A m a n d A

2:55pm: it's a semi-charmed kind of life baby
ahh well, it has been quite some time since i last wrote. first and foremost, today has been a crappy day and i feel like complete and utter shit. today was the sat IIs, i was taking math and chem.. not so hard you would think.. however i am the dumbass blonde who takes the fckin wrong math test. how incredibly dumb is that, am i really that dumb? i've never felt so retarded before. so i can either cancel the whole thing, or take the shitty score that i will get, and explain my dumbness to colleges if they ask.. how could i have done something so entirely stupid? i dont understand, i dont get it myself.. i'll end up cancelling it, and taking the right math next october probably, and the chem after AP next year.. which probably is the best thing anyway, since i would have taken it again anyway.. but i always thought that i was pretty smart about things, that i had enough common sense to get me through things.. but apparently not. im such a dumfuck sometimes

well i'm now sitting here doing absolutely nothing, actually waiting for jane to call me so we can finish up our global project, which also is pointless and completely not worth all the time it's taking. it's the end of the year project, designed to fill time, and really of no importance at all. however, as i wait for jane to call me back, she's waiting for sidra to call her.. so nothing is being done. how wonderful and productive..

the play's tonight, the last show. it's not bad, the story really is quite crappy, but the production of it is goin okay.. it's fun backstage, maybe it'll calm me down a bit tonight.. after it's all over, there's the cast party and going to the diner to hang out with everyone and i want to go, but i've gotten less sleep over the past couple weeks than i ever have before. i dont know how i'm functioning honestly.. plus my parents are making me go to church tomorrow, so i have to get up early for that, and then matchbook romance is at our mall from 11-1 or 11-2, which is incredibly exciting, but just makes me fight with my parents a bit more cuz it's just another place i need them to take me. man, i cannot wait for my liscence, which is just another worry.. but then tomorrow's the concert which i really am looking forward to.. just the lack of sleep is my main issue.. no, i just need to relax and hang out with rach, katherine, n rebecca.. oh it'll be a good time, i just can't let other things worry me.. seeing and hearing mbr will make my day, plus the matches should be awesome, and i hope maxeen is as well.. i heard a bit of their music, and i liked what i heard, but who knows.. i shall find out soon enough though.. it doesnt sound like i'm to excited, but honestly, i really am.. rach n katherine, let me know about tomorrow, just like the plans again.. i'll probably talk to you katherine tonight at the play, i don't know if rach is goin or not.. my dad said something like i could get dropped off at the mall on the way home from church, if you guys will already be there or whatnot.. well let me know, i'd appreciate it..

last weekend was our virginia beach trip, and it'll be hard to explain how great it really was in this.. i really did need that break [even though things are still hectic, it'll all be calming down pretty soon..] i'm very grateful for the bonding with my roommates! yes you know who you are, lins liz n ad, we definitely had the coolest room, and haha i found one of our room keys, i guess they didnt reallllly matter after all.. plus i went on roller coasters [yes i was scared out of my mind] which sounds pretty petty, but not when i have never EVER in my life been on one before. i must say, they were kind of fun, well except for the big drops in the beginning.. i AM getting better, i just need someone to hold my hand lol. and of course, i cannot leave out.. my boyyyfriend, yes a new one. it sounds really quick after jason, well it's true, but it is complicated. jason and i never really were going out, it never really felt like it, all it was was a title. i felt for awhile that i was going out with rob more than i was goin out with jason at the time.. but rob's much better for me, extremely so. i even got my moonlit walk on the beach lol, you know how that's always someone's idea of like the ideal date. well it is quite nice, very much so.. oh i'm happier now, i don't really seem it right now, but i am honestly, despite some things i have heard, which i don't know whether to believe or not.. but i'm not gonna really believe it until i ask him maybe.. i think he'd be honest with me, and i will trust him, there's no reason i shouldnt. he makes me more happy than i have been in a long time..

well i still feel pretty crappy, but just writing this out does help a bit i guess.. maybe this wasnt such a bad idea lol rach? i shall be going, not cuz i really have anything i need to do, but i'll try calling janie to see what's up.. the project's due monday and basically it'll be our 4th quarter grade, give or take a test or two.. leave some happy thoughts