Melissa's Blurty

..it all comes down on me..
Well.. another long Wednesday.. it wasn't so bad. I had two tests this morning. The art test wouldn't have been so bad if the professor didn't put all those damn statues and paintings and ask for every single last freakin detail on each.. I did pretty good though. It was the first exam of the semester so now atleast we all know what to expect for the rest of the semester. English was decent. No complaints there. I think I did a pretty kick ass job on my math and science literature presentation for CS 309 tonight.. which is so awesome. I had to run around frantically before hand though, to freakin get all my papers printed out. My printer isn't working correctly, my mother was on her computer taking a test for one of her online classes and it was a timed test so I couldn't step in and use that printer.. i drove halfway to my grandparents house and then realized I wouldn't have enough time to get there and then back in time for class. So I ended up showing up at SJC four minutes before class started, so I ran to the library and finally printed up all of the papers and what not that I needed to hand in after I did the presentation. I dont know.. sometimes I feel like someone wants me to fail in everything I do.. but you know what.. I've decided.. there is no fucking way that is happening! This semester I am keeping up, and I have done so much better thus far then I had done last semester. I'm trying not to let anything stop me this time around.. I will succeed, and I wont stress myself out while doing it.

I don't know.. I've been second guessing about talking to that certain someone and telling him how I truely feel about him and things that have been going on between us. I mean is it worth ruining a friendship? I lasted seven years being freinds with him and having feelings for him. I know they haven't been this strong throughout the seven years we've been friends.. but I've been able to get through it thus far.. why not just let it go.. right? I'm afraid of ruining the closeness and the friendship that we have. Karen said if it ruins our friendship, was it really that strong or great of a friendship in the first place?, and I guess she is right about that. I mean him and I have literally been through hell and back, and there have been periods throughout our relationship where we didn't talk for months at a time. Him and I even went a whole year back, when I dated Dan, without talking.. yet we made it through all of that and we are stronger than ever.. there is just something holding me back from telling him. I mean I know what we have, and its perfect and great.. I guess I'm just afraid I'm going to ruin it. I know.. I'm probably the biggest wuss in the entire damn world.. but nothing usually ever goes right for me, and I just don't want this to go wrong.. therefore if I don't say anything, the chances of me ruining something great are small. Its funny though.. when I finally decided to go for it, and I called him.. he wasn't around.. figures. Well.. everything happens for a reason.. right? Well.. i guess that just means I'm not gonna go through with it after all. I consider him my best friend.. and that is because Jenn is more than that.. shes more like my sister. Some people say "you must risk things in life in order to gain happiness" but I don't know if this is worth the risk, and I'm so confused.. I don't know what the right thing to do is... :( I guess for the first time in my life I'm giving up...

Well.. I'm ehausted and I have to go teach the fifth graders tomorrow morning.. so I think I am going to attempt that thing people call sleep.. wish me luck! Goodnight all..

**~Open the door, And show me your face tonight. I know it's true, No one heals me like you, And you hold the key.
Never again, would I turn away from you. I'm so heavy tonight, But your love is alright, And I do believe..
That not everything is gonna be the way, you think it ought to be.
It seems like every time I try to make it right, it all comes down on me.
Please say honestly, you won't give up on me.. And I shall believe.. I shall believe~**

~the red Thread (Cover of a Sheryl Crow song)~

Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: the Red Thread