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Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009
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04.43 am :: because some of the rest of most of you just aren't special enough, hmp. (19.09.2006)
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| Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
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12.32 pm :: I lost my ring! *sadface*
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I've looked everywhere and still can't find it. And I don't remember
where and when I wore it last.
How I used to roll. :c
I saw it at a flea market in Penang (M'sia) and didn't have money
so we had to come back for it on our last day there.
It was the perfect lola ring!
(It's actually a lolo ring, and all the other lolo rings didn't fit but this one!)
Now I'll just have to find a way to cope... and replace it somehow.
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| Monday, November 9th, 2009
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08.48 pm :: Mga bagay na di ko parin natutunan -despite- UPM:
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- Magluto. Am sorry, pero NO talaga! Kay Muder Cy na ang tiara sa event na yan.
 
- Mag-wacky...
 
 
and/or mag-group shot.
 
 
- Kung san magsi-CR.
- Mag-pants!
 
( 5-7, under the cut )
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01.56 am :: Sa pagsali ko sa UPM, aking natutunan...
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| Sunday, November 8th, 2009
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03.19 pm :: Annoying things about 500 Days of Summer (for readers 24 & up)
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First of all, YOU DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT NONLOVE STORIES, ok. I know nonlove stories, heck, I AM a nonlovestory. When a guy & a girl hook up, spend cutesy time together, actually like like each other, split but end up with other people, that, THAT'S A LOVE STORY. No, plural. Those are love stories, ok. It lasted for 500 freakin days, what are you complaining about. That's almost a year and a half, man. Go to me if it barely lasts a month, or it lasts f o r e v e r but it's all in your head, or the male lead turns out to be a complete bag o' douche/ purveyor of the Ngawit Panga Syndrome/ is gay/ all of the above.  ( Second, Summer is such a jerkface. )( Third, that Summer doesn't *believe* in love is bullshit. )Feeling ko sumi-statement lang itong si Summer. Parang ako lang, with my "I don't DO coffee" or "Sharry, I don't drink (my mother raised me well)." Hello, bat ka nagboboypren?! Kung anak ka ng nanay ko, kinurot ka na nun sa singit. Isa kang malaking ka-chorvahan, Summer Finn!( Reasons 4-6, under the cut. ) |
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| Thursday, November 5th, 2009
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03.07 am :: "So that whole time was like this sad memory for you?"
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| Wednesday, November 4th, 2009
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05.35 pm :: You put the 'gay' in investigation
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I was innocently browsing thru an album posted by Atty. Bofish when ding ding ding!, may nakita akong betable na boy guy. Sabi ng self ko sa self ko (in a rare conversation), "I'll have two of those, please. With extra gravy. Thank you!"  | And! to express my delight at the discovery na aba, meron pa palang cute sa mundo!, I immediately made like to his photo. |
Pero agad ding na-override ang feelings na yon with a mini-panic/ insecurity dahil kung may friend si Bo na ganon ang leveling, bakit di pa nya sakin pinapakilala ever ever ever! Or na-use manlang, in a sentence. Di naman likas kay Bo na maging withholding. Hobby nya nga ang gumawa at sumuporta ng labteams eh! So I knew something was off.
Upon further investigation (meaning mga lima't kalahating clicks), nahagip ko din. Si hijo ay verde ang bloodclot. Cute, pero verde still. Now, I take great pride in my ability to weed out the straighties from the gaydies. Minsa'y pinarangalan pa ako ni Yves on this well-honed skill--no, super power--by saying na ako lang daw ang kilala nyang di pa nati-trick ng isang paminta. So yes, akin na ang tiarang yon.
Kaya sadyang kinabahan ako nang di ko na-sense at first whiff na blurdet pala si friend-of-Bo. Paranoid lang na humihina na ang gaydar ko with time, or baka sa sobrang exposure ko sa mga badeys eh na-desensitize na ako! Oh noes!
Buti nalang may clarification na naganap. Closeta pa pala si friend. As in naipit pa ang kapa na red sa tokador! Kaya pala di kagad nag-jump sakin na TeamRustom sya. As eeeeeeeen, I was looking at his photos at parang Mona Lisa's smile ang kanyang kabadingan. Apparent pero somehow naka-hide option! Pinahirapan nya ako dun ha!
Sayang. Highly marketable pa naman si friend.
...
Minsan napag-usapan namin ni JD na mag business venture. Magpu-put up kami ng sister website to PG4M (PinoyGuys4Men, "your online tambayan" <-I swear yan ang tagline nila!) kung saan tutulungan namin ang young badings na mag-out. Or even old badings, dahil marami-rami pa nyan, YKWYA.
Tatawagin namin itong GoGayUrself, at ako ang webmistress -slash- queenmother nito. Dahil apparently I "bring out the gay in people" (Ylla, 2009).
( Exhibit A: Yves )
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| Wednesday, October 28th, 2009
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11.59 pm :: "Guys, guys, tara."
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Tonight, I sleep in your shirt.
I miss you all wrong.
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| Monday, October 26th, 2009
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07.50 pm :: Wishlist 09!
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- The Winchester Austen (the ones that look like Moleskine notebooks) or
The Pride & Prejudice Penguin Classics Deluxe Edition
 
It's the cover(s) I'm after. Available at Fully-Booked and all the other ususal places, I suppose. But call them up first coz that's smarter.
- Statement tees!
 
'MAKE LOVE NOT BABIES' by Collezione. Yellow, please!
- Fancyhats! Fascinators!
Hats from http://hatmomma.com/.
Tapos amazingly, meron din sa SM Deptarment Store kasi apparently they've got it all talaga. Sa Women's at sa Girls' Acessories, san pa! (Mas cute yung sa Girls'.)
( but wait, there's more )
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| Sunday, October 25th, 2009
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05.47 pm :: Ang mga kabataan talaga ngayon... ulol.
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I was at Vince's (again!) last night for another of his sister's increasingly unjustifiable birthday celebrations (she had two within the same week). By 9pm, their house was bleeding with so many 18 to 20 year-olds, it was practically a children's party. Started off pretty lame-o, but four bottles of daBarr, three Grandes, two GSM Blues, and an assortment of Mudshakes & Cruisers (hulaan sino lumi-ladies' drink) soon remedied that. The last sane thing I remember was talking to the fags & lessies about the, erhm, technical difficulties of their own, erhm, existential situations--something I'm unlikely to discover for myself but seemed fun (or at least fresh, from my limited POV), they had to gimme their stories. Then all of a sudden, talk turned to me and my apparently unorthodox view/choice of not wanting to have any children. Ever, if I can help it. At this pronouncement, the kiddies pricked up their ears and riot ensued. ( What, you want a mini-discussion too? ) GOING BACK: It was thoroughly depressing talking to these kids. Well, actually, just this one guy. The rest of them are your typical hormonal teens with solid potential of Turning Out Ok... Eventually. But this one guy, he was a perfect Neanderthal. He thinks withdrawal is an actual form of contraception (idiot) and that safe sex is for loser men who can't make their women do what they like (chauvinist fucking pig). A friend of Vince actually walked out of the "discussion"; the air was just thick and fetid with pure idiocy, he saw it pointless to go on and refused to take part in it any longer. I, being the adult, resorted to name calling, ha ha. "ULOL" is like my favorite word now. It just feels so right on your tongue as the it rolls in your mouth; I can't think of a lot of other things as satisfyingly liberating. I asked about his relationship (because yes, he has a girlfriend, to whom we should all be thankful for taking one for the team and saving the rest of the female populous from her retard of a boyfriend) and he qualified it by saying "Pasalamat sya. Itsura nya, itsura ko. Pero ok naman kami. Basta pinaglalaba nya ako." I paraphrase, of course. I'm sure the actual statement deserves stronger hatevibes than this. I kept thinking, "Who are these kids and where do they get these under-evolved notions?" It's funny how one of us kept interrupting with "Taga-UP pamandin kayo!" Ahahaha, as if UP has gained some sort of magical immunity from dingbat ideas. I dunno, maybe I was too harsh on him. Too harsh because at first--meaning before he ran his mouth and the stupid overfloweth--I rather liked him. Liked him in a hmmm-looks- feasible-and-I'm-Demi-Moore kinda way. That and he had long'ish hair. |
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| Monday, October 19th, 2009
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09.02 am :: Touy, birthday mo na nga, happee ka pa!
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[ 18 October 2009, Blue Knights Bar Cainta ]
Boytouy's 26th Annual Birthday Party* This year's theme: Bring Your Crush, which, as a concept, ay kala mo fun lang at empowering up until the point of execution, kung saan marerealize mo na depressing pala sya. Tatlong pirasong tao lang kaya ang nakasunod sa theme! Yung isa pa dun boypren nya yung dala, yung isa naman kelangan 50% DP muna. Buti nalang, yung ka-isa isang nadala (group crush) ay FOR THE WIN.  Kaya ang wish ko for Rome, sana sa birthday ko may ganito rin.Photos: http://snailmailove.multiply.com/photos/album/380______________________________
* Kelangan talaga may 'annual'
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| Friday, October 16th, 2009
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02.08 pm :: Glad to have you back, baby.
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And yes, this calls for a bitty celebration.
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| Thursday, October 15th, 2009
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11.20 pm :: "Pag umiinom ako, mas pumo-pogi si Marc." (Aya, 2009)
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[ 14-15 October 2009, North Olympus, Caloocan ]
Umattack kahit alas-onse na dahil apparently ako nanaman ang designated entertainment showcase for the evening. Dalawang bote ng daBarr, di pa naubos. (The best parin ang mixes ni Dino! Bat di ka sumama, ha?) Syempre larong first impressions nanaman. Hulaan kung sino fave topic. Hinintay na magsitulugan ang mga bata bago dinala ang usapan sa HOURS-ON-END! extravaganza / hips-don't-lie scenarios. Ayan tuloy, napakanta ako ng "It's All Coming Back, All Coming Back to Me Now". For 8 minutes. 7 minutes? 8 minutes! It's not quality, it's quantity! HAR HAR. Nagkaroon din ng pagmu-muestra si Vince ang kanyang well-honed THATdar (isang sensory acuity related to GAYdar... mas specific nga lang to certain bodyparts). Bawal ang verifiable results so di na namin tinest against Patrick. Sabay phone-in question: What is it with law students? *apir kay Aya* Joyeux anniversaire, mon cher... Tapos! Math major in the house! Nagkakwentuhan in 2D. Plus Ling plus Anthro plus Socio plus Philo, of course. So nag- xkcd leveling discussions kami hanggang alas-sais ng umaga lang naman. Joke: Isang araw, nagkahamunan ang isang function at isang operation. Sabi ni function, 'Di mo ata ako kilala. Ako si function at kaya kitang i-reduce to a derivative...' Wait Marc, pano nga ba yung joke?
Ito na nga lang: Why is it impossible that i <3 u? Because inequalities cannot exist between u and imaginary numbers. May filmspotting at bookspotting din of course. Usapang highbrow lasing, I miss it. UP or nothing, baby! |
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| Sunday, October 4th, 2009
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10.54 am :: Not herd.
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"So. Are you still joining?"
"I don't think so. I'm having problems with the org."
"Like how?"
"Well, y'know."
" ... "
"Morally."
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| Friday, September 25th, 2009
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12.36 pm :: Shhh.
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Tonight, it's been decided:
( ... )
Thanks to everyone who cared and listened
and indulged in the crazy and looked out for me.
Love my lovely friends <3 ! Always.
But let's be done with all the silliness and move on!
(I'm excit'ish!)
c: ,
TeamCarmi
(↑ wacky ↑)
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| Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009
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10.12 am :: "Ire-reclaim ko na ang Spinster tiara. Paki-iwan nalang kay manong guard..."
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[ EDIT: Parteh moved. Date/venue: TBA ]
...
(a.k.a. Panahon nanaman para i-yiheeeeeeeee ang sarili kung kani-kanino.)
This arrived today, from the desk of Rome: "I'm excited to invite you guysh to my 26th birthday bash! My party this year is gonna be a “Bring Your Crush” party. So obviously, you have to bring your crush to the event! Please take note that your Plus 1 has to be your crush because I will judge you! Haha!" There's a 'haha' there but my friends don't joke about these things. Oh, the pressha! Worst. Timing. Evah. I also have a debutante's ball to attend to next month (this is what happens when you start hanging out with children). I have a dress-- naturally--but rendered escort-less. There also a christening (fairy gay fairies, dibs on Maleficent!), then my birthday, Christmastime of course, the New Year as well, then Yves' 26th... Well, actually, that one I don't much worry about. As spinster comparisons go, Yves is as threatening as St. Maria Goretti (pray for us). Why, why, why did it have to be over when my social calendar's full to the brim?! ... So ok, CALL FOR VOLUNTEERS. ( Youyesssyou? *sabay bambi eyes* ← matagal ko nang di nagagamit ang bambi eyes!) All interested parties, paki-buzz nalang ako. Like, seriously. It's gonna be at BLUE KNIGHTS BAR, 04 October 2009, 8'ish. Theme: strictly BLACK&WHITE. May plus points ang di nagwa-wacky! Please note: you know I so love you guys but straighties only!And NO, no suggestions of Ze Brother either! (He's taken. *sadface*) ... Ahahaha, apparently there's this option too: For those who can’t bring their crush to the party, you may bring MY crush instead! However, please make sure that that person is really my crush or else I will judge you and you have to pay for your guest’s drinks. |
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| Thursday, September 17th, 2009
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02.07 am :: Everybodystalking
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I'm a spy, you're a spy...
 Apparently the last Multiply link ( "Alamin kung sino ang naka-invi sa iyo") spurred dormant espionage tendencies among the spy-friends. And what was unearthed was this handy discovery: Did you know that when one is logged on FB and another tries (and succeeds, naturally) to log onto the same account, any transpiring conversations using its chat feature can be read by both (owner and hacker, that is)? Well, now you do. And how brilliant is that! (I mean, unlike in y!messenger where when another tries to log onto someone else's account, the original user gets booted out of the system, but not before first being informed that someone somewhere has accessed that same account. Boo y!m for turning in spies!)Go on! Try it! You know you want to. |
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| Tuesday, September 15th, 2009
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03.09 pm :: Ohhhhh, that one hit a nerve. (WACKY, WACKY, PURO NALANG WACKY!!!!)
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"You ought to smile more."
"In... life... in general?"
"In photographs. Sometimes it doesn't quite fit the scene."
"Maybe that's exactly the point to it: to not fit in."
"Ndi rin."
"WALANG PAKIELAMAN NG POSE OKAY. I've a standing campaign against wacky. I don't DO wacky." Nakakainis lang kasi. WALA KAMI EVER MATINONG PICHOOR TOGETHER. I mean, what is the point to him (to the rest of him anyways) kung di napho-photo-catalogue?! Pero ever ko ba syang inask na mag-unwacky, for MY sake? And the sake of all aesthetically acute clickers of my pages? Parang ganito lang yan eh: Imaginin nyo si Posh Spice tsaka si David Beckham.* So one day, magkasama sila, biglang kinalabit ni Becks si Posh at sinabi, "Posh Spice, Posh Spice, may suggestion ako."
"Ano yun, mahal ko?" lingon naman ni Posh.
"Eh kung wag ka kaya masyado mag-pout? Tapos mag-WACKY ka paminsan-minsan? Try mo lang."
NAHINDIK SI POSH. DI NAKAPAG-REACT.
End scene. Diba?! Hindi ka ba ma-ooffend for Posh Spice nun? Matagal na kong di naghe-heller pero HELLER! Uminit talaga ang ulo ko. Help Yllabih, inaaway nya me. I feel oh-so persecuted! Huhuhu. _________________________
* Si Posh and Becks ang paradigm kasi football player din sya, tapos, well, ako kasi ako. |
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| Wednesday, September 9th, 2009
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10.52 am :: Ang sarap isipin na may mga taong masasabi mong mamahalin mo habambuhay...
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| Wednesday, August 26th, 2009
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08.32 pm :: B/W Photography: Lines
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Pero hindi talaga. Yun lang yung criterion for our midterm plate for Film 110. Eh sayang naman ang 36 shots kung uubusin ko lang sa lines.  ( At nakapag-reprint na ako, SAWAKAS! ) |
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| Friday, July 31st, 2009
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12.41 pm :: The (New) FrenchKids: An Introduction
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Meet the Frenchkids!
They're too cute! - Nagpipictorial sila dahil... wala lang!
- May konteksto sila mag-pose!
- Gumagamit sila ng props!
- Mabilis silang mag-upload!
How could I resist? Tapos pinatawad ko narin ang occasional "ate" incidents kasi nga naman 10 years ang gap. Their mothers raised them well eh. Tapos keri na na mahilig sila mag-wacky. Within a certain age range cute pa umarti ng genon, I suppose. |
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| Friday, July 24th, 2009
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01.07 pm :: Seriously, 202.92.128.30!
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Stalking can be cute. It's like three of my Top Ten Favorite Hobbies, Work-out Regimens, and Life-Choices of all time. (Three for EACH category, mind you.) But people, when will you learn to leave a comment? (Hatemail. Libel suit. A song. Declaration of luuurve. Marriage proposal. Whatever, buddy.) ( Or if not that, at least make attempts at covering your tracks. ) It's rather unattractive. |
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| Monday, July 20th, 2009
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08.01 pm :: (An open letter to SPG)
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Dear Stephen Patrick Gately, Sorry to disappoint but I'm done looking. Your former co-torchbearer, J. |
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| Tuesday, July 7th, 2009
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11.49 am :: Single, female, 26
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Unedited.
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| Monday, June 15th, 2009
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12.50 pm :: And this is Georgiegeorgie...
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| Monday, May 18th, 2009
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06.49 am :: Meet Georgie
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My old new camera. (New old camera?)
Bought him off my brother, I-chan Moneybags (who's been looking for an excuse to upgrade, god bless his ma-ma-materialistic soul), as soon I got the check for my tax refund?/de minimis?/13th month? from the office.
Georgie shall be my escort until such time that a proper Photographer-Mowdel-Boyfriend relieves him from his post.
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| Monday, May 11th, 2009
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06.35 am :: Hint:
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| Sunday, February 22nd, 2009
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11.39 pm :: The ghost of words, or How to write a (non)love letter
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It was at a local bus stop where she found him; not really waiting for the bus or anything at all, but still, just there: waiting.
She was fixing her gaze at him but was distracted by the cold, how he looked cold; to her much like a mislaid coat, with pockets outturned.
Headed home, she asks. A cursory glance is all the answer he offers.
He, too, was distracted by the cold, how it's upon us all of a sudden, everywhere. Cold is an almost foreign concept, where he was from.
Home, he begins to say, is sixteen hours away. But his breath forms smoke like the ghost of his words, and these do not reach her.
Home is a far along way from here, she hears him, barely. Just as he was opening his mouth again, the bus rolls by and she disappears onto one of the seats at the back.
She wanted to talk to him about summer and the shortcomings of the sun and how everyone's headed home, eventually, but she's bound elsewhere. She moves to the glass that now separates them, like datelines and globe hemispheres, and with vapour trails traces for him maps and awkward heart-shapes and wishes of warmer days.
Home is a far along way from here and he almost tells her. But just as soon, he stops the saying of things and becomes the waiting again.
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| Sunday, February 15th, 2009
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12.31 pm :: Dahil hindi krimen ang maging choosy!
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VDay 09. I didn't want to be assaulted by throngs of sappy-happy couples (hellllo, Sta Mesa Manila!) and I didn't want to be Miss Girly Angst Brigade four years in a row either. So whadda I do, where do I go? Divisoria of course! Coz nobody goes there for dates, right? Except... uhm... Unis. (Ahahhaha, ateh sorry naman.) In the midst of retail therapy, I found these non-standard wanted postings. (There were lots!)  Napa- 'GO GURL!' ako ng di oras. I wish I had these ladies' badassitude. Because choosiness is a RIGHT, not a privilege! |
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| Wednesday, August 6th, 2008
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03.05 pm :: c: / :c
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I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm not built for happiness, or unexpected kindness, or any sort of softness that comes from the heart. What could be the point, then? Coz I'm all drawn-out and I just want to rest on something home.
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| Sunday, June 15th, 2008
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10.55 pm :: White flag
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It wasn't strictly a siege. Or anyways who could be bothered with putting up any sort of resistance against it, had there been one. The surrender was offered, never exacted, with mercenary smilies committing the highest of treasons. Fast-forward to NOW: when my phone's switched to silent and I carry on pretending to no longer be waiting on it.
any...
minute...
now...
... or now.
How about now. NO?
Coz now's still good.  And this is what happens after too many Tudor episodes. Damn you, Ann Boylen and your self-undoing corsets! |
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| Friday, February 22nd, 2008
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03.36 pm :: Love affair with audio cassette
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Forgetting could be awesome sometimes like on a random day, you stumble upon some cool shit you were absolutely nuts about a while back but eventually forgot, and now it's dusted itself off and somehow managed to find you again and you're like ohmigod! ohmigod! ohmigod! like you can't believe and it's this intense reunion and falling in love twice over.
current music: headstate: Sticking with you - The Velvet Underground (Juno OST)
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| Monday, January 14th, 2008
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12.39 pm :: 1st Asian Tour: Path to Boy
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I was certain that the first time I'd tour Asia, it would be a Wong Kar Wai retrospective: burying secrets in Angkor Wat, running all over HK or Macau after five million cheongsam changes, perfectly putting on blood red lipstick only to be smeared off by a mystery boy in Singapura.
But nerr.
Asian tour '08 is clearly Path to Boy. (Unfortunately, not my boy.)
May 14-29, Singapura - Malaysia - Thailand(?), with head huntress Charlikins.
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| Monday, December 17th, 2007
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08.40 am :: This plain housewifery thing
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... ain't fun one bit.
I'm almost tempted to let them starve just to get a point across. (Never works, btw, coz there's always salvation in Ginisa Flavor Mix.)
I completely understand Mother now. Nagging is love on a loop. On a loop. On a loop.
current music: headstate: clumsy - fergie
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| Saturday, December 1st, 2007
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08.12 am :: year-end target: someone who'd love me, false eyelashes and all (na STRAIGHT, pls god, pls.)
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| Friday, November 30th, 2007
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12.12 pm :: carfuw
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and single, consuming thought was,
"papaano na ang ministop?"
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| Wednesday, November 28th, 2007
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07.53 pm :: this week, in dvds:
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| Thursday, October 18th, 2007
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05.12 am :: parlour game: exchange boypren
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a nasty little game of musical chairs (version: your boypren) is making its way into my once-immaculate social calendar. with forces much stronger than i am, i've resigned to the fact that:- he, who is a he, prefers him, who is a himgolf is code for "man-date"
- it's october; it's inevitable
which i understand, but...
how come i get the
carless,
pobre
one
in this exchange?... waahh. somebody, anybody, please come to my rescue. here's a stalker-friendly rundown of next week. consider this a personal invitation. it'll be awkward, i promise. ( no, seriously. )
current music: headstate: short-changed
current music: headstate: as lovers go - dashboard confessional
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| Monday, October 15th, 2007
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10.55 pm :: pelicula 07: the compensatory return
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in the grand celebration of freedom and bitterness (because those two go oh-so beautifully together, donchathink?) i've dedicated three full days of last week to pelicula '07: the 6th spanish film festival. five of the seven screenings i went to, i went to alooone--two of which were even LFSes (last full shows, baby), which is kind of sad & mad & very tragic spinster-found-dead-by-her-cats-three-da ys-after, but at the same time stays true to the overall sentiment.
( ... )
current music: headstate: compensating
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| Thursday, October 11th, 2007
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10.29 am :: sarah, ang munting prinsesa
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my folks just got thru the consul interview.
it's official.
i'll soon be a princess sarah
(that makes charlie... ermingard?)
current music: headstate: sad (meep!)
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| Monday, August 6th, 2007
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05.54 pm :: unleash the inner drag queen
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 false eyelashes is the absolute next level--so i come to work, a different pair each day like it's the most natural thing.  ( ... ) |
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| Thursday, July 19th, 2007
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04.06 pm :: dapat ata nag-iinvest din sa mga friends at hindi puro nalang bathing suits. / end lesson
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( ... )going hermit crab = not most brilliant travel strategy, especially when: 1) expenses will be split three ways and 2) decisions are called by the majority and they easily out-vote me, two:one. there ought to be a skinny on the cdo - camiguin trip somewhere here, but i'm straining my neck trying to write it up as ouchless as possible.  soon, comrades.
current music: headstate: out of order
current music: headstate: maybe - up dharma down
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| Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
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05.24 pm :: i take time to warm up.
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why does everyone keep missing that?
i love forever&ever for always so what's the rush,
and where to, exactly?
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| Tuesday, July 10th, 2007
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07.26 am :: can't have your cake and eat it too when you're wannarexic.
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these days, i'm so zen it's not even funny. i am also celine freakin'dion singing 'all by myself (don't wanna live)' to an audience of exactly zero, which could be funny but isn't the point.  ( THE POINT IS... )it's seven full hours of sleep and not needing to rock myself first. it's accidental babies by damien rice without the thought of a personal dedication. it's forgetting. in all five dimensions. it's reading about her and my pigeonheart not breaking. it's not feeling the need to read you write about her at all. but it's also switching off.
it's impatience.
it's days and weeks folding into each other, indistinct.
it's finding nothing and eventually not even looking anymore.
it's july rain, it's skin and song stripped of meaning.
it's static taken for silence.
current music: headstate:  sleepy
current music: headstate: silence is easy - starsailor
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| Saturday, July 7th, 2007
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09.42 am :: aquasocks in aquablue with heart detail = serious emotional investment
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the so-called "wanderlust buddies" are a bunch of soggy serial flakes.
taker-for-granters of the five-paged itinerary, which, unbefuckingknownst to them, was borne of purelove. anal tendencies. whatever.
you.. you... YOU TOURISTS, YOU!
current music: headstate:  disappointed
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| Monday, June 25th, 2007
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05.11 pm :: so i'll stop. (or at least, you won't be hearing any more of it.)
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back to seven hours of sleep, and here, you see, is the final connection.
i cut back on the meiji bars, spa sessions, retail therapy, so it doesn't feel like cheating. like maybe all of it's chemical.
but when is happiness ever not borderline chemical anyways?
synthetic, i mean. and maybe 'happiness' is the wrong word (oh!) to claim and wear around one's pretty little neck when wasn't it just five minutes ago we decided on heartbreak coz at least that, that'll stick for good. i'm sorry. in hindsight, i should've realized how this could be depressing (in a compare & contrast sort of way), but we really ought to stop doing that and you can hardly think it's personal. you shouldn't, is what i'm saying.
...
then, of course, the moment you realize it, claim it for your own, your lovely new pashmina's gone.
i hope the next time won't have to be a celebration in a lockbox. |
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| Wednesday, June 20th, 2007
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07.33 am :: strawb'ries & bananas -do- mix.
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this is, i sincerely suspect, the happiest i've been (since, well...)
when did happiness become all and only about unguarded glances and lips & hands wet from always kiss kiss kissing and cellotaping hope onto the moment (any moment) just long enough until maybe it might actually mean something, anything, as if hearts-on-sleeves were a universal arts & crafts project. when did we start doing that? and why?
when the world can hold a whole lot more, and will for you if you knew how brave it is to ask nicely, a lot more than your put-on tragedies and awkward touches and blood thinning over pages of stale verse; you've always been so weightless, and we couldn't forget.
since learning to work my mouth again, and exhale when it's become impossible to take everything in.
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current music: headstate: they do! they do!
current music: headstate: speeding cars - frou frou
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| Friday, June 1st, 2007
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08.07 am :: caught twenty-two
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| Monday, May 21st, 2007
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11.57 pm :: it'll be six months since by june.
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guess who rekindled things (or is it just kindled- sans prefix, coz the last few times didn't really count?), sounding scandalously s1ngle despite friendster status?
ok, that doesn't narrow it down to anything.
but vague insinuations of region one cohabitation were flinged around with such torturous ease (and snatched, posthaste), i could be imelda marcos. or is it more aptly gabriela silang?
current music: headstate: right on cue
current music: headstate: one more night - apostle of hustle
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| Saturday, March 10th, 2007
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02.18 pm :: there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place...
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"meet me... at the kanto."
been here a week but everything else that isn't soiled denims or canned food or toothbrushes had thoughtlessly been left to sit inside boxes marked "HANDLE WITH CARE <3" (although, after the battle with unending rolls of packing tape, we start to mean it less and less).
no one has even bothered with the new address. like bunched up underpants, something wrong you'd need to get used to eventually. yesterday, i got locked out because i was carrying around my old keys. we could try but we may have elected, preconsciously, to fight feelings of settling in.
current music: headstate: homesick
current music: headstate: when it's over we still have to clear up - snow patrol
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cold
