Blurty for Tiffany.

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Wednesday, February 12th, 2003

Subject:-Lots Well Some Updates-
Time:9:55 pm.
Mood: depressed.
Music:-My Child by Mary J Blige.
I haven't wrote in ALONG time. Well since the last time..My cousin's baby's daddy beat her ass and then made her and the twins get in the truck, packed her shit and dropped her off here. We wasn't even home and the babies didn't have a coat on it was cold. They was out there for like 30 minutes. He is such a loser. Then he called and was like I took some diapers over to her moms house then hung up. Come on now why the hell didn't her drop them of her? Knowing we can barely get a car to go out that way. Man, I would have hurt him. Anyways So I ahve been really tied up helping her and doing for my own baby. Umm whatelse..

Coelon want's me to move to Texas with him and get an apartment. I really do want to if I didn't have Kianah I would have never came back when I went down there. But I LOVE my daughter and all that. I would now but I am scared to tell my grandma b.cuz I don't know how she would react. I know she will miss both of us alot. Plus if I do move I want to go down there before I bring Kianah and get a joba nd make sure we have a place to stay and all that. But, I would go crazy without her down there with me and I am scared if I leave to long that she won't remember me.

I will write more later cuz i gotta go
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Wednesday, January 29th, 2003

Subject:-Updates-
Time:12:22 am.
Mood: content.
Music:-Sick Of Being Lonely By Field Mob-.
Man oh man lots to talk about! Where to start. Um, I guess I'll talk about my school. Well, I got my financial aid papers on Tuesday and I went to enroll and they said I got to take a damn test and pass it to get my financial aid. Well, I took a practice test and I made 589 in Language, 587 in Reading and 545 in Math. I have to make a 560 something in math to pass the test so I have to go sit in the GED classes and practice what I didn't know. I am surprised I even passed my GED test considering I dropped out in the 10th grade and I didn't practice the rest of it. I was proud of myself! YAY ME! When I pass this damn little test I am going to enroll in Business and Computer Tech. until August then transfer to Medical Assisting. Then after I graduate from that I am going to get a job doing that then go back to school and get another degree in something. See I do have plans for my life!

On another subject. Pooh has called me again he went to court and they are sending him to a prison in a few weeks. So I am going to take Kianah up there and let him see her tomorrow. And he is just going to have to sit and be quite and listen to me talk. I know he is going to be mad but oh well I have alot of shit I need to explain to him and I don't want to argue about it I just want to say it and drop it. I don't know really what I am going to say yet but I know he is gonna be mad as hell but oh the fuck well. He has hurt my feeling soo many time that he deserves EVERYTHING I do to him. For real I have been through sooo much bullshit with him. I ain't gonna put up with it anymore. I was a fool for a while but not no more! It's my way or no way for now on. He's always talking about beating my ass for some shit PLEASE I'd do worse if he ever hit me. He'd die a brutal death and no one will EVER find him body. I would turture him. Enough of that so no one thinks I am just crazy! I'll let everyone know that rest about him tomorrow when I see him I'm sure I'll have TONS to talk about!

Coleon- man he has been acting funny lately!! Calling me out of the blue just to tell me he loves me. He never does that! HMMM!! Well, I ain't really going to just trip and stress over it. I KNOW I hold his heart so..no need to trip! His little ugly ass ex has been calling me asking about him. I'm like he is with me get over it. Talking about how he still loves her and blah blah. YEA THEN WHY IS HE WITH ME AND NOT WITH YOU!?!? Damn, I hate stupid broads stuck on stupid! That's all about that.

Aonica-This bitch keeps calling my house. LMAO on Saturday I busted the bitches windows out cuz she was talking all this shit on my cell talking about 'I'm going to beat your ass come over and it's on' LMAO first of all this bitch CAN NOT fight. So I was like man I'm not going to waste my time so I just dropped it. Then I see this bitch at the 7-11. Muggin me talking shit holding her son. (I hate when bitches talk shit holding their baby) I was like I'll be at your house in 20 minutes. She was like cool. So I go over there and the bitch don't answer the door, Pretending she's not there or asleep whatever. Her car was in the driveway and she was peeping out of the blinds. Come on I'm not stupid! So I was like 'Bitch come out side or I'm going to bust our your windows!' She opened the door with the chain saying she didn't want to fight me. PLEASE! Scary ass I was like nope we're gonna get this over with and she was like NO! and shut the door. I was thinking okay I told her fat ass what was going to happen and she didn't listen. So I went to my homegirls car and got her jack thingy out and broke 3 of her windows.LMAO!!! She called the police but she had no proof so the dumb bitch had to buy new windows! And it rained the very next day. You know you can't but windows on a Sunday! HAHA DUMB BITCH! Now, I heard she was moving so no one knew where she lives. That is soo funny because her man is all on my girl's coochie hairs so we will be able to get it. Plus he wants her to get beat up.

Damn, my fingers hurt so I'll write more later! I had a HUGE entry and my AOL froze so I am still kinda mad.
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Sunday, January 19th, 2003

Subject:-I Hate My Life Sometimes-
Time:1:49 pm.
Mood: confused.
Music:-G.H.E.T.T.O.U.T By Changing Faces-.
I am so mad man. Last night I thought Pooh was just saying that his grandma was gonna fight for custody. But my gramdma gave me a letter from the state and his grandma really is trying to fight me for Kianah. But my lawyer said that they would have to prove me an unfit mother and since I'm not she won't get costody. But they can give her grandparent rights where she can get visitation. That is dumb I will take Kianah to go see her but she never calls or anything. So when I go to court for this is when I am going to make him sign his rights over. And all that great stuff! Oh well they want to do a DNA test, Pooh said if it ain't his kid I am going to be dead. Man, now i wish I had slept with someone else when I got preggo so it could be a possablity it wasn't his. But I did't.

Dude, Coleon went to the club last night. UGH! Didn't get home until 4am. But I gotta trust him I ain't near him to make SURE so I gotta trust. Kianah has been cranky all day today. Yelling at me for no reason. Hitting me and she is only 2 months! I think she is gonna have a bitchy attitude when she gets older! :) Oh well they say your daughter is gonna be worse than you, and I put my mom through HELL! Well, gotta take a shower.
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Saturday, January 18th, 2003

Subject:-Drama Drama-
Time:1:03 pm.
Mood: okay.
Music:-Bizounce By Olivia-.
Well, last night I went to the club and I got DRUNK as hell! I ain't been like that for a really long time. I had a blast until I seen my ex-friend up there (the one talking about my baby). Anyway she avoided coming by me all damn night. I just wanted to jump on her and kill her stupid ass. Her -man- was up there and she can't dance for shit, so I thought I'd be a bitch and dance with him. I was all up on him ugly ass making her mad. My plan worked. HaHa the dumb bitch was like Come on Steve I want to go now He said I'm not ready yet, I'm AM dancing or are you blind, either wait until I get done or leave without me and Tiff and Trish will take me home. Of course the dumb broad waited! Just muggin me the whole time I was just laughing at her and smiling! I'm a bitch I know but oh well. If you was me and went through what we have and all, you would be too!

Anyway enough about that. My baby's dad called me today. He asked why have I been ignoring him. I told him because I was mad still. He basically told me that when he gets out he is gonna beat my ass and this and that. And when I told him he ain't gonna do shit to me. He said the only thing you can do is call the police and that will make it worse. I said Nope ain't got to call the police I'd kill your sorry ass. He got even madder and we started cussing each other out blah blah blah. He was like man your out there being a rat and shit fucking all these niggas and I said Nope just Coleon and dude he got pissed saying I'm messing with some sorry ass guys. Coleon has a JOB ain't in JAIL and is going to SCHOOL! Pooh had FIVE kids by FIVE DIFFERENT mother and is in JAIL for atleast TEN years. Come on now who is better? Ugh. I hate my baby's dad. I tried to get him to sign all his rights over to me and he tore the papers up. So I guess I have to go to more drastic measures to get that. OMG then he had the nerve to tell me that he was gonna fight for custody of Kianah. I just laughed. If a judge gives him custody with all his records and shit they oought to be killed no lie.

I got to go take a bath and feed my daughter now.
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Friday, January 17th, 2003

Subject:-I'm bored So Here's A Little Survey-
Time:1:23 am.
Mood: bored.
Music:-As We Lay By Kelly Price-.
1.Have you ever THOUGHT you were in love? I AM in love.
2.Do you think you're ready for love? Very Ready!
3.Do you believe kissing is a way to share feelings or is it just fun? I used to think it was just for fun but now I take it more seriously.
4.Have you ever been heartbroken? Yup..twice
5.If so how long did it last? The first time only about a month..the second time was 10 months then we got back together.
6.Have you ever thought you loved someone, but the feelings went away? Yes, My baby's Dad.
7.Are you afraid of being emotionally alone? Yea, I think sometimes I do.
8.Do you want to fall in love? I already am.
9.Have you ever loved someone who didn't feel the same? Yes.
10.Have you ever cried over someone you thought you loved? Definitly.
11. Has anyone ever told you you're too young for love? No.
12.Have you ever wished upon a star for love or for someone? Always! And I got him!
13. Have you ever been told you broke somebody's heart? Yes, but I fixed it.
14. Have you ever told anyone they broke your heart? Yup!
15. Have you ever wanted someone so bad that without them you were miserable? YES!
16.Do you believe you can love someone and be with someone else? Yup, I did it. But I don't think your relationship would be a REAL relationship.
17.Do you think love is a feeling that has to be shared by two people or it's not real? No.
18.Have you ever been told "I Love You" and if so did you feel the same? Yes many times.
19.Do you love somebody right now? Yes.
20.Does somebody love you right now? Yup!
21.Do believe that love hurts or do you believe love is pure happiness? Love can hurt and when it does it's terrible. I think love hurts regardless either which way.
22.Do you believe this quote: "Love begins with a smile increases with a kiss and ends with a tear"? Definitly.
23.Do you have your own quote you'd like to share? If so, share it: Umm...Don't worry about your reputation be more concerned about you character...Your reputation is what other people think about you, your character is who you are.
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Thursday, January 16th, 2003

Subject:-Bitch-
Time:7:57 pm.
Mood: depressed.
Music:-Secret Love By Kelly Price-.
God, I hate my sister well fuck that she used to be my sister we have been so close like sisters since we met but now we aren't even on speaking terms. She told a mutual friend of one of my associates that my baby was ugly. had a big head, and I was lying about her being mixed b/cuz she has blue eyes and blonde hair and not dark skinned. BLONDE HAIR? Are you serious? My daughter has DARK brown hair and she does have blue eyes at times they are hazel come on now how dumb can one person be? And as far as her being light I am very white and her daddy is a VERY light skinned black male, so is she just somehow supposed to be dark skinned? Seriously that just broke my heart you know? I was there when she had her baby at the hospital and everything. I have been there for her through the roughest times! I can't believe she would stoop as low as talking about a baby! God, I don't know how to feel. I wanna just go over to her house and just murder her but then I know I can't b/cuz NO ONE is worth me going to jail and not seeing my daughter everyday! I feel so betrayed ya know? I KNOW my daughter is beautiful and she is just perfect! I LOVE HER AND SHE IS FLAWLESS TO ME AND MANY OTHER PEOPLE!! Anyway that whole subject makes me really sad..I just needed to vent a little!
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Subject:-What Am I To Do?-
Time:1:29 am.
Mood: confused.
Music:-He's Mine By Mokenstef-.
Well, last night I talked to Coleon from 11pm till 6am. We talked about our feeling now and then. About why we acted the way we did when we was together before. Just all kinds of fill in the black type shit about the past. He has never opened up to me like he did last night I never knew alot of the shit he told me and for our love to be soo strong that's kinda sad. It kinda makes you think ya know? There was so much we didn't know about each other but know we do. I felt like I had always know him until last night. He was telling me things that where just deep! I feel we have a real strong connection I guess it's true when they say you learn something new everyday about a person. Well, I found out ALOT! And most of it I needed to know for my own personal reasons. We are back together and stronger than ever. I know there is gonna be some haterizm towards us. There's always someone tryin to break us up for some reason or another! That is some shady ass shit that most of them be our so called friends. I can't trust none of my friends for shit. They are all scandalous and just ugh! I don't even know why I talk to most of them really, I guess I just be bored or something. But in reality I only talked to two that I talked to since before I got pregnant. One of them is a homeboy that always tells me how things really are when I get all lost and confused! The other one she is a rat and fucked a few of my boyfriends in the past so..

I don't know me having a baby has changed me alot. I look at alot of different thing in different views now. Actually I am VERY glad I went through this. I was going down the wrong track doing shit I really never thought I would do, I was drinking everyday and smoking wet(PCP) almost everyday, lying, stealing. Just some crazy shit. Now I don't do none of that. That's a big step for me most of you might be like no that ain't shit but it really is. Anyway on to something else. My baby's father about blew a gasket today. I told him I was back with my ex and how I didn't appreciate him always telling me he was gonna beat my ass for this and that. I'm sick of threats. I don't know if he means what he says but I don't want to take a chance and see if he will do something to me or to my daughter and I am looking out for her best interest. And in my opinion her father not being in her or my life is best. He was okay until I got pregnant by him. Now he thinks he -owns- me. I think NOT! Just because I had a baby by his sorry ass don't mean I have to stay with his sorry ass or even need him for shit. Truthfully I hope he will just go away die or something. I hate him more than I could ever possible hate anything in the world. He has caused me so much heartache in the last 10 months. When he gets mad at me he denies our beautiful daughter. Says alot of hurtful shit to me to make me cry and just alot of shit, I don't even want to go into detail about it. He don't deserve me or her. Especially HER! I;m just so sick and tired of him trying to run my life I am finally stepping up and doing what I want and telling him about it. I'm back with my ex and we -might- get married. Anyway I'm tired of typing more of my drama tomorrow!
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Monday, January 13th, 2003

Subject:-My First Entry-
Time:10:45 pm.
Mood: hungry.
Music:-Angel by Amanda Perez-.
I guess I will introduce my self in case someone wants to read my journal. So here it goes: Name Tiffany Age nineteen rest my head Oklahoma City Kids I have one beautiful daughter name -Kianah Shaelyn Louise- she is 2 months and 1 day old stats I have a boyfriend I have had for almost 3 years through thick and thin. No I am not with my baby's dad I can't stand his stupid sorry ass. He can't do shit for me or my baby but bring us down and that ain't needed. Enough about him I'm sure you'll hear alot about him. Anyways I am going to go get something to eat now.
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Blurty for Tiffany.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Website (Me,My daughter,My man and My bab's father).
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 8 entries.