Blurty for Something Incongruent. View: User Info. View: Friends. View: Calendar. View: Website (Homestar). View: Memories. You're looking at 20 entries, after skipping 20 newer ones. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries or forward 20 entries.

Sunday, March 14th, 2004

Subject: Love: A Rant Time: 10:38 pm. Mood: curious. Music: More than the human ear can handle..

I've looked everywhere for love. I've given up on love. I've cried over love lost, Love stolen And love broken. I have searched far and wide for love For someone to love, and for someone To truly love me in return... But the truth is, love has been here All along. I have just been to selfish, too blind, To eager, to stubborn, and to wrapped up To notice love blooming right infront of me. The only trouble is... I fear love. What do you do when you find love? You search the world for somone to love you When right under your nose someone already does; You're just too stupid to notice... Notice how long he's been waiting, trying Gasping, longing... loving. And then you go into the sudden stage of confusion And misunderstandment for yourself and for him. And your world begins jumping, and your eyes grow Wide and you are lost within yourself and the love that Has always been there for you. Stupidity runs through your veins and then you lose The love once had. God I hate this feeling... Some people fear death, some fear The darkness. I fear love, what more is there to say? I fall into a dark hole of insecurity and insanity I mumble over my words, never sleeping and never Thinking straight. Love is not something you say Love is something you feel, something you trust For your entire life... with someone else. I fear everything about it... and that scares me.

eyes glued shut.

Subject: been a while Time: 5:50 pm. Mood: crushed. Music: Radiohead - Packt Like Sardines In A Crushd Tin Box.

i have an anxiety dissorder.. thats pleasant to know. my pelvic bone is misaligned... also pleasant to know. i've had at least two hour long bloody noses a day for the past three days... lost a lot of blood... not so good to know. i'm drained, pretty weak, pretty emotional, pretty lost, pretty hurt, pretty sad, pretty confused, pretty alone.... pretty. why is it that the beautiful die so young?

eyes glued shut.

Subject: Wow Time: 5:36 pm. Mood: anxious. Music: Snow Patrol - Run.

i never write in this anymore... i don't know why... i don't know what to write right now... my sister is in college and my family life is odd. My personal life is slowly starting back up... at least i hope it is... i don't know... bla. It's been weird...

eyes glued shut.

Subject: You Can Have All You've Ever Wanted Time: 1:17 pm. Mood: blah. Music: Wicked - Defying Gravity.

It's been akward. I had a horrible anxiety attack on friday... i was terrified. I haven't really written lately... im just so busy and not up to it. So much has happened to me and i know i have grown though it all. It scares me... it truly does. All of my college stuff is in, all i have to do now is wait and hope for the best. I went to a formal dinner party last night which was a lot of fun. Victoria thew one for the cast of the spring show. I just dont really know what to write about... i feel kind of empty and i feel like i just dont need to write about anything anymore... bla... have a great day everyone.

eyes glued shut.

Subject: The Update Time: 2:30 pm. Mood: crushed. Music: Ella Fitzgerald - At Last.

i haven't written in awhile... i haven't really had the boost of modivation to write about what has been going on in my life. It's been weird and kind of hard and confusing. I'm over Jon. I'm done with everything that deals with him right now. He has changed. His whole entire attitude has gone down the hill and my friends and I think most of it has to deal with the influence of Sara. I auditioned for the spring musical. I made callbacks for a lead... i didn't make a lead. I'm stuck being the same thing i was my freshman year... a story teller. I feel like im back at the bottom... I feel worthless. I've been pretty sad lately... I don't want to bother with anything or anyone. I just want to mind my own buisness and have other mind theirs. I feel lost. I just don't know what to do... bla. My migrains have been at an all time high. I think it's mostly because of all the stress i have been going through lately. I've seen some movies... Peter Pan and Big Fish. They were amazing. John Siwicki bought me an Ella Fitzgerald poster... he never seizes to make me smile... He always finds some kind of way to make my day or put a smile across my face. I wish he lived closer... sure Shelton is close... it's about 45 minutes away but it still feels like he is across the country and that i could never reach him. He is amazing. My head hurts really bad right now. I want to go out and leave... do something fun... but there is so much to be done right now. Today is my day off... and i feel so lazy... i have so much to get done but i'm not doing it when i should be. I think i will finish all of it sometime tonight... i hope i do. I feel empty and lost. I feel confused. Gina is leaving for college in a few weeks and i graduate high school this year. All my friends are talking about going to college and where they were accepted... i haven't sent in my applications yet. I have one more essay to write. I need to leave here... i dont know how to feel... writing all of this is making me depressed... im going to go.

eyes glued shut.

Subject: longrun Time: 7:51 pm. Mood: rejected.

i think ive gained some weight and that's not a good thing so hopefully i can lose it a.s.a.p. im doing okay for now... the o'meara's are doing okay. we went to go see peter pan today. the funeral was yesterday. my family is one big asshole. im watching edward scissorhands... im done

eyes glued shut.

Subject: why did you leave? Time: 12:00 am. Mood: depressed. Music: Something Corporate - Walking By.

he's gone... David G. O'Meara is gone. He is the father of my best friends Erin and Caitlin. He is the husband of one of the most amazing mothers i know... he was like my second dad. He died sunday night... I havent been home in two days... ive been with erin and caitlin... school, then with them, then i slept over, then school, then i was with them from 12:30 til about 10:30 when my mom made me come home to get some rest. I can't rest... when i am left alone i fall apart. I dont know what to do... they have the most amazing family ever... they dont deserve this... they are doing okay right now... today was better than yesterday... its just really hard... i feel lost. the funeral is this saturday. I cant sleep... the nyquil isnt kicking in fast enough. I stopped crying for now... i dont want to talk about it anymore have a merry fucking christmas

eyes glued shut.

Subject: Wicked Time: 10:28 pm. Mood: awake. Music: Wicked - One Short Day.

7:15 this morning... mr smith, mr and mrs coscina, kyle, tom, megan, katherine, katie, heather, michelle, victoria and myself departed for NYC to see wicked. here are the main highlights since i dont wanna type it all 1) michelle throwing up once in the car, once on the train, twice in the bathroom and once outside the resturant. 2) eating lunch at carmines 3) seeing Wicked which was absolutly amazing... i cant describe it.. im speechless.. i bought a t-shirt, and a keychain then later we went to virgin records to buy the cd for less lol.. smart shoppers 4) seeing the giant tree all lit up... and watching someone propose marraige in the middle of the icerink... omg so wonderful so we cheered them on haha. 5) shopping!!! 6) eating some dinner in the train station then departing for home... the train ride back was hilarious and on the car ride home from the station we had a blast listening to the cast album.. there were many wonderful things that filled in between all of this but these were all the highlights i could remember... im so excited right now.. ahh!! lol

eyes glued shut.

Subject: the boy Time: 9:59 pm. Mood: blah. Music: Coldplay - Green Eyes.

Wait for the boy who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of boy who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the boy who will be your best friend, the person who will drop everything to be with you at any time of the day no matter what the circumstances. Wait for the boy who makes you smile like no other boy makes you smile and when he smiles you know he needs you. Wait for the boy who wants to show you off to the world when you are not at your best. Most of all wait for the boy who will put you at the center of his universe, because obviously, he's at the center of yours.

eyes glued shut.

Subject: I saw sparks Time: 10:10 pm. Mood: stressed. Music: Coldplay - Trouble.

i have officially given up all hope on jon... i like him so much but he doesnt like me that way at all.. he likes sara (my best friend) and well... i guess thats just the way it will always be. im through liking someone for this long... im through chasing after something i know i will never get... im through with having hope in getting something that i really want... someone whom i really like a lot... im through with all of it. guys are a waste of time anyway... right? I have more important things to worry about. Its snowing outside, and raining and its kind of nasty out. I hope there is a snow day tomorrow so i can work on my report on club foot for child development class. I wish i had a reason to really be happy right now but i dont. I just want to get accepted to a college and graduate and leave this place... right now the only thing thats keeping me going is the fact that none of this will matter 20 years from now. I'm not tired. I'm not much of anything right now. I am unsure on how to feel... how should i feel after giving up on someone who ive liked for months and months... as long as he is happy then i am happy... isnt that how the saying goes? that saying never makes sense because no matter how happy he may be i will still feel miserable until i get over the fact that im not his type of girl. Maybe he's the stupid one for not seeing how amazing i am... im beautiful... i am... it's just him... not me... it's him. I told pat that one of my goals this year is to be asked to the junior prom even though im a senior but how i think nobody would ever even thinking about asking some short chubby senior to their junior prom. He told me that anyone who doesnt ask me to the prom is just stupid because im awesome.... so that made me feel kinda good. Pat's a good kid... i just wish katie didnt go out with him then break up with him within a matter of like... 2 weeks. I think the new year will bring in some better things for me... i'm really hoping it does. my feelings are muffled... im so confused right now. i have so much stuff to get done... i dont like this stress... it scares me.

eyes glued shut.

Subject: Yay! Time: 11:00 am. Mood: artistic. Music: Shrimp Boat - Pumpkin Lover.

You are Andy Warhol. Great sense of style and fashion, artistic eye for detail. Not necessarily talented, but extremely creative and aware of trends. You tend to glorify the simple things in life.

eyes glued shut.

Subject: dad Time: 6:48 pm. Mood: accomplished. Music: Jack Johnson - Bubble Toes.

i scream and its as if you cant hear me covering my eyes, hiding from the pain and you raise your hand but not to help. Only babies cry, you always told me... but you were never there anyway. Gone. always gone, never here whatever the term may be but you were gone... Fridays were our nights. McDonalds then catch a flick at the local theatre. Teenage Mutant ninja turtle candy bars and sno caps, Star trek and disney movies. We grew up... another was born... you changed. No longer a father but a beast under this roof we share. Home when you can... bringing hell with you. Pain, anguish, fear, tears... where did you go? My father ran away from home... this man was sent here to replace him. 'Hired' if you will... to pretend to be my father until he came home. Sitting on the couch like a department store santa claus. Work, home, work, work, work, home, work. The pattern grew worse but you never noticed the pain in the family. You never took the time to get to know me. Go ahead... guess my favorite color... i dare you. Screaming at us, raising your hands... my scar still stays from that 'accident' you never apologized for. The memories haunt me in my sleep about my father the monster. Never understood me, never held me, never talked to me... never was there for me. Food on the table, roof over my head... but love... where was the bond. Take your daughter to work day i think not. Sometimes i wonder... where my father has gone and when you come home... i take that back because i could care less. why wont you open your mind and listen to me. love me for the only thing i can be love me for me.

eyes glued shut.

Subject: John Time: 9:58 pm. Mood: curious. Music: The Coral - Dreaming Of You.

BobbyJames23: dont listen to them BobbyJames23: you know what you are MissCharIieBrown: no.. i dont know what i am BobbyJames23: u are annmarie BobbyJames23: just keep on following your heart MissCharIieBrown: yeah MissCharIieBrown: my heart just... doesnt really exist right now BobbyJames23: yes it does MissCharIieBrown: its been through a lot BobbyJames23: everyones has BobbyJames23: your not alone BobbyJames23: its the pain that makes it stronger MissCharIieBrown: its the strength that makes the pain last longer BobbyJames23: without a negitive there is no postive BobbyJames23: remember your muliplication 2 negitives = a postive MissCharIieBrown: but with one negative that positive turns negative BobbyJames23: you just gotta wait for more to fix that BobbyJames23: damn your to clever for me MissCharIieBrown: sorry BobbyJames23: haha no its a good thing MissCharIieBrown: okay BobbyJames23: you have the curse of being an amazing person everyone wants to take you down they are envous dont let them BobbyJames23: win MissCharIieBrown: i never thought of it that way... at all BobbyJames23: your the most talented person ive never met haha BobbyJames23: its how it really is BobbyJames23: you ok? MissCharIieBrown: yeah MissCharIieBrown: thanks BobbyJames23: hey no thank you BobbyJames23: they should give you an awaad BobbyJames23: award BobbyJames23: i hope what i said helped MissCharIieBrown: yeah it helped a lot BobbyJames23: good good MissCharIieBrown: you're so awesome BobbyJames23: oh stop BobbyJames23: im nowhere near you on the awesome scale BobbyJames23: haha what the hell i am talking about MissCharIieBrown: hahaha

eyes glued shut.

Subject: boo Time: 8:17 pm. Mood: calm. Music: movie.

1.First Name: Annmarie 2. Middle Name: none 3. Last Name: non 5. Hair Color: black as night with light brown highlights 5. Hair Style: getting pretty long 6. Eye Color: dark dark brown 7. Height: around 5'4 8. Location: CT 9. Birthday: 4/25/86 10. Zodiac Sign: taurus 11. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?: No 13. Do you have a crush?: heck yeah, but i never have the balls to do anything about it Favorites 15. Favorite Animal: turtles 16. Favorite Sport: watching friends fall off their bikes... bmx ha 17. Favorite Color(s): too many to choose from 18. Favorite Friend/Friends: erin, matt, caitlin, kurt, mitch, amanda, DeVon, casey, marissa 19. Favorite Online Friend/Friends: maddison 21. Favorite Song/Songs: of all time? too many 22. Favorite movie quote: dont know 24. Favorite Store: the music stop.. cuz pete is awesome 25. Favorite Feeling: to be wanted 26. Favorite Shoe: SAS... the old lady shoes.. in red 27. Favorite Scent: pancakes 28. Do you wear make-up?: very rarely 31. In a girl/boy, do you want more personality or looks?: Personality 32. What kind of personality do you like in a girl/boy?:funny, understanding 33. Do you move fast or slow with a girl/boy?: up to them, i just kind of follow along 34. What is your idea of the perfect girl/boy?: someone who believes in something.. has fate in something... someone who makes you feel amazing 35. Would you ever ask a girl/boy out?: usualy too fightened of rejection 38. Do you prefer blondes or brunettes: doesnt matter but for some reason i always like guys with dark hair Love/Life 45. What is the first thing u notice about girls/boys?: Smile, sense of humor and their eyes 46. Whens the last time u cried?: when i realized im losing an amazing friend and the one boy i truely am falling in love with 48. What do u want to be when u grow up?: someone who makes a difference 49. Do u sleep w/ stuffed animals?: yes 50. Do you want children?: i want to adopt 52: How "far" have you gotten?: what like driving? 53: Do you like someone right now? Yes 54: Do they know?: yes which hurts even more Friends 1: Do you have a best friend?: Yes 2: Whos is your best friend?: erin... 3: Who do you e-mail the most?: my brother 4: Who is the meanest?: kyle 5: Who's the loudest?: michelle Within the last 24 hours, have you... 1: Had a serious talk?: yes 2: Hugged someone?: yes, many 3: Get along well with your parents?: nope 4: Fought with a friend?: Nope Do you like to... 1: Give hugs?: Yes 2: Give back rubs?: ...get them 3: Take walks in the rain?: heck yeah 4: You ever have that falling dream?: yeah its weird 5: What color is your floor/carpet in your room? peach carpet 6: When you chew gum, what kind?: anything with good flavor 7: Do you use chapstick? too much 8: How do you plan on spending the summer?: interning with melissa some more Did You Ever 1. Drink?: used to 2. Smoke?: nope never tried cigs 3. Drugs?: once 4. Sex?: nope 5. Made Out?: yes 6. Go on a date?: yes... they're sometimes weird 8. Go to the movies?: Yes 9. Go to the mall?: of course 10. Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: who hasnt?! 11. Eaten sushi?: yes 12. Been on stage? yes 13. Been dumped?: thats the worst 14. Had someone be unfaithful to you?: yes thats the worst 15. Watched the smurfs?: when i was little 16. Hiked a mountain?: yes actually 17. Made homemade cookies?: yes 18. Been in love?: define love 19. Seen the White House?: yes i have More Stuff 1. Are you popular?: for the most part i guess so 2. Are you pretty?: people say i am... i guess i have some nice features 3. Do you have your own phone line?: a cell phone 4. What is your fav word to say?: i dont know... no really i dont know 5. What is your fav phrase to say?: yeah.. okay.. sure... yeah how bout your face What is it right now 1. What time? : 8:58pm 2. What are you doing right now?: this and watching Mystic Pizza and talking to John from Shelton 3. What song are you listening to?: none.. watching a movie 4. What are you wearing?: jeans and an old shirt i bought awhile ago at goodwill with my performing arts hoodie 5. What color are your nails?: color?

eyes glued shut.

Subject: Wonderful Words Time: 9:21 am. Mood: blah.

"The male chromosome is an incomplete female chromosome. In other words a male is a walking abortion; aborted at the gene stage. To be male is to be deficient, emotionally limited. Maleness is a deficiency disease and males are emotional cripples" - Valerie Solanas home from school today. i slept in by accident and mom called me in sick. then i got up and ready for school even though she called me out and i had to make the decision if i was going to go to school or not. Right now i would be in Child Dev class, then choir, then drama, then pro co. So i decided to stay home and just relax and clean my room... even though something is telling me to go to the school. It's weird. Maybe i should go. I don't know.... bla.

eyes glued shut.

Subject: I wanna feel you breathe me Time: 5:46 pm. Mood: crushed. Music: I cant take this anymore.

its amazing how one little thing can make your day so much worse... just getting a glimpse of one small thing thats happening around you... it's such a great feeling... everyone knows it... that feeling of complete emptiness and a slice of betrayal smothered in a pot of low self esteem... left to simmer until it explodes... im done... not such a great day... few highlights but not many... im around... but just dont bother. just another tale from the brokenhearted god i hate this feeling

1 blinked again - eyes glued shut.

Blurty for Something Incongruent. View: User Info. View: Friends. View: Calendar. View: Website (Homestar). View: Memories. You're looking at 20 entries, after skipping 20 newer ones. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries or forward 20 entries.