| Dear Tesco, |
[04 Dec 2008|02:07pm] |
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Should I charge $2.99/min or $3.99/min for my new 900 number?
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| A Long Read...just do it |
[02 Dec 2008|10:51pm] |
Some of you may know of the "advice" blog I have at Go Ask Tesco, but if you didn't, here's a synopsis:
It's an advice blog.
Ok, so, now that we're all on the same page... As important as that blog is to me, I cannot support the answering process in the way that I prefer. I would really like to be able to offer an answer as soon as the questions come in, but find that to be a most unrealistic aspiration as time and day-to-day activities prohibit this. Someone recently posted a question to which my reply did not come promptly enough. Although I understand this person's bout of impatience, I cannot accept her comment as reasonable. Because of this I have replied to her with some words of criticism. I shall post the interaction here for your consideration. If possible, critique. Let me know if I was too harsh. I'm thinking not, but you never know...fresh perspective is the fuel additive that supports better performance.
Crummy bitch's initial question and subsequent comment: when we're having sex, my boyfriend really likes it when i squeeze his balls. ...and i'm not talking polite little gropes. he wants me to like, pull and crush them. primarily, is he nuts (no pun intended)? ...will this one day affect his fertility? what is it really doing to him? ...and how in the hell could he ever find this pleasurable?
(Post a new comment)
FINE!!!!...
My reply to her: Don't be a fucking drama queen, slut. Just because you dropped your token in and didn't get your prize right the fuck off the bat doesn't mean that you get to act like a crummy little bitch. Personally, if I were you and had done that faggoty, spoiled-assed little schoolgirl stomp, I would immediately report to the nearest fucking woodchipper and fall the fuck IN. I know that last sentence was long and I don't even care. If one and one equaled one of your tits, I would add two more to the grand total and let a warthog chew off the total sum. Really, did you think that caps locking your petty assclapping reply would gain some support from any ONE of the COUNTLESS minions perusing my masterful advice blog, or did you think that behaving like some overblown douchekateer nexus in the Universe would be the more respectable choice of action? Did you get a kick out of the horribly long sentence preceding this one? I would rather suck a fart out of Ghandi's dead herbal ass than have to sit through another one of your single word diatribes against my lack of attentiveness.
I hope that a horse falls on top of you while you manually spring it for artificial insemination. I hope that it falls on you, jams its horsehammer down your gullet and pumps your innards full of dirty sperm-filled equine dishwater. I wish that I could be there when you had to fill out the "reason for your visit" section of the hospital's admission forms. I'd be sure to encourage you to add "being a moody, impatient little whore" somewhere near the bottom, right below the part where you describe how you got your stomach pumped with horsecock. So let there be an understanding that if you come at me like that again, all pissy and disappointed, I'll jam my fat cock into your fucking eye socket and dial a number on your goddamn brainpan.
Oh, and I really couldn't speculate on what's up with your man's marble-breaking fetish. I'm sorry that I couldn't help with this. Anyway, thank you for asking :)
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| Read With Me |
[02 Dec 2008|09:52pm] |
Aside from some pesky weakness resulting from the recent undertraining, my triceps seem to be bearing the maximum load again. THANK GOD. The strength I had built up over the last two years is not something I care to lose so fast. I'm eventually going to have to let go of those muscular development ambitions, but won't do so for about another ten years, considering that I stay healthy. At the moment I'm just happy to see that my body is repairing well and that I wasn't dealing with a ruptured cervical disk. I'm thinking that I'll give my back one more week of rest before I slowly build it up again. I DO NOT want to trash that fragile area due to impatience.
My Cock's feeling fair these days. I took it for a walk down at the park, fed the geese and talked awhile with Debbie the Nurse. She took notice of us while on her lunch break and asked about my Cock. Apparently she kept one like it a couple of years back but was forced to give it up due to discipline problems. I did let her know that she could borrow mine anytime she felt the need for companionship. I'm hoping that she'll take me up on that because my Cock could really brighten her mood over a weekend and I could use a break from hand feeding it. Speaking of diet, I did take notice of my Cock's increasing lethargy and gaunt appearance. I'm thinking that it's deficient in vitamin V.
Blow my nuts once you've finished sucking on my tongue.
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| Oops, my bad...sorry 'bout that :P |
[01 Dec 2008|08:20pm] |
Dubya's Greatest Hits! Vol. CDXLVIII
On the war in Iraq, Bush said the biggest regret of his presidency was the "intelligence failure" regarding the extent of the Saddam Hussein threat to the United States. With the support of Congress, Bush ordered the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq in March 2003 — a decision largely justified on grounds — later proved false — that Saddam was building weapons of mass destruction. -AP
BONUS TRACKS
1) **Dubya (feat. DJ Avoidance)** Asked if he would have ordered the U.S.-led invasion if intelligence reports had accurately indicated that Saddam did not have the weapons, Bush replied: "You know, that's an interesting question. That is a do-over that I can't do. It's hard for me to speculate."
2) "I think I was unprepared for war. In other words, I didn't campaign and say, `Please vote for me, I'll be able to handle an attack.' In other words, I didn't anticipate war."
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| Beat Of My Own Crumb |
[01 Dec 2008|02:01pm] |
I made it home. I have pictures. I have a tasty dick. I shall validate a certain moment of acknowledgement here for those of you kind enough to wish me well during my time of ill health. To those of you who secretly wished for my untimely demise, get fucked and WORD up your culo. I drove home through the backroads at breakneck speeds in order to get home in time for my afternoon jackoff session.
Ahhhh...it's good to be back in the rhythm of things.
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| Lame Duck |
[30 Nov 2008|11:10pm] |
This is the first time I've gotten out of bed since my last post. Since then I have been in a veritable Hell of over-the-bowl vomitous perchings stewed in a thick blanket of high body temperatures. The fever broke a little earlier and I've finally gotten enough Pedialyte into my body that my electrolytes have somewhat straightened out.
Unbelievably sick...on top of a cold I already had.
So yeah, I didn't make it home. I will be trying to accomplish that little feat tomorrow. Here's to me not passing out behind the wheel and dying upon impact with a heavy, stationary object. CHEERS and WORD!
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| Bleh...ooohhhh, what's this? |
[28 Nov 2008|03:10pm] |
Dog sick. Staying another night.
I've taken to perusing the contents of my parent's storage shed. I've found lots of goodies.
Word.
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| T-Day Update |
[27 Nov 2008|09:01pm] |
Well, Thanksgiving is over and everyone left stuffed. The two dishes I prepared were scarfed...and NONE was left for me to graze on tonight. BOOO! I took some family out for a boat ride this afternoon and found a new home being built about a half mile up the river. It is a HUGE log home constructed out of massive trees. It looks as if the central support beams lining the front are entire cypress tree trunks. Amazingly stout looking place. Perhaps I will snap a few pics to post when I get back. I'm kinda treating this trip like a possible last visit. I just don't know how soon my parents will unload this place but when they do, they're selling it in its entirety, furniture and all, so it will be swift.
I told my mother to get her passport updated because she just might be going on a cruise within the next several months. The woman BEAMED with suppressed excitement as travel is her thing. She tried to play it off but snatched me in for a hug as we walked down the hallway ;)
It's a good moment in life when you're able to do nice things for the ones you love.
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[27 Nov 2008|03:27pm] |
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when we're having sex, my boyfriend really likes it when i squeeze his balls. ...and i'm not talking polite little gropes. he wants me to like, pull and crush them. primarily, is he nuts (no pun intended)? ...will this one day affect his fertility? what is it really doing to him? ...and how in the hell could he ever find this pleasurable?
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| Eat The Meat |
[26 Nov 2008|08:12pm] |
Strickened with an upper respiratory ailment just in time for Turkey Day. Awesome.
Gonna cruise up to my parent's abode tomorrow morning for family togetherness and an opportunity to eat some steroid injected poultry. I hope that you hermans all have a good one tomorrow and that you don't barf up your celebratory contents AFTER you've had dessert. Pumpkin pie tastes best following a saucy bout of projectile vomiting.
Adieu.
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[24 Nov 2008|07:15pm] |
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Just what is a 'no strings' relationship?
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[24 Nov 2008|01:16pm] |
For some reason I am exceptionally horny right now. I don't know why. I got out of the shower and while toweling off, I developed a rock hard erection accompanied by sexual hunger that seems to have spread in intensity over every aspect of my awareness. So much so that I seem to be in some deep predator mode.
I love it when I feel most alive.
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| Saturday |
[23 Nov 2008|07:29pm] |
So I wound up in downtown San Antonio with an old friend who I've known for almost twenty years. She wanted to take her little girl down to the Rainforest Cafe on the Riverwalk and asked if I'd come along. After dining in this most interesting little restaurant, I asked if she'd accompany me on a stroll down the street to an old shenanigans stomping ground. As we approached the area I believed to be the spot, I began twirling in confusion as nothing was stroking my recognition nerve. Then it hit me: I was standing right the fuck in the middle of it.
It became apparent to me that the drunken stupor I typically wore on those active nights pulled a coup d'etat on my long-term memory filing system as the place looked completely different when sober. I'm sure that seeing things as they were the other day, during daylight hours and several years later, prohibited my being able to recall with efficiency what was once a favorite pre-gaming locale. This building once housed a mildly entertaining chain boozer called Fat Tuesday's. I used to buddyfuck one of the bartenders there and happened to hit it in just the right way as to assure my free 190 Octanes for the duration of my patronage. I LOVED the free, overliquored drinks...almost as much as I loved imbibing in that woman. She had a loft above the Riverwalk just about two hundred yards from this joint. She had a BIG, kickass bed with huge cast iron head and footboards which aided in keeping her taut and outstretched as I devoured her at a leisurely pace. The dining was as luxurious as her writhing torment was excruciatingly, sensuously drawn out.
Delightful memories of days gone by.
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| Home To Home |
[23 Nov 2008|04:43am] |
It was a good night spent at some bars, a couple of patios, and a trip down memory lane at my old job at "The Hill". I'll be meeting a friend up at the diner in a few hours for breakfast, then will drive back home.
I think I'll make these little trips more often. I had a great time here this weekend.
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| I'll Have A Bloody Mary |
[22 Nov 2008|01:27am] |
In San Antonio on the fly in order loan someone some cash. Got suckered into sticking around so that I could accompany them to see Twilight. It would've been a greater movie for me if I were all up on some dick and unrealistic romantic expectations ;) Oh, you vaginas and your fantasies.
As payment for being a gracious companion, I shall now hoover all their vodka.
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| Pirates And Their Mothers |
[21 Nov 2008|11:34am] |
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I'm already shopping for another cruise. This time I'm taking my mom for her birthday.
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