Girl I refuse, you must have me confused with some other guy

"You don't know..." [11 May 2003|09:54pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]

- A faint groan snakes past his dry lips as he studies his reflection in the bathroom mirror. His bright blue eyes are duller than usual, set back in his head by the dark rims under them. His skin paler than usual and his lips pale and dry. He reaches one hand up to rake through his hair as he turns away from the reflection of himself. -

God I look like hell. I went to a bar last night. After the show. Which went real real good actually. All of them have so far. No huge fuck ups from me or anybody else. Heh, I probably jinxed it now. So I went to a bar with the crew. I wasn't really in the mood but they wouldn't take no for an answer. So I joined them at this real small smoky lil bar. Drank a little too much.

- His tongue snakes out past his lips, wetting them lightly as he walks across to his hotel bed. Bending to plump up a pillow he groans softly as the pounding in his head intensifies. He straightens carefully before moving to lie down on the crisp white bed, closing his eyes against the harsh light as more of last night's happenings come back to him. -

There was a girl. Sat across from me, perched carefully on a stool. I watched her for the longest time. From the back she looked so much like HER. The same confident bearing. The same stubborn tilt to her head. The more I drank, the more I convinced myself it WAS her. After a while, I walked over and made the biggest fool of myself. I called her "Britney" and she gave me a smile, telling me her name was Jenny instead. She didn't much care that I mistook her for another girl. She just cared about talking to Justin Timberlake. God, the way I looked. I felt ill. I was drunk. My words didn't come out right. But she acted like I was the most perfect guy on the surface of this earth. She was blinded by my name.

- A small sigh breathes past his already-dry lips as he opens his eyes gingerly, squinting against the harsh room light. He turns his body to the side, drawing his knees up and wrapping his strong arms around his body, blue eyes resting on the clock at his side. -

I left with her. I thought she had what I needed. I was wrong.

3 said|ain't nobody gonna

"Girl I refuse... You must...have..." [04 May 2003|04:16pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

England.

-Blue eyes cast up to his hotel ceiling with a heavy sigh before sucking his lower lip in and chewing lightly on it. One hand moves slowly round to rub his neck softly as his gaze returns to the screen in front of him.-

My first show is the 7th. I'm pretty excited. Nervous too. Hell of course I am. It's gonna be the first time I did a full live run-through of my show. Ain't no going back.

-A faint smile flickers across his drawn features as his fingers pause over the keyboards. A light sigh drifting past his lips as he closes his eyes lightly.-

Lord, I'm not in the mood to deal with this right now. My head is crazy. I can't think straight. I can't breathe so deeply anymore. I should be concentrating on my tour, promotions, that kind of thing and instead the only thing that fills my head is HER. Britney. Damn her.

-His gaze drifts towards his cell phone, lying just within arm's reach on his desktop. Eyes narrow slightly as he studies it before slowly stretching out his arm to clasp it, pulling it back to him.-

And damn me for doing this.

-He presses the familiar speed dial button on his cell, tongue wetting his lips as he slowly raises it to his ear.-

1 said|ain't nobody gonna

"Last night..." [29 Apr 2003|09:05pm]
[ mood | numb ]
[ music | Green Eyes - Coldplay ]

I just want to enjoy my life
And show this world how to care
And nothing brings more joy to my life
Than knowing a girl will be there...

-Humming the lines to himself, Justin leans back in his chair. Blue eyes glancing over at the clock, blinking as he tries to work out the time in LA right that very minute. He gives up with a light shrug of his shoulders and turns his attention back to his computer screen. The blank screen flickering in the dim light of his hotel room, he links his long slender fingers together, resting his chin on them as he ponders how best to start. So much to write. So much to think. A small sigh escapes his slightly parted lips as he lifts his chin up, hands becoming posed over the keyboard.-

So I'm in Europe now. The UK to be more precise. Surrounded by all these beautiful cute accents. I just close my eyes and listen, their voices washing over me. -He allows himself a light smirk, closing his eyes but hearing nothing but the faint humming of the heating system. Eyes flutter open, sighing lightly as his attention returns to the screen.- A guy could get used to this. The attention too. When I first came here to promote Like I Love You, they only knew me for bein Britney Spears' ex. NSync never exactly made it big here. We never toured Europe. I could pretty much pass unnoticed. I took advantage of it. Went to all the top London clubs. Heh, I even passed Nick Carter one night. Man, that guy got mobbed. But now, with the success of my CD and the songs, I'm gettin pretty recognizable. It's a bitch sometimes but y'know, a guy gets lazy sometimes too. It's nice to not have to work for a little attention some nights. Especially when the "attention" has some cute English accent.

Are ya happy girl?
(Huh?)
Knowing that you damn near broke my heart in a piece or two
(Huh?)
Knowing that I would have walked across the ocean for you
Saying you're young and confused
Well that's a lame excuse
That's why the only one to blame is you for...

Time differences though. Damn. Those are hard to get used to. -Blue eyes roll up towards the ceiling as his tongue carefully wets his curved lips. His hands pause over the keys as he slowly moves his head to check the time before rolling his neck slowly, stretching out his spine.- Take last night. Didn't get any sleep until 5am here. Had to be up by 10am. Heh. Crazy. I shoulda gone out last night. But I didn't exactly know SHE'd call me. Yeah, I got graced with a call from the ex. Ms Britney Spears. -He mouths her name out loud as he types in each letter slowly but firmly, a bitter edge to his voice.- No clue why she called. Seemed to think I was concerned about HER holding a grudge against ME. Heh. -A short sharp laugh erupts from his throat, shocking him slightly.- Yeah, like I'm concerned she's mad over Cry Me A freakin River. I made that video for the publicity. People sure watched it. I didn't give a damn about her feelings when I did it. Well boo hoo, at the risk of sounding like a one-trick pony, cry me a river.

Last night
Can't believe what I was hearin'
Telling me to have a nice life
So tonight
I don't think I'll spare your feelings
You're on your own
I'ma do for me what's right

Anyway, her phone call pretty soon descended into some kinda slanging match. Mostly on her side. She started off tellin me she didn't know what to do. Almost as if she missed me. Got me thinkin she was about to ask if we could give our relationship another chance. Her voice sounded... -His finger pause as he searches for the right words to capture the way she had sounded at first.- ... Broken I guess. Weaker. Not as sure. I don't know. She got to me. I'll admit that much. -He raises his hands up lightly in the air before linking his fingers behind his head and closing his eyes momentarily. His lips curving into a slight smile then dropping into a blank pose as he sits back up, fingers over the keys again.-

In your eyes I see a second chance
Maybe I should take another glance
But for now I'll wash my hands
Cause I love ya baby, love ya baby
Pharrell says don't do it the same
But I say ain't playing my games
But for you my soul still remains
Cause I love ya baby, love ya baby...

I let my guard down. I told her I still loved her but that I couldn't do it again. Put myself through that kind of love again. It hurt so much when we broke up. It still does. I guess that annoyed her because she told me that she never loved me. I was her publicity toy. She used me. She called me a fool for still being in love with her. God, such harsh words came pouring out of her mouth. It was like poison. Each word hitting my heart, dissolving it a little more. I wanted to pull the phone away from my ear and throw it out of the window, let it shatter on the street below. Just like my heart.

Are ya happy girl?
(Huh?)
Knowing that you damn near broke my heart in a piece or two
(Huh?)

I hung up on her. Then I did the dumbest thing possible. I called her back and I thanked her. Yes. THANKED her. -A wry laugh excapes from his lips.- I thanked her for opening my eyes. For stopping me from falling again. I can't let her in again. I can't let ANYBODY in. Love is an useless emotion. I can get my physical needs satisfied by a thousand girls. I don't need love. I can't do this again. I can't. I won't. Three strikes. I'm out.

Last night
Can't believe what I was hearin'
Telling me to have a nice life
So tonight
I don't think I'll spare your feelings
You're on your own
I'ma do for me what's right

2 said|ain't nobody gonna

Oh let's go back to the start [26 Apr 2003|09:54pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

Here I am again. Sitting in front of this computer and staring at this empty white box. I have so much I want to write about. It's just knowing where to start. And where to stop. Do I start with my career, with NSync, with Like I Love You? Or do I start with the day I met Britney? Or maybe I'll start with neither.

Neither suits me just fine.

See, I decided a few months back to live my life for now. To stop wasting my time and energy in the past and wondering what could've been. Shoulda woulda coulda are the last words of a fool. I'm Justin Timberlake. I have a multi-platinum album, an upcoming tour of Europe and a forthcoming North American summer headliner with Ms Aguilera. I still have my NSync boys. We're slated to go into the studio in October to start work on our next album. I have my Tenn Crew who've been with me since I was a baby pretty much. I have my family, especially my mom who is honestly my rock and my best friend. My present is pretty damn good. I have no need to bury myself in the past or wallow in regrets.

But...

Man, there's always a but.

But I don't have a girl. I don't have love. Three serious relationships in my life. Three girls who cheated on me. Three strikes and I'm out. My heart can't take anymore. I'm just not cut out for it. I can't seem to keep a girl faithful to me. That cuts deep. But I still miss it. I still have this hole deep inside my soul. I try to fill it up with friendship, with music, with work... Heh. I'll let you know if it ever works.

Now when you're in love, it takes time to heal
When someone's broken your heart and changed just how you feel

4 said|ain't nobody gonna

Take a ride with me [26 Apr 2003|06:52pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

I'm Justin Randall Timberlake. I know y'all have heard of me but is there any truth in everything that you've heard? Probably not. I seem to hear a new story every damn day about my life. I can't even keep up with the rumors on who I'm dating right now. It's insane. Alyssa. Janet. Staci. Jenna. Britney. I do know that I'm honored to be associated with so many beautiful women. I'm just a guy from Memphis. Just Justin. Nothin special. I'm doin what I love to do. Something I dreamed of since I was knee high to my mama. And yes, I am a mama's boy. Heh. But you don't know my mama. If you did, maybe you'd stop snickering and appreciate. She's the most important person in my life. She raised me and she's always been there for me. Whenever I got ill. When I broke up with Britney. Always. Every guy needs somebody like her in his life.

I need to cut this short and get on with packing for my European tour. It all kicks off next week. If you need me, you know my name....TimberlakexJ. Just call me.

ain't nobody gonna

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