Tree's Witness' Journal
20 most recent posts

Date:2005-01-08 17:16


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Date:2004-03-26 20:25
Subject:While You Were Out
Mood:In control
Music:Vast - Land of Shame

It hasn't even been a full week since my return... I'm not sure how I feel about that. Ever since I was young, I wanted to distort my sense of time. I recall loving, purely enjoying not knowing what day it was, even what month it was, during the blissful summer vacations. I would hugely resent it when someone would tell me I had 2 weeks left of vacation, for example, and I'd have to deal with that understanding. Currently, however, I know that it is the 26th day of the 3rd month of the year is 2004, according to my culture. Furthermore, I know that this evening is the only evening that I will have off from work in the immediate future. But I'm alright with that. And although I grow semi-fatigued with school, I don't require feeding off of the anticipation for its end. Mm, perhaps this is a trade off, to some extent? Perhaps I cancle out dread by unlearning (when necessary) anticipation. I'm still fond of my original concept, however, which is that I just understood myself and my mind, reveled in such to such an extent, that I accomplished a warped sense of time as a defence mechanism against dread. The reason I am especially fond of that concept, as opposed to the equation of the relationship between anticipation and dread, is that I still anticipate if I want to. I just don't do it with a sense of time, but with a sense of fantasy. I fatasized quite endlessly before I left for Oregon, shortly ago, even so much to the extent in which I subconsciously forgot concern for where and when I immediately was. Does that make sense? So, concluding, I am still not sure what to make of it not having yet been a week since my return to Arizona, save that I appreciate that I don't know what to make of it. It feels like I've been here all along, or like it's been a month since my return, but quite simutaeniously, I can still feel Angelique, and still miss Oregon just a touch more, and still feel some odd connection in my spirit to something other than what is in my immediate vacinity. I've been gone both a minute and a month in the last few days.

Gaurenteed, I'd rather have been gone not at all. I'll greet you in the May sun, Oregon. I'll kiss you in the sky, Angelique.

Oh yes, I'll be going to, as us Oregonians would so call it, Value Village this Sunday. (It is called Savers in Arizona, but "the Village" is exceedantly cooler of a name.) I'll be purchasing a skirt for prom. Apparently I will not be purchasing a skirt to wear to the prom in Arizona, as the local girl-whom-asked-me-to-attend-as-a-friend's mother finds that this should be a more "traditional" time. But whatever -- Even if I can't do idiosyncratic and enjoyable things for myself for prom here, such only saves these more special things for my real prom in my real hometown with real Angelique, my wonderful girlfriend/[according to petitioners downtown] *over-18-years-of-age wife. Why am I conforming for Arizonan prom, you ask? The only reason I am going at all is to appease the friend whom asked me to go, and I couldn't let her down like that and taint her evening with her mother's sever dissatisfaction. Actually, never mind part of that. I would go if she did not ask me to go, but I would ask my friend Dave to go with me, and I would be wearing a skirt. He and I would be purposely spawning controversy, and defending our rights for the sake of indirectly defending the rights of others, including those not brave enough to act as we do. (PS: There is much pressure to attend prom as a couple, id est they do not advertise the cost of a single ticket, and it's unfortunate to me that such would be the case. Way to be exclusive.)

Oh yeah, Kaiti, saw you at the protest last Saturday. You were with the anarchists. I wish you fellows would vote, though. Not voting doesn't help your brothers and sisters whom are not in the same mindset as yourself. Do you know what your flags mean, where they came from? I thought they were interesting and sought to inquire. (I was at the protest to the war with Angelique, Emma, and Dawn, and I had a most darling time. I hope to attend many more protests, especially with Angelique, whom is wonderful.) Oh, furthermore, at school on Friday when I saw your face more clearly than I did at the protest, I wasn't sure that you looked, what one would deem, happy in disposition. I hope something changes in your life, if so need be for your most personal contentment.

"Looking out my window, starring, at the things that I can't see... I'm on vacation in another time." -Vast

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Date:2004-03-23 14:23
Subject:Gone from Arizona -- But back again.

I went to see my Love, recently -- This last Thursday I made a suprise visit. For all the time I've been working now, I ended up coming back with a single dollar, but for the hours upon hours which I worked, I can think of no other way to spend the net revenue of my past efforts. And by token more valuable than the revenue which paid for my flights and my bread, Angelique and I paid tribute to each other and to our selves with love and compassion, passion and past and present, heart and soul and mind and body. I am in love with Angelique, and I am so many other things for which phrases fail to exsist for, and I have never felt this way about anyone. You're it, darling.

From my profile, meant all the more with my newer understandings:

Somewhere in the universe: I have a flower for every time I've thought of my love for you. Through time: I've had a tree for every breath you've inspired. I have a sky as wide as I stretch my arms to hug you. I have cool waters as quenching as the kiss I wait to give you, and a sun nearly so warming as your embrace. I have tears that will tell you no lies. Most importantly: I have you. And I would have myself understand that I am not lucky? My lower times dissipate as I mature and grow the more wise, my happier self more frequent in the light of your reality. Take me; I'm yours.

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Date:2004-03-10 22:39
Subject:Too much time inside my head?
Mood: hopeful
Music:John Lennon - God

I'm naked.

People are interesting. People will say everything they mean without saying it, and it's oddly a huge step when they do say the things they mean directly. (I thought it was a riot when Beckie broke the polite-tape and said a bad word.) I think that people remember negative things said, and can use such as hard evidence in a later confrontation, but not so much the negative vibes people give people. This is one case of such: Everyone knows what I'm talking about, but prove it? You might be taking me incorrectly, and then if you confront me with a false accusation, I can rip your face off. That's how the story goes, anyway. I'm not about to rip anyone's face of, nor pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about. Thus being the case, I'll also say that I find it amusing that people will retain the title of friendship long after the house has burned down, just for good measure. And it's not like I don't do it, too, just for good measure. It's just interesting. Everyone is thinking, everyone is feeling something. It all comes together in a mess sometimes, or has a hard time actually coming together at all, save in energies, but it's interesting: Everyone thinks things, read things, writes things, hopes and fears things... Then distortions come into play, feelings get hurt senselessly since everyone wants to be understood instead of be understanding, (Rightly so for those more senseful in their indignance.) and I can't help but to wonder over all of us, and what this would be like if we were all 4 years old, or 75 years old, or dead, or immortal. "The dream is over." (?)

But, to quote that out of context, John, is unfortunate. So I'll counter balance it with something to which I am especially fond of, governing Angelique and I started on it nearly a year ago in regards to some covertly fearful and snobby boy named Tim... "Give peace a chance."

Bless us all. (People used to wonder at why I would bless "Bad" people. The logic was that I was helping them, therein sustaining their unfortunate whiles. My logic, however, is that I was helping them, therein embracing the better within them, helping them to enjoy a more enlightened life and helping myself by being relative therein to something more decent. So, bless "those two," as well as everyone else.)


Dear, riding the fence is a dangerous thing to do. I hope you understand.

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Date:2004-03-08 01:31

I just realized that my pilgrimage, originally in solitude, is much more enlightening and enriching and enjoyable with Angelique. I feel like a better person, like I'm learning more and growing more.

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Date:2004-03-08 01:01
Subject:1:33am and still smiling!
Mood: pleased
Music:Moulan Rouge - Come What May

Mine sister is allotted a new venture: She's increased opportunity to come live here in Arizona with her father -- It's a good thing. She wants very much for this particular direction, and would enjoy the climate here much more than I do. I enjoy her weather: I'm sorry it's going to take me so long to get there again. Apparently I still haven't quit my job, and it'll be another while before I do regarding certain issues, so thus it'll be a while before I've the freedom to debark.

I like reading people's journals for the first time. It's enlightening and enjoyable.

The fourth quarter of school starts tomorrow. Time draws nearer for my most final Arizonan departure. Visits to Arizona will be made periodically afterthefact, for my parents' sake, but it's an otherwise situation in which I shall not look back: Only filling my eyes with the glory that is the moist dirt and green foilage of my birth -- North of here.

Angelique is a good babysitter. Beckie too?

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Date:2004-02-29 16:38
Subject:Make that ~our beat?

God is a concept
By which we measure
Our pain
I'll say it again
God is a concept
By which we measure
Our pain
I don't believe in magic
I don't believe in I-ching
I don't believe in Bible
I don't believe in tarot
I don't believe in Hitler
I don't believe in Jesus
I don't believe in Kennedy
Í don't believe in Buddha
I don't believe in Mantra
I don't believe in gita
I don't believe in yoga
I don't believe in kings
I don't believe in Elvis
I don't believe in Zimmerman
I don't believe in Beatles
I just believe in me
Yoko and me
And that's reality
The dream is over
What can I say?
The dream is over
I was the dreamweaver
But now I'm reborn
I was the Walrus
But now I'm John
And so dear friends
You just have to carry on
The dream is over

John Lennon

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Date:2004-02-25 10:13
Subject:I got a pay check. (?)

Everything goes according to the planned. And the planned is allowed room to evolve, so change is welcome, if it makes itself needed. Eitherway and otherwise, joy is in the works and the clock is ticking to my beat.

*bump bump*

I'm going to sew someone's backpack together today,
and love Angelique all the more for this day I live.

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Date:2004-02-20 01:15
Subject:Blackbird singing in the dead of night - Take these broken wings and learn to fly.
Mood: sad
Music:Beatles - Blackbird

All your life -- You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Am I going to quit my job? I'm fine with it after I get off of work, but before and for 4 or 5 hours during it, I hate it. Granted I'm going to stick it out for another while, but I'm getting, maybe, 5 1/2 hours of sleep a night after very physically tiring labor. At least I only work 4 days this week? I didn't realize I was signing up for a full time job at an evening/late evening [bloody] resturaunt.

I have a surprise for you, Angelique. It's almost finished. I'm, for the most part, happy with how it's coming out. Oh, and I drew several peace signs into the ice on the freezer door tonight. I love you.

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Date:2004-02-18 01:16
Subject:Be nice to yourself. (Breath.)
Mood: creative
Music:Don't you know?

I am dumbfounded by the intricacy and beauty of dimension.
It's forever; it's around and straight and deep
and wide and long and short,
and there and there,
and even a little here.

I could fall forever from it, through it,
and never go anywhere.
The dimension of me is as is;
My spirit is. I am where I need to be when I need to be.
The world moves underneath me
__and soon I will make love.

Dimension doesn't always fit, not in understanding,
but I fit and we fit and
_____let the world move beneath us
to bring us there.

Is this what John means?

The possibilities! Customizable, reorganizable, durable and vibrant life!
Alive. Darling, I am alive. For you, with you, by you. Talk to the trees at night, bring them to speak and bring yourself to listen, and they will rejoice in telling you that I exsist. I heard from them today, too, that you exsist. Fancy that? Let's go for a walk.

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Date:2004-02-17 00:53
Subject:Heeee he he. Ha hu ha.
Mood: amused
Music:Beatles - Because

Another day of work progressively easier. Someone mentioned one of the managers wondering about promoting me? To fry chef... which is not a good thought, but if it'd pay more, it'll help She and I more. One reason I appreciate my work is that there's one Mexican manager, so it assures more equality between foreigners and us odd white folk born in America. If there weren't some chaps from down south working as real chefs I'd be leary of taking anything -- if my dishwashing comrades didn't have the chance for it too. My dishwashing comrades are Merican, that is to insinuate, and they're very nice, and I want them to be able to have the chances I do. And they do. So good.

It's 1:03am and that almost made sense. Love me anyway? I love you.

(I'm still beaming over Angelique's care package. I sent her something in the mail today too...)
(Love Love Love)

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Date:2004-02-16 01:10
Subject:Smiling! Oh, Love.
Mood: happy

I just got home after having been gone some 8 and a half hours -- I've a job. I work -- I'm a working person. I have a schedual -- I clock in and I clock out. How very odd! I'm not proud of my work location, but my specific job is relatively moral, and I'm being selfish and requiring this means to accomplish my nothern-oriented goal. It's a little unfortunate, but... well, okay, I suck. Advice? I work a lot of hours, (I haven't gotten home before 12:00am yet...) so hopefully I'll make myself a good start-up capital for the initial movement of my you-can't-claim-me-as-a-dependant-on-your-taxes (but-do-it-anyway-if-you-like-just-to-be-civil-with-uncle-Sam's-big-white-stare) adventure. I imagine I've the opportunity to transfer locations when I move to Oregon, but I'm not so sure I care to. It'll be time for something different then.

Angelique sent me, what I'm calling, a care package for Valentine's day. She's so sweet to me; sweeter than anyone ever has been to me. I was a pretty okay camper before she and I were she and I, but I gotta tell you, she makes me a much happier camper. Coincidence? Valentine's day, aside being pleasant on it's own for us, was additionally our 3 month anniversary. 3 goes into 6 and 12 very easily in my mind, so I feel like we've officially experienced a building block of the years we foresee together. Angelique, I love you, and you smell good. You smell better than anyone. Thank you. You're making my life, you realize. (As opposed to making my day...)

_the little blue crane rests,
relatively vacant
in comparison with it's prior fulfillment --
_watching the wheels go round
____but not going anywhere____

_and Later,
the little blue crane will fly,
_leaving the wheels,
____and find you --
_and feel on a regular basis
a life and love and being which can only be described as,
knocking the little blue crane's socks off. In a good way.

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Date:2004-02-04 13:38

Dear friend,

During this year's Super Bowl, you saw ads sponsored by beer companies, tobacco companies, and the Bush White House. But you won't see the winning ad in Voter Fund's Bush in 30 Seconds ad contest. CBS refuses to air it.

Meanwhile, the White House and Congressional Republicans are on the verge of signing into law a deal which Senator John McCain (R-AZ) says is custom-tailored for CBS and Fox, allowing the two networks to grow much bigger. CBS lobbied hard for this rule change; members across the country lobbied against it; and now the ad has been rejected while the White House ad will be played. It looks an awful lot like CBS is playing politics with the right to free speech.

Of course, this is bigger than just the Voter Fund. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) submitted an ad that was also rejected. We need to let CBS know that this practice of arbitrarily turning down ads that may be "controversial" – especially if they're controversial simply because they take on the President – just isn't right.

To watch the ad that CBS won't air and sign the petition to CBS to run these ads, go to: will deliver the petition by email directly to CBS headquarters.


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Date:2004-02-03 20:55
Subject:Love... Love Love...
Mood: amused
Music:Tatu - Not Gonna Get Us

(I've nothing to say, after that. I do, but it doesn't work anymore. There's a lot to say, but less reason to say it, and it become progressively more difficult to be effective at describing just what I mean. But I've faked describing this before, hm? Let's see...) I live. I realized I'm alive. Life realized me. And it's all happened before in intervals, given and taken by my perception, but it all comes to me very delightfully right now. Things are delightful, that's a great word for it. I am more of my younger childhood, more of who I am, and less of unfruitful baggage from less fortunate times.

Apparently I'm wearing a skirt to school tomorrow? Just because: Because I feel like it, and because it'll promote the wearing of human clothes instead of gender clothes, and to rock people from their comfortable cardboard boxes.

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Date:2004-01-29 20:23
Subject:Love Love Love
Mood: excited
Music:Moody Blues

I said it, finally, and it's never been so real!
(I've never been so alive!)

Love Love Love Love Love Love her

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Date:2004-01-28 22:08
Subject:It's good.

There's more to be said. It'll take time.

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Date:2004-01-24 00:24
Subject:I woke up with a thirst, so I'll write instead.
Mood: groggy

Today was a good day. Well, yesterday.

I applied to about ten places of employment yesterday. Monday I will check them out all over again, and hopefully have a job by the end of the month? That would be lovely. I don't like talking about having a job without having ever had one, so this'll be good. And I could help my sister with her aspirations, and Angelique and mine with ours... I'm going to dress up for interviews and conversations with managers, and I'm rather excited to. I won't be getting a hair-cut. I think it's been about a year now since I have.

Speaking of dressing up, fyi, I have intents of wearing a skirt to prom, come May. Can you dig it?

I'm in love with Angelique. She said today there's a chance she'd come and visit? I'd really enjoy that. And I bet she'd enjoy the traveling experience, all Us aside. However, there is an Us, so maybe it'll be even better? I'd like to hope so. We would do well to have such a chance to enjoy each other between now and prom, methinks. Both now and prom are exciting to me. It fits nicely that this proposed trip is exciting to me too, I do think.

I should start wearing sunglasses. I never liked sunglasses because it always seems either unnessesary or an attempt to be cool. But I've been getting headaches, and I think part of it has been from squinting so much.

I was worried about my Government class grade, but I saw a few days ago that it was at 113 percent. The teacher is easy, which means all of school so far has been easy. My father said that if I got all 'A's all year that he'd foot the bill for a trip to Oregon. I won't be forgetting that. I've never gotten this type of grades before. I've always had a D floating around somewhere. One or two, that is. But this is easy... (Which, inturn, doesn't give it much of a high accomplishment, unfortunately.)

Today I did a good job with a mental project. It's been an attempt of mine to appreciate this area for what it has appreciatable, and not to seperate this place and Oregon so terribly, but just consider both lands as land. The sky was happy today, the scenery good. There are some particularly pretty birds I've been noticing recently, too.

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Date:2004-01-13 21:54
Subject:A better day.

Today I tounged a fork a little while I was eating, just because I miss kissing you.

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Date:2004-01-12 16:28
Mood: jubilant
Music:Neil Young - Greendale

Jo u rnal

And in the wake of life, we found each other and found ourselves. She bore my unseen visions, taught me what it all meant. I fell in love with her; I flew in love with her: Together we reside at the Hearth of Love, in the Nature of Love. I've nothing to do now but live and grow. I've everything to do now. I'm excited! I'm real and I'm my own and I'm hers.


I was given the newest Neil Young album recently. It came with a DVD of him, solo on stage, performing the entire album. It's super neat. I like the sound of the DVD better, though, because on the CD he has "Crazy Horse" as accompaniment, and I think they dirty up the simplicity of the songs. Here're the last two songs:

~Sun Green

Sun Green started makin' waves
On the day that Grandpa died
Speakin' out against anything
Unjust or packed with lies
She chained herself to a statue of an eagle
In the lobby of Power Co.

And started yelling through a megaphone,
"There's corruption on the highest floor."
Suits poured out of elevators
"You're all dirty."

Phoneheads began to speak
"You can't trust any of them."
Security couldn't get her down
She was welded to the eagle's beak.

Sun Green leaned into that megaphone, said,
"Truth is all I seek."
Security brought in some blow torches
News cameras recorded her speech,
"When the city is plunged into darkness
by an unpredicted rolling blackout

The White House always blames the governor
Saying the solution is to vote him out."
On top of that great bronze eagle
Sun's voice was loud and clear. She said,
"Power Co's working with the White House
to paralyze our state with fear."

It was a golden moment
In the history of TV news
No one could believe it
It just got great reviews

"Hey, Mr. Clean, you're dirty now, too.
Hey, Mr. Clean, you're dirty now, too.
Hey, Mr. Clean, you're dirty now, too.
Hey, Mr. Clean, you're dirty now, too."

The Imitators were playing
Down at Jon Lee's bar
When Sun went down to see ‘em
Someone followed her in a car

Now when she goes dancin'
She has to watch her back
The FBI just trashed her room
One of them kicked her cat

Damn thing scratched his leg
So he had to shoot it dead
And leave it lyin' in a puddle of blood
At the foot of Sun Green's bed

Jon Lee's was rockin'
The Imitators drove it home
Sun was dancin' up a heat wave
For awhile she was all alone

When up walked a tall stranger
Shadowed her move to move
In perfect unison
A supernatural groove

He took her by the hand
And the room began to spin
He said, "I'm Earth; Earth Brown.
You know the shape I'm in.

"I'm leavin' tonight for Alaska
And I want you to come in the spring
And be a goddess in the planet wars
And save the living things.

"I'm ready to go right now,"
Sun Green told Earth Brown
"Let's go back to my place,
pick up my cat, and leave this town behind."

"Hey, Mr. Clean, you're dirty now, too.
Hey, Mr. Clean, you're dirty now, too.
Hey, Mr. Clean, you're dirty now, too.
Hey, Mr. Clean."

Next day Sun Green got busted for pot
And it made the headline news
But then the charges all got dropped
And the story gets confused

"I'd still like to meet Julia Butterfly
And see what remedy brings
And be a goddess in the planet wars
Try to save the living things

"But that might not be easy
Livin' on the run
Mother Earth has many enemies
There's much work to be done

"Hey, Mr. Clean, you're dirty now, too.
Hey, Mr. Clean, you're dirty now, too.
Hey, Mr. Clean, you're dirty now, too.
Hey, Mr. Clean."

~Be the Rain

Save the planet for another day

Attention shoppers.

Buy with a conscience and save.

Save the planet for another day

Save Alaska!

Let the caribou stay.

Don't care what the governments say

They're all bought

and paid for anyway.

Save the planet for another day

Hey Big Oil!

What do you say?

We were runnin' through the night

Never knowin' if we would see the light

Paranoid schizophrenic visions

Livin in fear of the wrong decisions

We got to wake up

We got to keep goin'

If they follow us

There's no way of knowin'

We got a job to do

We got to save Mother Earth

Be the ocean when it meets the sky

You can make a difference.

If you really try.

Be the magic in the Northern lights

Six Days...

Six nights.

Be the river as it rolls along

It has three-eyed fish.

And it's smellin' strong.

Be the rain you remember fallin'

Be the rain.

Be the rain.

Yeah, rain was fallin' and we're soakin' wet

Hail is beatin' down on our heads

The wind is blowin' through our hair

Faces frozen in the frigid air

We got to get there


We got to be there

Before the big machines

We got a job to do

We got to save Mother Earth

Dream the hunter on the western plain

The birds are all gone.

Where did they go?

Dream the fisherman in his boat

He's comin' home empty.

He's barely afloat.

Dream the logger in the great northwest

They're runnin' out of trees.

They got to give it a rest.

(There's no other way to cut it)

Dream the farmer in the old heartland

Corporate greed and chemicals

are killin' the land.

Next mornin' Sun was up at dawn

She looked around and Earth was gone

Dark visions he had last night

He needed peace, he needed light.

He heard the rumble and

He saw the big machines

The green army rose

It was a bad dream

He had a job to do

He had to save Mother Earth

Be the ocean when it meets the sky

Greek freighters are dumping

crap somewhere right now.

Be the magic in the northern lights

(The ice is melting!)

Be the river as it rolls along

Toxic waste dumpin'

from corporate farms.

Be the rain you remember fallin'

Be the rain.

Be the rain.

Save the Planet for another day

Be the rain.

Be the rain.

Be the river as it rolls along

Be the rain.

Be the rain.

Be the rain, be the rain

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Date:2004-01-12 16:28
Subject:(I like the Em chord.)
Mood: happy
Music:Neil Young - After the Gold Rush

I can play a song!

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