| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sugarcult // Pretty Girl |
] |
Well, it has been a long time hasn't it. Mostly, it's been because I've been away for the past 2 weeks, but there was a lot of shit before I left that I had to deal with also. This, I can tell, is gonna be quite a long entry, but it will certainly get everyone up to date on my life, it may even help me sort things out as well.
Let's see, before I left I was devastated [yes I'm saying that ad] with my situation with rob.. I guess it turned out that I had my trust betrayed a bit and I was upset and angry and most of you who read this know all about the situation. I have never felt so many emotions in my life. I was crying my eyes out [rightfully so] but I was so frusterated and angry and disappointed and let down.. I just was so angry, I needed to scream and throw things and really hit rob somehow.. to make him hurt, at least phsyically, the way that I hurt deep inside.. but then I watched Love Actually [which, by the way, is like my new favorite movie, up there anyway] and it made me feel really good. See, I took it all as me and Rob broke up, and the movie made me feel that there's nothing wrong with me.. it's all the guys I choose that fuck me over, but I just had to keep my head held high and I'd find that right guy. It'll work out, there's no reason it shouldn't. And I was feelin pretty good and independent and strong emotionally actually.. I guess it turned out that that hurt rob a bit really, cuz I accepted that things were over and I was moving on, maybe not in the nicest way I don't know.
Well, turns out that rob felt pretty shitty about what he did to me, and apologized and took me out to a really nice place. Yea, that makes it sound like he didn't learn anything.. I don't know, I think that things are much better. I can't even get into words the way things turned out, but everything is much better and I think I'm happy again. I was just so crushed, and brought back to where I was during the year: in such a low place.. but this time, I didn't actually feel so helpless, I guess that had to do with the angry thing, but hey.. it got turned around and it was up to me whether or not I was gonna give rob another chance.. and let's just say that it's much better when you get to decide. But I am not at all saying that it was an easy decision, 'cause I was so crushed and hurt that I couldn't risk goin back there.. I won't let myself.
I did learn from that incident though. I think I did anyway. I hope so, 'cause that's the best thing you can do when life throws somethin shitty to you.
So I've been gone for the past 2 weeks almost all over -> Missouri, Wisconsin, Boston, and Cape Cod. In Misouri, like most of my friends have heard sometime, I have a ton of family cuz that's where both my parents grew up. Everyone thinks that there isn't anything to do here in NY, come on we all complain sometime.. but let's say that a little farming town in MO is a bit worse. I can drive to the movies in about 4 minutes, there, it's like 45. crazy, but I've gotten used to going there and hanging out with my cousin, bret, doing absolutely nothing. It's sort of fun, we make fun of a lot of things and he's my fave relative. I went to see his lift-off which is the end 'celebration' type thing of their weight training program during the summer. It was actually pretty cool, even though it got rained out so we didn't get to see the really good people. It's surprising how many hot guys there are in this little town.. Farmer boys are pretty damn sexy, it's crazy. But hey, not such a bad thing to look forward to in these annual trips to missouri.
Wisconsin is where we visited sharon and larry moody, who my sister is named after. They are both really amazing people and I really don't mind seeing them. They're like my aunt and uncle, I used to call them that, and they're both good at telling stories.. good ones at that. And Sharon understands my picky eating thing lol, she's like the nicest lady I have ever met in my life. From there, we drove to Boston to visit Meg. She's been working all summer at a lab at MIT and she's been the stage manager for this Shakespeare group, and their play opened this week. They did Romeo & Juliet which I liked cuz I knew what was going on, and I actually remembered some of it. It was a contemporary play, example, the setting was the Verona Cafe, but I really liked it. And, it was nice seeing Meg. Plus, she bought an iPod and that is oh so cool.
From Boston, we drove to Cape Cod to visit Sharon, my sister this time, Glen, and Glen's mom, Judy. They have a house in Dennis and it really is a nice place. We went on a whale watch midday, and that was basically a bust. We saw one whale, and it was seriously the only whale in the entire ocean at that point.. there were five whale watchin boats in pursuit of this 1 poor whale.. it was actually pretty pathetic.. I guess it was a nice boat ride though, relaxing. cute english boys around the boat too, accents are just dead sexy. We ate dinner, walked around, no beach time this time unfortunately, and played miniture golf late that night. I love to play, even though i am not particularly good, I lost in fact. By one stroke though! Still, I would play with anyone anytime, if anyone wants to go with me lol. really though. We left the next day in the afternoon, and went shopping some in the morning. I bought a couple shirts, and one has like the phrase skinny dippin' on it, just part of the screen ya kno.. and my mom's goin crazy over it. It's not like it means anything AT ALL! I'm banned at wearing it at school haha, truly though. maybe she thinks that it's not appropriate cuz she thinks it's like code for sex or something. whatever. she FREAKED when I wanted to buy Cosmo cuz there was some big article on something to do with sex, and she refused refused refused to buy it for me. Like I don't know anything about anything, well maybe I am naive.
Well I was entertained throughout my trip with an early birthday present: a portable DVD player. It's tiny but it's pretty cool, and I don't know how I would have occupied myself during the day. I bought a ton of new DVDs, with the help of my mother.. and I bought 4 new CDs before I left: Sugarcult, Taking Back Sunday, Name Taken, and Midtown. Sugarcult and Taking Back Sunday I've heard all the songs, and it's nice to just have them on CD.. I was disappointed in Midtown, I really didn't like it. But I love name taken. Their songs sound a tad bit the same, but I really like them a lot. In Missouri, I bought the Gavin DeGraw CD randomly, and it's really relaxing and I like it. My cousin Jenna burned me the Maroon 5 CD, mostly cuz I had to pick one cuz she wanted to.. I really don't like it. oh well.
Let's see, warped tour is on saturday and it seems that it's gonna work out. I'm goin with Katherine, I haven't seen her in so so long.. We're gonna meet up with some people there, and it should be a good day. Hopefully. I'm excited.
And my lovely boyfriend [ironically] left the same day that I got home for a week. I just love life and all the irony that gets thrown at you. It's ok though I guess, I'll see him wednesday and it'll be a happy time haha. I just don't wanna imagine some movie script ending and get my hopes up.. miss lindsey hugo style, but things worked out for her I hope. She'll be home on saturday or something, and we shall do something soon!
I was enormously emotional this afternoon. I had an orthodontist appointment, and it was supposed to be the last one before I get my braces off in september. Mind you, it was supposed to be august but then something he fixed didn't work, and it got pushed back a month. But the freakin guy decides that "Well, you'll get them off before Christmas." I had tears in my eyes in the office, but I don't even care. I was so crushed, cut down, and miserable. I guess I just had in my mind that finally this chapter of my life would be over, a day that I've been lookin forward to for an extremely long time. Last November, they said no more than a year, and possibly in six months, which would be last may. Well that came and went obviously, but they said in the summer. Then August, then September. Which I was all fine with. I saw that I'd get them off before my birthday, my sweet sixteen at that.. that I'd have a good school picture, I'd get them off before re-takes at least. But my "expectations" were let down once again. No one understands how miserable this makes me. No one gets it.
I got my AP work back and was very amused at the fact that in Mr Mellor's letter to everyone, there was a paragraph that told people to shorten their outlines, that "ten or eleven typewritten pages" is not needed. All you crazy, school-oriented people out there, that was to you.. it made me laugh.
Well, this has certainly been long enough. That's my thing, I never update every day, but when I do it's a terribly long post. I will try and change my ways cuz I know it's annoying to read this whole thing.. but hey, it helps me sort out stuff, and that's the point right? Well I love everyone who actually reads this.. let me know that you did!
|
cheerful
relaxed
annoyed
hungry
drained
bouncy