love via snailmail

... is my new fav'rite addiction. bum-time shall be devoted to licking postages (not gross!) and celebrating papercuts. ( i secretly expect to start a revolution, doing this. ) pen pals would make a comeback, and it would be amazing. zip codes would translate to love. mailboxes would hold the world's joy. postmen in shorts? that's hott. letters would be in vogue, it'll be the new black! that's the plan, buddy!




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silly tendencies are kickin' in again. it's all about being brave &oh-so full of love and wanting to save everyone from their little cups of sadness. (everyone, but mostly just you.) as if i even know what that means anymore; as if i'm so sure of my own sadness not escaping me, from this very weak ribcage.



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Thursday, December 23rd, 2010
04.43 am :: because some of the rest of most of you just aren't special enough, hmp. (19.09.2006)
19.09.2006
(*image from toothpastefordinner.com)



current music: headstate: byee!
current music: headstate: part-time model - flight of the conchords

comments || 7

Sunday, February 7th, 2010
10.18 am :: 5k, so lame.

Race kit: Php 550
Brand new shorty-shorts: Php 1200



Masigawan ni Daddy-Yo ng "HOY BAKLA!"
habang nagku-cooldown? PRICELESS.

comments ||

Friday, February 5th, 2010
09.35 pm :: I'm making February 14th of every year Saint Francis' day.

The secret to happiness, I'm told, is lowered expectations.

So on February 14th, this year and all the years to follow, not only will I be remembering Saint Valentine but Saint Francis as well.


To the rest of the secular world--and by secular I mean people who weren't made by their parents to sit thru catechism class all Sundays of their childhood--Francis of Assisi is that balding dude in the brown frock. In portraits, he's always depicted as some sort of Snow White figure: a person to whom woodland creatures seem curiously drawn.

But for those of us who were strangely attentive during those Sunday classes, even supplementing it with weekend viewings of Flying House / Super Book, we might have picked up this bitty trivia: Francis of Assisi is also the patron saint against dying alone / solitary death.


He's an easy favorite, next only to Maria Goretti. He's an environmentalist, a fan of lacemakers, and, according to his Wikipage, a fasihonista! (Well, ok, I paraphrase. What it actually said was that the young Francesco had a penchant for wearing bright clothing.)

So on the 14th, my dear spinstersisters, in case love hasn't found you yet, I seek that at the very least, may you not die in solitude (to be discovered three weeks later, half-eaten by your cats)!

Happy St Francis' day y'all!

comments ||

Saturday, January 2nd, 2010
01.30 pm :: 1,539 entries after

Today, we are 7 years old.
Happy birthday, thuspakeciriaco!

comments ||

Thursday, November 5th, 2009
03.07 am :: "So that whole time was like this sad memory for you?"



comments ||

Friday, October 16th, 2009
02.08 pm :: Glad to have you back, baby.


And yes, this calls for a bitty celebration.


comments ||

Sunday, October 4th, 2009
10.54 am :: Not herd.

"So. Are you still joining?"
"I don't think so. I'm having problems with the org."
"Like how?"
"Well, y'know."
" ... "
"Morally."

comments ||

Friday, September 25th, 2009
12.36 pm :: Shhh.
Tonight, it's been decided:

... )
Thanks to everyone who cared and listened
and indulged in the crazy and looked out for me.
Love my lovely friends <3 ! Always.

But let's be done with all the silliness and move on!
(I'm excit'ish!)

c: ,
TeamCarmi



(↑ wacky ↑)

comments ||

Wednesday, September 9th, 2009
10.52 am :: Ang sarap isipin na may mga taong masasabi mong mamahalin mo habambuhay...
... )

comments ||

Wednesday, August 26th, 2009
08.32 pm :: B/W Photography: Lines
Pero hindi talaga. Yun lang yung criterion for our midterm plate for Film 110. Eh sayang naman ang 36 shots kung uubusin ko lang sa lines.

At nakapag-reprint narin ako sa wakas nung galing dun sa first film roll ko, yay!


More of them here:
http://snailmailove.multiply.com/photos/album/352/BW_Photography_Lines

comments ||

Friday, July 31st, 2009
12.41 pm :: The (New) FrenchKids: An Introduction
Meet the Frenchkids!



They're too cute!
  1. Nagpipictorial sila dahil... wala lang!
  2. May konteksto sila mag-pose!
  3. Gumagamit sila ng props!
  4. Mabilis silang mag-upload!
How could I resist? Tapos pinatawad ko narin ang occasional "ate" incidents kasi nga naman 10 years ang gap. Their mothers raised them well eh. Tapos keri na na mahilig sila mag-wacky. Within a certain age range cute pa umarti ng genon, I suppose.

comments ||

Friday, July 24th, 2009
01.07 pm :: Seriously, 202.92.128.30!
Stalking can be cute. It's like three of my Top Ten Favorite Hobbies, Work-out Regimens, and Life-Choices of all time. (Three for EACH category, mind you.)

But people, when will you learn to leave a comment? (Hatemail. Libel suit. A song. Declaration of luuurve. Marriage proposal. Whatever, buddy.)

Or if not that, at least make attempts at covering your tracks. ) It's rather unattractive.

comments ||

Monday, July 20th, 2009
08.01 pm :: (An open letter to SPG)
Dear Stephen Patrick Gately,

Sorry to disappoint but I'm done looking.

Your former co-torchbearer,
J.

comments ||

Tuesday, July 7th, 2009
11.49 am :: Single, female, 26

Unedited.

comments ||

Monday, June 15th, 2009
12.50 pm :: And this is Georgiegeorgie...


... )

comments ||

Monday, May 18th, 2009
06.49 am :: Meet Georgie


My old new camera. (New old camera?)

Bought him off my brother, I-chan Moneybags (who's been looking for an excuse to upgrade, god bless his ma-ma-materialistic soul), as soon I got the check for my tax refund?/de minimis?/13th month? from the office.

Georgie shall be my escort until such time that a proper Photographer-Mowdel-Boyfriend relieves him from his post.

comments ||

Monday, May 11th, 2009
06.35 am :: Hint:

youyesssyou...




comments ||

Sunday, February 22nd, 2009
11.39 pm :: The ghost of words, or How to write a (non)love letter


It was at a local bus stop where she found him; not really waiting for the bus or anything at all, but still, just there: waiting.

She was fixing her gaze at him but was distracted by the cold, how he looked cold; to her much like a mislaid coat, with pockets outturned.

Headed home, she asks. A cursory glance is all the answer he offers.

He, too, was distracted by the cold, how it's upon us all of a sudden, everywhere. Cold is an almost foreign concept, where he is from.

Home, he begins to say, is sixteen hours away. But his breath forms smoke like the ghost of his words, and these do not reach her.

Home is a far along way from here, she hears him, barely. Just as he was opening his mouth again, the bus rolls by and she disappears onto one of the seats at the back.

She wanted to talk to him about summer and the shortcomings of the sun and how everyone's headed home, eventually, but she's bound elsewhere. She moves to the glass that now separates them, like datelines and globe hemispheres, and with vapour trails traces for him maps and awkward heart-shapes and wishes of warmer days.

Home is a far along way from here and he almost tells her. But just as soon, he stops the saying of things and becomes the waiting again.



comments ||

Sunday, February 15th, 2009
12.31 pm :: Dahil hindi krimen ang maging choosy!

VDay 09. I didn't want to be assaulted by throngs of sappy-happy couples (hellllo, Sta Mesa Manila!) and I didn't want to be Miss Girly Angst Brigade four years in a row either. So whadda I do, where do I go?

Divisoria of course! Coz nobody goes there for dates, right? Except... uhm... Unis. (Ahahhaha, ateh sorry naman.) In the midst of retail therapy, I found these non-standard wanted postings. (There were lots!)


Napa-'GO GURL!' ako ng di oras. I wish I had these ladies' badassitude. Because choosiness is a RIGHT, not a privilege!

comments ||

Wednesday, August 6th, 2008
03.05 pm :: c: / :c
I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm not built for happiness, or unexpected kindness, or any sort of softness that comes from the heart. What could be the point, then? Coz I'm all drawn-out and I just want to rest on something home.

comments ||

Sunday, June 15th, 2008
10.55 pm :: White flag
It wasn't strictly a siege. Or anyways who could be bothered with putting up any sort of resistance against it, had there been one.

The surrender was offered, never exacted, with mercenary smilies committing the highest of treasons.

Fast-forward to NOW: when my phone's switched to silent and I carry on pretending to no longer be waiting on it.



any...     
        minute...     
          now...     

                   ... or now.

                                         How about now. NO?
                                                       Coz now's still good.


And this is what happens after too many Tudor episodes. Damn you, Ann Boylen and your self-undoing corsets!

comments ||

Friday, February 22nd, 2008
03.36 pm :: Love affair with audio cassette
Forgetting could be awesome sometimes like on a random day, you stumble upon some cool shit you were absolutely nuts about a while back but eventually forgot, and now it's dusted itself off and somehow managed to find you again and you're like ohmigod! ohmigod! ohmigod! like you can't believe and it's this intense reunion and falling in love twice over.



current music: headstate: Sticking with you - The Velvet Underground (Juno OST)

comments ||

Monday, January 14th, 2008
12.39 pm :: 1st Asian Tour: Path to Boy
I was certain that the first time I'd tour Asia, it would be a Wong Kar Wai retrospective: burying secrets in Angkor Wat, running all over HK or Macau after five million cheongsam changes, perfectly putting on blood red lipstick only to be smeared off by a mystery boy in Singapura.

But nerr.

Asian tour '08 is clearly Path to Boy. (Unfortunately, not my boy.)
May 14-29, Singapura - Malaysia - Thailand(?), with head huntress Charlikins.

comments ||

Monday, December 17th, 2007
08.40 am :: This plain housewifery thing
... ain't fun one bit.

I'm almost tempted to let them starve just to get a point across. (Never works, btw, coz there's always salvation in Ginisa Flavor Mix.)

I completely understand Mother now. Nagging is love on a loop. On a loop. On a loop.



current music: headstate: clumsy - fergie

comments ||

Saturday, December 1st, 2007
08.12 am :: year-end target: someone who'd love me, false eyelashes and all (na STRAIGHT, pls god, pls.)

* image from 'if we ever break up, this is my book'



current music: headstate: cold
current music: headstate: paminsan-minsan - richard reynoso

comments ||

Friday, November 30th, 2007
12.12 pm :: carfuw
and single, consuming thought was,
"papaano na ang ministop?"

comments ||

Wednesday, November 28th, 2007
07.53 pm :: this week, in dvds:
one of the perks of central living is easy access. you're one ride away from everything and hours are lost in cubao (ukay♥), divisoria (bargain hunting), ongpin (mei-ha!) and of course, carriedo (pirate-friends).

lootbag!:

comments ||

Thursday, October 18th, 2007
05.12 am :: parlour game: exchange boypren
a nasty little game of musical chairs (version: your boypren) is making its way into my once-immaculate social calendar. with forces much stronger than i am, i've resigned to the fact that:
  1. he, who is a he, prefers him, who is a himgolf is code for "man-date"
  2. it's october; it's inevitable

which i understand, but...

how come i get the
carless,
pobre

one
in this exchange?

...


waahh. somebody, anybody, please come to my rescue.
here's a stalker-friendly rundown of next week.
consider this a personal invitation. it'll be awkward, i promise.


no, seriously. )



current music: headstate: short-changed
current music: headstate: as lovers go - dashboard confessional

comments || 2

Monday, October 15th, 2007
10.55 pm :: pelicula 07: the compensatory return
in the grand celebration of freedom and bitterness (because those two go oh-so beautifully together, donchathink?) i've dedicated three full days of last week to pelicula '07: the 6th spanish film festival.

five of the seven screenings i went to, i went to alooone--two of which were even LFSes (last full shows, baby), which is kind of sad & mad & very tragic spinster-found-dead-by-her-cats-three-days-after, but at the same time stays true to the overall sentiment.


... )



current music: headstate: compensating

comments ||

Thursday, October 11th, 2007
10.29 am :: sarah, ang munting prinsesa
my folks just got thru the consul interview.
it's official.


i'll soon be a princess sarah
(that makes charlie... ermingard?)



current music: headstate: sad (meep!)

comments || 2

Monday, August 6th, 2007
05.54 pm :: unleash the inner drag queen


false eyelashes is the absolute next level--so i come to work, a different pair each day like it's the most natural thing.



... )

comments ||

Thursday, July 19th, 2007
04.06 pm :: dapat ata nag-iinvest din sa mga friends at hindi puro nalang bathing suits. / end lesson
... )

going hermit crab = not most brilliant travel strategy, especially when: 1) expenses will be split three ways and 2) decisions are called by the majority and they easily out-vote me, two:one.


there ought to be a skinny on the cdo - camiguin trip somewhere here, but i'm straining my neck trying to write it up as ouchless as possible.

Camiguin Island, 13-15.07.2007

soon, comrades.



current music: headstate: out of order
current music: headstate: maybe - up dharma down

comments ||

Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
05.24 pm :: i take time to warm up.
why does everyone keep missing that?
i love forever&ever for always so what's the rush,

and where to, exactly?

comments ||

Tuesday, July 10th, 2007
07.26 am :: can't have your cake and eat it too when you're wannarexic.
these days, i'm so zen it's not even funny.

i am also celinefreakin'dion singing 'all by myself (don't wanna live)' to an audience of exactly zero, which could be funny but isn't the point.



THE POINT IS... )

it's seven full hours of sleep and not needing to rock myself first.
it's accidental babies by damien rice without the thought of a personal dedication.
it's forgetting. in all five dimensions.
it's reading about her and my pigeonheart not breaking.
it's not feeling the need to read you write about her at all.

but it's also switching off.
it's impatience.
it's days and weeks folding into each other, indistinct.
it's finding nothing and eventually not even looking anymore.
it's july rain, it's skin and song stripped of meaning.
it's static taken for silence.




current music: headstate: sleepy
current music: headstate: silence is easy - starsailor

comments || 3

Saturday, July 7th, 2007
09.42 am :: aquasocks in aquablue with heart detail = serious emotional investment
the so-called "wanderlust buddies" are a bunch of soggy serial flakes.

taker-for-granters of the five-paged itinerary, which, unbefuckingknownst to them, was borne of purelove. anal tendencies. whatever.


you.. you... YOU TOURISTS, YOU!



current music: headstate: disappointed

comments || 4

Monday, June 25th, 2007
05.11 pm :: so i'll stop. (or at least, you won't be hearing any more of it.)

back to seven hours of sleep, and here, you see, is the final connection.

i cut back on the meiji bars, spa sessions, retail therapy, so it doesn't feel like cheating. like maybe all of it's chemical.

but when is happiness ever not borderline chemical anyways?


          synthetic, i mean. and maybe 'happiness' is the wrong word (oh!) to claim and wear around one's pretty little neck when wasn't it just five minutes ago we decided on heartbreak coz at least that, that'll stick for good. i'm sorry. in hindsight, i should've realized how this could be depressing (in a compare & contrast sort of way), but we really ought to stop doing that and you can hardly think it's
personal. you shouldn't, is what i'm saying.

...


then, of course, the moment you realize it, claim it for your own, your lovely new pashmina's gone.

i hope the next time won't have to be a celebration in a lockbox.

comments ||

Wednesday, June 20th, 2007
07.33 am :: strawb'ries & bananas -do- mix.
this is, i sincerely suspect, the happiest i've been (since, well...)

when did happiness become all and only about unguarded glances and lips & hands wet from always kiss kiss kissing and cellotaping hope onto the moment (any moment) just long enough until maybe it might actually mean something, anything, as if hearts-on-sleeves were a universal arts & crafts project. when did we start doing that? and why?

when the world can hold a whole lot more, and will for you if you knew how brave it is to ask nicely, a lot more than your put-on tragedies and awkward touches and blood thinning over pages of stale verse; you've always been so weightless, and we couldn't forget.


since learning to work my mouth again, and exhale when it's become impossible to take everything in.

-------------------------------------------



-------------------------------------------



current music: headstate: they do! they do!
current music: headstate: speeding cars - frou frou

comments || 2

Friday, June 1st, 2007
08.07 am :: caught twenty-two

"hormonal imbalance?"

and mrs. wrath (that really is her name, why would i be making this up?) nodded like she meant to unhinge her neck in fanatical agreement with me when i pled insanity during office breakdown # 3.

3 of 5, and counting.



current music: headstate: unstable
current music: headstate: that's me trying - will shatner feat. ben folds & aimee mann

comments ||

Monday, May 21st, 2007
11.57 pm :: it'll be six months since by june.
guess who rekindled things (or is it just kindled- sans prefix, coz the last few times didn't really count?), sounding scandalously s1ngle despite friendster status?

ok, that doesn't narrow it down to anything.

but vague insinuations of region one cohabitation were flinged around with such torturous ease (and snatched, posthaste), i could be imelda marcos. or is it more aptly gabriela silang?



current music: headstate: right on cue
current music: headstate: one more night - apostle of hustle

comments ||

Saturday, March 10th, 2007
02.18 pm :: there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place...

"meet me... at the kanto."


been here a week but everything else that isn't soiled denims or canned food or toothbrushes had thoughtlessly been left to sit inside boxes marked "HANDLE WITH CARE <3" (although, after the battle with unending rolls of packing tape, we start to mean it less and less).

no one has even bothered with the new address. like bunched up underpants, something wrong you'd need to get used to eventually. yesterday, i got locked out because i was carrying around my old keys. we could try but we may have elected, preconsciously, to fight feelings of settling in.



current music: headstate: homesick
current music: headstate: when it's over we still have to clear up - snow patrol

comments ||

Friday, February 23rd, 2007
06.50 am :: this little disappearing act

bit by crummy bit, their turgid hearts are beginning to show weakness. they are on their way to missing me! which wasn't part of the plan, pulling away from the familiar; there was never even a plan.

...

two months AWOL, mister consistency-is-key turned up again on my metaphorical doorstep, exactly one hundred fifty-three hours, gmt +800. and, despite the tiny schoolgirlish *squeeeeee!* i let out at this invite, i really have lost all compounded biannual interest.

go find some other crowbar, lover.




current music: headstate: sleepy
current music: headstate: i get along without you very well - nina simone

comments ||

Saturday, February 17th, 2007
10.15 am :: it ain't over til feb 15.
the spinster sisters are at it again.
charantiya-mode over checklists and the tale of the missing cojones.





( ... )



current music: headstate: single.
current music: headstate: choux pastry heart - corinne bailey rae

comments ||

Saturday, February 10th, 2007
03.09 pm :: speaking in parables
at sa larong musical chairs ng mga puso, nagka-upuan na silang lahat.
gameover, pakshet naman.

(versions: unis & weinwein)

This is turning into an inappropriate email, isn't it? I miss you.



current music: headstate: bigo.
current music: headstate: come around - rhett miller

comments ||

Monday, January 8th, 2007
12.14 pm :: fare me well!
waking up to cat lint and the stale, dry taste of oh, look, you! what a way to say goodbye by making that couch again and lying in it.

you see, he knows he's not
just remembering this dance

he's there

in both moments
simultaneously.



just then, it's obvious: time's a lie.



current music: headstate: relieved
current music: headstate: stupid memory - sondre lerch

comments ||

Sunday, January 7th, 2007
11.34 pm :: very demi.
some somethings are better than some nothings but very rarely when that something has the nature of, say, pedophilia.

this is totally charlikin-territory (welcome to the wilderness!): five foot ten inches of tall, lanky, unadulterated catholic-flavored goodness. the small of my back rendered h.e.l.p.less.

h is for hurry...
    e is for urgent...
        l is for love me...
       PLEEEASE!



current music: headstate: curious
current music: headstate: do what you want - okgo

comments ||

Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007
04.26 am :: red-lettered
i may have set a precedent, the follow through coming @ 5am, new year's. he had better odds catching me two hours earlier, though.

consistency is key, my little holiday treat!

...



quit playing games with my heart,
sabe nga ng BSB. (*image from ljsecretljsecret)



current music: headstate: anxious
current music: headstate: criminal - fiona apple

comments ||

Monday, January 1st, 2007
01.39 am :: back in god's good graces, i s'ppose.

some people want it all
but i want no--nothin' at all
if i ain't got you baby...



but then again, some people have universally certified gay men for their hot new boyfriends making it harder to officially complain.

things like this feel so hand-of-godish, invoking more than the usual schadenfreude point-and-snicker fit. it's as if a certain balance in my world has been restored; a sense of hope, renewed.

...

coz if there's something to learn from 2006, it's that divine providence doesn't take to whinyness too well.





current music: headstate: cheerful
current music: headstate: if i ain't got you - athlete (alicia keys cover)

comments || 2

Friday, December 29th, 2006
01.30 am :: regular operating hours
the slightest sound rouses me to movement. life's on permanent date stand-by. centuries of fine tuning the mating rituals of our species and they still ask you out for 2pm on a monday, or early christmas morn. ask you out or over.

i could become a rules girl, lil miss never-after-a-wednesday. but when he's damn edible like that?



current music: headstate: on hold
current music: headstate: smile like you mean it (the killers cover) - david gray

comments ||

Monday, December 25th, 2006
09.54 am :: constipated with happiness and helpless against your su'thern charms as a matter of course.
(you, the waldorf salad, our lovely biannual affair.
i'm running purely on warmfuzzies at this point.)

♥ ♥ ♥

wonderful christmas morn, everyone!



current music: headstate: high
current music: headstate: i'm glad i hitched my apple wagon - the boy least likely to

comments ||

Saturday, November 11th, 2006
06.06 am :: acting civil.
you never get to what the phrase actually, existentially, means until after four months of not seeing him, he turns up, within a good eye-clawing distance, and you're suddenly unable to decide how to make use of that space between you two. manually dismantle his trachea? rip his clothes off?

or maybe both; you've certainly got the time now.



current music: headstate: spoken too soon
current music: headstate: it's over - sondre lerche

comments ||


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