Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Tiffany's Blurty:

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Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
8:44 pm	i don't wanna grow up, i'm a toys-r-us kid... for my 22nd bday, i have a date with this HOTT guy. look how happy he is to see me. he is taking me out to eat. he knows exactly what kind of things i like to do for fun. i have a feeling about what my present will be... and people think i'm going through a quarter-life crisis.... Current Mood: excited Current Music: my perogative-- britney spears (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 14th, 2004
8:50 pm	not a special dell-ivery i coped with a great loss this summer... the loss of a best friend. her name was schmoopy. she was there for me through the good times and the bad. she was there for me early in the morning and late at night. she saw me stressed, she saw me laugh, and she saw me cry. she never me let down until after finals week. everyone says it was her time to go... she just gave out from old age. i, however, blame myself. maybe i could have prevented what happened-- i'll never know. this is entry is a tribute to my lost friend. life must go on. i've mourned, and i've cried. but behind the dark clouds comes a new light... and the light is from a XBRITE LCD display. 4.2 pounds of pure joy! Current Mood: flirty Current Music: la la-- ashlee simpson (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 24th, 2004
2:28 pm	knock, knock.... no one's there? for years i have been what people call an "invisible talker." whatever comes out of my mouth is usually ignored, no matter how loud i scream it. scenario: dead silence in a room. i walk in and tell a tale of how i almost got killed in a tornado, and people continue reading. five minutes later, kasey will ask me when i arrived. that’s just me. i’ve accepted this after 21 years of being invisible. i, however, just recently discovered that i not only have the title of “invisible talker,” but I am also an “invisible knocker.” back to the scenario of almost being killed in a tornado. this has happened to me not once, but twice. the first time I watched a mickey d’s sign get ripped in two and carried off into rally’s across the street. the second time was last week. i was visiting a friend when my mom called. we were chatting outside, and the sun was smiling upon us. “get your butt home, there’s a storm coming.” “riiiiight,” i thought. it was a gorgeous day, but i hopped in my car to leave anyway. okay, so my mom was right. By the time i arrived in my driveway, but wind had almost accomplished it’s goal—to heave my explorer completely over. the sky was as black as it could become at five in the afternoon. i rushed to the side door. jammed. jammed shut. no problem. i’ll enter through the french doors on the deck. locked. not a family member in sight. i proceed to beat on the door. nothing. rain was beating down on me now. i run to the den door. i see my father surfing the web while sitting dry and warm in his recliner. i begin to beat on the door. BAM BAM BAM. BAM BAM BAM. my hand is throbbing at this point. “let me in!!!” i scream. shoot, i forgot about my “invisible yeller” trait. then i hear the cracking. i see one of our trees break in two, then smash into out gazebo. smack down the middle of the thing. “wow,” i thought. “i’m going to die…” salvation. the electricity shuts off. i continue to knock, and it looks as if my father’s ears perk up. "what are you doing out there???" my father asks. "tanning," i retort. everyone, at some point or another, feels overlooked. i wonder if being ignored by everyone is just an extended phase of mine. i guess i should embrace this permanent ring of invisibility. i can only think of one way people will pay attention to an invisible person… blackmail. Current Mood: predatory Current Music: "come clean"-- hilary duff (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
12:03 pm	i don't "knee"d you... the necessary tasks of daily life-- walking, driving, wearing five inch heels-- has led to both of my knees aching nightly. i, unlike britney spears, am sucking it up and continuing my daily activities. britney, on the other hand, is not. the indianapolis concert has been canceled-- heck, the rest of her tour has been canceled. and for what? "oh, no! i can't feel my legs!" puh-lease. i wouldn't mind if she cut the dancing out of concerts... then may i could have heard her sing live opposed to lip syncing. Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: toxic-- britney spears (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 20th, 2004
9:08 pm	she bangs... she bangs... while yawning through the opening act for john mayer a couple of months ago, i couldn't help but to reflect back to a concert i saw a five years ago... yes, nick, jeff, and drew (with the exception of justin) were the men my friends and i were lusting after. we spent weeks looking forward to seeing these guys on stage. we were surprised to find out later that they could sing :) 98 degrees had a couple of opening acts-- one of which was intolerable. a teenager girl skips onto the stage and begins to sing. that is when hundreds of hormonal adolescents began to sit down in their seats. the singer continued to sing and dance. it reminded me of a cat suffering. Six songs later, the crowd began to chant, "nick, jeff, drew! get off the stage!!" this angst didn't detour the singer. before closing, she encouraged the booing crowd to come to the autograph session after the show. yeah, right. like i was going to go to THAT. following the concert, i remember my friend's mom asking if we wanted to meet the blonde little girl who was now sitting behind a table signing promotional tapes for a short line of teeny-boppers. "haha... like SHE is going to be anything..." yes... five years later, this tone-deaf cat is miss chicken of sea. the sad thing is i own three of her cds. so, i admit that sometimes i do have poor judgement. i don't know if my taste in music has changed or if maybe singing lessons helped her considerably. i have learned that no matter who the opening act is for britney spears this coming june, i will jump at the chance to meet her/him! even if it's this guy... Current Mood: thirsty Current Music: take my breath away-- jessica simpson (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 19th, 2004
11:22 pm	no toy, but what a boy! for valentine's day, i was expecting this: but in red and with a remote control. why did i expect this miniature replica of my car, you ask? well, it's because brandon is liar when it comes to sacred game of "hot and cold." since his clues led me astray, i concluded that he ordered a radio shack remote controlled supra off ebay. valentine's day arrived with cards, flowers, and lots of stray pink and white m & m's (the candy was compliments of his aunt ione...) before we went to dinner, he took me to a park. while sitting on a bench-type thing, he hands me a card and tells me that this is my present. i was confused. unless he smashed my car into the envelope, i had no idea what i was about to receive. i got it!!! an idea-- the remote controlled car did not arrive in time for valentine's day! this has to be a PICTURE of my new toy. i tore into the envelope and began reading the front cover of the card. it was so sweet, but still there was this five year-old girl inside of me who wanted to skip the verses and go straight for the present. i opened the card and see... another page of the card. brandon had gotten me a trifold card! i couldn't stand it any longer. after i turned the remaining flap, i was blinded... there was a light shining straight down from the heavens onto these: yes, tickets. for some this popped into my head... but these tickets are to something even better than aladdin on skates... john mayer. my all-time favorite singer on this planet! this thoughtful gift just proves that i have the best boyfriend in the world-- who else would let me do this??? Current Mood: excited Current Music: bigger than my body-- john mayer (30 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 12th, 2004
5:09 pm	the past and the presents throughout the years, i have developed an intolerance for valentine's day. i have always been missing a key ingredient around this time of year-- a boyfriend. high school was the worst time for me. i would sit in my seat nonchalantly acting as if i didn't care that i did not receive anything for valentine's day when our principle would read off the long list of names. it felt as if everyone had someone who loved them enough to send a three dollar balloon to school except me. this definitely did not happen to me. my hatred for valentine's day did not, however, begin to develop during my high school years. it began much sooner... this is a time when i didn't want a gift... my friends and i would receive balloons and flowers from our mothers for valentine's day when i was in jr. high. this was expected and accepted because we usually did not have a boyfriend at the time. we would all stare at the speaker hanging high from the ceiling, willing the secretary to call our names to come pick up our valentine treasures. my seventh grade valentine's day was no different. after afternoon break, the speaker crackled. everyone's attention was turned to the brown box perched high upon a shelf. "will the following students please report to the office: amber... blah blah blah... katie... blah, blah, blah... and tiffany." we all rose and gleefully began our journey to the school office to discover what our mothers had sent us. i was first to step through the office doors... my eyes were set on the bouquets of flowers and the jumble of balloons. we all began tearing into cards to see which presents belonged to whom. suddenly i hear my name being called. my gift had been found! my excited expression quickly transformed into a look of horror. attached to a bud vase containing a rose was this: my mom had sent me a barbie balloon. yes, i secretly played with barbies in the seventh grade, but i didn't want the whole school to know! my friends approached me holding their flowers and balloons and began to laugh hysterically at my gift. being thirteen and actually caring what they thought about me, i thought i was going to die. or at least i remembering wishing i had so i wouldn't have to suffer the teasing i had to endure for the next month. this valentine's day, however, will be different. i have my ingredient this year--- my brandon! i am going to hitch a ride with emily to lexington to spend a funfilled valentine's day weekend and celebrate our three month anniversary on sunday. i know this weekend will be wonderful as long as i don't receive one of these: (i can just see brandon scrambling to wal-mart with receipt in hand and the razor in a bag after reading this!) Current Mood: chipper Current Music: the way-- clay aiken (26 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 19th, 2004
6:40 pm	white is not my color... I am now an MSU ambassador. Some may be fearful of showing prospective students around the campus. I, however, am not afraid of these high school seniors. This jalopy is what drives fear in my heart: Yes, the university van. The university trusts ambassadors behind the wheel of the vehicle containing the lives of innocent seniors. What’s the problem you ask? THIS is my problem: My driving record is not perfect. There are a few smudges here and there… well, make all over the dang thing. Looks like a kid smeared a chocolate Easter bunny all over it to be precise. I can’t count how many accidents I’ve been in on two hands. Most have been in a parking lot when I was under stressed conditions. I’ve had four speeding tickets. Most of those have been given by state troopers when I was under stressed conditions. Notice a pattern? All of instances, where stressed conditions have cost me a lot of money, have come back to bite me on the ghetto booty (ironically “Ghetto Booty” is also the name of my car…) If my application does not meet university standards, then I have to actually WALK across campus to give my tours. Even in the SNOW. I am NOT a postal worker. I might catch a cold, develop a blister on my pinky toe, or even worse… break a sweat! I know, I know, it’s a cruel world. I lie here on the couch with the Motor Pool’s Request for Student Driver Authorization taunting me from my coffee table. Can’t a girl make a few mistakes-- well, make that about twenty mistakes-- without suffering such horrible consequences? i look horrible in white! Current Mood: disappointed Current Music: my way home- jessica simpson (21 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 18th, 2003
5:27 pm	Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow "yeah, you're right... nice hair." i would utter those words about 86,000 times a day when i was a freshman in high school. that was when i was going through my sarcastic stage... one of these days i might grow out of it. i am home for the holidays and preparing for the miss ky county fair pageant. that means i need work out a few times before january... which will not happen very often. today, though, was different. i actually did go work out for a little while, and then went to movie gallery to tan. at movie gallery, i stand in line behind two people-- a male and female. once i hear the female's voice, i knew who it was. it was an old friend from back in elementary school; we will call her jessica. i greeted her and said hello to the male with her. he went to my elementary school, too. apparently he is now dating jessica. this guy, we will call him jacob, has sort of an alternative edge. not like grundge... more of a mix of goth with one of those guys who played dungeons and dragons. actually, i bet he still plays that. he is the type to wear long black trench coats, and black hats. i was on the academic team with him, and he knew the most unusual knowledge... weird stuff like how many footsteps it would take to get to new york from california. but, if you were to identify jacob in a line-up, his most distinct feature would be his hair. that's legolas. i think jacob's hair style looks like this elf (not hobbit) from lord of the rings. too bad he's not as hott as orlando bloom. picture legolas' hair except brown. and not as clean. it also has dyed blue sections surrounding his face. jacob squints his eyes toward me, and greets me by saying he didn't recognize me because of my hair. "your hair is.... is.. well... it's interesting," he says with a glare. i didn't know how to reply-- i just chuckled under my breath until i realized he was serious. me, MY hair. my hair is INTERESTING? now, i'm not one of those girls who fixes up to work out. I pull my strands into a ponytail and go. there are no curling irons nor hair spray involved. i don't look like miss workout queen of the world, BUT, that takes a lot of nerve to tell ME that MY hair was "INTERESTING!" i didn't have a witty comeback. i didn't say the classic, "haha-- yeah, you're right.. nice hair," even though this would have been the most opportune time. i was too stunned to say anything. jacob better watch out though... because he is unaware of my secret weapon... i am the Lord of the Scissors, and he better not mess with me again! SNIP, SNIP!! Current Mood: lethargic Current Music: Toxic-- Britney Spears (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 22nd, 2003
7:20 pm	"Ain't that a kick in the head..." a couple of days ago, something that i thought was a zit appeared on the side of my nose... it kept gettin' bigger and bigger and when i woke up yesterday morning, it was ENORMOUS. well... enormous is an understatement. it looked as if the side of my nose was pregnant. to top it all off half of my eye was swelled shut from fluid! i did the only thing i knew to do: i put an ice cream carton on my face to reduce the swelling. obviously, this did not help. i went to class with my eye still swollen shut and the so-called pimple on my nose. after further investigations, kristin concluded that i had an ingrown eyebrow. how weird is that? i, despite the mountain on my face, was a trooper and marched through the rest of the day. teeter-for-tots' events went well... the rest of the day actually went well until i went over to kristin's apartment. beth, kristin, chase, austin, mark, and i chilled and watched tv. now, this is where things get bad-- i decide to go over to the ghetto before i had to teeter from 2-5 am, so craig came and picked me up. as i was opening the door, i had a lizzie mcguire moment-- yes, i smacked myself in the face with the car door! did not feel so hot... luckily, all my teeth are still intact and the zit/ingrown hair did not fall off. i made it okay to the boy scout museum where teeter was held, and i hopped on a totter. jenny and i were going at our own slow pace (hey, it was 3 am...) and then it hit me. no, i did not leave my stove on or my apartment door unlocked. i did not come to a revelation nor understood the meaning of life. this hit me. a guy's foot was inside. it KICKED me in the head. the room spun. my tiny hands clung to the teeter totter, but it was too late. i hit the ground like a fat guy struck by a tranquilizer dart. i layed there for a few moments and sprung up with tears in my eyes. despite the intense pain, my defense mechanisms set in and i began to laugh. laugh and cry at the same time. people probably thought the nike had knocked a few of my screws loose... or i had a concussion... yesterday's experiences (and this morning's too) have made me add another item to my Christmas list--a helmet. Current Mood: sore Current Music: hey ya-- ludacris (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 13th, 2003
6:22 pm	Startling Scientific Research Here is a story of four friends who were traveling in a far, far away magical land called Europe. Their names were Brittni, Kasey, Kristin, and Tiffany. One night, the rental car broke down in front of a hill that holds a huge, foreboding castle. The girls were very scared because they did not have any reception on their cell phones. Their only alternative was to knock on the castle’s door with hopes of finding aid. The path leading up to the castle was quite treacherous. The trail was dotted with thorny bushes, and the girls did not know what kind of wild animals stalked the woods surrounding the road. They walked up and up and up, and up and up and up, up, up, up, up, up, up, and up and up and up, and up and up and up the winding trail. The girls were within sight of the castle now, so they climbed up and up and up, and up, up, up and up and up, and up, up and up the incline. Finally, they reached the goal of the huge stone porch. Brittni goes up to the cute wooden door and picks up the door knocker. The knocker hits the door with a loud boom. Slowly, the door opens… The girls see a tiny hunched over man with long, stringy white hair holding a candle standing in the foyer. Obviously he is the butler of this mansion by his uniform. The girls enter the castle and explain their dilemma. The butler says his master is gone for the night, and there is no phone in the mansion. When his master returns tomorrow, the girls will be taken in the limousine to their hotel. Until then, the girls can stay in a spare room. The butler takes the girls up and up and up, up, up, up, and up, and up, up, and up, up, up, up, and up, up, up, up, up, and up the winding staircase until they reach the landing. Before them stands a wooden door. The butler takes out a key, and unlocks the door. Squeaks from the hinges ring in the air as the butler’s lantern floods the room with light. The girls walk warily into the room. “Ah, drafts are good for the sinuses,” Tiffany says under her breath. “At least it’s clean,” replies Kasey sarcastically as she sweeps her hand over the dresser and looks at her fingers in disgust. “We haven’t had very many guests, madam, for quite some time,” the butler retorts as he is leaving the room. “Wow, he’s a freaky little gnome, isn’t he?” Tiffany asks. “Eh, Kasey’s dated worse looking guys!” jokes Brittni. Kasey pushes Brittni onto the bed. As soon as Brittni hits the bed she notices there is only one pillow. The girls vote and Kristin is forced to go down stairs to ask for more pillows. She goes down and down, and down, and down and down, down, down, down, and down and down, and down, down, and down the steps. The butler is waiting for her at the bottom of the steps with the pillows. “How did you… never mind…” Kristin turns around and walks up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, and up, and up and up and up and up and up and up and up, up, up and up, and up and up, up the stairs. As she enters, Kasey tells her that she cannot find her keys. Kristin says she is not going back downstairs again for anything. Kasey huffs and begins her journey to the foyer. She has pressured Tiffany into going with her with guilt tactics. Kasey and Tiffany travel down, and down, and down, down, down, down, and down and down and down and down and down and down, down, down, down the steps. Surprisingly, the butler is waiting at the foot of the stairs holding Kasey’s keys. “You dropped these, madam,” says the butler as Kasey snatches them from his hands. With a merci, the girls ran up and up and up, up, up, up, up, up and up, and up, and up, and up, and up, up, up, and up and up and up and up and up, up the stairs. Slamming the doors behind them the girls huddle together for safety. Something strange is going on in this castle… The girls awoke the next morning to find that they were all in one piece! They were so overjoyed. The quartet leaped out of their beds, burst through the door, and walked down, and down and down, down, down, down, down, down, and down, and down and down and down and down, and down and down and down, down, down, and down the stairs. “My master has not returned from his trip,” the butler utters to the girls. “I, however, can fix breakfast while you wait.” The girls are starved, so all four make their way into the kitchen and sit down. The butler takes out four bowls and sits them in front of each girl. “What kind of cereal would you like?” asks the butler. “I would like Cheerios,” says Kasey. “Cheerios, please,” answers Kristin. “Yeah, give me some Cheerios, too!” replies Brittni. “Eh, Fruity Pebbles for me,” Tiffany requests. And that, my friends, is PROOF that three out of four people prefer Cheerios over any other breakfast cereal. Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Something's Missing-- John Mayer (50 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 29th, 2003
11:07 pm	HOLY CRAP! i guess you could say i've been a little on edge lately. you would i shouldn't be-- i take 4 hour catnaps daily, and i even nod off during class-- i must be pretty relaxed or i wouldn't feel comfortable for the guy with mullet in psyc to watch me drool. anyway, tonight i had a craving for fruity pebbles. i opened the fridge to find something horrible-- no milk. i take the long journey to pocket's to get some utter-given-goodness only to find that they did not have the cute little quarts of milk; what kind of a gas station only sells gallons? i go up to the counter to pay for my gas depressed. now i have to go to wal-mart to get my moo juice. pocket's takes the convenience out of convenience store. no wonder wal-mart is killing every other store on this planet. so, i'm paying for the gas, and i sense that someone is standing-- no, make that looming-- behind me. i turn around to see what ominous figure is casting his shadow upon me. i scream. in pocket's. loudly. it... it was... jesus. yes, it was guy dressed up as what people depict jesus to look like. i felt soo embarrassed. not only did i scream bloody-murder in the middle of the store, but i screamed because the jesus costume scared me. that's like being scared of the easter bunny. this makes me dread friday night now... what if dora the explorer or a teletubby comes knocking at my door? anyway, this instance is a sure sign that i seriously need a vacation... and some valium. Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: one flight down-- norah jones (17 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 21st, 2003
10:50 pm	wow. wow is all i gotta say. i don't know if you all know this girl, so let me introduce her. britney, these are the cool people who read my blurty. cool people, this is britney. i am a huge fan of britney's. i'm sure every girl out there hates her, and every guy out there loves her. but, girls... i have something to show you that will make you think of britney spears differently... http://mirrored.flabber.nl/britney.lookalike/ wow. r u shocked? i was. especially how hott this cross-dressing guy is without the make-up and wig on. just goes to show, you can't judge a britney by her cover. Current Mood: shocked Current Music: if-- janet jackson (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 19th, 2003
10:05 pm	road rage yes, i admit it. i have road rage. it's the like the goofy movie that i've seen 3 different times in traffic school. tiffany gets behind the wheel and BAM... i turn into a different person. i kinda look like this guy, but much cuter: any little thing can set me off... coming to a complete stop to make a right turn, people driving 45 mph in the fast lane, and people who drive slowly in areas i can't pass them because they don't want their cigarettes to blow out from the air coming in through their rolled down window. people who turn 100 years old should not have their licenses. cars that require the muffler to be tied up should be impounded. anyway, this story of road rage is not about me though... i was heading back to college to college today. i left early so i could have an ample amount of time before my sorority meeting. when i came to the end of the parkway, there were cars lined up... so i followed a semi-truck onto the nashville exit. all was well when my friend megan told me an alternative route to murray. this was a good thing because the traffic on I-24 was backed up for miles. i follow megan's directions without a problem until i come to another detour. i get behind 3 horse trailers, a black truck, and a tacky blue econoline van. the back window of the van contained a hand-written sign: "four sale." this was humorous, oh, for the first twenty minutes. anyway, the horse trailers and the truck ahead were traveling 45 mph (10 miles below the speed limit.) the van in front of me was traveling 25 mph and weaving. when it was clear to pass on a straight stretch with dashed line, i took the opportunity. there was enough room to fit a school bus in between the van and truck. i passed the van... everything was fine until he SLAMMED on his brakes and MASHED on his horn. i glanced in my rear view at the man who resembled jaba the hutt. he was swearing. he was giving me the finger. to top it all off, he found the gas peddle and rode my bumper all the way to murray... with his BRIGHTS on. i found this situation appauling. i found this hurtful. i found this scary. i found this pretty funny. i turned my mirrors to reflect right back into his face. but this didn't stop him. he didn't let up. thankfully, jaba turned to go tennessee to the rest of the illiterates. (no offense to any volunteers who can spell!) i did learn something from this though. to calm down before calling a person who doesn't use the turning signals names? nah... never pass a fat guy who can't spell-- he might be hungry. let this be a lesson to us all. Current Mood: mischievous Current Music: ten thousand promises-- bsb (22 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
4:10 pm	what makes me happy... i was sitting here feeling sorry for myself... i have a curling iron burn that takes up 1/4 of the right side of my face, a scary bite from something horrible on my leg, and a ton of homework. oh yeah, i knocked the end of my pinky toe off last night. think i'm exaggerating? just ask anyone in C3... they'll tell ya. anyway, like i said, i WAS sitting here feeling sorry for myself until i read kasey's post about things that make her happy. i thought i would make a list too... 1. twisted chocolate/vanilla ice cream cones 2. red lobster cheesy rolls 3. compliments 4. back massages 5. facials 6. john mayer songs 7. the smell of burning leaves 8. hearing rain pecking on my window 9. people who love me 10. lady bugs 11. honesty 12. flannel sheets 13. when kissy actually sits and shakes (not a seizure... the tricks) 14. pillow fights 15. the dancing ghost on my fridge 16. naps 17. canceled classes 18. peanut butter anything 19. lamb chop 20. day-light savings time! these are in no particular order and there are a ton more. thanx, kase, for reminding me that my toe will grow back! Current Mood: happy Current Music: homelife- john mayer (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, October 6th, 2003
10:27 pm	dreams can tell a lot about a person... when u were a kid, what did u dream of doing? i don't mean becoming a vet to play with fuzzy kittens all day, or a ballerina.... i'm talking about what you always wanted to do if you were given the chance, or in many cases a cartoon exterior. for instance, my friend lee wanted to be a carebear. brandon= a dinosaur. (i think he's lying... i think he always wanted to get his tongue stuck to the freezer door!) jo beth tried flying, and kyla wanted to chill with strawberry shortcake. some kids wanted to eat their weight in chocolate pudding. i guess i was a strange little kid. now don't get me wrong, i did want to fly on she-ra's horse-- but this was my TRUE fantasy: that's right. i wanted to be uncle scrooge mcduck. well, not REALLY scrooge mcduck, but he got to live out one of my childhood fantasies-- swimming through money. the love of change (coins that is) was instilled into me as a child from watching ducktales. after 4 years of swimming lessons (i didn't learn to swim, but i did develop my first crush on robbie,) i still desired the chance to swim in uncle scrooge's vault... picture it: me diving in and out of the gold coins... unharmed and graceful. i would be so much more buoyant in money than in h2o... so much safer... therefore, if you care about my well-being and wish for me to fulfull my dream-- please, show support. make signs, send candy, give me all your spare change when you see me... anything you can contribute to accomplish this dream of this little girl. look how happy a few cents can make me. thank you. Current Mood: loved Current Music: new deep- john mayer of course! (20 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 4th, 2003
2:43 am	it's the weekend! banana fest was soooo freezing, yet so much fun. i've never seen so many people i knew in my life. i even scored a wonder "quit: there is no 'cents' in persisting" shirt... i think it's pretty snazzy. my eyebrows are perfect now! thanx to a lot of sugaring and pluckin' from the spa place, i am, for once, happy with my eyebrows. i also got a WONDERFUL facial which will be a weekly event, trust me on that.... after waking up from my usual 4 hour nap at 9 o'clock, i did some homework, and made my way over to the ghetto. we watched fitch and dudley play 'halo' for a lil while, but only because we were losers... or someone made us feel like we were. well, tried to make us feel like we were. we still thought we were cool. this was the guy nobody could kill without a grenade. he was scary. anyway, i topped off the night by overdosing on puppy chow (YUM!) and watching the best show ever-- the people's champion. no, not him. (by the way, i can do the people's eyebrow...) this show has the most important competitions. for example, one event was called 'prison bitch' in which one person would pick up 12 bars of soap in a public shower and place them on soap dishes, all while shackled. the person with the quickest time wins. sooooo funny. oh, and how can i forget the race for not blinking while staring at the behind of a dog? i think i would have won that one... "if you're not banking with first state bank, youdon'tknowwhatyou'remissing." wow, time for rest... the ghetto birthday bash 2003 is tomorrow! Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: come back to bed- john mayer (14 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 28th, 2003
1:13 am	an expensive present i believe everything happens for a reason. if a bird craps on my car, then i should wash it. if my cell phone dies, then i shouldn't have received a call. if my 21st birthday happens to land on a tuesday, then i must celebrate on the saturday before. me, a ladybug birthday cake, my fam, and brittni. wow, i'm a wild one. i had a pretty good birthday considering what happened yesterday... keep in mind that everything happens for a reason. my mom stayed the entire week at school with me, and we were headed back to bc for my grandma's bday. like i said, we were going to celebrate my birthday saturday since i would be back to college on tuesday. i was following behind my mom on the wk going 80 mph.... and being passed by every car! everyone was FLYING down the parkway, leavin' us in the dust. then my mom brakes for what i thought was no reason. (ten minutes earlier she almost veered onto the wrong exit!) our speed decreased to 60 mph, and my mom started pointing and waving at me. confusion struck me until i saw the flashing blue and red lights fast approaching in the distance. yes, my mom was the pony and we both been lassoed. then shot. out of all the people who were wizzing past us, we get pulled over because we are the only people he could catch easily. we pull over, the state trooper gives BOTH of us a ticket each, and my mom pulls off the side of the road, furious. i notice that the exclamation point on my dash is glowing bright red which is a good indication that all systems are not go. i open and shut the door, turn off and on my car, and the light was still on! then i see another little light... the yellow check engine light. it looked like i had a christmas tree on my dash with all those pretty lights. anyway, by this time, the trooper was knocking on my window to ask why i hadn't been on my merry way. he told me my car was probably runnin' a little hot, but would be ok. so, my mom then called me, i caught up to her-- breathing anti-freeze fumes. we finally made it the Arby's/service station going 65 mph the entire way. the supra was too hot to touch, smelling of anti-freeze, leaking green fluids, and making hissing sounds. (imagine the car in red and sick. minus the turbo, too.) luckily, a nice man helped the two damsels in distress. two jugs of the brown water Arby's gave us later, we were on our journey. turns out the bottom of my radiator had separated or something like that. thank god i wasn't on the side of the road alone. i think everything happens for a reason.... including the cop who pulled us over. maybe i would have been so absorbed in john mayer's new cd that i wouldn't have noticed the lights on my dash. (i do that sometimes...) there is one thing i haven't figured out yet-----what the two $140 tickets were for. maybe to prevent me from having a social life the night i have to spend 4 hours in traffic school... Current Mood: pensive Current Music: homelife-- john mayer (cuz i was born a house cat, too) (27 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 12th, 2003
9:44 am	My life is crap and i'm going on 1 1/2 hours of sleep, but this is kinda funny... * DEEP THOUGHTS * by Jack Handy If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something. Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games. Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out. The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it. Man, I think my heart almost broke. Later the boy came up and offered to give me the toy. This was too much! I reached out my hand, but then he ran away. I chased him down and took the enema bag. He cried a little, but that's the way of these people. Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind. I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas. The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face. I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye. To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad. Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done. If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did." If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone. We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town. When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear. The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw. Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you. Even though I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit of freedom. I could walk freely, make my own meals, and even hurl large rocks at their heads. It was only later that I discovered that they were not Indians at all but only dirty-clothes hampers. I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it. If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them. A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke. I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. "That was fun," I said. "You bet it was," said Nick. "Let's climb higher." "No," I said. "I think we should be heading back now." "We have time," Nick insisted. I said we didn't, and Nick said we did. We argued back and forth like that for about 20 minutes, then finally decided to head back. I didn't say it was an interesting story. I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn't a person, because it would be too small. But there's a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy---something like that. http://www-personal.umd.umich.edu/~nhughes/htmldocs/deepthoughts.html Current Mood: groggy (21 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 8th, 2003
11:37 pm	would you like a brain with that? remember the toy you had back in the day where u had a cube with different shapes cut out of it? you would try to fit the cube into the square hole, the cylinder into the in the round hole, and the triangle in the trianglar-shaped hole. thinking back, that was pretty easy, aye? it AMAZES me that people who work in the fast-food industry can't grasp the concept as simple of the toy mentioned in the previous paragraph. how hard is it to put a tomato on a hamburger? or leave the ketchup off? i try to imagine the people who work at these food establishments when they were kids. they were probably the tikes who would keep pounding the square-shaped peg into the circle hole, insisting that it was the right aperture when obviously it wasn't. let's take today for example. i went through the drive-thru of wendy's with kasey for lunch. wendy's wasn't too busy, so i can't blame this screw-up on the amount of business. kasey gave the order into the talking box. i wanted a PLAIN single. the talking box gave the total. my price was too expensive for the PLAIN single. it was as much as the bacon cheddar meal with fries kasey bought. at the window, i inquired about the price for my PLAIN hamburger. they insisted that the total they gave was correct. i repeated, "For a PLAIN single?" in a pleasant, yet questioning voice. the woman with the headset answered yes. let's zip through time... fighting traffic... stop lights... people who insist on coming to a complete stop to make a right-hand turn... and finally to my apartment. wow, i'm spent. open the sack. kasey: bacon cheddar burger. check. fries. check. tiffy: PLAIN single. denied. cheese was dripping off my hamburger. cheese. yes, cheese on my PLAIN hamburger. i drive back through the lunch hour traffic. through the stop lights. past the dumbasses who spend all their time slowing people who have places to go down. now, i'm back at the wendy's and choose to go in to resolve my problem. tiffy: you put cheese on my hamburger. lady with 5 teeth who is workin': did you get that at the drive-thru?? tiffy: yes, you put cheese on my PLAIN single. i need a single with NOTHING on it. lady with a 2nd grade education: *looks at cheeseburger* i need to talk to chad about this (apparently chad is the hamburger head-honcho...) tiffy: ok... mouthbreather: did you say you wanted cheese on it? i mean really. she is holding the open wrapper with the cheeseburger. let me add the CHEESE was dripping down the wrapper, too. i said PLAIN hamburger. i even added "nothing on it". how hard can things be? it would be different if i gave them a complicated order. i think it would be more simple to leave the cheese off the hamburger! i would also not be so irritated if they hadn't over-charged me either. or atleast acted nice to me. or even apologized for making me drive across town for hiring morons. this is advice for any fast-food chain head-honcho who might stumble across this site one day (or maybe even the infamous chad!!!): make sure your employees master this: before you let them do this: thank you. Current Mood: predatory Current Music: Come Away With Me- Norah Jones (15 Comments |Comment on this)