User:	giish
	Date:	2008-09-02 12:58
	Subject:	The bipolar is out of the bag
	Security:	Public
	Mood:	anxious
	Music:	Suburbia - The Matthew Good Band

A nice little photo to calm things down around in my head. I took that while passing through Sudbury a couple of weeks ago. I like taking photos while driving, you never know how things will turn out.

Ok, so back to the firestorm in my head. I'm Bipolar (type 2, if that matters). We all know it, it's just a fact about me. I'm nuts but in a totally Gish kind of way. And it took me a long time to accept it, and to just move on with things. Like a long time. Like, there are still little things in my head that say that maybe I'm not and the diagnosis is wrong. That's how close I am to flipping over to the other side.

And I don't really care what people are going to say about me. Fine, just say it or whatever but leave me alone. I can hack it. But when it comes to my professional ability, and reputation, I'm fierce. Like a bear protecting her family, that's how I am with my professional reputation. And I don't really know why, because in the end people are going to say what they want and really, what's the importance of a good professional reputation in the grand scheme of things (to me, it's still a lot, like the last thing I have to fall back on, no matter what) but anyway...

Ugh, I hate this. I really wanted to write about how the sealift boat is anchored off the shore now, and the whole town is abuzz with excitement of it. And how the kids are running around with these huge smiles on their faces because something is actually happening in their little town. It's really something to see. I'll post a photo of the boat later, it's really just a boat. Heh.

Anyway, One of my work colleagues has taken it upon herself to comment on the state of my personal medical information as well as my mental illness (fuck, I hate writing those words). And it pisses me off. But I don't see how I can do anything about it until something actually happens (like, I get fired or something) to complain about it. I'm trying to be proactive here. But my negative brain keeps egging me to stay quiet until the storm hits. I really don't know what, if anything there is I can do.

In other news, I had a great time on vacation and am glad to be back in Hall Beach. I picked up Bailey from his sitters and am now (im)patiently waiting for my personal belongings to arrive. They are apparently now in Iqaluit. God knows how long till they get here. But when they do, I'll have a microwave and a television again. And more than two forks.
*grin*

	User:	morbid29
	Date:	2008-08-29 11:29
	Subject:	Had enough...
	Security:	Public

... is it time for Autumn yet?

	User:	giish
	Date:	2008-08-28 10:03
	Subject:	survey me, baby
	Security:	Public
	Mood:	okay
	Music:	Black if the Colour of my true Love's Hair - The Twilight Si

The things I do to keep from writing a real entry...

1. Name a quote from the song you're listening to.

"Here by my side, an angel...
Here by my side, the devil...
Never turn your back on me
Never turn your back on me, again
here by side, it's heaven...
Here by my side you are destruction
Here by my side, a new colour to paint the world"
- Weapon - Matthew Good

2. When were you born?
May 22

3. Have you ever kissed someone you weren't dating?
yup

4. What are you seriously wearing?
Grey long sleeved, red sweater over top, jeans, no socks

5. When is the last time you saw the person you like/liked?
years

6. Ever kissed anyone on your top friends?
umm, nope

7. Describe the last time you were injured?
by the nasty pedicure I had last week

8. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night?
ha. nope.

9. Think of all your exes. Would you take any of them back?
maybe. maybe not.

10. On your "lazy days" what would you be doing?
trying to nap, watching movies, munching munchies, watching more movies.

11. Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with?
Rose, so we could smoke cigarettes and make lame jokes while we wait for rescue.

12. Most recent movie you have watched in theaters?
The Happening

13. Who was the last person to slap your butt?
he has one less hand now

14. Favorite toy as a child?
none, really

15. Do you own a pair of Converse?
of course

17. Do you eat cookie dough?
nope.

18. Have you ever kicked a vending machine?
yup

19. When's the last time you had gummy bears?
years ago

20. What color are your bedsheets?
black

21. Do people consider you smart?
sometimes

22. What temperature is it outside right now?
it's all icy arctic wind, right now

23. Have you ever stayed online for hours waiting for someone?
nope

24. Could you live without a computer?
I wouldn't like to

25. Do you have an iPod?
I'm on my third, haha

26. What movie do you know every line to?
The complete first season of Kids in the Hall

27. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
I'm too old for butterflies

28. Last person you hugged?
my mommy

29. Had a long distance relationship?
yeah, they kind of suck

30. Who was the last person you held hands with?
my memory doesn't stretch that far back

31. At what age did you start noticing the opposite gender?
grade school

32. Do you know someone who likes you?
nope

33. How do you handle a rainy day?
a long walk, or in jammies watching movies

34. Are you in love?
nope

35. Are you cold?
yes, actually I am.

36. Do you have a lot to learn?
I should hope so, this can't be all there is.

37. Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true?
nope..

39. Are you a patient person?
hells no

40. Are you an impatient person?
hells yeah

41. Do you prefer Disney or Warner Brothers?
neither.

42. When do you feel your life energy is the strongest?
when I'm driving

43. Are you with someone right now?
Nope

44 .Next time you'll take a shower?
probably before bed tonight

45. Is anyone on your bad side now?
nope

46. What jewelry are you wearing?
silver ring on my 2nd left hand finger. Only because I can't get it off, I got too fat and I've been wearing it for 3 years.

47. Who's your favorite singers/band?
Matt Good, Ryan Adams, Pete Yorn, Bruce Springsteen, The Dixie Chicks, Daniel Lanois, The Twilight Singers, Ray Lamontagne, etc, etc

48. Next kiss?
not knowing is the best part.

49. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy?
nope.

50. How do people spell your name?
They usually don't, they can't even pronounce it half the time.

51. Would you wear your boyfriends/girlfriends clothes?
uh...maybe his tshirts. if they were big enough.

52. Hows your life going as of right now?
not too shabby

53. Do you think you're ugly?
I'm bland.

54. How's your heart?
it's pretty shredded.

55. Last line of a song you heard?
she said...you wanna go for a ride? I got no more money to burn and I'm gonna stay up all night...

56. What are you doing tomorrow?
working.

57. Can you honestly say your happy with who you are?
sure thing.

58. Is it cute when a boy calls you baby?
ummm...I guess it would depend on the context

60. Will you keep your last name when you get married?
probably, easier that way.

61. Would you rather be drunk or high?
drunk, if there had to be a choice between the two.

62. When is the last time you left your house?
a couple of hours ago

63. Look through the 2 nearest windows what do you see?
gravel road, part of the school, the hamlet office.

64. Who is someone you have drifted from?
too many to count

65. Who's the last person that you felt stalked by?
The Apostle's girlfriend, but apparently she wasn't stalking me, she only liked my WRITING. The fact that she looked up my address and lurked the journal for 2 years was completely irrelavant. ugh

66. Do you like anyone?
sort of, but it will go away eventually.

67. Do they know?
maybe, maybe not

69. Do you have a dishwasher?
well, my room mate left her dishwasher behind when she moved, does that count?

70. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
nope

71. Would you survive in prison?
probably, it's a lot like life in the arctic, I think.

72. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, would you?
maybe, I mostly prefer solitary road trips

73. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
probably

74 .Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
probably not, I'm ridiculously attached to my appendages.

75.Who is number 1 on your top friends?
umm...I dunno

76.What can you not wait to do?
move to New York

77. Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
one other, who I hope I never meet again. There can only be one.

78. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
right now, I'm all pared down. Maybe 3 pairs and a pair of winter boots. If I lived in the real world, we'd be in the triple digits by now.

79. Whats the last thing you ate & why?
I had potato chips at midnight last night while I was reading and watching Wicker Park with Josh Hartnett. I kind of have a tiny thing for him at the moment. Oh, and I ate them because I kind of don't have anything else to eat right now, well I do, I just don't have any way to cook those things.

80. Are you a friendly person?
sometimes

81. Service of your cell phone?
No cell phone in the arctic.

82. Have you kissed anyone with a name that starts with an "A"?
nope.

83. What's the worst thing someone can do to you?
kill my pets.

84. What's your middle name?
Robin, or Sarah

85. Where is your cell phone?
in my suitcase, I only use it when I'm in Ontario.

86. How are you sitting?
slouched over my desk as I type this.

87. What brand is your shirt right now?
Old Navy

88. Ever been to Georgia?
nope, but it's sort of on the road trip list

89. Do you flirt a lot?
hahaha, never.

90.What do you call your parents?
ma, dad. MOM

91. What irritates you most on the internet?
right now, the loading time for pages.....freaking slow assed internet in the arctic...

92. Do you watch movies with your parents?
I used to, sometimes

93. What are your plans for the future?
travel, new places to live, new music to discover,

94. Who is your idol/hero/the person you look up to?
I really admire Matthew Good....sometimes.

95. Would you date anyone on your top friends?
nope.

96. Whats one of your hobbies?
bulk buying dvds on Amazon.com

97. If you could have anything, what would it/they be?
that I meet John Cusack at my most beautiful? heh, nothing really.

98. Would you change anything that happened to you in the past?
probably but then it would change things for me now, so probably not.

99. What do people judge you by the most?
how fat I am.

100. What's the one thing that you wish people would understand about yourself?
that I really would like to be alone and not hooked up with some hick farmer type man who spits tobacco juice on my converse shoes.

101. What's one thing you want to make sure your friends know?
that I meant well...



73 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME UNTIL YOU READ THIS:

1, What color is your toothbrush?
white.

2, Name one person that made you smile today?
it's early yet.

3, What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
hitting the snooze button. so cliche.

4, What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
Drinking chocolate milk and having a smoke.

5, What is your favorite candy?
my teeth don't like candy.

6, Have you ever been to a strip club?
yup

7, What is the last thing you said aloud?
'Jesus fuck, how can it be that time already?"

8, What is the best ice cream flavor?
pralines and cream.

9, What was the last thing you had to drink?
chocolate milk

10, What is the longest you have gone without sleeping?
a few days.

11, Have you ever made a promise you'd die to keep?
nope.

12, Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
not this week, no

13, The last sporting event you watched?
I hate any sport that involves balls. or pucks, for that matter

14, What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
Salt and vinegar

15, Who is the last person you sent a message on facebook?
Rose

16, Ever go camping?
just a couple of times. I don't think I'm really a camping in backwoods kind of girl. air mattress all the way!

17, Do you take vitamins daily?
nope

18, Do you go to church every Sunday?
nope

19,Do you have a tan?
funnily enough, yes. My left arm, because that's the one that was hanging out the window the entire time I was driving around in Ontario.

20, Do you like Chinese food over pizza?
hells yeah.

21, Do you drink your soda with a straw?
sometimes

22, What did your last text message say?
no cell phonie

23, What are you doing tomorrow?
working. day dreaming.

24, Where is your dad?
in Thunderbay at his job, I would think.

25, Look to your left, what do you see?
chocolate milk carton, can of pepsi, the box my new cordless phone came in, a calculator.

26, What color is your watch?
I don't wear a watch.

27,What do you think of when you hear Australia?
red sand.

28, What is your birthstone?
emerald

29, Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
I was built for drive-through

30, What is your favorite number?
3

31, Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?
my sister

32, Any plans today?
just work.

33, How many states have you lived in?
only two provinces

34, Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
that i have no microwave and no tv!! My shit is still in Ottawa waiting to be cargoed out!!

35, Last song listened to?
While We Were Hunting Rabbits...about 8 minutes long, I think.

36, Can you say the alphabet backwards?
what kind of useless thing would this be

37, Do you have a maid service clean your house?
not yet.

38, Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
usually black flip flops, or converse sneakers.

39, Are you jealous of anyone?
sure, I just don't know who

40, Is anyone jealous of you?
unlikely

41, Do you love anyone?
family

42, Do any of your friends have children?
yup

43, What do you usually do during the day?
work

44, Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
nope

45, Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
nope

46, What color is your car?
when I had one, it was silver.

47, Do you like cats?
yup

49, Have you ever been to Six Flags?
nope

50, How did you get your worst scar?
someone stabbed me with a pencil. Seriously.

51, Last cigarette?
an hour ago.

52, Last CD played?
Twilight Singers mix...I am just so in love with this band.

53, Last BUBBLE bath?
a few weeks ago, it's kind of a staple around here.

54, Last time you cried?
I got a little choked up watching Rescue Me the other day.

54, Last meal?
yesterday sometime.

55, Have you ever dated someone twice?
Nope

56, Have you ever kissed someone and regretted it?:
yup

57, Have you ever fallen in love?
yup

58, Have you ever lost someone?
yup

59, Have you ever slept until 1pm?:
of course. My sleep patterns have no recognizable...pattern

60, Have you ever been drunk and threw up ?
yup.

61, List FIVE people you can tell pretty much anything to –
yeah, right.

62, List THREE favorite colors —
the colour coming off the ocean outside my office window, the colour of egg plants, the colour of marigolds...too many to narrow down.

63, Laughed until you cried:
Of course! :)

64, Went behind your parents back:
haha sure

65, Your last kiss?
over a year ago

66, Gay Marriage?
sure. whatever makes someone happy.

67, Lowering the drinking age?
nope.

68, Straight, Gay, or Bi?
Straight, personally

69, Who are the best huggers that you know?
I kind of hate people hugging me.

70, Do you believe in love at first sight?
sure, anything is possible, right?

71, Is there something you want to tell someone?
yeah.

	User:	morbid29
	Date:	2008-08-22 21:58
	Subject:	Okay...
	Security:	Public

Leaving Facebook I see the accursed dating ads and this one beginning with the line Are you lonely?. Well no I am not feeling lonely what I am feeling is stupid.

Yesterday on the third day of rain which I had to be out in this time I was called to an angency about not a job I had applied for but another that might suit me. Simple enough save for when they asked for identifation I find my plastic sleeve of documents for this task is missing, yet again misplaced in a location so safe even I don't know where it is. Thankfully I had a backup plan meaning while I could provide the orginal I could still show a copy that the angency was fine with.

Now for today and yet gain I have been thrown by a bank holiday meaning that an appointment I was due that I thought was for Monday was infact due today at the same time I had another one. Thankfully with a couple of phonecalls it was sorted but still I felt I had really screwed up considering both appointments were related to my search for a job and just doesn't say well about my time management.

Now it must be over three years or around now since I first crossed paths with my angel Michelle online and I feel lucky to call her my friend. Now this is because for this afternoon I end up saying things where in the end I just ending up thinking to myself what kind of idiot am I? Shut up Andrew and be done with it. But this is Michelle, she knows and understands me enough to accept this nonsense of me and probably just finds it amusing.

Ramble no who knows over with wishing you all a good weekend.