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Friday, April 8th, 2005
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2:20 am - You have to mean things to help people...T/F?
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So I was watching 'About A Boy' today and Hugh Grant's whole thing was that he didn't mean anything. He was rich, but he didn't have a job, he had friends, but not clingy-have to hang out with you every day type friends. Just friends when he wanted friends type thing. And by the end of the movie, he was convinced that being alone wasn't the right way to go. He needed other people in his life and blah blah blah, he befriends Marcus and Fiona, happily ever after, no one is alone. I think that's bullshit. I think his life was fine before other people starting complicating things. I want my life to be like that. To not have to worry about other people, to dismiss them when I feel like it, and to not have to mean things in life. I want my life to be not a drama ensemble, but a one-woman show where guests came and went, but I was the regular. Other people and feelings just seem to get in the way of everything else. Anyways... I went to court Wednesday and the judge was a queer ass and said he's not going to allow ame to waiver a petition which means I gotta hire a lawyer and go back May 9th. I'll be 18 then. I'll be charged as an adult. I'm not in the mood to go to jail right now...BLAH...my dad hasn't paid the mortgage in like 9 months and so the mortgage people are taking our house away. They're selling it on my birthday. We're all gonna be homeless....I won't be tho, cuz I'll be in PRISON so I'll still have somewhere to live. My mom's thinking about just bouncing...going back to England and not coming back. I doubt they'll try to extradite me for such a minor felony..and if they do...oh well...my life doesn't mean anything..and if I do end up going to jail, it'll be a chance for me to toughen up and stop being such a pussy...what am I talking about? I'm going to bed, it's like 2 in the morning...
current mood:  thoughtful
current music: Rise Against - Voices Off Camera
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| Friday, March 25th, 2005
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12:20 pm
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Sooooo haven't written in at least a hundred million years, which I don't think matters cuz I doubt anyone reads this anyways and even if they do..they're dumb and should go to hell...anyways...I got expelled from school last monday. They found coke on me at school and I got arrested and everything. I gotta go to court the wednesday after next..but the intake officer said that I'm probably gonna have to pay a shit load of fines, do a fuckload of community service and go to drug rehab once a month for the next 6 months. BLAH. I'm not allowed back in school, any school, so I'm just taking the GED test and then goin to some community college next year...My dad's coming home tomorrow for Jada's birthday and it's Matt's spring break so him and Matt are gonna hang out and do the whole father-son thing. Dad was supposed to come down for my court date but Matt was pissing and moaning cuz he wants to go paintballing this week and my dad would have to take him cuz God knows my mom wouldn't and my dad can't take the time off work for my court date and Matt's paintballing so he had to get his priorities straight and he's not coming with me to court. Which means my mom's coming with me. BLAH..anyways..im bored..peace
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| Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005
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4:18 pm - Car accidents, bossy friends, and new love?
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Blah..haven't written in a while..so there's this guy, Drew, that I've hung out with a few times (he's Nikki's friends friend) and we just went to the movies and stuff and on Friday night after I got off work he picked me up and we just hung out all night. It was so fun. We went to this scary black strip club in the middle of the night and watched a fight and we just drove around till like 8 in the morning. But then he let me drive. His dad's car. His dad's new car. And I hit a tree. So I gotta go to court on April 6 for reckless driving and driving without a license. I won't be able to get my license till I'm like 21 now. O well... and what sucks is that I was really starting to like Drew..he's just a good person to talk to cuz he actually listens (or pretends to) and he doesn't think I'm stupid. What sucks is that cuz of the accident, I'm massively grounded and the only two people I'm allowed to hang out with are Ryan and Samantha, neither of which I really wanna hang out with. But it's all good, cuz me and Drew still hang out. Like last night I told my mom I hadda work and she dropped me off at work and he came and picked me up and we just drove around for a few hours. He's so nice. But, like so many times before, I can't tell my bestest friend about how much I like him cuz she has FORBIDDEN me to see him. That would be Nikki. It's just like with Scott, how she never wanted me to see him and I kept it a secret the whole time we were dating. I hate how she thinks she can tell me what to do, but I hate even more that I have to keep shit from her. The main reason why she doesn't like Drew is cuz me and him did cocaine on Friday night and that's like the worst thing I could have done in her eyes. But whatever..I tried it once and Drew can't do it anymore cuz he's joining the Air Force and he has drug tests and shit. Anyways. It's not like me and Nikki even really talk that much anymore. She's always hanging out with her new boy, Troy and she's hardly ever at school and we never call each other or anything that much anymore.
Anyways..other than the above events, I haven't really done anything lately. Ryan came over on Saturday and we were just chillin in my room. I really wanted to go to sleep, but apparantly he wanted to wrestle or something and it was getting on my nerves. And he kept saying, I'm gonna go home now..but then he'd sit back down and start talking. And he said, You know I don't just come over here to have sex with you...but then he started humping me and got mad when I told him to stop. Shit about him that I thought was cute when we were dating now just irritates me. Like how he calls me Jessie and how big his lips are and how he calls sometimes and goes 'Hey, I just wanted to see how you were doing, call me later, bye sweetie', when he knows I'm at work. BLAH I'm sleepy...peace out
current mood:  lethargic
current music: Billy Talent - Line and Sinker
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| Sunday, February 6th, 2005
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9:28 pm - BLAH
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Ok, so, it's been at least a MILLION years since I've written in this bullshit. Hmmmmmmmm...I really don't have anything to write about tho. I dropped my phone in the toilet. So it only works sometimes when it doesn't feel like pissing me off. Ummmm..me and Nikki got mad high the other night and I called up JUSTIN at like 2 in the morning and he was acting like he didn't remember me. Oh well, I do believe I am finally over him..even tho it took like 3 years..haha. blah..I haven't really been doing shit since the last time I wrote..Just working and stuff..I'm finally able to have more than 2 days a week..YESSS...ummmmmmm..I haven't had sex in a massively long time..blah..oh well, I'll get over it...Nikki turned 18, which is awesome cuz she can buy me ciggies, but I still haven't gotten her a birthday present even though her birthday was Jan. 23, and it is now Feb. 6...ooopss...:( It's gonna be Valentine's Day in a week, and I have no boyfriend or anything. One of the waiters at Cheers said he was gonna get me somethin for V-Day, but I doubt it cuz hes in love witih this waitress, Gina. And this other boy Steve said he's gonna get me somethin, but he has a girlfriend and he's kinda homeless and doesn't have enough money to get me anythin, so I doubt that's happenin. Oh well.....I've never had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day..blah..I'm so becoming a lesbian with this girl Sunny at work..lol..anywho...It's the Superbowl tonight and I'm not even going to pretend to be interested in it like I usually do...so fucking boring..I just got off work a little while ago and I'm tired as shit..I don't feel like going to bed tho..
current mood:  bored
current music: Wham! - Young Guns
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| Sunday, December 26th, 2004
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10:26 pm
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Yea..so last night, me and Sam S. and Josh went to Steven's grandparents house and hung out in his driveway with him for like 10 minutes and then we had to bizounce, which completely blows cuz I never ever ever get to see Steven and then the one day I do get to see him, he acts like he doesn't even wanna hang out or anything...BAH...whatever..and then I went home and drank a whole bunch of vodka that my sweet daddy bought me and got really drunk and ended up calling Sam O. (or did she call me?) and then her, Bud, BJ, Tim and little Timmy came and picked me up and we drove around for like 4 hours chasing random deer out in Gloucester and smoking..hahahaha...and then this morning, I woke up and it was straight white EVERYWHERE cuz it was snowing like woah...so then BJ and Tim called me up and said they were going sledding and did I want to come? So I had shit else to do so I went sledding with all them, but all they had for sleds were the lids from trashcans so we just ended up throwing snowballs at each other..(I hid behind Samantha, cuz I can't throw shit and she's a straight BEAST at pitching). And then we all came home and I've been doing absolutely nothing since then...blah blah blah...weird Scott from Poquoson called me like an hour ago and since he lives in the boondocks of nowhere, he said that all their powers out, they have no food and they can't go anywhere cuz they're snowed in. He wanted me to drive over there and bring them hotdogs...and then he remembered I don't know how to drive and he was laughing hysterically about it for hours...I got the distinct impression that he was quite high..anyways...umm..I have nothing else to talk about at all..so peace out nigs..
current mood: bored
current music: Harvery Dangerfield - Flagpole Sitta
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| Saturday, December 25th, 2004
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2:27 pm
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Merry Christmas everyone!! I didn't get that much this Christmas, but it's all good..cuz I really wasn't supposed to get anything at all cuz the deal me and my dad had was if he bought me a cell phone, I wouldn't get anything for Christmas...but I got some decent shit...I got a webcam..hahahahahahahahaha...me and Nikki are gonna have fun with that..and my mom bought me some hair shit thats supposed to make it un-frizzy and it works really good. I like my hair now. I put the purple in it, but it looks more pink, and its not really as dark as I hope'd it would be. But it's still purtyyyyy.. and everyone got me a whole bunch of underwear, but they're all thongs and I can't wear those cuz I'm still bleeding like a bitch....oh well...Steven's in town!!!!! I haven't seen him in 9 months and he's here in VA! yay...me and him and Nikki are gonna go to the movies tonight (I hope)..well, I'm gonna bizounce, I'll holla at yall lata
current mood:  cheerful
current music: Wheatus - Hump 'Em and Dump 'Em
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| Friday, December 24th, 2004
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11:30 am
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It's Christmas Eve..horray...presents and what-not tomorrow. I survived my surgery on Wednesday and I'm bleeding really bad now. I don't even remember the surgery...I was passed out, I just remember waking up and I had to piss really bad and they wouldn't let me go to the bathroom..they just brought me a bedpan. So I held it for like an hour. Bastards..bedpans are disgusting. Anyways..I still haven't gotten Steven anything for Christmas. And I don't have any money left, cuz I spent my last $30 yesterday on hair dye and foundation. I dyed my hair black yesterday! It looks purty...even tho Vicky says I look gothic and Nikki's first response was 'umm..it's...nice...' oh well..fuck them. I like it. I bought some purple dye too, so I'm gonna do purple highlights. I don't know how long I should wait till I do the purple tho, cuz I just dyed it black yesterday. I'll wait till like..Sunday..or something. Yea..so umm..Christmas is tomorrow and I know every single present I got cuz my mom was too lazy to wrap presents so I had to wrap all my own presents. I got some make-up, a whole bunch of hair shit, the American Beauty DVD, some socks and underwear, some sweaters, and then Vicky bought me a hoodie, and Emma bought me a shirt. Nikki and Samantha both got me some underwear, Matt got me some eyeliner (cheap bastard), Paul got me some shorts and lip gloss, and I still don't know what my dad got me. And I hope Steven didn't get me anything, cuz I haven't gotten him shit. Oh well..he's coming tomorrow!!! horray! I haven't seen Steven since like..March. I miss him oh so much. He's only gonna be here tomorrow and Sunday so me, him and Nikki are gonna go do something tomorrow night. Prolly the movies or somethin. I got the worst cramps in the world. I hate it...and I'm bleeding so bad...and I'm not allowed to use tampons, so I have to use pads and it feels like I'm wearing a diaper. Eww...anyways, I have to go shopping with my dad cuz he's clueless as to what to get Matt and his friends. Peace out ni99as...
current mood:  tired
current music: Blink 182 - I'll Be Home For Christmas
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| Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
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4:40 pm - blah blah blah blah blah
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I wanted you cuz of your bust
And now I want a night of lust
Can't wait around here anymore
So take me home you dirty whore
Slut, slut, slut, slut, slut, you dirty bitch
I've had too many pints of poison
And now I wanna try your pants on
Don't care if you're really crude
I wanna see you in the nude
Slut, slut, slut, slut, you dirty bitch
Suppose you think it's fun to tease
Spread around social disease
Don't care how many you've had
Just lie down, I want it bad
Slut, slut, slut, slut, you dirty bitch
You think you look pretty cute
Black and shiny diving suit
High heels with a nine inch spike
Somethin about you, I know I like
Slut, slut, slut, slut, you dirty bitch
current mood: bored
current music: GBH
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| Monday, December 20th, 2004
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10:23 am - jesus christ..
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I had my new class ring for a little over a week and then I lost it last night at work. I was searching for it in the kitchen, but my boss was like..what are you doing? and I said looking for my ring, and he was like..are you on the clock? and I said no, and he told me to get the fuck out of his kitchen. So I didn't find it. I have to go to the doctor in a minute for my bloodwork.
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| Sunday, December 19th, 2004
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12:26 pm - Gay parties, dramatic couples and my SURGERY
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Yea..this weekend was rather pointless. Nikki picked me up from work on friday and then we went and hung out with her friend Tristan who lives in Norfolk...so we just chilled over there with his weird Mexican friend Gonzo for like 3 hours and then we went back to her house and fell asleep. And then Saturday, we went to Coliseum and finished up most of our Christmas shopping...I still gotta get Steven somethin..and then we drove around for like 2 hours calling random people to hang out with..and then finally her friend Troy told us to hang out with him and his friend Aaron..so we went over there and played playstation for like 3 hours and then some chick came over and we were all gonna go to this party, so me, Nikki and Troy went in Nikki's car and the other chick and Aaron were following us and they were smoking the whole time and then they got pulled over, so we had to wait in the parking lot of a Chinese restaurant across the street for like an hour while the cop gave them a ticket and then we went to the party, which was utterly GAY and we only stayed for like not even an hour..and then me and Nikki went back to her house and fell asleep...my phone had died when we got to Aaron's house and this morning when I checked my messages, Steven (sexy Steven, not the other one), had called like 8 times cuz he was having a party and wanted me and Nikki to come, which blows because hanging out with Steven would have been so much funner than what we did last night..o well..we're supposed to hang out with Troy on Thursday...he's a pretty cool guy...blah...the whole drive up to Norfolk on Friday, Nikki was talking to Carlos on the phone and they were all arguing about how he lied to her cuz he went over to some girls house who liked him..and it's so dumb, cuz we were on our way to Tristan's house, who is in LOVE with Nikki, but she told Carlos we were going to my friend Jake's house. But she was really getting upset cuz he went to that girls house like a month ago and then lied about. But she was doing the exact same thing while they were having this conversation. They're so dramatic. It's dumb...They argue way too much over the dumbest shit....I think they both like all the drama and shit, cuz they do it on purpose..they need to just never speak to each other again ever...I gotta go to work today at 4..I really really don't feel like it. I really cannot stand working anymore...I might just quit. But then I'd be poor. I'm kinda poor anyways, tho, cuz Cheers doesn't pay me enough. I think Jeff's mad at me or something. I haven't talked to him in like 2 weeks and everytime I call him, he doesn't answer his phone and he never calls me back and if I try to IM him or something, he just doesn't respond. So I guess he's not speaking to me even tho I haven't the slighest idea why...oh well, I'm not gonna stress over it, cuz it's not like me and him were like the best of friends or anything..we just had sex sometimes..even tho it was really good...yea...I gotta go to the doctor tomorrow for my pre-op and blood work and shit..that's gonna be so highly gay, even tho I get out of school for it. I gotta have my surgery on Wednesday. Nikki says she wants to come with me, but I don't see why...She'll just be chilling in the waiting room for like 2 hours. I didn't wanna go with her when she had her surgery like last week cuz that's boring...oh well..she can come if she really wants to.. I'm probably never gonna be able to have kids after this..isn't that crazy? I won't have to worry about birth control anymore..cuz this patch on my ass pisses me off to no end...but yea...I'm gonna take a nap before I gotta go to work..peace out...
current mood: blah
current music: Toy Dolls - Florence Is Deaf (But There's No Need To Shout)
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12:22 pm - pointless..
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Top 10 Things I'm Scared Of
1. Doctors
2. Being paralyzed
3. Lots of people in one place
4. Getting pregnant
5. Girls I don't know
6. People with dreadlocks
7. My sisters
8. Being alone
9. Looking dumb
10. People that talk too much
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| Wednesday, December 15th, 2004
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9:08 pm
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!!!! The finale of America's Next Top Model came on tonight and Amanda got eliminated first! I hate them..Amanda's gorgeous even if she does look a little albino...oh well...Eva won, which was OK, cuz I really didn't want Yaya to win cuz I don't like her....anyways...I talked to Scott today for a minute...he was about to go to work, tho, so we didn't really talk...It's the first time I've talked to him in like 2 weeks...I used to get all upset if I went a whole day without talking to him and now I believe I don't care that much...I haven't talked to other Scott since me and him went to the movies on Friday...oh well..he was short..and had a really big adam's apple...I talked to Ryan last night for the first time in forever...we go for months without talking and then for like 2 weeks, we'll be best friends. I told him about my cervical thingy that's wrong with me, and he got all freaked out...and he was like..is it an STD? did you give anything to me? and all this other stuff...I was getting mad, cuz first of all, I haven't had sex with Ryan since like April when we broke up and also, I think it's fucked up of him to not even worry about if I'm doing ok and stuff and just worry about if his dick is gonna fall off...and how dumb can he be to think you can catch cervical cancer? He doesn't even have a cervix..grr...yea, he 'had to go' like right after I talked to him, and he was supposed to call me later last night cuz he was gonna stop by cuz I haven't seen him in like a month, but he never called and he hasn't called today...If he's mad cuz he thinks I gave him something, I'm gonna chop his shit off myself....anyways..me and Nikki went Christmas shopping today and I'm done buying shit for everyone except Steven and my dad...horray..
current mood:  sad
current music: Jack Off Jill - Bruises Are Back In Style
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| Saturday, December 11th, 2004
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5:17 pm
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Yea, so...went out with that kid Scott last night, hes not as much of a loser as I thought he was..he let me drive his car and it was a stick and I didn't crash or anything..yea so umm, nothing to do today...I've just been wandering around high since last night cuz there's nothing else to do...I was thinking... the doctor said if I have sex too soon after my surgery then my cervix won't fix all the way and I'll never be able to have kids...I should just do that cuz I don't want kids and then I won't have to worry about birth control and whatnot...yea..peace out..
current mood: moody
current music: Three Days Grace - Just Like You
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| Friday, December 10th, 2004
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10:31 am - I can't have sex..
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So yea..I'm gonna be all gross for a minute and talk about all my girly type problems...so umm..don't read this if you're a dude..so yea..I had to go to the gyno in September to be put on birth control..and then I had to go back like a month later cuz they had to make sure the birth control was working like it should or whatever..and then I got a letter saying there were abnormal cells in my cervix and I had to go back for a colposcopy..I think that's how you spell it...where they take a massively huge microscope and look around and then cut off pieces of my cervix so they could examine it...which really hurt..and THEN I had to go back today so they could tell me the results and whatever...so I have..this thing..I forget what he called it..but he said it's pre-cancer..so they have to like do a lot of shit to my cervix so I don't have cancer..so on the 22nd, I have to go and they have to cut all the cells out...and the doctor dude said it's gonna hurt like whoa...he said I really don't have to have the surgery or whatever...bu the said in like 5 years, I'll probably have cervical cancer and die..he said the more sex a person has, the more likely they are to get it.. so yea..AND they have to do a piss test and bloodwork and all this other shit on the 20th..and today's the 10th..thats only 10 days..how long does weed stay in your system? thats gonna suck..especially cuz the hospital is like on the Army base..and they'll arrest me or something cuz the military is all anal..oh well..I get like 2 days off school..and the WORST part...is..he put me on some medication and I can't have sex while I'm on that and then after the surgery I can't have sex for 3 weeks, so I won't be able to until the middle of January...:(...AND I have to quit smoking until after the surgery..AHHHHHHHHHH..ok I'm done being gross...
Some weird guy called me last night...his name is Scott. He works in the kitchen at the hospital where Emma and Vicky work and apparantly he liked Emma or something, so instead of her turning him down, she gave him my number...which is what always happens..damn them...anyways...he seems like kind of a dork..he wanted me to see Blade 3 with him tonight, but I didn't feel like it... if he asks again, I might go with him tomorrow or something..Nikki's still sick..that sucks so bad..Me and Elisa went to see her yesterday. She was all frail and whatnot..oh well...I must go now ..peace out..
current mood:  stressed
current music: Blink 182 - Depends
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| Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
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5:00 pm - sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex
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I really wanna have like...kinky..tie me up and blindfold me and whip me and beat me type sex..right now..with anyone...
But I'm babysitting....:(
current mood:  horny
current music: Simple Plan - Addicted
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| Tuesday, December 7th, 2004
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2:41 pm
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Blah blah blah...nothin much has happened lately. Me and Nikki hung out at Carlos' house on Saturday night and Dennis came home at like 4 in the morning with a bunch of 30 year old lesbians...it was weird..I hung out with Jeff on Sunday night...he's so adorable..I might call him tonight or tomorrow and see if he wants to do somethin...hmmm....I got my ring today! Jada lost my class ring over the summer and I just now got the replacement one...it's so purty...hmm..Sam got a new job..she works at JCPenny's now..I think I might apply there, cuz she makes $7 an hour for doing practically nothing. And at Cheer's, I only make $4 an hour for doing nothing...yea...nothing else to talk about....
current mood:  amused
current music: Samantha's humming
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| Saturday, December 4th, 2004
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12:14 pm - SATS
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I just got done taking the SAT...it was pretty easy. I'm at Nikki's house now and she's takin a shower...Yea...not much has been going on lately. Nikki's car got stolen on Tuesday from the school parking lot, cuz she lost her keys and then someone found them and figured out which car it was and took it. She got it back yesterday, though. They found it out in Newsome Park...eww...anyways..I started my period the other day and my stomach is killing me now...oh well..a few more days and it'll be done with..not much else to write about..peace out thugs..
current mood: groggy
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| Monday, November 29th, 2004
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5:53 pm - blah
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I went to school today, but then me, Nikki and Nikki Langdon went to Hardee's and then to Nikki L.'s house and watched Wonderland and took a nap for a few hours. And then we went back to school in the last ten minutes of fifth period so we could get our report cards, and then me and Nikki went and hung out at Carver Elementary (where her mom works) and babysat kindergarteners. They're so cute....anyways, this is what I got on my report card:
Government - C
US History - D
11th English - A
Health - B
12th English - B
Geometry - D
Oh yea! This is the first time since I've started high school that I haven't gotten any F's on my report card. How cool am I? There's actually hope that I'm graduating this year...
current mood: blah
current music: Green Day - Walking Contradiction
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| Saturday, November 27th, 2004
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7:34 pm
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My daddy bought me a new cell phone...HORRAY!! It's 696 2103!!! Someone call me!
current mood:  ecstatic
current music: Wheatus - Teenage Dirtbag
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| Thursday, November 25th, 2004
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3:00 pm - blah
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Thanksgiving officially blows..
current mood:  cranky
current music: White Stripes - In The Cold, Cold Night
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