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Tuesday, November 18th, 2008
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9:11 am - Geeking Out for a moment . . .
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| Friday, November 14th, 2008
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6:10 pm - I now hate my apartment
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I officially hate my apartment now.
I hate Matt and Cody and there FUCKING GOD DAMN SHIT-ASS "Rock Band" that they insist on playing as loud as they fucking feel. FUCK YOU ASSHOLES!
I hate having to deal with whatever Kyle is doing, too.
~W~
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3:51 pm - Friday afternoon and a cold cup of coffee
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Okay, so, let's get this out there . . .
First of all, as one can assume, I am not working at Uni-Syn PatentHealth. I don't know what the fuck happened. I had the job lined up before I went on my honeymoon, but it apparently vanished. I've given up all hope since the woman I interviewed with never called me back.
SO, I contacted my Temp agency and have put in a request for a position. Hopefully, I can get it. I have experience in everything they want me to have experience in. There's research involved. I love research!
Secondly, I have very little money. I know this is a real shocker after getting all that cash for the wedding, but considering the fact that the honeymoon was pricey, I had/have a ton of bills, the expenses of moving Tricia in, getting new insurance, and jeep repair(s), I'm not exactly left with a lot. And further, like I said, I didn't the job that I was promised -- which I banking on to help keep us afloat through all this post-wedding stuff.
Ultimately, the biggest problem is that all this bullshit comes at a time when we really needed there to be no bullshit. I was counting on that job to help out with our credit card debit and any other expenses that come along. Instead, I find myself working the same job for the same wages despite the fact that I have been working there for eight and half years. A place that will not bring me on full time despite going in everyday and giving more of a shit than I should be giving.
I want an apartment of my own now, for my wife and I. Not that I don't like living with Kyle, but that extra stress of "are we going to get the living room tonight" or "he's having a party? really?" is just stuff that we don't want to deal with. Again, though, see above . . .
I'm getting very frustrated by where my life is. I'm without my own computer because the hinge finally gave out and I now have to shell out another $100 to get it fixed. I've got rent coming up in two weeks and next month, I'm out at least $300 for Christmas. Not to mention having to help Tricia out because she hit her fucking uncles god damn car and her family wants us to sign up for this extended warranty plan that I'm very certain is going to fuck us in the end.
So here I am, sitting here, feeling pretty shitty. My coffee is cold, my neck and back hurts, and Tricia will be home in about two hours and bitch about work. And then, she and I will have to either leave the apartment or hide in our room because our roomate is having his friend over.
Yes, I've been pissy and emo and whatever lately. But unless one you guys decide to commission us (http://www.blurty.com/talkread.bml?journal=thew40&itemid=188211), there's nothing that can possibly be done except to ignore my bitching until we get through this god damn little crisis and life assumes some kind of status quo.
~W~
current mood:  crappy
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| Thursday, November 13th, 2008
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11:24 pm - :(
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Today at Acme, a little old lady came through the line with (among other things) a bunch of Pop-Tarts. She then said to Pam: "My grandaughter is home from college and she just loves these things. That what grandma's do . . . they take care of their grandkids."
I teared up. I don't have anymore grandmas.
~W~
current mood:  sad
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| Friday, November 7th, 2008
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5:25 pm - I wish I had my own "room"
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Being married is the hardest, most fulfilling, most selfless thing you could ever do. Fact.
A few weeks ago, Tricia and I got into our first fight over her not having a desk for her computer. The desk she bought from Wal-Mart was a piece of shit, so I went ahead and gave her my mistake. I don't regret that at all, but I do wish that I had made better arragnements.
I'm so tired of having to sit in the living room and having to wait until everyone goes to bed to do any sort of decent writing. I miss having my personal space, my own place where I can and just unwind and be by myself. I really miss that.
Ugh.
~W~
current mood:  tired
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| Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
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11:17 pm - Barack Obama is President!
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| Saturday, November 1st, 2008
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8:34 pm - Home Sweet Home
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Highlight of my day:
Coming home this evening, immediately seeing the nice full (new) bookcase, a stack of comics/sketchbooks on the coffee table, and having the apartment smell like coffee.
It's one of the first times in a long time I really feel like I'm home here. Even though I lack a desk and any sort of "real" personal space, I'm so happy to be here, to be married, to have a great roommate, great neighbors, and good friends.
Real up-date coming.
~W~
current mood:  good
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| Tuesday, October 7th, 2008
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10:27 am - Honeymoon
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Hello everyone!
Still on the honeymoon! We're debating when we want to come back -- Wednesday or Thursday. Either way, we'll be home Friday and I'll hopefully be getting a huge-ass up-date by the end of the weekend.
All is going really well. We're in South Yarmouth (Cape Cod) right now and the trip has been a lot of fun thus far.
More when we get back! Bye!
~W~
current mood: good
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| Saturday, September 27th, 2008
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8:21 am - On My Wedding Day
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I'm getting married today.
There's a lot I would like to say. A lot I should say. I have a half-written blurty entry written up in word, but I'll get that up later.
I'm so incredibly happy. I've waited so long for this day. She is the love of my life. She has been my best friend and we've depended on each other through the good times and the bad times. I love her more than I've loved any woman. I can not wait until I can call her my wife and her name in my cell phone actually applies (she's listed at Tricia Woodside).
I love you, Tricia.
What's funny, is I feel like I should be more introspective. And maybe tomorrow, I will be. But I'm comparing my thought process here to the thought process I had with when I proposed. All I need to say is "I love you."
Let's get married.
~W~
current mood:  excited
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| Thursday, September 18th, 2008
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8:51 am - Like, whoa
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So. So so so so.
Here we are. 9 days. 9 days to one of the most important moments of my life. And . . . at long last . . . I am excited again.
We're still not looking at the perfect situation here. We've had to make some decisions with the wedding, making it a little more cookie-cutter. But, eh, let's just call it "classic" wedding. Heh. Yes. "Classic." Money is still tight. A few things we wanted to do we can't. Tricia and I really wanted to have disposable cameras on every table, but I don't see that happening now. Just don't have the money!
I might also have to make some last minute changes to the honeymoon. Which shouldn't be too bad. A lot of that depends on how much we're getting for the wedding.
The final tally for guests is 145. It'll be like the end of a Wes Anderson film.
Okay, gang, that about wraps 'er up. I gotta head to Acme and run register for a while because Debbie's a bitch.
~W~
current mood: excited
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| Sunday, September 14th, 2008
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1:12 am - Two weeks . . .
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Two weeks before the wedding . . . just when things are starting to look good again . . . just as things are starting to get exciting and happy again . . .
The transmission in Tricia's Jeep breaks. I don't know who is going to pay for it, or how, or . . . I just don't know. I really don't.
I hate it.
~W~
current mood: crappy
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| Friday, September 5th, 2008
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10:50 pm - Hello September!
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Ah, the month I will marry!
Got some comics at long last . . . though there's still so many still at LoC.
My room/apartment is a mess. Well, the apartment not so much . . . I did clean up in the kitchen.
I may have had to work today.
That's all I got.
~W~
current mood:  crazy
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| Friday, August 22nd, 2008
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3:09 am - Can't Sleep
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I have to be up for work in three hours and I can't sleep. I even tried drinking and that didn't help.
It's because of my general fears about the future, some really bad acid reflux, and the inability to really relax after getting home because Kyle had people over and used my blender without asking me. Probably Stephen's idea, really. He likes to just assume that he lives here too.
That blender has some serious sentimentality to it.
Ah fuck! WHy can't I sleep?
~W~
current mood:  bitchy
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| Thursday, August 21st, 2008
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10:13 am - Post-Birthday
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I usually up-date on my birthday, but to be honest, by the time I got back onto my computer at the end of the day, I was exhausted. Pretty good birthday, really. Pretty much what I wanted it to be. Got some comics, though I still have a ton still at LoC. Got some art stuff, which is pretty exciting. I really can't wait to set-up a studio here at Beech Hill.
I also got the new Coldplay CD "Viva La Vida." It's pretty fantastic and it's definetly my favorite out of all their albums thus far. "Life in Technicolor" is my personal fave, though "Lovers in Japan" and Strawberry Swing" are both good too.
Kyle's nephew was born on my birthday. Congrats, dude! Being an uncle is fun. You can be the kid's best friend, then pass them back over to their parents when you get sick of them.
Tricia and I got out marriage certificate yesterday. That was pretty awesome. We had to solemenly swear that we weren't: 1) Drunk, 2) Cousins, 3) Had a legal reason to not marry, and 4) didn't have syphilis. Why syphilis? I dunno.
Anyways, we did all that. We also had breakfast with my Mom, whose gift to me was my new suit.
Pretty good b-day.
A few things worth note of today.
- I work 1-10 Register. I'm not looking forward to this. Worst Shift + Worst Job in Store = suck. But I can live with it, I suppose.
- The smaller of Tricia's two dogs (Katie) may have to be put down because she's in considerable pain. She called me this morning crying. I wish I could go be with her today.
- Before I go to work, I'm going to have to stop by Pizza Pan to pick up an application. That's right. Delivering pizzas now. Fuck. North Canton Loser status . . . confirmed.
~W~
current mood: groggy
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| Tuesday, August 19th, 2008
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10:39 am - The Long Week
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After Grandma's death on Thursday night, I felt great release. I made my way over to the house again on Friday and found that the bed was gone, the wheelchair was put away, and my uncle, my Dad, and my grandpa were restoring the entire house. It was going back to how it was.
"We want to put the past 16 years behind us as fast as we can," my Dad explained, "and have it like how everyone best remembers her."
I was only there for a few hours, just helping move this and shift that. After I was finished, I met up with Tricia, who was moody and upset in regards to recent events. We did the invitations, were tense with each other, and parted ways early that night.
We made up shortly afterwards and the invitations were sent out.
I made arrangements with Acme to only work half a day on Saturday. There were some minor issues and complications, but really, on Saturday was when I was starting to feel pretty down about all this.
I went back to my grandpa's house and spent some time with my uncles. After another patented Woodside interrogation, everyone engaged in conversations regarding government and the economy. My opinions in the matter were . . . well, let's just say I didn't get much to say and what was said was quickly ignored or forgotten.
After dinner, I went home.
Sunday was filled with chaos. I was asked to be a pall-bearer, but didn't have a suit. I needed a suit anyways for an up-coming interview. My Mom got me one as an early birthday present.
Calling hours were Sunday afternoon and I was stunned to see so many familair faces. A lot of people I didn't recognize, but a lot of them I did. It was a surprisingly up-beat affair, as was the dinner that followed.
Monday was different. Long story short, the funeral rolled around. It was far harder than the calling hours. Honestly, I thought the funeral was going to be easy. It was far from it. The Pastor sermon was powerful. My Uncle Bruce spoke. Eric, Travis, Christopher, Dan, Jacqueline, and myself were the pall-bearers. We loaded the casket up into the hearse. The ride to the cemetary was fine . . . but the burial . . .
I had barely cried since this whole thing started. I've become teary-eyed. I felt a small sob form in the back of my throat, but managed to swallow it each time. But immediately following the burial cermony, I completely lost it. In fact, most people did -- including my siblings, my Dad, my nephews, and nieces. And Tricia, who cried through it all, God bless her. There was a point after the ceremony that the four of us (Janine, Eric, and Travis) kinda all hundled together and sobbed.
After the burial, there was a lunch at the church. It was quiet and dignified.
I returned home not long after this with a pair of roses from my grandmother's casket. I put them in a vase Tricia bought from a garage sale (there's a point to that) and put it out on the kitchen table. I vegged out for a few hours. I got a call for an interview the next day at Uni-Syn PatentHealth.
I then returned to my grandpa's house and we ate dinner and went out for ice cream. It was nice.
The next day was my interview. It went pretty good, though I'm uncertain about the job itself. I'd have to quit Acme. I haven't made any decisions yet and really, I'm just kinda waiting for an offer.
That night (Tuesday now) I went over to my grandpa's again (a straight week now I've been over there) and had dinner again. I then bid my extended family a fond farewell and that was that.
Back to work on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. I had a lot of condolances. I started getting RSVPs. Leslie's was actually the first, which made me laugh. I distinctly remember her saying "You'll forget about me and not invite me to your wedding." HA! Gotcha. Others have been coming in since then.
Saturday, I was supposed to work 11-8, with 3-8 register. I barely ran, thank God. Unfortunately, my Mom decided to celebrate my Grandpa Craver's birthday that day. I poped by on my lunch, but . . . yeah, missed it. We did get a late Bridal Shower gift, though, from an aunt. An engraved cake knife.
Sunday, we went out to see Tricia's family, now moved to Pittsburgh. We had a lot of fun out there. Went downtown, fell in love with the houses, went to the museum, up the incline train, etc etc. Good times.
And yesterday . . .
Over the past few days, I've noticed that the roses had been wilting and dying. I just kept putting it off and putting it off. Yesterday, for no reason whatsoever, the vase just cracked. Just up and cracked. Water gushed out and I was forced to throw the roses away. It was very strange.
It's been one very long week.
Tomorrow's my birthday.
~W~
current mood:  thoughtful
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| Thursday, August 7th, 2008
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11:52 pm - The Culmination
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What follows is the account of the past two days, in which my grandmother, a quadriplegic of 16 years, saw at long last, the end of her life. She was 86 years old and was cared for by my grandfather. Every day, he exercised her limbs, monitored her health, and tried his hardest to make sure she was still alive.
They've been through many hardships -- extending simply beyond the past 16 years. They were married just as my grandpa entered the military to serve in World War Two.
I heard a number of terms in the past 48 hours. "Lingering," "holding on," "finishing," but I think I like "Culimination" the best. It fits.
What I've written here was written in two seperate sittings: one earlier today at my grandparents and the other shortly after recieving the news of her departure. You'll note these with the tense changes.
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1)
“Thanks for stopping by.”
“I might come back tomorrow, if that’s all right.”
“Of course it’s all right. We’ll always be here. Your Grandma may not be, but she’s alive tonight, God bless her. It’s a terrible struggle, but we’ll see her again.”
The conversation was held over the open dishwasher and in the bright light of the kitchen. My grandfather spoke with wisdom that only a grandfather can speak with; an alchemy of knowledge and experience that was both humbling and vast at the same time. His voice didn’t quiver once when he spoke and it was said in a way that the entire drive home, I kept rolling it around in my head.
My grandmother is dying. They claim she’s been dying since the day she fell and broke her neck 16 years ago. I’ll tell you she’s only been dying for a few months. But, to be honest, my father and uncle see her more than I do and part of me has to take what they say into account.
2)
Before slipping out into the living room on my second visit here in as many days, I just sat on the couch and stared at her face. The only word I can think of is ‘ghastly.’ I don’t even know why; maybe it’s just the expression she has. Her empty, slacked eyes; her jaw moving just slightly in a vain attempt to get more air into her liquid filled lungs. There was a sound like liquid coming from her that mouth and a smell came off her that was foul; it was worse yesterday, by far.
I had to get up and walk away. Just go into another room for a few minutes and regroup. Could I go back in there? Could I stand there and watch her die?
“It’s a hard thing to love your Mom and to want her to die,” my uncle Brian told me about an hour ago. Just before this, I heard him utter something that had become a Woodside mantra the past two months: “I just want this to end.”
When he told me this, my mind went to my Mom and being in the hospital when my Grandma Craver was losing her war with cancer. I wondered if she thought that – I don’t think she did, honestly. But it sparked something that Janine said to me this morning.
“To be honest, I’m not going. It’s going to be hard and it’s going to bring up all these memories about watching Grandma Craver dying.”
(Grandma Craver is sometimes regarded as a sort of patron saint in my family)
So here I am, alone with my aunt and uncle . . . my grandpa . . . and my grandma who is the star of the show.
3)
Yesterday, I was struggling with the fact that I could be at work packing some asshole’s groceries when my grandma died. So I left after 5 hours and went back to my place, where I worked up the courage to call my grandpa. He sounded a little surprised to hear from me, but welcomed me over with open arms.
When I walked through the door, I was a little taken aback by what I saw. My grandma was leaned forward with her face the way I described earlier – open jawed, eyes slacked.
Moments later, I was sitting in the living room with my grandpa and Uncle Brian, being grilled about my up-coming wedding. My aunt Pat arrived – thankfully – which spared me from more of the same. I talked to my Dad briefly, who seemed surprised and caught off-guard by my being here. We had to move some stuff, but I returned with him in tow – at which point, we sat and ate dinner just like any other time. In the family room, watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy.
Honestly, just any other visit. It made both my father and me uncomfortable, a fact that he shared with me. I liked that; he doesn’t open up much about that sorta thing and I’ve been trying to get him to lately.
We walked as my grandpa napped and then I went home.
4)
My grandpa and my uncle love to sound clever. They act like goofballs and I like to think I have a little bit of that charm and humor – but it’s unsharpened and dull.
5)
This morning, I awoke and was aware that the she wasn’t dead yet – simply by the fact that I hadn’t gotten a call yet. I sat downstairs this morning, planning my day. The phone rang and I strongly suspected it wasn’t good news; in fact, I was right about that.
But not exactly.
It was Tricia, in her half-panicked, half-crying tone. “My grandpa just had a heart attack!”
I couldn’t believe it. Part of me wanted to make a joke (I did later: “I think your grandpa read today’s script wrong; my grandma was supposed to have a heart attack!”) This added a new dimension to the day; a new struggle; a second concern. Part of me wondered just how the next few days would go. Surely our trip to Pittsburgh was out of the question.
I went to the hospital after dropping off an order for our wedding cake (heh, yeah) and then I went and saw Tricia and the family. I held her as she sobbed into my shoulder, then we had McDonald’s sweet tea and discussed the potentials the day.
After that, I went back to the house for a while and ended up going through some things before I made my way over here. I helped Brian cut down some dead branches.
6)
Yeah. And I’ve been out in the living room ever since, waiting for dinner, hearing my aunt and uncle try not to bicker. My aunt Pat, who has been so great during this whole thing, is seeming to lose some patience. My grandpa is kinda wandering the house and napping. And I’m sitting on the couch in the living room, writing my thoughts. My uncle, as much as I love him, is kinda nosey. I was questioned when I first came out here about what I was doing. As though I’m five and I might break something.
7)
I left not long after dinner and Jeopardy. I took a long way home, then got back and laid down on the couch, getting comfy in my distractions. Tricia’s grandpa’s pacemaker is fucked up and after some tests over the weekend, he should be out soon.
Thank God.
Kyle came home, interrupting my reading, and we chatted a bit about some things that weren’t about death. And then, as he was heading to bed, my phone rang, I saw it was my Dad and saw that it was 11:10 and knew what had happened. I paused, knowing what the call would be.
“Your grandma passed away about half an hour ago.”
Grandpa had been napping, Aunt Pat was in bed, and my Dad and Uncle Brian were sitting the family room when some unusual noises brought their attention to what was happening. And then . . .
8)
And then it was over.
As my Dad explained to me what had happened, I wasn’t full of sadness. I didn’t break down in tears, I wasn’t on the ground sobbing. I just felt . . . relief. Pure and simple relief tinged with a little happiness. Oh God, it’s over. It’s over, she’s free . . .
She’s free.
I have this striking visual in my head of her walking – just like she used to. Walking towards Bob Garthwaite and Granny and even Grandma Craver. It’s corny, it’s hokey, but it’s beautiful in my head.
She’s finally free.
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| Friday, August 1st, 2008
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4:47 pm - This Morning
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[i] [8:20-something AM and I'm mostly asleep. I hear my phone ring, stare at the number and wonder who it is. I answer it] [/i]
Me (groggy): Hello?
Phone: Hello? Kevin?
Me: Phyllis?!
Phone: I'm your wake-up call, baby. You had to be at work almost an hour ago.
Me: What? I thought I was working 11-8?
Phone: No, 7:30-4
Me: Really? Well . . . shit. I'll be there soon.
Phone: Bye!
~W~
current mood:  bouncy
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| Tuesday, July 29th, 2008
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6:00 pm - Monkey in the Middle
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Gah . . .
Blogs suck alot sometimes.
~W~
current mood:  pissed off
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| Saturday, July 26th, 2008
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8:10 pm - Savoring this moment . . .
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I'm writing about this moment because I want to savor it. The intense stress over the Bridal Shower (as documented over at Tricia's LJ) is over and we are now the proud owners of a TON OF STUFF. Holy craps in a nice hats.
I'm savoring this moment of bliss, this moment of positive attention, this moment of feeling happy and riding along the high hump of the roller coaster that has been the past few months and weeks. This was good and it was so fun and interesting to see all these different aspects of the Clem/Davis/Woodside units interact with each other.
This was good. This was good.
~W~
current mood: exhausted
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| Friday, July 11th, 2008
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1:39 pm - Getting Caught Up
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Well, up to a few minutes ago, I was all up and ready to give you all the scoop as to what's going on. Then Tricia called and she was taking her Grandpa to the ER, so now I'm all like . . . uh, should I not write this? Fudge. I'm down at Muggz, too, with a ginormous cup of super-hot coffee, so it's not like I'm able to speed over to the hospital.
Okay, well, I'll write this whole spiel up, finish my coffee, then head over.
Let's start with the wedding, because that's always the most important thing ever. Things are coming together slowly. We have our photographer, we almost have our DJ (deciding between two of them), and I'm making arrangements for Lezlie to come over for the big day. It's slow-going, but everytime we get something done, it's a massive sigh of relief. Like I said, it's coming together.
In dealing with honeymoon, I've decided (for money's sake) to cut out our trip to the Adirondak's. It's just too pricey. We'll still cut through them, but for the most part, they're out. So, we'll probably hit up Niagra on our way up to Bangor, then we'll spend some time in the Bangor/Bar Harbor/Arcadia region before making the trip to Cape Cod, where MClem has us set-up in this timeshare they're a part of. We'll be there for a week, where we'll be making trips to Boston, Lexington, Salem, and maybe NYC from. So that'll be good times for sure.
On the homefront, things are going "okay." Money is always strained, but I think I should be okay. I may still end up picking up a second job, but we'll see. I plan on (while finishing my huge-ass cup of coffee) checking out jobs in Columbus. As far as I know, that's still on. I guess. You'd have to ask Tricia.
Stephy and Chris are now my neighbors. I'm a little concerned about visitation, but for the most part, I think it'll be justfinetonsoffun. They'll be moving in over the next couple of weeks.
My Verizon bill is massive. I don't know why, but it is. Like, really massive. Ugh.
Been writing Reality Corps. Note not "The New Era." Just the actual Reality Corps.
~W~
current mood:  confused
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geeky