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evelyn

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left. [27 Oct 2003|06:16pm]
[ mood | - ]
[ music | - ]

i've gone over to the dark side.

'tocsin' was already taken though, so i'm elysiann.

i'm keeping this one for historical reference and also because in a couple months i'll get bored of lj and come back to this one. i'll update it every now and then, but for now, the main thing is ova' at livejournal.

farewell.
~*~

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- [20 Oct 2003|04:28pm]
[ mood | frustrated. ]
[ music | nothing. ]

pissy-ass mood. hope no one fucks with me tonight.
i hate moods like this. i could chew the world a new asshole.
there are two people i want to see.
atleast i hope one will be here.
~*~

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b/d/o/m/l. [20 Oct 2003|12:18am]
[ mood | mew. ]
[ music | mew. ]

happy birthday, roman!

love.
~*~

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.sur|vey. [19 Oct 2003|10:50pm]
[ mood | murr. ]
[ music | nothing. ]

Initial questions

01: name: evelyn [eve/evie]
02: nickname(s): evie; evee; eevee; evy; eve; pokemon. *hiss*

Appearance

01: hair: reminants of black dye.
02: eyes: light grey.
03: height: 5'8"
04: weight: 105
05: figure: um. non-existant? well, not true. i have a tiny waist and nice hips. just no chest. that's right. no chest. my lungs are down with my stomach.

Style

01: clothing: mildew.
02: music: instrumental rock; industrial; soft rock.
03: body art: 2/3 in each ear - soon to be four in both; soon-to-be nose, damnit.

Right Now

01: wearing: blue cut-offs and a red/white striped belly tank. black underwear. [i know everyone wanted to know.]
02: listening to: al stewart - sirens of titan.
03: thinking of: these questions; my apperance; roman.
04: feeling: stressy.

Last Thing You

01: bought: coffee.
02: talked to: ben;miza;alex. although they aren't really classified as 'things'. and i didn't talk much to miza.
03: ate and drank: two doughnuts and sugary shit-coffee.
04: read: guarding the moon - f.l.b.
05: watched on TV: ..last time i watched tv.. was.. like.. summer. so probably something like adult swim or a movie on HBO.

Either/ Or

01: club or houseboat: dance!! club! yay!
02: tea or coffee: coffee, usually.
03: achiever or slacker: that's a toughie.
04: beer or cider: cider.
05: drinks or shots: drinks.
06: cats or dogs: cats.
07: single or taken: un-officially taken?
08: pen or pencil: pencil!
09: gloves or mittens: neither. yuck.
10: food or candy: candy!
11: cassette or CD: cd.
12: coke or pepsi: cream soda!
13: hard or mild alcohol: mild. i'm a cheap drunk.
14: matches or a lighter: whatever's there. 'spose a lighter.
15: sunset beach or the bold and the beautiful: um.. what?
16: Ricky Lake or Oprah Winfrey: didn't ricky lake go off air years ago..? i thought she got fat.

Who Do You Want To...

01: kill: natasha. or c.
02: shag: myself. grr-owl.
03: punch: c.
05: get really wasted with: kail.
06: tickle: jsph!
07: look like: ether.
08: be like: ether.
09: avoid: c.

Favorite

01: food: thai!
02: drink: cream soda.
03: color: silver.
04: album: snake river conspiracy-sonic jihad.
05: shoes: vans.
06: site: mewing.net/echoica.net
07: dance: my own?
08: vegetable: cucumber. not in a naughty way, you sick fucks.
09: fruit: kiwi.
10: song: casualty - src.

Last Person You...

01: touched: ben.
02: talked to on the phone: roman.
03: instant messaged: kemper/matt.

Where Do You....

01: eat: on my bed.
02: dance: my room.
03: cry: on the toilet. ^^;

are you alone?: only every now and then.

Do:

01: you hear voices in your head?: everyone does.
02: people stare at you?: the losers.
03: they talk about you?: they all do. they're all out to get me.
04: you somehow think that you can sense and feel certain things?: define 'things'.
05: you believe in the word normal?:
Nor·mal
A town of central Illinois north-northeast of Bloomington. It is the seat of Illinois State University (founded 1857). Population: 40,023.

What were you doing..:

1 minute ago: flinching.
1 day ago: watching 'the cell' with jsph and ben.
1 week ago: in new york. on the plane.
5 minutes ago: making mi ma' a cachasa.
5 days ago: roman. i mean, i wasn't doing him. but he was here. and i was levitating.
5 weeks ago: can't membah.
5 months ago: most likely at the coffee house.
5 years ago: outside playing with my brother and his friends.

I .....

hurt: occasionally?
love: myself;punctuation.
hate: c;natasha;rhhs.
fear: shadow; abandonment.
hope: too much.
break: coffee mugs. ^^;
listen: to leaves.
hide: money. and acorns.
breathe: incense.
play: harp and flute. and men. hee.
miss: my past.
learn: not enough?
feel: achey.
know: not enough?
dream: weirdly.
desire: someone.
fall: up!
wait: a lot.
need: a massage.

What/when/who was the...

-last movie you saw: tomb raider 2, last night.
-last movie you saw on the big screen: tomb raider 2, last night.
-last phone number you called: ben's.
-last show you watched on TV: ..i don't.
-last song you heard: pink panther theme REMIX!
-last thing you had to drink: coffee.
-last thing you ate: did i not just answer these?
-last time you showered: this morning. then i took a bath an hour later.
-last time you cried: friday night. [i'm such a wimp.]
-last time you smiled: couple seconds ago.
-last time you laughed: couple seconds ago.
-last person you hugged: ben.
-last thing you said: "hang on. let me get a better grip."
-last person you talked to online: roman.
-last thing you smelled: food;vodka;clove;incense.

Do you...

-smoke: no.
-do drugs: no.
-drink: am stopping.
-sleep with stuffed animals: yesh.
-have a boyfriend/girlfriend: refer to -question 07- under 'either/or'.
-have a dream that keeps coming back: yeah.
-play an instrument: yeah;harp and flute.
-believe there is life on other planets: i can't disbelieve. so yeah.
-read the newspaper: only when i'm that bored.
-have any gay or lesbian friends: all? nah, just kidding. only 75%.
-have an imaginary friend: nothing is really imaginary.
-believe it's possible to remain faithful forever: i didn't a few months ago. i think i do, now.
-consider yourself tolerant of others: used to be.
-consider police a friend or foe: foe. *hiss*
-like the taste of alcohol: not straight, hard alcohol. ick.
-have a favorite stooge: curly!
-believe in astrology: only in certain ways.
-believe in magic: *adds a k* both kinds. stage and essence. but it's not really a question of believing.
-go to church: no.
-have any secrets: different things from different people. i'm not sure if there's anything that one person doesn't know. no one knows the same things, though.
-have any pets: four cats. 3.5 and then now a kitten. who belongs to me... secretly.
-go to or plan to go to college: plan to.
-have a degree: ..in..?
-talk to strangers who instant message you: oh, yes. that happens all the time.
-wear hats: hats! bandanas! scarves! yay!
-pray: i don't call it praying.
-have any piercing: 5. soon-to-be 9.
-have any tattoos: nah. *sigh*
-wish on stars: once every night.
-like your handwriting: i have two. a tiny, neat-set one and then my scratch. i like both.
-have any bad habits: yeah.
-believe in witches: of course.
-believe in satan: shoes.. *snicker*
-believe in ghosts: spirits.
-believe in santa: no! AHH!
-believe in the easter Bunny: i believe in frank.
-believe in the tooth fairy: of course.
-have a second family: i have sets of people. i suppose you can call them families.
-trust others easily: only some, oddly enough.
-like sarcasm: no. *rolls her eyes*
-take walks in the rain: yes.
-sing in the shower: only when no one's home.
~*~

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uzz. [19 Oct 2003|04:49pm]
[ mood | achey. ]
[ music | air - highschool lover. ]

clean swiff sweep wash cleanse do PRODUCTIVE.

go me.

i feel so stressed. isn't it supposed to be a relief once one finishes responsibilities? i guess i don't because i know there will be more in a few minutes once i realize i forgot to practice flute.

fuck.
-
well, other news, i'm mildly pleased.

friday and saturday were fun. except friday i had a spastic breakdown. but i'm okay. he could be coming today, anyway, so i feel better.
-
have started a physical journal. not really sure what to put in this one or drivel anymore. kinda depressing.
i need a cosume for friday. who the hell am i gonna be?

i'm going to go get four bags of halloween candy. just for me. yay! 2 mixed, reese's and nerds. double nerds. nerds ropes. nerdsnerdsnerds. i've got an addiction. ^^

off. i have a yummy survey i'll post in a bit.
~*~

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he can't be gone. [17 Oct 2003|11:47pm]
[ mood | gone. ]
[ music | nothing. ]

leaving me.

no. maybe. can't. control. no.

you have to be hurt to heal. i just gotta remember that and i'll be okay, right?

self-defense mode is kicking in.
~*~

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- [16 Oct 2003|06:10pm]
happy birthday, ed!!
~*~
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- [13 Oct 2003|07:21pm]
[ mood | contemplative. ]
[ music | nothing. ]

change. i need to change.

i don't much like myself, anymore.

it's not just school.

i think i want to find myself in him.
~*~

2 comments|post comment

back. [12 Oct 2003|10:33pm]
[ mood | stressed. ]
[ music | "nobody cares what you think." ]

back from new york.
was lovely.
roman.
father.
fight.
confusion.
ARGH.
-
too much happening at once. fight with father. god, he drives me insane under these circumstances. dug in deep in the shit in school.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

roman's coming tuesday. he said something about rachel too. what the hell am i feeling?? i'm so confused. it's a nice confusion. i think. but then i add in school. and my mind just fucks.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

the love is not so innocent anymore.
-
saw kate in new york. amazing, isn't it? it was very sad. we both realized that we didn't really like the person either of us had become. me, a gypsy-like, eccentric, pirate-weirdo, her, a perfectly normal, soft-sweatered, clog-wearing suburbite-thing. man. she gets A's and B's and i get fucking F's and D's. what a switch.

but right. chemistry now.
chemchemchemchemchemchemchemch--roman. ARGH.
i hate school. i want to be 18.
i also want to get my fourth holes.
money.

on that note, i sha'll end with:
fuck.
~*~

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new york. [09 Oct 2003|11:08pm]
[ mood | okay. ]
[ music | nothing. ]

new york tomorrow. yay! no museum, but street shopping, jewelry, scarves, jeans, broadway, pizza, brooklyn bridge. i will buy a camera or two. yay.

today was amusing. the day went by quickly, then movies and walking with daniel. good fun.

yesterday.. was.. i'm not sure. harp went okay. i talked with ben for a few minutes, but my mind just went totally blank when talking to him and all i could think was romanromanroman and i know he doesn't want to hear anything about that. i'll talk to him later, i suppose.

tired. need to pack. looking forward to this weekend and this weekend 3 years from now.

tons of thoughts about the future.
me and a mini-evie with a mohawk and pink baby-vans in a green stroller down a street in San Fransisco, on our way to the small, 2 room apartment strung with christmas lights and scraps of thin silk, where mr. mini-evie's daddy is cooking away at lime tangy rice and fruit salad.
...
riiight.

off for a nap, and then packing and roman. three days without talking to him. i may die.
~

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... [05 Oct 2003|10:29pm]
[ mood | confused. ]
[ music | d.d. - mad world. ]

"i'll be standing at the edge of the earth
hoping for someday,
waiting for someday,
believing in someday,
praying for someday...
i'll be longing for someday,
clinging to someday,
cherishing someday...
i'll be thinking of someday,
dreaming of someday,
wishing for someday...
i'll be living for someday,
counting on someday,
knowing that one day...
i will see you."

- blessid union of souls -
~*~
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... [04 Oct 2003|08:08pm]
[ mood | less frustrated. ]
[ music | the get up kids - the most depressing song. ]

i hear crickets.

-cut back-

i have a mosquito bite on my left hand; the scars on my palms are stinging.

i have so much gloop to stick in this thing, but i'm trying not to. i'm so vulnerable, it scares me. not that it doesn't take much nowadays.

-cut fore-

i don't want the crickets to stop.
~*~

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... [04 Oct 2003|07:39pm]
[ mood | lovingly frustrated. ]
[ music | nothing. ]

WHY THE HELL CAN'T I TELL HIM??

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hybridization of carbon orbitals in ethylene: [03 Oct 2003|05:39pm]
[ mood | confused. ]
[ music | brriiing! - yahoo messenger. ]

sometimes you just have to know when the logic stops.
~*~

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past. [01 Oct 2003|06:54pm]
[ mood | flabberghasted. ]
[ music | snake river conspiracy - ...forgot the name. ]

i don't have an obsession! =D
-
lee is engaged to that guy with the eyebrow ring i met when i saw her last year for my birthday. [i met him. not his eyebrow ring.]
this is strange. and slightly scary. first ben. then roman. now lee. my god!
i bet you i'll wake up tomorrow and i'll be 4'9" with a squeaky voice.
~*~

9 comments|post comment

bore. [29 Sep 2003|06:46pm]
[ mood | stressed ]
[ music | nothing. ]

not too much happened. this weekend was fun. i don't want to go into detail. time seems to be very restricting lately. i do not like it.

i really like the idea behind buddhism. how cool can it get?
~*~

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answer; all. [27 Sep 2003|01:23am]
[ mood | --- ]
[ music | --- ]

sum up your opinion or impression of me in one word, leave it as a comment in this posting, and then post this sentence in your own journal.

look: ♪
isn't that neat?
~*~

11 comments|post comment

grade.s. [25 Sep 2003|06:07pm]
[ mood | discouraged. ]
[ music | dido - no angel ]

grades:
71
86
78
81

eh. two c's and two b's by college standards.

today was shitty, but i feel okay. flute lessons tonight. am unprepared yet again. meh. i don't particularly like this woman. she's too anal.

i found this great journal on drivel. i could read over it forever.

my stomach hurts.
~*~

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teem [24 Sep 2003|09:56pm]
[ mood | fine, thanks. ]
[ music | snake river conspiracy - somebody hates you ]

tim finally has his car fixed and came to see me. yay.
we toodled around to pay his mechanic and then i forced him to let me treat for subway. good fun.

today was nothing but testing. boring. and then geometry and german. uber boring. kevin came up to me for the first time in awhile and we talked for a bit and did the model-statue until too many people were staring.

harp lessons. not much interesting happened.

ben helped with overrides. yay.

not too much else happened, except kelli dared me to turn in a photo for the new rhhs student calendar. how degrading is that? i think i'll turn in a nude one, just for the hell of it.
i would laugh hysterically if it got sneaked in.
i can't actually believe chumley is letting this go. he's the one who's the endless fountain of self-esteem bullshit, even. utter craziness.
~*~

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betta. [22 Sep 2003|09:39pm]
[ mood | calm. ]
[ music | turtles - so happy together ]

feeling much better, after a couple days of thinking and self realizations. or maybe i just had my mind to dug into my projects to notice my emotions. but hey. all is well. until my next depression hits, anyway.

i completed almost all assignments. i got a C on the test i had a nervous break down over. yay.

went out with alex and ben this evening. i was a lot more relaxed than i have been for awhile, and i got a yellow sharpie, a rubber band ring, and [deleted]. hee.

i want to color my hair black again. i also want another hole or two in my ears. i have a plan to gauge my ears, except i have an odd amount of holes, and i don't think it would look right, otherwise.

amnesty meeting was great. there's a convention-type-thing being held in 'bama sometime in fall.
[yay! chris'n'orry'n'cain!]
i am also in total attraction with the brazilian art-major named oscar. i feel so girly again.

passing all my classes save for chemistry. my homework zero in literature brought my grade way down, but it's still an 86. le'sigh.

time to play monopoly with chris and orry. that is unless games.com becomes a whore and fucks my computer.
---

something that disturbed me in amnesty today was just the realization that there are homophobes who aren't just idiot americans. i feel so stupidly upset.
~*~

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