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[22 Mar 2004|02:51pm] [ mood | bored ] Your True Nature by llScorpiusll Username The quality that most appeals to you: Strength In a survival situation, you: Freak out Your hidden talent is: Seeing the best in others Your gift is: Sexual prowess In groups, you: Play an organisational role Your best quality is: Your compassion Your weakness is: Your furious temper Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0! True, true. paralyze my lips

[20 Mar 2004|09:59pm] [ mood | contemplative ] IQ - 123 Sad thing it was 128. Shy of 130. Extremely sad eh? My stress sources The existing situation is disagreeable. Feels lonely and uncertain as she has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and wants to stand out from the rank and file. This sense of isolation magnifies the need into a compelling urge, all the more upsetting to her self-sufficiency because of the restraint she normally imposes on herself. Since she wants to demonstrate the unique quality of her own character, she tries to suppress this need for others and affects an attitude of unconcerned self-reliance to conceal her fear of inadequacy, treating those who criticize her behavior with contempt. However, beneath this assumption of indifference she really longs for the approval and esteem of others. Restrained characteristics Feels she is receiving less than her share, but that she will have to conform and make the best of her situation. Unhappy at the resistance she feels whenever she tries to assert herself. Indignant and resentful because of these setbacks, but gives way apathetically and makes whatever adjustments are necessary so that she can have peace and quiet.Feels trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way of gaining relief. Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity. Willing to become emotionally involved as she feels rater isolated and alone. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense, though she tries to avoid open conflict. My actual problem Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to anxiety, emptiness, and an unadmitted self-contempt. Her refusal to admit this leads to her adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude. Your Actual Problem #2 The need for esteem--for the chance to play some outstanding part and make a name for herself--has become imperative. She reacts by insisting on being the center of attention, and refuses to play an impersonal or minor role. Holy shit. 100% accurate. SCARY SHIT. That was a result of a color test.. comment if you want the link for it.. paralyze my lips

[20 Mar 2004|02:03pm] [ mood | contemplative ] "Don't waste your time on me you're already a voice inside my head" I've been thinking a lot lately. I feel very wise. So certain on what will happen in the following days. Trying to decide if I've made the correct choice, if I've checked all my options, if I've really thought this through. Do I know what will happen in the end? Will this be a decision I will regret? "Your softly spoken words Release my whole desire Undenied, totally And so bare is my heart I can't hide And so where does my heart Belong Beneath your tender touch My sense can't divide Oh so strong My desire For so bare is my heart I can't hide And so where does my heart Belong Now that i've found you And seen behind those eyes How can i Carry on For so bare is my heart I can't hide And so where does my heart Belong Belong, belong, belong" paralyze my lips

[19 Mar 2004|02:46pm] [ mood | discontent ] So few hours left in this life to change it all. Life is full of shameful endeavor, regrettable action we indulge in lack of judgement. To regret would be to admit wrong, and human nature would expose this oxymoron to its fullest extent. If I regret my mistakes, have I really learned anything, and if I have, then why are so many repeated? If I was truly lost inside myself forever, would anyone come looking to rescue me? And to my savior I meet at the gates of an non existant reality, would it be the one I had hoped to see? No, because to them I am a buried memory, left up to a match of insignificance. And I accept it. What other choice do I have? I live to mold, to grow and learn to be crafted as by which I experience and feel, to further myself from yesterday's incompetence and become the epitome of my will. To hold on to what I can't have would theoretically hinder me stagnant. We are what we are and to feel another so high as to make something still is absurd, in my regard. I wish I had the strength to honestly release it all, and move on respectively with my life figuratively a flower yet to bloom in it's greatest glory. I know I could never forget you, my heart would never allow it, but even if each breath inhaled is a wound to my soul, endured it will be. I believe I can survive on my own, and I believe I can emerge without you. Belief is a tricky thing, and to whether accredit it with such faith as to make the world around us, is debateable. I believe in belief. So strongly, in fact, if you truly believe in something, that you can do or accomplish your desire, you will. And I mean you really believe it, no questions of failure or lack of esteemed confidence. Because it will happen, you will succeed, and you will be where you wish. With a single tear, I will kiss your cheek in farewell, for you are a perfectly beautiful disease where I am dying. This may not be the first or last time I have said goodbye, for I'm sure I'll see you again, never stop feeling you, and you are forever apart of me. Smile at me and I know I have done right, regretting nothing except not holding you one last time. paralyze my lips

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