OneLostSoul's Blurty

Well here i am....another day....another internet chat site...so picture this....here i am alone....with nothing better to do....waiting for nothing to happen....what happens when you reach your limit.....the limit where sadness turns into anger....when you see all of your dreams and aspirations fade away like lost memories of loved ones....every surely fades away....i wish that wasnt true...and im actually trying to find that it isnt....and that all i have to do is find my way....and the happiness is the next step....no one said the right road is easy to go down..when will i get fd up with these sleepless nights....the one where my mind cannot stop thinking about her....how things are....and how things can be...the days spending apart from her....and trying to be ok with it...accusations of fallen trust....wich tears me up every single time i think about it...sometimes i ask why me...when i know exactly the reason why....everyday i learn more and more....about how things can get...how i can make myself a better person...and still try to go on without giving up....when she was the one that gave me all of that trust and hope....with me and her knowing the whole time....that i had to reach deep within myself to find it....she reads me like some old tattered rusty book shes read thousands of times before...when im not surprised if she hasnt ripped out those pages writtin in blood...and burnt them into ashes so they can fly away....fly away into some other dream....one that someone else can hold on to....when i couldnt feel anymore sorry for those things ive done.....and i guess i cant even feel sorry more....i cant say im sorry....and when i ask....if i could send something thats i hold very close to my heart....of course no was the answer....ii guess i should be ok with that....but i feel as though shes slipping away...maybe she wants to by choice....maybe i really am the loser im made out to be...nonethe less....ive been working so hard....just to get myself back on my feet...only to fall back down to my hands and knees....these bad emotions running through my veins....and i have to remind myself of all of the happy times ive spent...those ti,mes laughing...and teasing.....the hour long goodbyes.....the dreams that were so damn close....well...im just depressing myself more by writing in this crap....until another day