Monday, June 15th, 2009
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12.50 pm :: And this is Georgiegeorgie...
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Georgiegeorgie is Georgie's redundant but equally adorable brother/sister. (It has not decided yet.) Charlie loaned me his old manual SLR camera (Nikon F55) for this semester's photog class (don't you just love little brothers?), and tonight is the first time I held it. Rather scary actually. Single-use batteries; film that, well, ends; it's needier than I am! Oh, but I do look forward to the many Quiapo adventures we shall have! This relationship is gonna take a LOT of film rolls, that's fo'sho.
_____________ * Photo taken by Georgie.
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Friday, May 22nd, 2009
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06.49 am :: Meet Georgie
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My old new camera. (New old camera?)
Bought him off my brother, I-chan Moneybags (who been looking for an excuse to upgrade, god bless his ma-ma-materialistic soul), as soon I got the check for my tax refund?/de minimis?/13th month? from the office.
Georgie shall be my escort until such time that a proper Photographer-Mowdel-Boyfriend relieves him from his post.
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Monday, May 11th, 2009
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06.35 am :: Hint:
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Sunday, February 22nd, 2009
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11.39 pm :: The ghost of words, or How to write a (non)love letter
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It was at a local bus stop where she found him; not really waiting for the bus or anything at all, but still, just there: waiting.
She was fixing her gaze at him but was distracted by the cold, how he looked cold; to her much like a mislaid coat, with pockets outturned.
Headed home, she asks. A cursory glance is all the answer he offers.
He, too, was distracted by the cold, how it's upon us all of a sudden, everywhere. Cold is an almost foreign concept, where he was from.
Home, he begins to say, is sixteen hours away. But his breath forms smoke like the ghost of his words, and these does not reach her.
Home is a far along way from here, she hears him, barely. Just as he was opening his mouth again, the bus rolls by and she disappears onto one of the seats at the back.
She wanted to talk to him about summer and the shortcomings of the sun and how everyone's headed home, eventually, but she's bound elsewhere. She moves to the glass that now separates them, like datelines and globe hemispheres, and with vapour trails traces for him maps and awkward heart-shapes and wishes of warmer days.
Home is a far along way from here and he almost tells her. But just as soon, he stops the saying of things and becomes the waiting again.
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Sunday, February 15th, 2009
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12.31 pm :: Dahil hindi krimen ang maging choosy!
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VDay 09. I didn't want to be assaulted by throngs of sappy-happy couples (hellllo, Sta Mesa Manila!) and I didn't want to be Miss Girly Angst Brigade four years in a row either. So whadda I do, where do I go? Divisoria of course! Coz nobody goes there for dates, right? Except... uhm... Unis. (Ahahhaha, ateh sorry naman.) In the midst of retail therapy, I found these non-standard wanted postings. (There were lots!)  Napa- 'GO GURL!' ako ng di oras. I wish I had these ladies' badassitude. Because choosiness is a RIGHT, not a privilege!
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Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008
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04.43 am :: because some of the rest of most of you just aren't special enough, hmp. (19.09.2006)
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Wednesday, August 6th, 2008
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03.05 pm :: c: / :c
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I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm not built for happiness, or unexpected kindness, or any sort of softness that comes from the heart. What could be the point, then? Coz I'm all drawn-out and I just want to rest on something home.
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Sunday, June 15th, 2008
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10.55 pm :: White flag
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It wasn't strictly a siege. Or anyways who could be bothered with putting up any sort of resistance against it, had there been one. The surrender was offered, never exacted, with mercenary smilies committing the highest of treasons. Fast-forward to NOW: when my phone's switched to silent and I carry on pretending to no longer be waiting on it.
any... minute... now...
... or now.
How about now. NO? Coz now's still good.  And this is what happens after too many Tudor episodes. Damn you, Ann Boylen and your self-undoing corsets!
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Friday, February 22nd, 2008
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03.36 pm :: Love affair with audio cassette
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Forgetting could be awesome sometimes like on a random day, you stumble upon some cool shit you were absolutely nuts about a while back but eventually forgot, and now it's dusted itself off and somehow managed to find you again and you're like ohmigod! ohmigod! ohmigod! like you can't believe and it's this intense reunion and falling in love twice over.
current music: headstate: Sticking with you - The Velvet Underground (Juno OST)
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Monday, January 14th, 2008
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12.39 pm :: 1st Asian Tour: Path to Boy
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I was certain that the first time I'd tour Asia, it would be a Wong Kar Wai retrospective: burying secrets in Angkor Wat, running all over HK or Macau after five million cheongsam changes, perfectly putting on blood red lipstick only to be smeared off by a mystery boy in Singapura.
But nerr.
Asian tour '08 is clearly Path to Boy. (Unfortunately, not my boy.) May 14-29, Singapura - Malaysia - Thailand(?), with head huntress Charlikins.
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Monday, December 24th, 2007
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03.56 am :: Can I just say: gayest holidays evarrr!
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And I love it! ... E.O.F. ceasefire. Great food, great outfits, great gifts, and even greater conversation. 


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Monday, December 17th, 2007
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08.40 am :: This plain housewifery thing
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... ain't fun one bit.
I'm almost tempted to let them starve just to get a point across. (Never works, btw, coz there's always salvation in Ginisa Flavor Mix.)
I completely understand Mother now. Nagging is love on a loop. On a loop. On a loop.
current music: headstate: clumsy - fergie
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Saturday, December 15th, 2007
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12.08 pm :: Ninsie's despidida: The final stretch
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Saturday, December 1st, 2007
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08.12 am :: year-end target: someone who'd love me, false eyelashes and all (na STRAIGHT, pls god, pls.)
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Friday, November 30th, 2007
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12.12 pm :: carfuw
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and single, consuming thought was, "papaano na ang ministop?"
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Wednesday, November 28th, 2007
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07.53 pm :: this week, in dvds:
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Sunday, November 18th, 2007
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11.18 pm :: CamSur, day three
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Monday, November 12th, 2007
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03.21 pm :: feliz cumpleaños !
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saturgay was let's-pretend-it's-still-my-brithday dinner with the faglove mix (romel & eunicia, charlin & yvex). charlin's GC at italianni's and further saltsist remarks ousted dining plans at a venetto, where unis, our resident fertility charm, had already ordered a plate of oysters to hone her recently discovered gift. and speaking of gifts, yay! rome got me the book i wanted! love gifts! love friends! this year's theme is BAWAL AKO I-UPSTAGE, AKO ANG MAY BIRTHDAY. but yves yves-ed the whole concept, showing up reed-thin and carrying what looked like, erm, beyonce's handbag. ateh, nakita ko ko si yves, kaya lang... parang ndi. naka-handbag kase. naghahanbag na ba sya as a person? from eunicia la loca || 10.11.07 20h08 ...
(it could've been a longer guest-/ entree list, but no one ever plays nice. it would've been social genocide to have gathered them all together during feeding time.)
better late than pregnant. the birthday dinner with the fagmix @ italianni's, gb3, 10.11.2007 sometime before dessert, the resto staff came out for a birthday song/medley complete with maracas, which delighted me to tiny, chewable bits. the performance left me in tears, with my falsies almost falling off. when they got to the coda, romelson (my one true love) joined in and supplanted their ready choreo. ahlaveit this year! whatever drama you're in, you always always win with friends.
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Saturday, October 27th, 2007
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12.17 am :: in the mood for tony leung
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... but ended up wanting wang.
for more theme-kung-theme: accidentally coming as mak tai tai for the minimoviedate.
 no way i could've googled that in time.
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Monday, October 22nd, 2007
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05.28 am :: s.a.d.
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suffering from an acute case of S.A.D. (separation anxiety disorder), ninsie, dear friend and my personal hero for unli- self-improvement, has decided that her remaining days here in the PIs be spent as one long, continuous send-off party.
(which is brilliant and novel and truly very ninsie, i must say, but with the actual departure scheduled for the 15th of december, i doubt any of us will have the energy to keep up with her.)
here's week two of the countdown to 15.12.2007:
wednesday, 17 oct : decades - metrowalk, ortigas
   
   
thursday, 18 oct : starbucks - lp

friday, 19 oct : barracks - morato
   
   
saturday, 20 oct : gatecrashing ralph's parteh - makati (who has the pics? who?)
sunday, 21 oct : balibagan sa bicutan
  

current music: headstate: exhausted current music: headstate: heaven here - dashboard confessional
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Friday, October 19th, 2007
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04.58 pm :: ma belle vie !
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the mothership has called.
ninsie, undisputed queen of confidence unchecked, has herded the su'thern gay contingent to mourn/celebrate her final days.
 miranda/chichay ⋅ charlotte/sean ⋅ carrie/wein ⋅ pok2 samantha/ninsie
( ... )
with the benediction of ralph's digital-slr, they've single-handedly eroded my annual affair with depression, thy name is ******.
love my lovely friends.
current music: headstate: happee current music: headstate: hell no - sondre lerche & regina spektor
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Thursday, October 18th, 2007
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05.12 am :: parlour game: exchange boypren
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a nasty little game of musical chairs (version: your boypren) is making its way into my once-immaculate social calendar. with forces much stronger than i am, i've resigned to the fact that:- he, who is a he, prefers him, who is a him
golf is code for "man-date"- it's october; it's inevitable
which i understand, but...
how come i get the carless, pobre one in this exchange?... waahh. somebody, anybody, please come to my rescue. here's a stalker-friendly rundown of next week. consider this a personal invitation. it'll be awkward, i promise. ( no, seriously. )
current music: headstate: short-changed current music: headstate: as lovers go - dashboard confessional
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Monday, October 15th, 2007
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10.55 pm :: pelicula 07: the compensatory return
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in the grand celebration of freedom and bitterness (because those two go oh-so beautifully together, donchathink?) i've dedicated three full days of last week to pelicula '07: the 6th spanish film festival. five of the seven screenings i went to, i went to alooone--two of which were even LFSes (last full shows, baby), which is kind of sad & mad & very tragic spinster-found-dead-by-her-cats-three-da ys-after, but at the same time stays true to the overall sentiment.
 ( ... )
current music: headstate: compensating
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Thursday, October 11th, 2007
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10.29 am :: sarah, ang munting prinsesa
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my folks just got thru the consul interview. it's official.
 i'll soon be a princess sarah (that makes charlie... ermingard?)
current music: headstate: sad (meep!)
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Monday, August 6th, 2007
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05.54 pm :: unleash the inner drag queen
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false eyelashes is the absolute next level--so i come to work, a different pair each day like it's the most natural thing. ( ... )
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Thursday, July 19th, 2007
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04.06 pm :: dapat ata nag-iinvest din sa mga friends at hindi puro nalang bathing suits. / end lesson
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( ... )going hermit crab = not most brilliant travel strategy, especially when: 1) expenses will be split three ways and 2) decisions are called by the majority and they easily out-vote me, two:one. there ought to be a skinny on the cdo - camiguin trip somewhere here, but i'm straining my neck trying to write it up as ouchless as possible.  soon, comrades.
current music: headstate: out of order current music: headstate: maybe - up dharma down
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Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
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05.24 pm :: i take time to warm up.
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why does everyone keep missing that? i love forever&ever for always so what's the rush,
and where to, exactly?
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Tuesday, July 10th, 2007
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07.26 am :: can't have your cake and eat it too when you're wannarexic.
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these days, i'm so zen it's not even funny. i am also celine freakin'dion singing 'all by myself (don't wanna live)' to an audience of exactly zero, which could be funny but isn't the point. ( THE POINT IS... )it's seven full hours of sleep and not needing to rock myself first. it's accidental babies by damien rice without the thought of a personal dedication. it's forgetting. in all five dimensions. it's reading about her and my pigeonheart not breaking. it's not feeling the need to read you write about her at all. but it's also switching off. it's impatience. it's days and weeks folding into each other, indistinct. it's finding nothing and eventually not even looking anymore. it's july rain, it's skin and song stripped of meaning. it's static taken for silence.
current music: headstate: sleepy current music: headstate: silence is easy - starsailor
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Saturday, July 7th, 2007
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09.42 am :: aquasocks in aquablue with heart detail = serious emotional investment
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the so-called "wanderlust buddies" are a bunch of soggy serial flakes.
taker-for-granters of the five-paged itinerary, which, unbefuckingknownst to them, was borne of purelove. anal tendencies. whatever.
you.. you... YOU TOURISTS, YOU!
current music: headstate: disappointed
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Monday, June 25th, 2007
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05.11 pm :: so i'll stop. (or at least, you won't be hearing any more of it.)
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back to seven hours of sleep, and here, you see, is the final connection.
i cut back on the meiji bars, spa sessions, retail therapy, so it doesn't feel like cheating. like maybe all of it's chemical.
but when is happiness ever not borderline chemical anyways?
synthetic, i mean. and maybe 'happiness' is the wrong word (oh!) to claim and wear around one's pretty little neck when wasn't it just five minutes ago we decided on heartbreak coz at least that, that'll stick for good. i'm sorry. in hindsight, i should've realized how this could be depressing (in a compare & contrast sort of way), but we really ought to stop doing that and you can hardly think it's personal. you shouldn't, is what i'm saying.
...
then, of course, the moment you realize it, claim it for your own, your lovely new pashmina's gone.
i hope the next time won't have to be a celebration in a lockbox.
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Wednesday, June 20th, 2007
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07.33 am :: strawb'ries & bananas -do- mix.
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this is, i sincerely suspect, the happiest i've been (since, well...)
when did happiness become all and only about unguarded glances and lips & hands wet from always kiss kiss kissing and cellotaping hope onto the moment (any moment) just long enough until maybe it might actually mean something, anything, as if hearts-on-sleeves were a universal arts & crafts project. when did we start doing that? and why?
when the world can hold a whole lot more, and will for you if you knew how brave it is to ask nicely, a lot more than your put-on tragedies and awkward touches and blood thinning over pages of stale verse; you've always been so weightless, and we couldn't forget.
since learning to work my mouth again, and exhale when it's become impossible to take everything in. -------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------
current music: headstate: they do! they do! current music: headstate: speeding cars - frou frou
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Wednesday, June 6th, 2007
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05.50 am :: preemptively declaring indiependence: the intramuros photoshoot
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because we've lost all ability to meet up, normal-like (without pre-approved themes/ photoconcepts, faxed in programme of activities, weather forecast for the next 36 hours, etc., etc.):Photo-opts Sa Intramuros Dahil Miss Na Daw Ako Ni Yvex (or more likely dahil naiinggit sya sa vigan escapades ko)

haffcors, charlin was there as well, as neutralizer/scorekeep
 the rest of the damage, here. you've already seen most of it.
current music: headstate: absolutely no judgment current music: headstate: here it goes again - OK Go
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Friday, June 1st, 2007
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08.07 am :: caught twenty-two
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Tuesday, May 29th, 2007
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05.02 am :: Wanderlust: Capones Island, Zambales
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Monday, May 21st, 2007
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11.57 pm :: it'll be six months since by june.
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guess who rekindled things (or is it just kindled- sans prefix, coz the last few times didn't really count?), sounding scandalously s1ngle despite friendster status?
ok, that doesn't narrow it down to anything.
but vague insinuations of region one cohabitation were flinged around with such torturous ease (and snatched, posthaste), i could be imelda marcos. or is it more aptly gabriela silang?
current music: headstate: right on cue current music: headstate: one more night - apostle of hustle
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Saturday, May 19th, 2007
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11.36 am :: snapshots
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Saturday, March 10th, 2007
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02.18 pm :: there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place...
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 "meet me... at the kanto."
been here a week but everything else that isn't soiled denims or canned food or toothbrushes had thoughtlessly been left to sit inside boxes marked "HANDLE WITH CARE <3" (although, after the battle with unending rolls of packing tape, we start to mean it less and less).
no one has even bothered with the new address. like bunched up underpants, something wrong you'd need to get used to eventually. yesterday, i got locked out because i was carrying around my old keys. we could try but we may have elected, preconsciously, to fight feelings of settling in.
current music: headstate: homesick current music: headstate: when it's over we still have to clear up - snow patrol
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Friday, February 23rd, 2007
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06.50 am :: this little disappearing act
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bit by crummy bit, their turgid hearts are beginning to show weakness. they are on their way to missing me! which wasn't part of the plan, pulling away from the familiar; there was never even a plan. ... two months AWOL, mister consistency-is-key turned up again on my metaphorical doorstep, exactly one hundred fifty-three hours, gmt +800. and , despite the tiny schoolgirlish *squeeeeee!* i let out at this invite, i really have lost all compounded biannual interest. go find some other crowbar, lover.
current music: headstate: sleepy current music: headstate: i get along without you very well - nina simone
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Saturday, February 17th, 2007
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10.15 am :: it ain't over til feb 15.
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Saturday, February 10th, 2007
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03.09 pm :: speaking in parables
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Monday, January 8th, 2007
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12.14 pm :: fare me well!
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waking up to cat lint and the stale, dry taste of oh, look, you! what a way to say goodbye by making that couch again and lying in it. you see, he knows he's not just remembering this dance
he's there
in both moments simultaneously.  just then, it's obvious: time's a lie.
current music: headstate: relieved current music: headstate: stupid memory - sondre lerch
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Sunday, January 7th, 2007
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11.34 pm :: very demi.
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some somethings are better than some nothings but very rarely when that something has the nature of, say, pedophilia.
this is totally charlikin-territory (welcome to the wilderness!): five foot ten inches of tall, lanky, unadulterated catholic-flavored goodness. the small of my back rendered h.e.l.p.less.
h is for hurry... e is for urgent... l is for love me... PLEEEASE!
current music: headstate: curious current music: headstate: do what you want - okgo
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Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007
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04.26 am :: red-lettered
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Monday, January 1st, 2007
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01.39 am :: back in god's good graces, i s'ppose.
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some people want it all but i want no--nothin' at all if i ain't got you baby... but then again, some people have universally certified gay men for their hot new boyfriends making it harder to officially complain. things like this feel so hand-of-god ish, invoking more than the usual schadenfreude point-and-snicker fit. it's as if a certain balance in my world has been restored; a sense of hope, renewed. ... coz if there's something to learn from 2006, it's that divine providence doesn't take to whinyness too well.
current music: headstate: cheerful current music: headstate: if i ain't got you - athlete (alicia keys cover)
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Friday, December 29th, 2006
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01.30 am :: regular operating hours
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the slightest sound rouses me to movement. life's on permanent date stand-by. centuries of fine tuning the mating rituals of our species and they still ask you out for 2pm on a monday, or early christmas morn. ask you out or over.
i could become a rules girl, lil miss never-after-a-wednesday. but when he's damn edible like that?
current music: headstate: on hold current music: headstate: smile like you mean it (the killers cover) - david gray
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Monday, December 25th, 2006
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09.54 am :: constipated with happiness and helpless against your su'thern charms as a matter of course.
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(you, the waldorf salad, our lovely biannual affair. i'm running purely on warmfuzzies at this point.)
♥ ♥ ♥
wonderful christmas morn, everyone!
current music: headstate: high current music: headstate: i'm glad i hitched my apple wagon - the boy least likely to
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Monday, November 13th, 2006
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02.09 am :: baklaan postcards (three years in the making)
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galera. it's gotten embarrassing to say that we still go there. heck, it's the only destination ever. partly because i can plan for a mindoro trip in my sleep (+ i've mastered the art of packing lightly); partly because the last time i ventured somewhere else, i very nearly died, then very nearly got engaged, and then very nearly died again; but really mostly because it's the only sort of minibreak i can afford. (sidebar/inside joke: "it's a common problem amongst young people..." "pimples?")
the shores have gone from virginal (three years ago, comme moi!) to a version of baywalk, slightly glorified, where swimming is still acceptable and engenders only a limited range of skin maladies.
contracting two varieties during my last visit, i've sworn off going there again. hennyways, travel is but an occasion for photographs, so here's our most photo-documented trip yet:

current music: headstate: sa wakas current music: headstate: chemo limo - regina spektor
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Saturday, November 11th, 2006
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06.06 am :: acting civil.
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you never get to what the phrase actually, existentially, means until after four months of not seeing him, he turns up, within a good eye-clawing distance, and you're suddenly unable to decide how to make use of that space between you two. manually dismantle his trachea? rip his clothes off?
or maybe both; you've certainly got the time now.
current music: headstate: spoken too soon current music: headstate: it's over - sondre lerche
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Friday, November 10th, 2006
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05.47 am :: mis-sent
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on one hand, the message smelt of smug intellectualism, with the mention of things like "the teleological" versus "the preferential".
on the other hand, "sex/vanilla" and "desperate for a boy" were used in the same sentence.
...
"kasi minsan, you can only forward the worst foot, or message, whatever."
current music: headstate: distressed current music: headstate: sullen girl - fiona apple
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Tuesday, November 7th, 2006
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03.10 am :: the hardest part
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Where the waves hit the shore, I pull the car to the side of the road, touch his shoulder. He wakes up, looks at me, not really shyly at all, and not apologetically, devoid even of any emotion, or maybe overflowing with too much of it. Why can't I tell with him?
Perhaps that's what he wanted originally. To fall asleep in a stranger's car. This has barely anything to do with me at all.
We get out, walk up the hill to the rocks I like. You can see everything from here.
"It's not enough to want to be happy," I say, finally. "It doesn't stop there. First, you find happiness. You wait till it sticks to you, like a baby to the womb, until it's strong enough for you to carry it without having to worry it's going to fall off. Then you have to be happy with your happiness. You have to want it to stay."
"That sounds quite complicated."
"Maybe it isn't. Maybe you just have to want it. Maybe you can will things into existing."
"Well, fuck."(icicle@sevenphonecalls.org)
current music: headstate: uncomfortable current music: headstate: only the lonely - david gray
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