02:22pm 12/09/2003
mood: blah
music: Dishwalla - Somewhere in the Middle
Had a fair day today, besides the Neymour lecture, that was kinda scary. I really wanna do something tonight!! I was gonna go to the Cambridge football game tonight with Jared but mom said no. So maybe she'll take us to do something else. I have the worst headache and a buttload of homework. Oh well. Jessica was absent today ... hmmm
05:37pm 10/09/2003
  Blue info
Your Heart is Blue

What Color is Your Heart?
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04:23pm 10/09/2003
  ya so i have like a butt-load of homework tonight. School today was extremely gay. We have two tests tomorrow. eek. i still have to read two stories for English. I was so busy today that i didn't even have time to write Jared a note. oh well. i sang today in chaple-band. Ya everyone said the sound was all screwed up. My mic wasn't on. lol. good. i like it better that way!! Well i'm gonna go call Jared now to make sure he's not dead cuz it's like 5:30 and he hasn't called me yet!! Love ya  
04:55pm 08/09/2003
mood: pissed off
music: Jimmy Eat World - The Middle (Acoustic) I like this so much better than the
Today was our pep rally. It was really gay but i don't care. We worked our butts off to get everything just right and it really pisses me off when people make fun of us.

P.S. Yes I do know how to spell V - O - L - L - E - Y - B - A - L - L
Janet made the poster, so ask her. lol
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03:42pm 08/09/2003
mood: discontent
music: Alanis Morrisette - Prescious Illusions
ok so since then, Jared asked me out. And i said yes. Then Sunday night i went to church with him and saw, of all people COLIN. I really miss him!! lol. yay. we went on a scavenger hunt, and it was pretty fun. ok i kinda feel bad about saying yes though. I really do like Jared but ... he's Jared! Enough said. And i still like Colin. It's not fair to Jared. Wow. Poor thing. I'm going to have to talk to him about this.
10:11am 06/09/2003
mood: tired
music: Vertical Horizon - I'm Still Here
Just woke up, long night last night. Went to Jared's house to watch movies with him and a friend. It was pretty fun. I was there till like 11:30. wow I am tired. Jared, his friend and Jordan saranaded me for about an hour. lol.They were singing and playing instruments. It was so funny. Well i made some new friends, and saw Lord of the Rings 2. lol. That's a quality movie. lol. We should do that again soon Jared. hehehe.
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11:03am 05/09/2003
mood: blah
music: Linkin Park - Faint
Today was a half day, not bad. Only 3 classes, and the best part, NO HOMEWORK!! Dang that storm is gonna cut pretty close. Oh well. Nothing to do tomorrow anyways. Gonna call Jared soon, cuz there's nothing else to do. No one is online, geez. Oh well, more later.
05:26pm 04/09/2003
mood: sad
music: Radiohead - Creep (tear, Goldburg)
Great day no homework. Cheerleading practice was hell, as usual. No practice tomorrow, half day!! yay. A storm's a brewin', so don't cry too hard if i don't get on tomorrow!! We might not even have school!! yay! Jared Raynor is cool, and i almost had forgot how cool. I love him and nothing will change that. He's like my little bro or something. :)

OMG is today Goldburg day or something? It's like today everything reminded me of him. I'm listening to internet radio, and on three of my stations that i have book marked, all at the same time, a Radiohead song was playing. How sad. That was like his favorite group. I can't even bear to listen to them anymore even though i like their music. It just makes me so sad!! Then when i got home I found this book, almost like a journal that i kept, from when i was going out with Goldburg. I was so happy then. I had everything i needed, just him. That was all that mattered. And he knew it too? Why did we break up ... i shouldn't think about him anymore. He moved on THREE YEARS AGO!! What am I thinking? w/e

"I'm lost today, I'm not ok. Heartbreak, fake smile."
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05:46pm 03/09/2003
mood: guilty
OMG today was Jared Raynor's birthday and no one said ANYTHING to him. I feel so bad i'm gonna go call him right now.
07:51pm 02/09/2003
mood: stressed
Well i talked to "my dream guy" and it turns out he may not be so dreamy after all. Whatever. He's just a guy. I'll get over it. Well thanks to all of u who tried, but it didn't quite work out. Now he thinks i'm some psycho stalker that has no life except for him. Whatever. I don't care. I'll never be happy. I need a good guy, like serious commitment. Eric, where are you when i need you? OMG i miss talking to you!! Call me sometime!! Like i said, I just want to take a vacation, a permanent one. like for life kind of vacation. I want to start over in a place where no one knows me and no one cares about every stupid little detail. I don't want to be who i am now. I want to be the real me. Pray for me please. That's the best thing to do right now, just pray. Pray for me and my little "identity crisis". I'm really not doing so well. Definately not.
Tired of being me   
09:38pm 31/08/2003
mood: complacent
It's time for a change
I'm tired of being me
It's time for a vacation.
Is it summer yet?
I'm tired of pretending

I promise i'll change
Maybe tomorrow
I'm busy today.

Why do i cry so much?
Why can't i stop this?
Why do i feel this way?
Why can't I let you go?
Why can't you let me be?

I don't understand me.
07:37pm 31/08/2003
mood: content
I fianlly got HIS s/n after hours and days of search and hoping. lol. good. So now i wait to talk to him .....
Love : Hate   
06:40pm 31/08/2003
mood: discontent
music: Stone Sour - Bother
Everyone has one of these lists in their profile of things they love and hate so I decided to make one FINALLY so here goes!!

Things i love:

Long talks with old friends
Long walks in the park
Sitting out by thelake early in the morning
Red and yellow gators in the sky (lol, Clinton)
Cookie Dough Ice Cream
Eric :)
My church friends
Sophomore day
Spirit Week
Being a Cheerleader
The songs:
Here Without You
& I'm Still Here
hearing the perfect song on the radio
Overnight Retreats
Youth Trips
Thinking about Goldburg
KiSsInG In tHe rAiN
Holding hands
non-gay boyfriends
meeting new people
playing the guitar
when people encourage me
seeing my cousins (i miss you guys!)
Soccer games
Track Meets
Basketball Games
Mr. E
Study Hall
Mrs. Weaver
Sleeping in
Sharing my name with a cool guy. lol. Keegan :)

Thing I hate:

Fighting with friends
Fighting with Boyfriends
My parents
My sister
Gay ex-boyfriends (a.k.a. Geoff)
Lame excuses
Backstabbing friends
When people make stuff up about me
People that don't give me a chance
Snooty upperclassmen
Cheerleading Practice
Cheerleading Camp
overplayed songs
People who "pretend" to be my friends
"Fair weather" friends
People who joke about things that really hurt
getting made fun of
being sick
Friend Stealers *ack ack Sarah*
Mrs. Tucker
Waking up early
Sharing my name :(
06:02pm 31/08/2003
  U know what, if i don't like you i will tell you please don't listen to people that say that i said. It's bull. I thought that i was your friend but you keep listening to people that aren't even decent enough to tell you the truth. I would never say something like that about you, to tell you the truth I am afraid of you and that's why i don't talk about you. I'm not afraid that you would hit me or anything, there's just something about you ... i dunno it's wierd. I respect you. Why do you always believe everyone but me. When have i ever lied to you?

I really wanna do something tonight but I'm in Springhill ... and who lives here, no one. Well that's all 4 now i guess.
Roll to me (had no Idea it was called that, lol)   
10:57am 31/08/2003
mood: hopeful
music: Del Amani - Roll to Me
Look around your world pretty baby
Is it everything you'd hoped it'd be?
The wrong guy, the wrong situation
The right time to roll to me
Roll to me

Look into your heart pretty baby
Is it aching with some nameless need?
Is there something wrong and you can't put your finger on it
Right then roll to me

And I don't think I have ever seen
A soul so in despair(ooooooooooo)
So if you want to talk the night through
Guess who will be there?(yeahhhhhhhhhhhh)

So don't try to deny it pretty baby
You've been down so long you can hardly see
When the engine's stalled and it won't stop raining it's the
Right time to roll to me
Roll to me
Roll to me

And I don't think I have ever seen
A soul so in despair
So if you want to talk the night through
Guess who will be there?

So look around your world pretty baby
Is it everything you'd hoped it'd be?
The wrong guy, the wrong situation
The right time to roll to me
The right time to roll to me
the right time to roll to me...ooohhh

I absolutely LOVE this song and i've tried to get the lyrics FOREVER! I NEED this guy!! lol.
My gay Life   
09:08pm 30/08/2003
mood: frustrated
music: Five for Fighting - Easy Tonight
You know what i really hate my life. No one likes me. I no longer have a best friend. Emily only cares about freaking Sarah. I can't even keep a freaking boyfriend for more than a month!! The people at school are so gay. I'm not mad at you guys or anything, but i was reading people's journal's and i realized that the people that i consider my best friends ... i don't know they are all too consumed with each other to care about me. No one knows how i feel, If i had to tell you the one person that i consider my best friend, i couldn't give you an answer. Only cuz i don't have one. My life is so gay. I feel like crying. All my friends talk about is, "My best friend, this. My best friend, that." and it makes me so sad to know that i'm not on anyone's list of best friends. People are going to be all like "oh, you're my best friend, I'm sorry u didn't realize that" but i don't care, sorry doesn't fix anything. You don't have to pretend that you like me anymore, just so i don't have to sit by myself at lunch. I'm one of those kinds of people that likes to be alone every once and a while. No one invites me to do anything, it's just so gay. I feel so rejected. Sometimes my friends will say something, and i wonder, why do i hang out with them? Then i talk to other people and i say this is where i need to be, but they obviously don't feel the same way. No one cares about me. My life is a mess and i can't figure out what I'm going to do, who i want to be or anything. Then people talk about me, and that bugs me SOOO much. 3/4 of the stuff people say is Bull shit and the other fourth they shouldn't even be worried about. No one wants to take the time to talk to me. I just want someone to be there for me. I want someone to love me for ME, not anything else, just me. There are certain people that i can talk to online or like whenever no one else is around us, but it seems like they'd almost rather talk to ANYONE and EVERYONE but me. And people complain about how their life is crap. Ok, you have friends who actually talk to you, and a boyfriend who loves you. Seriously your life may not be perfect, but it makes me sick to hear you complain. You are SOOO lucky! Someone tell me what I'm doing wrong. :(
06:05pm 30/08/2003
mood: disappointed
music: Everclear - Wonderful
I spent all freakin day trying to get HIS screen name if u know who i'm talking about, and i still haven't got it!! Man, what a day. I talked to some people earlier and they said some things that are makin my head spin. Now I'm at the g-ma's trying yet again to get him screen name. lol. Oh well. I'll wait. Someone said that he has a girlfriend but ... I dunno. One of his close friends said he doesn't.

I think we're going to the new Sonic for dinner!! yay!! I love that place and I'm so happy they're bringing them to Tampa!! :) That made my day. well that's all 4 now!!

Love Love Love Love
Why Don't You and I?   
05:15pm 29/08/2003
mood: optimistic
music: Santana (lol, old guy) - Why Don't You and I
Since the moment I spotted you Like walking 'round with little wings on my shoes My stomach's filled with the butterflies...(oo)and it's alright Bouncin round from cloud to cloud I got the feeling like I'm never gonna come down If I said I didn't like it then you'd know I'd lied Everytime I try to talk to you I get tongue-tied Turns out that everything I say to you Comes out wrong and never comes out right So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together And take on the world and be together forever Heads we will and tails we'll try again So I say why don't you and I hold each other And fly to the moon and straight on to heaven Cause without you they're never going to let me in When's this fever gonna break? I think I've handled more than any (wo)man can take. I 'm like a love-sick puppy chasin you around (oo)And it's alright Bouncin round from cloud to cloud I got the feeling like I'm never gonna come down If I said I didn't like it then you'd know I'd lied
04:39pm 29/08/2003
mood: touched
music: Unkle Kracker - Follow Me (an oldie but a goodie) lol. love it
today CRAWLED by OMG. Classes were SOOO slow except for journalism , and even then, like nobody was talking we were just all doing page layouts. Then cheer practice went SUPER. We all did great. We all know the cheers and dance now, so it's just fine-tuning it that we have to worry about. Then the hightlight of my day. You know who came to watch the last few minutes. lol. I introduced him to my dad. lol. He gave me a hug then i had to leave :( lol. It's all good, there's always Monday. lol. Well that's all 4 now. :) Love Love Love Love, * ~ * ~ * Me * ~ * ~ *
07:13pm 28/08/2003
mood: pissed off
music: Kid Rock and Sherly Crow - Picture (love that song!)
P.S. the freaking Remedy hit number one on the star 95.7 charts. I'm really pissed. I think that the people who voted for it should be slaughtered and hung by the toes. lol. that is the gayest song ever