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13th May 2003

10:40pm: LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL!!!!!!
well this is my last week! and its already wednesday......how sad! im so excited yet nervous and sad.......wow its all coming to an end. Tomorrow night is movie night. im inviting a lot of people over to watch movies......this should be fun. some of the old "rugged" crew. and some of the new crew. well.......i really need to get some sleep. nighty nite! *A*
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: nothing......watching simpsons

11th May 2003

2:20pm: HAHA....wow very big change! nice night
so whats up! well last night was interesting.........went to 2 parties with shall we say it....kiel......wow lol he was actually nice to me and talking ....and from what melissa and some other people think (FLIRTING) ha oh well i was dodging his bullets lol. i had fun but i got cramps around 3 in the mornig so then i went home. my daddy is gone! yay. im taking mommy out to dinner tonite. i love her soooo much. i taped some of last night. lol. lots of the rugged crew was there and it reminded me of old times. 2 months and im outta here. very sad and its coming up fast. i mean im graduating in like 2 weeks.....less than.....wow! lol well i better go take a nap before i have to get ready for dinner. *A*
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: 50 Cent........21 Questions

10th May 2003

12:18pm: Life Is ......shall i say it........NORMAL and not hectic!!
Well last night was just ......boring......went to mitch's house and all the punk kids were there. My friend andrea told some girl off for talkin shit bout her but that was all that was interesting there......then we went to lenny's house(i felt like i should have gotten paid for babysitting cuz there were a lot of young girls there....like 13-15) and some girls cell phone was ringing and my friend marti answered it cuz no one would claim it and the person on the other end asked for some girl and marti is like "is so and so here." so then some girl claimed the phone. well then lenny comes over and is like who answered the phone? and marti is like "me" and he goes off about how thats rude to answer the phone and what not and it was some girls mom asking her a friend and how she wasnt suppose to be over there. marti then goes maybe you shouldnt have little girls over here when their mommies dont know where they were. and the girls were being all rude to us and i got pissed cuz even though they are only like 3-5 years younger than us thats just wrong. they have no idea what i could do to them.....not even hurting them.....to their life. i could make it a living hell......damn little freshman! so we started asking them if they even started their period and if the had to be home by 9 before their bedtime....kinda funny but seriously these girls were bitches. there was 2 that were nice and talked to us not argue. then they went out side and talked shit of course and i walk out there catching them talking about marti and i and im like why dont you fucking say it to my face. if you can talk shit about the big girls you can stand up to the shit like a big girl. it was funny. they got all scared. oh well. then we went to james hung out for like 15 mins then came home to go to bed......tonite i wonder whats going on. lol....later *A*
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Lil Kim and Lil Cease......Crush On You

6th May 2003

9:19pm: Getting A Tattoo......but what should i get.
me and my friend are getting a tattoo but what should i get. i either want a star, a fairy, butterfly, or symbols meaning courage love and friendship. i dunno. anyone know any good sites?
schools been going good. 8 days left and counting. scary. i got my yearbook today and it looks soooo good and im in it alot. which is good cuz im a ham. lol. ok well i really dont have much to talk about i just wanted to update. sorry im so boring right now......but tehres no DRAMA besides the ffact my father is an ass....but hell be gone for 1 week. yay for me. *A*
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Norah Jones......Don't Know Why

4th May 2003

10:49am: FUN NIGHT!! YAY!
Ok so last night i went to a friends house......and HAD FUN! lots of fun! He had a nice party and we drank had jello shots and i got some of it on tape :) EVIDENCE>........but some is bad cuz its of myself too. haha. there was this guy there.....pretty cute :) 2 of them actually but im not even gonna try. i just flirt a bit :) stupid assholes didnt go which im glad.

im just chillin right now. i got home about and hour ago. kinda tired. didnt leave the party til almost 4 and feel asleep in my car as we were dropping off a friend and trying to get him into his house cuz he was passed out drunk. and me and andrea feel asleep in the car finally marti woke us up and we went to her house passed out and here i am.

i didnt get that drunk i was just buzzin good. no drama either last night. just pure fun and happiness! yay for me. *A*
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: nothing........watching mtv

3rd May 2003

3:52pm: JELLO SHOTS!!!! can lead to bad things......
WELL HELLLLLLLOOOOO. im in a good mood this afternoon. last night was fun. i went to a party they were having for a friends bday and i was just chillin. then we went to the porn shop to get him his present......he got some magazines.....i personally think he should have got a video. those are funnier.

tonite is the party....and they are making jello shots.....well i was thinking of not drinking but you know peer pressure always gets to me! DAMNIT! oh well im gonna have fun BECAUSE IM GRADUATING SOON!!!!! CRAZY!!! If any of you people are in the phoenix area give me aholla since im moving there! WOOP WOOP.*A*
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Amanda Perez.......No More

2nd May 2003

6:38pm: HAHA!!! THIS S*H*I*T is FUNNNY!
Ok so yeah Kiel was talking shit about me behind my back......(like usual) and was like "shes a fucking homie hopper and i dont consider her as a friend anymore. she needs to shut her slutty mouth."

well first thing........i didnt have sex with just some girl........and second.....DOUBLE STANDARD. BOYS like these make all you guys that are decently human beings look like crap. Why is he talking shit about me and not say it to my face? He a coward. Im hopin that he says something to me on Saturday night so i can just start letting everything go and say everything htat has been on my mind for a week. Plus i think im having a party next weekend and if he shows up im gonna be pissed cuz from what he says "were not friends" hes the one that brought this on himself. NOT MY PROBLEM. he needs to just get over it. GET OVER IT KIEL. so what i got over you you dont have to get all butthurt!

on to better things..........HOW IS EVERYONE?? 10 MORE SCHOOL DAYS LEFT! wow! graduation is less than 3 weeks!!!!! AHHH!!!!!! :) I didn't go to work today. i think i might have the stomach flu or something......feeling a bit nauseated......or however you spell that. Tonite i have no idea what im doing but i know tomorrow im going to a party! WOOP WOOP. maybe getting driiizzzunk. this should be interesting......oh yeah we might be getting a club back! i miss ROCKSTAR! i loved those saturday nights and the parties afterwards even if we had to make our own and eat at in-n-out hahaha good times.......*A*

Current Mood: mischievous
Current Music: Missy Elliot..........One Minute Man

1st May 2003

8:09pm: Back to Normal........well for now.
Everything is going good lately.....which is good. FINALLY. everything is going back to normal and how it was back last year before all the drama started. maybe its cuz theres about 12 days left of school.......scary. kinda sad....very sad. half of these people im never gonna see again. EVER. wow.

I know that everything happens for a reason but what is the purpose of the hurt?? learning from it to make better decisions? i guess so. but the road to success is SOOOO BUMPY!!
I feel like a cow.....tooo muchhhh pizzzzaaaaa
ive been looking at house in phoenix.........EXCITING. i cant wait til i get my house. yay for me. im excited to start college and live on my own. big change.MASSIVE CHANGE. ok well not much really happened today. ill chat later! *A*
Current Mood: full
Current Music: Foxy Brown....I Taste Just Like Candy

29th April 2003

9:48pm: Don't even show me your face cuz its a cryin shame!
I really need to get over john. hes not worth my time. no one in havasu is. MAYN! i cant wait to get of here and live my life. work was boring today. Didn't do much.
Ate Ice cream a little while ago. my stomach feels .........achey....,
school was fun today. thats a first. iwant my yearbook. what to do this weekend? i dont knoe. friday ill chill cuz i have family in town but saturday is a well needed party night.
ive been realllll moody lately. its not PMS i dont know whats bothering me. well its only around certain people that im like that. maybe its cuz of things that people has told me about these people..........i dunno....
my brain isnt working right right now so yeah thats all for tonite. i need sleep. night *A*
Current Mood: lazy
Current Music: Fiona Apple........Sleep to Dream

28th April 2003

6:38pm: guys get praised for it but girls get called names?? F*U*C*K that!
anyways.......why do i always go back to the things i need to stay away from. its like im addicted.....to getting my heart broken. it sucks to think about it. but ive gotten my heart broken a lot this year. we had a guest speaker today (tyler something) well he kinda motivated me to care for myself and think about my feelings more and make good choices. girls dont need boyfriends or guys to function correctly. we are human without them.

I wonder if I ate too much.........i was thinkin of going back to ANA.........thinkin.......

He doesnt KNOW ME.....at all and hes talking shit.......fucking asshole.....im pissed.

I HATE how guys can fuck as many girls as they want and they are pimps and heros yet when a girl kisses more than a couple of guys they are sluts and homie hoppers and whatever else......I FUCKING HATE IT. They just jealous cuz girls got more game then them. HA! boys are sista shoppas! oh well im learning not to give a damn. i worry a lot of what people think about me. i dont change cuz of it. i just wanna know what they think of me. ok its just me rambling right now nothing really to say so ill talk more later.........*A*
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Amanda Perez..........Angel

27th April 2003

ok so yes Kiel said this to my friend the other night........."she better shut her slutty face before i hit her" ok......whats wrong with this senario......IM A GIRL!!! and plus ok the only thing i told him is that he cant say shit cuz i only kissed my guy and he had sex with some random girl. (if youve been following the story you already know what im talking about) if not heres a brief summary......me and this guy, kiel, somewhat liked each other....we hooked up (take that as what you think dont care right now) kinda together for like 4 months and found out all he wanted was some action or whatever,.....got rid of him, kissed a guy that ive liked for like over 8 months (john, a friend of Kiel but i knew him before kiel and him became friends) kiel got jealous......calls me a homie hopper cuz i dont like him anymore has sex with some girl and i say cant say shit.....and now here we are....i really havent said anythign to anyone only tot he pople that know about it. and he blames me for people who had seen themn leave together and asked him if they hookec up..OK WHATEVER ASEHOLE!......guy can be so stupid! *A*
Current Mood: drained
Current Music: Snoop Dogg and Pharell......Beautiful
11:25am: Back From VEGAS.....oh what a night we had.......
The concert was FATTTTYYY!! SNOOP DOGG! woopwoop. it was great and the opening acts were great too! GO GET AMANDA PEREZ's CD!!! anyways we met up with some friends that my friend has known and well lets just say taht turned out to be a BAD IDEEAAAA!! They turned out to be something we didnt think they would be! Kinda scary too. other than that we had a blast. we snuck up closer than where we sat at....hehehe :) they didn't allow cameras and that sucked cuz i wanted a PICTURE! DAMN IT! oh well the memories and the boys..........dammmmmmmmmmmmnnn. a lot at the mall were so yummified......OOOOOHHHHH. lol but reall im really really really tired and i have to work in a couple of hours so im gonna go take a nap. *A*
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Amanda Perez.........Love Is Pain....GOOOD SONG!

24th April 2003

9:31pm: HE MAKES ME SOOOO MAD! i SWEAR i am adopted.....or at least he isnt my real dad. MY FATHER is a fucking stupid ass! i hate him soo much its not even funny. he has a joy in making me cry. im fucking 18 years old. let me have my own god damn life. ARG!!!!!! HES SOOO STUPID! seriously.........im 18.....he wont let boys call the house.....he freaks out when i come home like 10 minutes late.......if have to tell him EXACTLY what im doing or where im going.......HE DOESNT believe me on anything i tell him.....NOTHING!......so everytime i try to explain myself he says im lying and grounds me and yells at me. I HATE HIM i seriously do.....not just cuz we got in a fight....which we do every other day.

I SWEAR i can't live with this man much longer. i dont see how my mom survived 20+ years.....i cant even stand a month. thank god im out of here in like 3 months.......then hes gone form my life. lets see if i even talk to him after i move away. ill talk to my mom. ILL MISSSS her with alllll my heart and probably cry when i leave her but thats cuz my has a heart. and she understands me. i hate him i hate him i hate him! ARG! im gonna get a tattoo just cuz i want to piss him off. i want one on my lower back but he says no and got all pissed off. ill get one and be like look at this shit once im leaving for phoenix. HA! fucker. i swear.....i wish my mom cheated on him with someone decently being a father. my father doesnt care.....cuz im not the prodigy he wanted me to be. i quit basketball sophomore year and then he like disowned me or something. i then did dance team and he went to one game.....but only went cuz it was a football game and my brothers played football, basketball, and baseball.....and my sister was secretary in student governmanet and she played bball and was in all these clubs.......

"why can't you be more like you brothers and sister?" WELL CUZ I DONT WANT TO WASTE THE BEST MEMORIES OF MY LIFE PLEASING YOUR SORRY ASS!
I made prom court....he didnt care didnt even pay A CENT for my prom expenses. im gonna need therapy for this shit when im older. LOOK IM FUCKING GROWING GREY HAIRS CUZ OF HIM! ARG!!!! he scares me sometimes. i feel like hes gonna hit me......oh those memories.....i want him to hit me....and then say in his face "HIT ME AGAIN. MAKES YOU ALL POWERFUL TO HIT A GIRL....YOUR DAUGHTER THAT YOUR SUPPOSE TO LOVE! YEAH YOUR A REAL FATHER. ILL BE SURE TO TELL GRAMPA YOU TURNED OUT TO BE A WONDERFUL FATHER." hes never fuckig told me i was beautiful.....well he did once back in 2000 at my brothers wedding....never really praises me for anything....told me im fat a couple of times......im gonna do whatever i want to please myself. forget about hi and stupid ass boys.....only for myself and my mommy....cuz shes the shit.....

i LOVE YOU MOMMY!!! Shes the only one that i know will always care about me....and my sister. my oldest brother is like my dad kinda...but my other brother is like my mom so him too. i need out of this damn house.....thank god for this weekend. lets just hope that he doesnt ground me then say i cant go and whatnot....i dont give a shit anymore ill just runaway and go anyways. whats he gonna do ground me? at least i would have gone :) plus he cant ground me for long. im moving in less than 3 months. HA sucks to be him. i just dont want to leave my mommy by herself. she can move in too :) *A*
Current Mood: angry

23rd April 2003

7:29pm: the hell i have gone thru.......OH GOD! haha i over it
This is gonna be long....so deal with me. lets go way bak to the beginning of my senior year......there was this guy (jon)
he was the guy that i was friends with and thought was so annoying and me and him would make fun of each other in class.
well somehow i feel for him this year. my friend (raquel...my soul sista!) worked with him and so one day she just decided to ask him who hes going to homecoming with....you know getting info for me)
well hes like "Why you wanna go with me?" "No im just asking making conversation" "does april wanna go wit me?" "i didnt say that" (this kinda gives it away) "suuure"
so then i decided to ask him an he said yes......we went had fun.....and then we kept talking a bit. one night while on the phone he asked me why i liked him and i told him and then i asked him
"am i wasting my time" he responded " i dont think your wasting your time. if you were wasting your time i wouldnt be on the phone with you right now" so yeah i felt nice :) smile on my face then
he stood me up a couple of imes so im like forget this before i get in tooo deep you know.....so i moved on...started liking a friend of mine for some reason (Kiel) we hung out before and went to club....we had friends who were friends and
so we hung out anyways.

so then he and i kissed. (me and jon never kissed before kiel) so i was moving on.....but i still had jon on my mind at some points to make some matters worse....KIEL AND JON WERE BECOMING FRIENDS since they were both on the versity boys basketball
team. they started talking and stuff. and plus im on the dance team so i was at every game. WONDERFUL! so time went on kiel didnt want a girlfriend....which i was fine with....but the thing is he kinda turned that to friends with benefits......which confused me cuz of the way he acted all the time.

so me and kiel ended up doing stuff.....i dont kiss and tell hehehe......well it finally ended in february...i said im thru with him plus i asked him to prom and he said maybe and kept me waiting til like 2 weeks before prom. so i said forget it because i heard through some friends he wanted to ask
some other girls and i was basically the "back-up". so i said forget that shit. so then i was by myself for a while....then one night........

Jon calls Kiels cell and talks to everyone that was around (we were at a lil party) an he basically invited me over to visit him and ends up kissing me ( i didnt tell anyone where iw as gong except my best friend) he also tells me he stilll likes me and has since homecoming. he explains what all happened with "us" and tells me his reasons for standing me up or for somethings i heard he said or just things i needed to know.
well kiel finds out and calls me a "homie hopper" i could care less and shit but the question on my mind is "why does he care" some of my friends say he still likes me....he could but its not gonna help him since he lost his chance. 3 strikes and hes out! plus he said shit about me.........so FORGET HIM!

so im here now.....wondering what to do ....1 month left of school and im moving in like 3 months. im thinking just have fun and just go day to day. play it by ear.........like usual haha.
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: SEAN PAUL........Get Busy

22nd April 2003

10:26pm: Here We Go Again...........
This first one is always the hard one because of first impressions. If the first oe is great then your hooked but if it sucks then your done for. I really could care less since I'm here just to blert out all my feelings and rants so that I dont go crazy. Where do i start............probably at the beginning april......DUH!....well Im april just turned 18 and from arizona. wonderful hell hole but it has been a trip for me at least. senior in high school and almost outta here. so yes i dont have any weird disorders or am depressed im just your basic average bitchy girl. I like alcohol and partying.....hey what girl doesnt. I make myself sound like im a terror but really in reality i am a nice person.
30 days left of school and im sad, scared, happy, confused, and excited all at once.....is that even possible??? oh well i thought high school was gonna be hard....now im out in the real world and going into college.......FUCKKKKKK! I just need to get away from the stress that i have been through lately. i need to get out of town this weekend.........well I AM. Im going to a concert (SNoop Dogg in vegas!) with my girls so haopefully that goes all well and i meet maybe a boy or two.....boys OH GOD dont start me on that tonite since i only have like a couple of hours before i SHOULD go to bed since i do have school tomorrow.......lets just say right now im listening to justin timberlake "CRY ME A RIVER".........hey its a good song and damn means a lot to me! i will explain everything and anything on here. im not ashamed of things i have done......cuz if i was why the FUCK did i do them in the first place. So some things might scare you and some might interest you but its all a part of my SO CALLED FUCKING LIFE.........can you tell i like the word fuck....kinda gets my point across a bit more. so yeah if im bored in a couple of minutes ill come back and talk about random shit or talk about problems lately...........
Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: Justin Timberlake.....Cry Me A River
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