Laura Borealis.'s Journal

6:43PM

I feel guilty

my words are empty
no signs to give you
i don't have the time for you

you say i'm heartless
and you say i don't care
i used to be there for you
and you've said i seem so dead, that i have changed
but so have you

guilty, guilty i feel so
empty,

empty you know how to make me feel

i put a shield upon you
i didn't mean to hurt you
i would have only poisoned your mind
never meant to make you cry

you've been so thoughtless
i can see right through you
you used to be there for me
so don't you leave say goodbye
cause you have changed but so have i

i never thought that the time and the distance
between us made you so much colder
i'll carry the world on my shoulders

(I'll be the best mistake you'll ever make)

6:20PM

I'm not alone cause the TV's on yeah.

I'm not crazy cause I take the right pills everyday.

And rest, clean your conscious, clear your thoughts with speyside with your grain.
Clean your conscious, clear your thoughts with speyside.
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.
Our hearts littering the topsoil.
Tune in and we can get the last call.
Our lives, our coal.
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.

Our hearts littering the topsoil.

Sign up it's the picket line or the parade.
Our lives.
I'm not alone cause the TV's on yeah.
I'm not crazy cause I take the right pills everyday.
And rest, clean your conscious, clear your thoughts with speyside with your grain.
Clean your conscious, clear your thoughts with speyside.
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.
Our hearts littering the topsoil.
Tune in and we can get the last call.
Our lives, our coal.
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.
Our hearts littering the topsoil.

Sign up it's the picket line or the parade, our lives.

(I bled the) greed from my arm.
Won't they give it a rest now?
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.
Our hearts littering the topsoil.
Tune in and we can get the last call.
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt, our hearts littering the topsoil.
Sign up it's the picket line or the parade.

(I'll be the best mistake you'll ever make)

5:29PM

In muddy grass we stand side by side,
With our knuckles enlocked,
Black dresses fly the cemetary
In this cliche tragedy,
So do as you're instructed...

Take this razor, and cut your palms,
I'll do the same, until the river of crimson begins to flow,
Now drip your ruby red over the casket,
A funeral for my once-loved youth.
My secret is fatally gorgeous, I'd die for you,
But in this Bonnie-and-Clyde kind of romance,
Tell me what would you do?
My secret is fatally gorgeous, I'd die for you,
And when your precious life is at stake, tell me,
Would you die for me too?

The quivering liquids in your stomach
Will eat away at the bad habits that have made you,
A real character in this story of your now-distant life,
Good night and good-bye, quickly...

In gentle greens we stand side by side,
With your head buried in my chest,
Black veils sent me shivering,
I fear that part of me is dying.
Now just do as you're instructed, and...

Take this razor, and cut your palms,
I'll do the same, until the river of crimson begins to flow,
Now drip your ruby red over the casket,
A funeral for my once-loved youth.
My secret is fatally gorgeous, I'd die for you,
But in this Bonnie-and-Clyde kind of romance,
Tell me what would you do?
My secret is fatally gorgeous, I'd die for you,
And when your precious life is at stake, tell me,
Would you die for me too?

The quivering liquids in your stomach
Will eat away at the bad habits that have made you,
A real character in this story of your now-distant life,
Good night and good-bye, quickly, quickly...

Good-byes are said, and roses thrown,
And the crowd starts to weep,
But the irony of the story is when I fell to my knees,
And began clawing at the dirt
In front of the tombstone of my bashful childhood,
With you by my side,
You're screaming at the top of your lungs, let it go (let it go),
And I'm screaming at the top of my lungs:


The ceremony was not proper,


There was not enough people,
And who picked the music?
Those melodies almost made me physically sick.

My secret is fatally gorgeous, I'd die for you,
But in this Bonnie-and-Clyde kind of romance,
Tell me what would you do?
My secret is fatally gorgeous, I'd die for you,
And when your precious life is at stake, tell me,
Would you die for me too?

The quivering liquids in your stomach
Will eat away at the bad habits that have made you,
A real character in this story of your now-distant life,
Good night and good-bye, quickly,
Good night and good-bye, quickly...

(I'll be the best mistake you'll ever make)

10:05AM

From an empty room on the first floor

As the cars pass by the liqour store

I deconstruct my thoughts at this piano

And it's all that I can do to stay with

All the things I didn't say to you

Before you moved across the country

And from the burning building where I lay

As I watch the stars become the day

The L.A. girls were lacing up their sneakers

They run the boardwalks and the beach

This fishbowl life is all they need

It's everything I needed, too

Until I heard the news



I'll send this message through the speakers

They told me that you moved

I'll cross this country on a frequency



I'm slipping through, I'm slipping through

I'm slipping into the airwaves

And this is nothing new, you are slipping through

My fingers and into the airwaves

The static's where you'll find me



From the corner by the studio

The gold-soaked afternoon comes slow

I deconstruct my thoughts and I am walking by

On Third Street, the freakshow thrives

Santa Monica's alive, but

Something's not so right inside

Living with the news



I'll send this message through the speakers

They told me that you moved

I'll cross this country on a frequency



I am slipping through, I am slipping through

I am slipping into the airwaves

(The static's where you'll find me)

And this is nothing new, you are slipping through

My fingers and into the airwaves

Into the airwaves



So hold on, it's gonna be hard day

So hang on, now. Don't panic

Don't panic, there simply is no need



It's gonna be a hard day

It's gonna be a hard day

Don't panic, don't panic

We are hanging here

We are hanging here



I am slipping through, I am slipping through

I am slipping into the airwaves

(The static's where you'll find me)

And this is nothing new, you are slipping through

My fingers and into the airwaves

Into the airwaves



It's gonna be a hard day

(It's gonna be a hard day)

So hang on, now

Don't panic, don't panic

There simply is no need



It's gonna be a hard day

(It's gonna be a hard day)

It's gonna be a hard day

Don't panic, don't panic

We are hanging here



(It's gonna be a hard day)

We are hanging here

(It's gonna be a hard day)

We are hanging here

We are hanging here

(2 clever lines unread on clever napkins | I'll be the best mistake you'll ever make)

11:45PM

Just another regret..

(I'll be the best mistake you'll ever make)

7:33PM

Stars suspended deep in grey
Take a step and lose my way
There is no whispering tonight
The darkness will not steal my light

But it's all that I am
Reflections faded
Yeah it shattered
Don't mind me cause it's all we could be
From my pain
And from my sorrow
There's more courage than you see

Forget about your expectations
I'm not as hopeless as I seem
Just try to see all that I am
You fail to see the things I dream

But it's all that I am
Reflections faded
Yeah it shattered
Don't mind me cause it's all we could be
From my pain
And from my sorrow
There's more courage than you see

I gave it all
I gave my trust
But it still ain't good enough
The fear that wouldn't let me go
The tears that I'm ashamed to show

But it's all that I am
Reflections faded
Yeah it shattered
Don't mind me cause it's all we could be
From my pain
And from my sorrow
There's more courage than you see

And it's all, yeah it's all
And it's all, yeah it's all
And it's all that I have in me

(I'll be the best mistake you'll ever make)

7:11PM

"But why?" she sobbed.

"I just.. I can’t handle you right now. You need help. I'm sorry.."

He gave her her box of belongings and hopped in his Mustang. The same Mustang that they had spent countless nights in, just holding each other. It was all they needed. What changed? She watched him drive off. Hot tears were cascading freely down her face now. It felt like an out of body experience. Like it wasn't her that this was happening to. Like it was some sad movie that boys make fun of.
Their problems had started two weeks ago when he found out her secret. Though she was sure he had always known, but just chose not to accept it. It was the secret that was eating her alive. Literally.

"When are you gonna eat Joanne? WHEN!?" She didn't know how to answer. She couldn't give in to him. Not until she was beautiful. Not until she was perfect. He had been begging her for the past 14 days to get help, to tell someone. He had threatened to tell her mother, but they both knew he could never betray her like that. She needed to do this on her own. Which is why he had to leave her.

He looked in his rear view mirror and saw her skeletal body standing there with the box he had given her moments ago. How could he have not seen the truth before? How could he have been so blind? So stupid?

"This won't be forever," he whispered to himself as he intently continued to stare at her reflection. What happened next, it happened so fast. He couldn't have stopped it if he tried. He saw her face constrict with horror. He saw her drop the box. He saw the bright light out of the corner of his eye. He heard the trucks horn and Joanne's distant, shrill scream; the last thing he would ever hear again.

Now she sits at his funeral, numb with pain. People all around her are sobbing uncontrollably. But she just sits there. Wide eyed. Pale. When she's called upon to go up and speak, she walks up there, but she is lifeless. Her words are quiet. Beautiful. Heartbreaking. As she speaks, she can't help but think to herself that this is all her fault. Before she knows it, she's running out of the church. Running faster and faster. Her heart feels like it's about to go up into her throat. When you weigh 82 pounds, you can only handle so much. She feels herself slow down. The world is spinning. Getting darker. She's scared beyond wits. And then she sees him. He reaches out his hand, and she knows that everything is alright.


yay it's storming :]

(I'll be the best mistake you'll ever make)

10:25AM

Watching you taking your time
Wasting mine just waiting on you
Misery might keep me hanging around
If you're never gonna let me live this down

Every train I take, stops the same place
Right where you are

ItÒs been a long time but I hear
You don't wonder far
From lonesome hours at the bar
Call to ask me why I never come around
When are you gonna let me live this down?

I was tired of lying alone for you
So I became a desert to your raining
Finding myself in the sun
I became a desert to your raining
Cause I don't want to be the one

Watching you taking your time
Wasting mine just waiting on you
You always keep me hanging around
You're never gonna let me live this down

(I'll be the best mistake you'll ever make)

9:52AM

Seeing you in the hall is like leeches to my heart. And there's always that split second where I forget that you hate me and I forget the pain I feel, and I'll go to run up to you with some crazy story of the day, but then your icy glare throws me back to the reality of it all. And I remember the harsh words that were spoke that sunny day. Ironic how beautiful it was outside, yet inside of me it was like one of those hurricanes we see on TV with the strange names..

Friends since grade 5, I planned on 80 more years, but I guess I was the only one with my agenda out. I think Brand New had it right; best friends DOES means friends forever.. or at least it should.. I guess you missed the memo. Maybe you should fire your secretary, like you did our friendship. And maybe I complained too much, and maybe I cried too much, and maybe I laughed too hard at jokes that weren't all that funny.. Maybe it's all my fault that things ended up like this. Gosh, so many maybe's. I guess I'll never know. And I miss the sleepovers and the stupid things that only we laughed at. We laughed until we cried and fell on the ground. I miss the good crying. And I miss doing the craziest things just for the hell of it. And I miss making food at 3 in the morning, and not worrying about how much fat was in it. And I miss the fights we used to have where we'd be friends 5 minutes later, as if nothing happened. I guess that's not happening this time. I miss falling up the stairs and comparing our bad marks on tests and smiling cause we knew it was okay, as long as we were friends and messed up together.. but most of all.. I miss you..

(I'll be the best mistake you'll ever make)

9:04PM

Desperado aint got shit on me.

*sigh* im so bored loveys.

how was everyones day? what did you do?

:]

(2 clever lines unread on clever napkins | I'll be the best mistake you'll ever make)

6:46PM

Sometimes when you're walking along and you stumble, there's a split second before you fall when you realize there's nothing you can do to reverse what's about to happen. that's how i feel now. my brain has stumbled, pulled a trick on me, and one of these days i'll start falling, tumbling over and over and i wont be able to stop.

(I'll be the best mistake you'll ever make)

9:58PM

We won't back down from a fight.

Bang

Bang
Guns go bang bang.

from a fight

Bang
Bang
Guns go bang bang.

90 paces west

Bang
Bang
Guns go bang bang.

At noon we draw to, we draw to death..
we draw to death
we draw to death
we draw to death
we draw to death

(I'll be the best mistake you'll ever make)