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[09 Sep 2006|07:08pm] |
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Hey girls. I'm having so much trouble with life....I don't know what to do. I've been in college for 3 weeks and I don't like it. It's an all girls school and I hate partying. The classes I take are useless. I"m a dancer, ballet, lyrical, jazz. All I've wanted to do is just...dance. Dance has been missing from my life for 6 months now, I've put on a few pounds, I'm not nearly in the shape i was in and I've become more depressed. My mother just came in this room and i was balling my eyes out. I want to take a semester off and dance on a cruise ship or go to a dance SCHOOL or i mentioned NYC and my mom said it was entirely too expensive for me to live there. I don't know what to do. I'm in such a hard place. I'm in a place where i was to live out my DREAMS. I don't want to just think about them anymore. I want to start auditioning. I don't want to be in a relationship, there's no one here holding me back. Nothing here in Raleigh is making me happy. i thought that when i got to college, I'd be really really happy but somehow, after a few weeks, it came back again. I've been going out a lot, I haven't been able to exercise AT ALL because my room mate (which is my best friend these days) parties ALL THE TIME and she barely eats so she can have her to-die-for-long-skinny legs. I don't know. I wish i could figure out what i wanted in life. I don't know if i should push through this four-year college, or just go to community college to earn money or just move into my own place or what. It's all so confusing. BUt I can't live like this. I can't do this anymore. I want to be happy...
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