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Tuesday, November 7th, 2006
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03.10 am :: the hardest part
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Where the waves hit the shore, I pull the car to the side of the road, touch his shoulder. He wakes up, looks at me, not really shyly at all, and not apologetically, devoid even of any emotion, or maybe overflowing with too much of it. Why can't I tell with him?
Perhaps that's what he wanted originally. To fall asleep in a stranger's car. This has barely anything to do with me at all.
We get out, walk up the hill to the rocks I like. You can see everything from here.
"It's not enough to want to be happy," I say, finally. "It doesn't stop there. First, you find happiness. You wait till it sticks to you, like a baby to the womb, until it's strong enough for you to carry it without having to worry it's going to fall off. Then you have to be happy with your happiness. You have to want it to stay."
"That sounds quite complicated."
"Maybe it isn't. Maybe you just have to want it. Maybe you can will things into existing."
"Well, fuck."(icicle@sevenphonecalls.org)
current music: headstate:  uncomfortable
current music: headstate: only the lonely - david gray
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