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Tuesday, April 6th, 2004
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12:53 pm - patience completely gone in 3....2....1....... ::POW!::
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No more no more, I just can't take it. I'm not going out of my way to be nice and try to get my parents to like me. After my Dad saying that I need churching and that I can't eat anymore of the food in his house, and after watching my brother get away with EVERYTHING....I'm so done. And although I may sound livid, I'm not. Sure, I'm pretty upset, but I'm just looking at it as this is the driving force I need to put into action my plan of actually moving out. I'm gonna get my own place and take care of myself and everything will be fine. Sure, I'll struggle for money and everything and I'll be completely strapped, can't take a day off of work when you have bills to pay, but just knowing that I work my stinkin' butt of for everything I have, would mean the world to me. I want to just save up and move out to Nebraska, and thats something else I have to put some more thought into and research more. I will have to work two full time jobs once summer rolls around because I have to get an apartment by myself. Everyone I know wants to either stay at home so that they don't have bills, or if they want to move out, they are doing so with their boyfriend. The only person that would get a place with me is this girl from work, Debra, and I could live with her if we got a place, but the only problem is she has two daughters, 14 &15, which doesn't bother me, but she still wants me to pay half of everything. I guess I'll just have to save up some more money, and see if it's possible to stick it out until graduation, although I don't know if I can.
current mood:  frustrated
current music: people chatting....i need a CD
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(comment on this)
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12:53 pm - patience completely gone in 3....2....1....... ::POW!::
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No more no more, I just can't take it. I'm not going out of my way to be nice and try to get my parents to like me. After my Dad saying that I need churching and that I can't eat anymore of the food in his house, and after watching my brother get away with EVERYTHING....I'm so done. And although I may sound livid, I'm not. Sure, I'm pretty upset, but I'm just looking at it as this is the driving force I need to put into action my plan of actually moving out. I'm gonna get my own place and take care of myself and everything will be fine. Sure, I'll struggle for money and everything and I'll be completely strapped, can't take a day off of work when you have bills to pay, but just knowing that I work my stinkin' butt of for everything I have, would mean the world to me. I want to just save up and move out to Nebraska, and thats something else I have to put some more thought into and research more. I will have to work two full time jobs once summer rolls around because I have to get an apartment by myself. Everyone I know wants to either stay at home so that they don't have bills, or if they want to move out, they are doing so with their boyfriend. The only person that would get a place with me is this girl from work, Debra, and I could live with her if we got a place, but the only problem is she has two daughters, 14 &15, which doesn't bother me, but she still wants me to pay half of everything. I guess I'll just have to save up some more money, and see if it's possible to stick it out until graduation, although I don't know if I can.
current mood: frustrated
current music: people chatting....i need a CD
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(comment on this)
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12:53 pm - patience completely gone in 3....2....1....... ::POW!::
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No more no more, I just can't take it. I'm not going out of my way to be nice and try to get my parents to like me. After my Dad saying that I need churching and that I can't eat anymore of the food in his house, and after watching my brother get away with EVERYTHING....I'm so done. And although I may sound livid, I'm not. Sure, I'm pretty upset, but I'm just looking at it as this is the driving force I need to put into action my plan of actually moving out. I'm gonna get my own place and take care of myself and everything will be fine. Sure, I'll struggle for money and everything and I'll be completely strapped, can't take a day off of work when you have bills to pay, but just knowing that I work my stinkin' butt of for everything I have, would mean the world to me. I want to just save up and move out to Nebraska, and thats something else I have to put some more thought into and research more. I will have to work two full time jobs once summer rolls around because I have to get an apartment by myself. Everyone I know wants to either stay at home so that they don't have bills, or if they want to move out, they are doing so with their boyfriend. The only person that would get a place with me is this girl from work, Debra, and I could live with her if we got a place, but the only problem is she has two daughters, 14 &15, which doesn't bother me, but she still wants me to pay half of everything. I guess I'll just have to save up some more money, and see if it's possible to stick it out until graduation, although I don't know if I can.
current mood: frustrated
current music: people chatting....i need a CD
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 31st, 2004
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12:55 pm - High flying kite
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I am so stinking busy today. I have to pick Val up after school, and she lives down in Dearborn off of Michigan Ave and Telegraph, then I wanted to take her to that massage place, then tanning, then I have to shower, then I wanted to stop by that pizza place Whitney told me about, and then youth group. I really hope I have time for all of this. I might not.....
Mrs. Wright cracks me up. She's telling me about catching her 16 year old son being high and then she telling me how the girl sitting next to me looks higher than a kite. Oh man, this woman is something else. She is so nice though. I seriously feel bad for being her student assistant and barely ever doing anything in here, but I don't know how to do anything with the computers like they are doing in the course.
Blah blah blah....I don't know what else to write about right now....oooh, I think I'll finish writing my letter to Bryce
current mood:  exhausted
current music: that new song by Usher, it's coming from Tyrell's headphones
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| Tuesday, March 30th, 2004
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8:52 am - well la-de-da
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Sitting here in the computer lab, not doing my work, as usual. I really hate interior design. I think this class is so totally pointless. "Then why'd you take it?" you ask? Well, mostly because I thought it would be a lot different than this, and a whole lot less work. I just really hope I can pass this class because if I don't then I do not graduate, and there is no way on this earth that I am having anything more to do with high school after June 10, 2004. After that, I am done and I am never looking back.
Right now I am at such a frustrating point in my life, and I don't know what to do. Well, in a way I do know what to do, but I guess I'm just being stubborn or something like that. I have so many changes that I'm going through and it's not easy to have to make so many decisions all at once and hope that all of them turn out for the best. I never know when I'm going to get in trouble for this or get yelled at for that. With my parents, I don't even have to do anything and they are reeming me out, and that puts even more stress on everything else in my life. When my Dad gets my report card this week, he's going to take my car away because I have an E in this class, Interior Design, although my brother has three E's and all he's going to get is having his video games taken away, which prolly won't last long anyhow. And even if it does, Jayson can just leave anytime and go play video games with his friends. Then my job...I'm not making any money right now, which really blows, and so yesterday Papa John's called my house because apparently I turned in an application there (which was at least six months to a year ago) and they are looking for drivers. So I have an interview up there today and I'm going to find out what kind of hours they are going to give me and what kind of pay and I just might even put it my two weeks notice if it all seems good enough. Last Saturday, I had fun, but a little too much and now I'm wondering if I'm going to start slipping into old habits, which aren't too good. Then with boys....well thats a topic that will never be completely figured out no matter what I do.
anticipation, it builds up inside me
confusion, it takes over my mind
decisions, they haunt me at night
peace, will it ever come?
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