Blurty for ThruBluEyez.

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Monday, February 28th, 2005

Time:10:05 pm.
Mood: aggravated.
Music:Numb - Linkin Park.
This weekend was nice. Friday was a waste! I hate the snow...I know I say this every year but its time it left! I want spring at the very least...summer would be great! Well, enough about the weather, on to more interesting stuff. Its been AGES since I saw Pammie so seeing her was great! She's still the same ol' Pam, which is nice. It was actually a decent night, saturday, spending some time with her and June. I wish we had of spent some more time durning the week together but next time we will. Jerome left for ontario on Friday, thats going to make for some changes. I liked the way things were...Jen was always occupied when Jerome was around. Now it seems she has nothing better to do but be with me 24/7...it really is alot to take. No more Dooleys on weekends, no more "me time" when she goes out with him, no more anything untill whenever he gets back and things go back to normal! And on top of all that I am goign to have to endure "them" in the nights. I can't...my tolerence gone and I will say something to them one of these nights. I cant be expected to put up with the stupid stuff they force everyone around them to listen to, its been too many years, my patients are GONE! ido! alle! andato! and whatever other languages u can say it in!! Ok I need to stop before i put myself in a bad mood...I'll write more later.
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Time:10:05 pm.
This weekend was nice. Friday was a waste! I hate the snow...I know I say this every year but its time it left! I want spring at the very least...summer would be great! Well, enough about the weather, on to more interesting stuff. Its been AGES since I saw Pammie so seeing her was great! She's still the same ol' Pam, which is nice. It was actually a decent night, saturday, spending some time with her and June. I wish we had of spent some more time durning the week together but next time we will. Jerome left for ontario on Friday, thats going to make for some changes. I liked the way things were...Jen was always occupied when Jerome was around. Now it seems she has nothing better to do but be with me 24/7...it really is alot to take. No more Dooleys on weekends, no more "me time" when she goes out with him, no more anything untill whenever he gets back and things go back to normal! And on top of all that I am goign to have to endure "them" in the nights. I can't...my tolerence gone and I will say something to them one of these nights. I cant be expected to put up with the stupid stuff they force everyone around them to listen to, its been too many years, my patients are GONE! ido! alle! andato! and whatever other languages u can say it in!! Ok I need to stop before i put myself in a bad mood...I'll write more later.
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Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005

Subject:Carnival dreaming
Time:11:46 pm.
Mood: nostalgic.
Music:Here's to the Night - Eve 6.
Its been awhile since my last entry. I havent really had anything of importance to say and I've been lazy about logging in and actually forming my thoughts into sentences. Tonight I heard that next week is the winter carnival. I've been anticipating this since christmas. Sad, I know, but I never got to do the whole carnival thing before and this year I told myself I was going to change that. Its not even the "carnival" as much as its the Ball. I can picture being able to go and buy a beautiful gown and do my hair...a nice to be a princess. The last time I got to dress up like that I was having my senior prom. I wasnt happy with myself then, but now...to be able to go and find that perfect dress, the hair, makeup, jewelery...I know it all sounds so petty but its nights like these that we remember forever. The only question remaining is will I even get to go??
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Monday, February 7th, 2005

Time:9:42 pm.
Mood: depressed.
Music:Pieces - Sum 41.
I've been trying to concentrate...I swear I have. I have 3 midterms and a presentation between tomorrow and Friday and I cant keep my mind on my work. I dont want to sound like a whiny little girl that has nothing better to do then bitch about petty things, but this is my journal, so if I cant bitch about it here, where can I? I just wish for once in my life I had THAT connection, you know when you dont have to wonder about the other person, or question anything...you know that they are there if you need them, even if it just to say hi or that I miss you. That never happens to me...I never find them kind of guys. I always find the ones that no one understands, least of all me, and that just when you think progress has been made they do something that completely destroys it and your back at where you started...or maybe even worse off because now you know more and understand less. Not making any sense? thats OK...it makes sence in my head. I've made 3 attempts at writing an email to someone tonight...so far none of the attempts have been sucessfull. I know what i want to say but it just dont sound right in print...and I'm not calling them. Today wasnt too bad of a day...met Jubran this morning, went to classes, and then spent some time in the cafeteria with Ahmad and Fred. After I left the campus I did some business in the city and then came home. I should have called Chrissy tonight, its her birthday, but I'm just not in the mood to talk. I sent her a card before, so I will call her when the spring break starts next week. One week from today is Valentines Day. I love Valentines so much...guess I wish that I knew someone was getting me something, aside from the usual "family" stuff. Just for one day I want to be treated like a queen, I miss that feeling. I listened to Fred today talking about what he had gotten for Valentines for the girl he likes. All I could think of is, I wonder does she realize how lucky she is, to have someone putting so much time and thought into making the day special for her. I hope she does, some of us I dont think are going to be that lucky.
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Friday, February 4th, 2005

Time:11:02 pm.
Mood: pleased.
Music:Confessions Part II - Usher.
When it all comes down to it, its the realtionships and experiences that make university the life experience that it is, not the classes. So, today gets 5 stars for experiences. It was one of them days that everything went OK...I had a great chat with Lindsay after class and Ahmad, Jubran, Fred...and everyone else joined us in the cafeteria. We had fun chatting...looked at some pictures Ray had...it was good. For a long time I wasnt sure how to relate to her, but the last few days we have been chatting more and today we actually started to get along well. She takes some getting use to but she seems like she is sweet when you get to know her. We went to play some pool. It was a show down of male honour that was on the line between Ahmad and Shadi. I will never understand guys and their need to be the best and to defent their honour or pride...and Arab guys are even more confusing for me. I played against Ahmad after he lost to Shadi, but I lost. Not a surprise since he is good, but the tables are old and the ques are bad so i think we would have had a better game somwhere else. The second game I won but he wasnt trying for most of it, he was just joking and not making serious shots. I did win a game against Shadi, just by luck Im sure. It was the first time I actually talked to Shadi, he seemed like a good guy. It was nice, just to hang out and laugh and play some pool. Sometimes being the only non-arab in the group it tends to feel odd, but today was different, I felt like I was exactly where I was suppse to be. Maybe im just becoming more comfortable because I am getting to know the otheres better. Jubran I believe is mad at me...again. He was distant when Ahmad was gone to pray and he wanted to leave. I was suppose to go to the games lounge with him but I stated talking to Fred and then when I did go he was gone. He passed us later and he wouldnt even come talk to us...he ignored our waves and went to the bus stop. I wish he didnt act like that, I like when we can talk. Ahmad and I got Amy birthday cards...I just finished wrapping her present a little while ago and will send it tomorrow. I still need to get ready to go out, not sure yet what Im doing but whatever it is I need to get ready so I will write more later.
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Thursday, February 3rd, 2005

Subject:Answers
Time:6:18 pm.
Mood: confused.
Music:Anymore - Trivis Tritt.
Do you ever have one of them days when u just want answers, no more games? I've been feeling like this the past week or so and I just want something to change. In the last few months certain people in my life have become very important to me, I just hope that Im not being too pushy. I want them to be with me because they want to be, not because they feel they have to be. Sometimes I just wish I knew what was going on inside their head. One day I'm confident that I know what they are thinking and then the next day all that confidence is thrown out the window and I'm not sure of anything. This isnt like me, Im usually sure of these things. I can usually figure this stuff out but this time this is different. Maybe somethign will change tomorrow...I doubt it but I have to be optimistic.
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Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005

Subject:Subjects are overrated
Time:8:49 pm.
Mood: bored.
Music:My Boo - Usher f. Alicia Keys.
My mind can't seem to focus tonight on anything, so here I am...bored and wasting time. I've been working on "My Space" and trying to get some pics in order...still lots to add tho. Today was good...it was one of them days that nothign really happened but it was still a good day. Classes were...well...classes. I found myself having a better time in the cafeteria talking. You would think that most conversations that are floating around from table to tables on a wednesday noontime would be petty and uninteresting, but I think I learned more today out of class. I spent some time talking to a guy I met through Jubran and Ahmad. I can only just pronounce his name and havent mastered the spelling yet, but he is from Egypt so we had a long and enlightening conversation about Egypt and the other Arab nations. Made me add Egypt to my "to go to" list. Finally got my cash today!! I cant wait to spend it now LOL....all in time tho. I should be studying but LOST is on in 10 minutes and I cant miss it. So, thats all for now.
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Tuesday, February 1st, 2005

Subject:Good and Bad
Time:9:53 pm.
Mood: indescribable.
Music:Everything - Lifehouse.
So, today started off to be what I thought was going to be a really bad day! I woke up knowing that I had a 10am class but not knowing how I was actually going to drag myself to it. I did tho, and it wasnt horrible...it helped that there were presentations, none of which were mine, that I could just sit back and watch. The rest of the day was pretty usual...went to get readings, labs...nothing exciting. Ahmad and Jubran were on Campus, which was a nice change for a tuesday. I actually played pool at the Pit...something which I am against because the tables/ques are crap but it was fun...wasted some time. I've made them promise that they are going to start to teach me arabic. I've taken all I can of listening to conversations that I cant understand, so if they dont want to speak english I will learn arabic! Hopefully it will be more sucessful then spanish, but if nothing else it will be fun. We went to the Mall after class, Ahmad needed a new phone so we went along with him. Jubran unnerves me at times. I think he purposely acts a certain way when other people are around just to get a reaction from them. When we are alone he never touches me or says anything out of the ordinary but when we were with Ahmad he kept touching my knee and flirting. It was just strange becuse I think he just wants to see what people will say. Last night I went to Ahmad's new place to drop off his books. When I got there Hannah and Jubran were there, but Ahmad and Zahid were gone out. we waited till they came back but they had to take Hannah to get something so I took Jubran home and waited there for them to come to his place. It was the first time I had been inside his place...its so nice. we just sat in his room and chatted. It was the first nice conversation I've had when Jubran since he came back home. I didnt think about it then, but it struck me as odd that after being there for over awhile he got up and closed the door. It was only about 3 inutes later that we heard people coming up the staires and Ahmad opened the door. He had the oddest expression, he looked so angry or annoyed and he barely spoke to me. I knew Friday had bothered him, but we had been good all day monday. I just hope he doesnt think Im using Jubran against him or something like that. I want to talk to Ahmad and ask him about it all, but I need the right time.
I havent talked to June or Lindsay in awhile...I'm going to have to find them and have a chat, lately everything has just been strange. And Chrissy...it seems like ages since we chatted, even tho I know its only been a week or so. I've been thinking about Valentines recently, which should be the last thing on my mind since I have stacks of reading which I need to study before midterms...but Valentines is more fun to think about. For some reason, even though I usually have no plans for it, I like it. It really is the prefect holiday...a day that revolves around flowers, chocolate, and jewellery gets two thumbs up from me!
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Sunday, January 30th, 2005

Subject:Just another day...
Time:8:44 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
Music:Put That Woman first - Jaheim.
Last night I had to cut my thoughts short. I never reaslized just how fast time goes when your talking about yourself! well, I dont know how interesting last night was, but I did go out and tried to do something with the night. We played pool, which sums up my typical saturday night. I hate patterns, and for some reason I keep finding myself trapped into them like a never ending loop. The weekends rarely change, which may have something to do with the fact that there are limited things to do around here, but more likely is because some people which are in my company are just habitual and boring. I had a morning meeting yesterday which, to start off the day, through my saturday off schedual. I'm not a morning person and my saturdays and sundays are two days which I never want to see the mornings of...noon is just fine with me. So I forced myself out of bed, made myself somewhat presentable, and went to the campus. That is why today I had to make up for lost relaxation time! I finally emerged from my room at 1pm and lazed around the house for the next few hours. A waste of a good day? maybe, but "The time you enjoy wasting is not time wasted." -Bertrand Russell, a quote which I tend to live by since Im am famous for wasting my time.
So somewhere between then and now I finished my presenation work for tomorrow, went for a walk, and had several non-important but entertaining conversations on MSN messager. All in all, a productive day for me. Now, Im contemplating weither or not I should brave the cold for a coffee, or be smart and stay home where I can stay warm. I know one senario sounds soooo much more appealing then the other, but anyone who knows me would already know that I can't stay in the house for any long period of time, I have to be going... somewhere...anywhere.
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Saturday, January 29th, 2005

Subject:first entry
Time:9:56 pm.
This is a new experience for me. I've never been much good at keeping up on recording the everyday little things into journals but Im going to try one more time, maybe this time will be different! I think that since i spend alot of time setting at this computer I just might be likely to log in and type out my thoughts rather then pick up a book and pen. That just seems so old fashion right now and even though I rather the idea of being traditional and keeping one of them 5year journals, that when your old you can look back on and laugh about, it would never happen!
So, I guess some general info about me would be a good start. I'm a third year university student, in the Arts program. Im actually and Anthropology student, which will help account for my fasination with different cultures. My dream was (someday may still happen) to be a designer. One of my past times is sketching/drawing. I create sketches of fashion designs that I know if brought to life could be runway worthy, unfortunitly my sewing ability isnt nearly what it should be, so my designs are left on paper.
The one topic which seems to consume my life, however, is cars. I like something by everything, I guess you could say. And I have opinions on everything make and model. Just get me on a rant about anything automotive and it could last a LONG time!
Well, I would like to finish this but its a saturday night and my weekends are my time to enjoy. So with that said, Im goign to go out....find something of interest to do and I will tell all about it tomorrow! ~
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Blurty for ThruBluEyez.

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