Dizzy's Journal

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

7:29PM - Here's your letter

Cut the skin to the bone
Fall asleep all alone
Hear your voice in the dark
Lose myself in your eyes
Choke my voice Say goodnight
as the world falls apart
Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go
I need some more time to fix this

Here's a letter for you
But the words get confused
And the conversation dies
Apologize for the past
Talk some shit take it back
Are we cursed to this life

Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this

I'm talking to the ceiling
My life just lost all meaning
Do one thing for me tonight
I'm dying in this silence

The last star left in heaven
Is falling down to earth and
Do you still feel the same way
Do you still feel the same way

Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this

e n d .

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Monday, December 15, 2003

2:49PM - Firefly

I haven't been able to update because of a freak windstorm which honestly scared me to death. I have an odd phobia of windstorms and falling trees that intend to crush me while I sleep. Or while I'm awake. Either one. This weekend I finally put up my new bed and rearranged my furniture in my room so I actually have a room now. I even have a real mattress. Not two foam thingys stuck together. No no. It's a real mattress. Quite godly at that. The weeks before Christmas usually leave me feeling empty. My grandpa died the day before christmas eve when I was seven, I think. Ever since then it's left me. I stopped caring, I guess. I don't like it when people give me things when I don't have the money to give them something in return. I don't feel worthy of anything because I'm content with what I have. I finally told Mike. It should've left me in some horrible depressed state but I'm more relieved than sad. There's a twinge of regret but it's all for the better and it's what's right. I'm free of it now. Ashley, however, has been getting on my nerves as usual. Her constant pestering about me doing a favor is driving me insane. Why should I do anything for her anyway? She's not a big help with anything. She has her moments when she cares about other people the moment comes and goes like the light of a fire fly. You know when you take a firefly and put it in a jar with no airholes? Yeah. That's tempting.

e n d .

Current mood: annoyed
Current music: blink 182 - I miss you
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Monday, December 1, 2003

5:41PM - Reaching for the rainbow

Okay. So at about 5:30pm my half brother, Rob, calls the house. This is our conversation:

Liz: WHAT?!
Rob: ...Liz? Are you okay?
Liz: Oh... Yeah. Sorry, I thought you were the stalker who kept calling me and hanging up.
Rob: Did you star-sixy-nine the number?
Liz: Well, I was about to... then you called and took a shit on my magical moment.
Rob: (laughing) Yeah I took a big corn steamin' dookie on your magic moment.
(Intermission of an actual decent conversation)
Rob: Well, I hope your stalker calls back.
Liz: (sigh) Yeah... me too. I miss him already.
Rob: (laughing) It's kinda creepy but at the same time it's just nice to know someone is thinking about you that much.
Liz: (laughing) God, Rob. That's sick and wrong.
Rob: Yeah... you know, you always gotta keep reaching for the rainbow.

Well. Besides that, my day was a bit shit-tastic though I had a very wonderful conversation with a girl who hates 'goths'. She was super, though I appeared to be too smart for her; she claimed she couldn't understand me because of that fact.

ah. life is getting better.

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Wednesday, November 26, 2003

2:26PM - ner.

Computers = antichrist.

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Sunday, November 23, 2003

2:18PM - one crazy night

I was out with my cousins last night and we went through the drive thru at dairy queen and missy and i were yelling in retarded voices "ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM!" and amber told us to shut up. So she orders our food and at the window amber kept yelling at us but the window was closed at first. it was one big joke, but yeah. She was like 'you guys dont even deserve the ice cream! i can't take you anywhere anymore! when we get home i dont wanna hear "oh i wanna watch tv" no you're going straight to fucking bed" and on and on and i was in the back and i was like hiding behind my hands and watching the guy who had opened the window and was listening to that shit for like five minutes and i was kinda pointing at him and then amber turned around to face him and smiled and talked sweetly "Thank you" and the people in dairy queen were watching us and when he handed the last icecream cone he leaned down so he could see me. Then when we were driving back from my house we had to go by dairy queen again and a cop car pulled out of the dq parking lot and when we drove by it it stopped and turned around and started following us. We never got pulled over though, but they most likely filed a report. The rest of the night was basically us driving around and being loud. We threw some eggs at some houses then ended up in a QFC parking lot where we circled madly around a group of teenagers at warp speed. Later on we ended up in yet another parking lot. There were two guys smoking and we pulled up into a parking spot a few spaces away. We turned the headlights off and just sat in the car watching them. When they looked away we would slowly drive closer to them then stop when they looked back. We found some other people to bug and we ended up playing shadow games with them. There was a fat mean guy who mooned us... i hate them.

all in all it was a pretty good night.

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Wednesday, November 19, 2003

8:15PM - first snow

it snowed today
and i think it was because of you.

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Monday, November 17, 2003

10:21PM - hmm.

Today was alright I guess.
Nice and rainy and all.
hmm...List of things I've bought:
3 pairs of panties
3 Records
Tom Jones: It's not unusual
Village People
Alice Cooper: Welcome to my nightmare
1 used army feild jacket
Assload of pins
1 pair of pants
1 shirt

I think I did okay. I needed the clothes though. My pants got a huge hole in them, and I needed a new jacket. The shirt was just cheap.

I think god made adam and steeve.

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Sunday, November 16, 2003

8:19PM - Mm.

Oh.. So good to be home. Port Angeles = God.

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Friday, November 14, 2003

6:45AM - this weekend.

this weekend I'm off to the rainforest.

Be back on sunday/monday.

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Thursday, November 13, 2003

10:40PM - Today

I hope tomorrow is better than the rest of the week.

Or at least today.

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