: Confession Time
On the heels of a . . . semester at Stark State and a trip to Columbus, I feel as though I make a confession I've been trying to make for a little while now. It's not anything surprising, really, but I like to think that if you don't know it, you'll understand. Those of you that do know . . . I don't know. Does anyone know?
Anyways, it's not anything huge. I mean, it is, but it isn't. I dunno. Okay, well . . .
I have no idea what I'm doing. And I have no idea what to do.
Allow me to clarify. Parts of my life are so very clear. I know that I want to be with Tricia. I love Tricia. If there's anything I know, it's that. I love her so very much and I want to be with her for the rest of the my life.
But, in terms of career? In terms of college?
I don't know. I'm 25 years old, have worked 8 soul-crushing years at Acme, and have nothing to show for my post-high school life save a handful of course credits.
Y'know, my Dad worked in an office for most of his adult life and he hated it. He would come home in a bad mood, grumbling, and just hide away in his bedroom for a while before finally emerging and "not wanting to talk about it." I do not want that.
I also want out of customer service.
I guess it doesn't help that I'm also feeling torn about what I want to do. I've put a lot of faith into Technical Communications, but it's so dry. Again - the office thing.
God, I just want to get up in the morning and start writing. Y'know? That's what I really want to do. Maybe I'm living in another world; maybe I'm just swimming around in my head, but fucking 'ay, that's all I want to do. Just write.
Y'know, I look at people like my Mom and Eric and Travis and Uncle Brian who struggled with school until they found something they were just so very passionate about. I look at people like Danny P and Stephy who were able to put a goal in front of themselves and made it there and find a way to move on.
The trouble is . . . the thing I'm passionate I can't make money doing. I can't get paid for sitting at my desk in my apartment, writing about whatever I please. It doesn't work like that.
I'm getting married; I want a family. I feel like -- hell, I know -- I can't do that without a degree or a career choice that won't pay decently. So what do I do?
Let me of course note that my getting married isn't a hinderance to these plans.
I don't know. God, I've been pounding my head against this problem since I got out of high school. Did anyone know that? I've been struggling with this for all these years.
The bitch of it is is that even if I do get magically published or whatever, it's not like money bags are going to be pouring from the sky.
Will someone just tell what to do with myself?
~W~
On the heels of a . . . semester at Stark State and a trip to Columbus, I feel as though I make a confession I've been trying to make for a little while now. It's not anything surprising, really, but I like to think that if you don't know it, you'll understand. Those of you that do know . . . I don't know. Does anyone know?
Anyways, it's not anything huge. I mean, it is, but it isn't. I dunno. Okay, well . . .
I have no idea what I'm doing. And I have no idea what to do.
Allow me to clarify. Parts of my life are so very clear. I know that I want to be with Tricia. I love Tricia. If there's anything I know, it's that. I love her so very much and I want to be with her for the rest of the my life.
But, in terms of career? In terms of college?
I don't know. I'm 25 years old, have worked 8 soul-crushing years at Acme, and have nothing to show for my post-high school life save a handful of course credits.
Y'know, my Dad worked in an office for most of his adult life and he hated it. He would come home in a bad mood, grumbling, and just hide away in his bedroom for a while before finally emerging and "not wanting to talk about it." I do not want that.
I also want out of customer service.
I guess it doesn't help that I'm also feeling torn about what I want to do. I've put a lot of faith into Technical Communications, but it's so dry. Again - the office thing.
God, I just want to get up in the morning and start writing. Y'know? That's what I really want to do. Maybe I'm living in another world; maybe I'm just swimming around in my head, but fucking 'ay, that's all I want to do. Just write.
Y'know, I look at people like my Mom and Eric and Travis and Uncle Brian who struggled with school until they found something they were just so very passionate about. I look at people like Danny P and Stephy who were able to put a goal in front of themselves and made it there and find a way to move on.
The trouble is . . . the thing I'm passionate I can't make money doing. I can't get paid for sitting at my desk in my apartment, writing about whatever I please. It doesn't work like that.
I'm getting married; I want a family. I feel like -- hell, I know -- I can't do that without a degree or a career choice that won't pay decently. So what do I do?
Let me of course note that my getting married isn't a hinderance to these plans.
I don't know. God, I've been pounding my head against this problem since I got out of high school. Did anyone know that? I've been struggling with this for all these years.
The bitch of it is is that even if I do get magically published or whatever, it's not like money bags are going to be pouring from the sky.
Will someone just tell what to do with myself?
~W~
Current Mood: 
depressed
depressed