, i never thought we'd stay together this long...i never thought i'd fall in love like this and not fall out it like i did once before. never did i think that i would be where i am now in this moment, doing what i'm doing, talking to who i'm talking to, feeling what i'm feeling. but i am...and thats what counts. this past year has been so wonderful and i know i'm in for many more...with my baby.
|
|
| ugh |
[09 Dec 2005|10:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Don't Forget About Us-Mariah Carey |
] |
today we didn't have school. and it sucked because i couldn't even spend it with josh...i was stuck inside all day. i called josh...don't even know what time it was, and he wasn't home. so i didn't do a god damn thing all day and it pisses me off. so he called me back about 4:30 and we talked for maybe 10 minutes. because he had wrestling practice. and then he couldn't talk afterwards even though he was staying down the city tonight. it just pisses me off. i wasted a whole god damn day on nothing...and i still have 2 more to go. fuck. i mean, its not his fault. though i really wish we could've hung out after his practice...but what can you do? ugh, i dunno what to do...i'm about to go to sleep...i'm just tired of being awake...if you believe that. i miss him so much. and we've only been apart one day. and i feel so sad. why? i just want a hug and a kiss. be in his arms and not worry about anything. i feel so stressed lately and i want those feelings to go away...but i don't know when i'll see him next...but i'll figure something out...hopefully...well, yea, i'm out for the night...tired...i'm going to bed...
A Wazz
|
|
| *yawn* |
[27 Nov 2005|03:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Let Me Hold You-Bow Wow |
] |
yea, so my day...woke up about 10 called josh, then we hung up and i waited for my dad to wake up so he could take me to josh's. so i got to his house about 1 and we played halo for a while then we hadda take off because he has a stupid key club meeting. and then we can't even talk on the phone because he's having another halo thing up his house. it fucking sucks. its the only thing i want from my parents...just one night at josh's but no, they can't even give me that...it fucking blows. so i'm here for quite a while. i gave josh my xbox so i can't play morrowind or hala. it looks like i'm gonna be playing the sims tonight...yay? yea, not really. i'm just so pissed. its only 5 now. wtf am i gonna do for another 5 hours? this seriously blows. i hate my parents. i really do. it just sucks so bad. that we gotta be so far apart and can't even spend the night over each others houses. i think thats it. because we live so far apart. but that doesn't make any sense...but i guess to my parents it does...wtf ever. i just really don't know what to do...i'm gonna be sitting here for quite a while. and i can't play sims...my fucking computer sucks...low memory...wtf...i have no clue what i'm gonna do now...i'm fucking bored outta my mind. i think i'm just gonna take a shower and go to bed...there's nothing to fucking do...omg! so yea, i guess i'm out for the night...josh if you happen to read this I LOVE YOU! call me tomorrow when you get a chance...i love you baby!
|
|
| yea... |
[26 Nov 2005|08:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Let Me Hold You-Bow Wow |
] |
so how is it that this morning i had a whole fridge full of food and i come home tonight and theres nothing in there...wtf? there's not food. i'm really fucking pissed. but yea, anyways...my day...i woke up nice and early for my scrimmage. got there, they had no trainer...so i had to put on my ankle braces. man, that got me a bit mad...then i was playing more jv than varsity. but i was tearing shit up so it was all good. got home started getting myself something to eat as josh pulled up to my house. then he took me up his house and we chilled all day. it was so nice. and hopefully tomorrow we can hang again...but yea. i didn't get to ask my dad tonight because he went to bed early...so i'm gonna ask tomorrow when he wakes up...man, i'm so tired right now. my baby wore me out...heehee. and yea, he got to see me in a thong...he's really happy about that. lol. i love him. he's so adorable and he's mine...=) yay! man, i'm really tired...i'm gonna go get some sleep so i'll be bright and cheerful for josh...yea, so night everyone.
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|
|
[24 Nov 2005|11:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
shake it off-mariah... |
] |
we come from 2 waaaaaaaaaay different families...he loves my dads side of the family and he says that their just like his family...but i hate my dads side of the family and i dunno. if his family is so much like my dads...i dunno, i love his family...i dunno, he talked to me and i tried helping him as best as i could...but i probably made it worse...all i want to do is make him feel better...take away all of his pain...but i can't even say one thing to make it go away...why am i so bad at that? i can't even be there for him when he needs me...i'm trying so hard...but i can't...and it hurts so bad...to know that he's hurting and i can't do anything about it. i feel like such a bad girlfriend...he said he's going to cry himself to sleep...that just hurts me so bad...i'm bawling my eyes out. i had no idea how he felt about anything before...is that because i never asked? or because he never told? or both? i wish we could've had this converstation in person though..maybe it would've gone better...god, i hate talking online. i seriously feel like the worst person in the world...i can't even help out the one i love...how fucking pathetic am i? i hate myself for that. i said all the wrong things to him...i wish i could take them back...i wish i had answers to his questions...but i only come up with more questions...why, why, why...I DON'T KNOW WHY. and i feel so shitty for it...i do. my family...being who i am...pisses me off. i hate who i'm related to. i hate how we function. i hate everything about us. i feel so empty right now...i don't know what to do...everythings changed...yet its all the same...i'm going somewhere, yet i'm staying here. my heads spinning in circles just trying to figure out whats right, whats wrong. what have i done to be where i am now? what have i gone through? everythings coming to me at once...and nothing is the answer...why? why can i not tell him the one thing he needs to hear? the one thing i want to tell him? i WANT to have the answers...i want to be able to say baby, this is what i think...this is whats wrong...this is why____...but i can't...and why? i don't know that either...i don't know a god damn thing and it frustrates me so god damn much. i want to hug him...tell him i'm sorry a thousand times and kiss him and tell him i love him. i want to be able to give him answers...but i just don't know. why people don't see the person i see...why they can't see the person i see. i never thought it would be so hard to give someone an answer...then again i never thought i could love someone as much as i do...and to hear him talk the way he did tonight...seeing those words on my screen...it makes me want to put my fist through a wall, because i feel partially responsible...i want to run away...i don't wanna be here anymore...i just can't stand it...but there's nowhere to go. i'm stuck in a world i can't change. i'm a place i don't wanna be. surrounded by people i can't escape. there's only one person who takes all those bad feelings away. and i feel as though i've betrayed him. how hard is it to give on simple answer? but is it simple? or am i just thinking too complex? AM I EVEN FUCKING THINKING AT ALL? fuck. why am i so PATHETIC? WHY CAN'T I GIVE A FUCKING ANSWER? WHY DO I FEEL LIKE A TOTAL BITCH? because i am. and i probably was one tonight. again DON'T FUCKING KNOW. god, why must i have that unwanted ability to hurt people? i wish i could go back in time...god, i just wanna make this all better...but i don't know how...i just wish this day could've been better...i wish he didn't hurt. and i wish we could hug each other right now...he hurts right now...and i think its my fault...
|
|
| quick survey, then off to bed... |
[20 Nov 2005|10:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pleased |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
We Belong Together-Mariah Carey |
] |
Are you wearing shoes?: no
Whats the third letter in your name?: h
How old is your pet(s)?: 7 years
What color is your left shoe? i don't have any on idiot...
Are you sick?: in the head, yes...lol...i mean...WHAT?!
Do you go to school?: yea
Is the bathroom open?: yea
Are you on a laptop?: no
Are you watching MTV?: no
Are you smiling?: yes
Is it early?: no
Are you blonde?: oh hell no
Do you have a myspace?: yes
Are you in high school?: yepp
What is your favorite name?: i dunno
Does your school start in august?: yea
Did you go on vacation last month?: no
Have you ever been on a cruise?: no
Do you have a sister? no, thank god
Are you upstairs?: no
Do you have a friend named alex?: no
Does your name end with a Y?: yes
What was the last thing you said? i don't remember
Are your ears pierced?: yes
Do you own a digital camera?: yes
Do you live in florida?: no
Do you like florida?: it's ok
Ever had sushi? no
Are you listening to rock at the moment? no
What color is your chair? grey
Where'd you get your pants?: fashion bug?
Do you type with your feet? no
Have you dyed your hair red?: no
Are you tired?: worn out yes
Do YoU wRiTe LiKe ThIs?: no
Are you an idiot?: no
Do you like being in relationships for the sake of being in them?: no, i'll be in one to love and be loved
Are you "Fake" at times?: never
Is Alcohol Bad for the Soul?: ugh....i dunno
Are you bored? hell yea
What time is it?: 10:58
chocolate or peanut butter?: chocolate
How many kids do u like?: 3
Own a necklace?: well, duh
What is your current underwear's brand?: no clue
CDs or Cassette?: CDs
Ever been through or to Detroit?: no
Seen all of the American Pies? no
Been to the movie theatre the past month?: i think so
Ever been on a plane? yes
Been to a concert in the past month? no
What color is your toothbrush? maroon? dark red? something like that...
|
|
| i'm bored |
[20 Nov 2005|09:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
none |
] |
well, i just woke up...ok an hour ago...but anyways...i don't know what to do with myself right now...last night was the semi...had a good time then i came home and got changed to go to sleep...not cause i was tired...i just wanted to get away from my family...didn't wanna talk to anyone...so then josh came back and my mom called me down. so we talked for a little while and then he had to leave...so i went upstairs and just tried to fall asleep...but i couldn't i just kept thinking about everything. and my mom came in started talking to me asking me if i was alright but i pretended to be asleep so she wouldn't bother me anymore...i just wanna sleep through the whole day. but i have to get a few things and i have bball practice then i have plans later on...man, i really wish i knew what time josh's practice was at today...i think 9. so yea, can't call him for a while. i dunno. i don't know what to do with myself right now...i'm not hungry, i'm not tired, i'm not hyper. i'm just blah. i was thinking about going for a run...yea, maybe i'll do that...although i'm gonna be freezing my ass off...but oh well. then i'll come home and hopefully my moms awake...gotta talk to her about something...and i really hope she takes me...though i'm quite clueless...i really don't know...but maybe i'll get an idea once i'm there...who knows...i just wish there was someone online i could talk to...but there's not so yea, i'm gonna go...take that run. so yea, i'm out.
A Wazz
|
|
| feelings |
[18 Nov 2005|10:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Let Me Hold You-Bow Wow |
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why does it seem like i can never say anything right to him? i know he's pissed at me...i could tell by the tone of his voice...so what the fuck did i say? because i said "are you serious?" when he told me his curfew was 10:57? is that it? i mean, i know he wouldn't lie to me...it's a retorical question. i just don't understand why he takes it so seriously...like he believes i think he's a liar or something...and thats not true...he would NEVER lie to me...i know that...i just hate being so far away from each other...i want to go see him and talk to him...not be on the phone. seriously...i hate the phone. you can never tell how someone's reacting to something or if their being serious. same goes with the computer...i just wanna be with him right now. i wanna give him a big hug and tell him i love him over and over again. i want us to hold each other in our arms and cuddle for the whole night and listen to each others breathing. i hate living in 2 different cities. there's so many things i hate and so many things i'll never reveal. so many things i hate that no one will ever know...so many things that i love, and only one person will ever know. there's only one person i love and he's so far away. last night i found the note he wrote me after we broke up. i cried my eyes out for an hour. god, i was such a bitch to him...sometimes i wonder why he took me back...why he gave me that second chance...i'm just happy he did. happy that i'm still with the person i love. happy i have this ring around my neck. i know i'd be lost without him. he's my world and if anything should ever happen and we're forced apart...i don't know what i would do...i'd just be so devastated...just thinking about it depresses me...no bad thoughts...anyways...the semi's tomorrow...not even sure if i'm happy about it. i'm nervous. i dunno. my mom is seriously being a control freak about the whole thing. i really hate her now. but there's nothing i can do...i just wanna be in my baby's arms. nothing else. that's all i ever want...other girls can get spoiled with jewelry and candies and flowers...and good for them...all i need is a hug and kiss from my baby. to me thats the most precious thing. what i wouldn't give for those 2 things right now. josh came over at 7. maybe it was only for a little bit. but that made my day. just seeing him walk through my door. but the moment he left i was torn apart. i seriously hate seeing him leave. everytime he takes a piece of me with him. i just wanna curl up with everything i have of his and reminisce in all the good times we had together. and dream about the good times to come. the greatest thing happened when he came over. he and i were eating ice cream...well, sherbert really...and he was feeding me and the last bite he made a choo-choo...lol. but it was so sweet. because i could see him doing that in the future. with our kids. and i told him he would make such a great father. and i know he will. god i can't wait to start a life together with him. so many years to go...until we don't have to answer to anybody...have kids of our own and love them to death. it seems so unreal sometimes...like a dream...and i just hope i don't wake up and find out everything so wonderful in my life is really an illusion. but then i get that one little pinch and i know it's for real. i've found the LOVE OF MY LIFE, and i'm keeping him. no matter what obstacles we come to, no matter what life brings our way...we'll always be together. and i can't wait...for any of it to come. it's hard to believe that we've only been together 11 months(soon to be a year). i mean, we've seriously been through so much. fights, a break up, a get back together, our 6 month, we lost our virginty to each other, zoka's wedding. and now we're so close to that one year mark. so close i can taste it. that day will be the happiest day of my life. it proves that no matter what we'll stay strong, we'll face everything together and love each other no matter what. sure we may have those little disagreements but we get over whatever it is we need to get over. there's so many things we've learned about each other...there's things i've told him that no other person on this earth EVER knew about me...and i know things about him that he's never told anyone either...we've cried together, we've laughed together, we're a team...and most importantly, we're best friends. i would trust him with anything, and i would do anything for him even if it meant giving up something i cherished. i love him so much. so much it makes me cry. because i'm so happy...happy tears...man, here i am pouring my soul into something that no one reads...no one cares about...but i'm perfectly ok with that...because i don't care if people share my feelings...and i'm sure they don't. no one could ever feel the way i do...i need sleep...it's 11:30...time to get some shut eye...
A Wazz
LET ME HOLD YOU in my arms in my mind all the time I wanna keep you right by my side till I die im gonna hold you down and make sure everything is right wit you, you can never go wrong if you LET ME HOLD YOU down like a real friends supposed to im trying to show you the life of somebody like you should be living oh baby baby you could never go wrong if you LET ME HOLD YOU
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[14 Nov 2005|07:42pm] |
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Let Me Hold You-Bow Wow |
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so i haven't updated in forever...at least it seems like that...i've been so busy. basketball started up so thats just less time that i'll be on. so lets get caught up a little bit shall we?
lets see...tomorrow is josh and me's 11 month anniversary. it's his birthday on monday...my grad project presentation is on thursday and i still need 2 more teachers to be there...i have one. the semi's on saturday(holy shit!) and i can't wait. although i have the stupid xmas parade at one so i come home take a shower and go for my hair appointment which is at quarter to 3. the semi starts at 5:30...i absolutelty cannot wait! it's going to be so awesome. and i'm gonna be there with my baby. oh i really can't wait...thanksgiving is in 9 days and i'm gonna be a very busy girl...there's the unico game which josh is in. then i have dinner with my mom then my dad and most likely with josh and his parents. 3 dinners. lol...so much food...yummy! lets see...what else is there...i dunno, i really can't think of anything else to write...not much going on...i'm getting a 3.6+ on my report card. best gpa in a while. man, can't wait. we have a half day on wednesday. not sure why. hopefully report cards....we will see. and thats my life in a nutshell. so yea, i'm done talking now so good riddance...and peace.
A Wazz
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| smile through the bad...thats so hard to do |
[28 Oct 2005|10:53pm] |
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Candy Shop-50 Cent |
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things aren't looking so good on the home front...i'm not sure whats gonna happen but i just have a really bad feeling about it...and i mean, there's not much i can do or say to make anything better...i'm home all alone...which i hate!!! and i just wish i was somewhere else...i hate being here alone...anywhere, alone. it just bugs me. and i stay awake until i pass out because i'm afraid to sleep. sad but true. i don't know why i'm so paranoid to stay home alone. i just don't like it...and this week seriously was not the best. and today...well, if i here the word sugar one more time some one is getting hit. because this fucking skit that lynn is doing on josh. i hate it. i just wish it wasn't happening. i know it's gonna be bad. i have that bad feeling...and i mean, i dunno i'm just dreading this friday...but then again...last football game...and in a way i'll be sad because it will be the last game i ever watch for gar. because josh won't be there so why watch? i dunno, it won't click that he's going to college this year. either that or i don't want it to. but sooner or later i have to accept that and to tell the truth i'm scared outta my mind. i don't know what it's gonna be like...hell. thats how it's gonna be...hell and more. and i just don't want to think about it. but sooner or later, it's gonna happen. whether i like it or not. and i dunno...i just don't feel like writing anymore...this whole being alone thing has me seriously freaking out...i'll be up all night hearing things i usually don't hear. thinking someone's in the house when it's not true...i'll go crazy trying to stay calm...weird as that sounds...i'm just in for a really rough night...so here we go...i'm out.
A Wazz
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