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Sorry [29 Jul 2003|03:45am] Ok. For everyone that I have just deleted from my friends, I appoligize. Untill I am over Declan I really can not bear to hear anything about him, or risk it. Soon you will all be friended again, and life will return to normal. Love you all lol. -crazy post comment

[28 Jul 2003|01:46am] 1. What's on your bedside table? Two pandas, a wooden box, a Kimarhi statue and a few books I think... no yea they are there. 2. What's the geekiest part of your music collection? All the brit pop, unless you consider the ska dorkey, grrrrr! 3. What do you eat when you raid the fridge at night? Soda, the occasional steak. 4. What is your secret guaranteed weeping film? Erm, I think it might be Jane Eyre. 5. If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done? Tummy and bigger butt, but I dont think that will ever happen unless I get hit on the head and become like ravingly retarded. 6. Do you have a completely irrational fear? Vomit, though I dont think that it is irrational. Also being alone, but hey I think that everyone has that. 7. What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments? What I am doing with my arms, and my hands, like I never know what to do with them.Also if I tie my hair back around a guy it means I am not interested. Weird right? 8. Do you ever have to beg? All the fucking time. 9. Do you have too many love interests? No just one that is really bad for me. And Spike. But he is a cartoon so I suppose that does not count. 10. Do you know anyone famous? Uhhh... Lemme think. No. I dont think I do. I think that someone I know might be one day if he gets off his ass and stops letting his parents ruin his life... oh wait, was I venting? 11. Describe your bed. Its a boxspring with a mattress, that is so incredibly comfy that you would not believe. It was once described as one of those black and white foreign film beds. Down comforter, lotsa pillows. I love it. 12. Spontaneous or planned? Both. It depends on what it is. Some things that seem spontaneous are really planned. Sneaky fucks. 13. Who should play you in a movie about your life? Some chick that people say looks like me but I cannot remember her name. But if I had a movie about my life I would have it be an anime anyway. 14. Do you know how to play poker? MMMM.... Texas holdem. Anyone interested in a weekly quarters poker game yer on! 15. What do you carry with you at all times? Stoges, my cell and lemme think... my grudges. 16. How do you drive? Very well, and mostly fast. Passive in towns, aggressive in the city. Gots a lil road rage. 17. What do you miss most about being little? Not knowing any differently. Fun. Innocence. Not caring about anything. Valentine's Day, all the holidays with the little cards and candy. Oh man... I could go on. 18. Are you happy with your given name? Hey, my dad wanted to name me Grace after his mom, and Kelly after his dad. Put those two together and you get... come on you got this. 19. What color is your bedroom? White, probably going to paint it an olive green 'less I move out soon, which I might. 20. What was the last song you were listening to? When I break up with someone I try to not listen to music. I dont want to associate good music with bad times. But I think that the last thing I listened to was Simmer Down. 21. Have you ever been in a school play? A few in grade school and one in Collage. 22. Have you ever been in love? I am. 23. Do you like yourself and believe in yourself? Nah not really. I see people get fucked from that line of thinking all the time. 24. Do you think you're cute? Considering that is like the only attractiveness that I am ever called, no. 25. Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? Door mat is a better word for that. I am angry that I am nice. Which is weird. post comment

[27 Jul 2003|02:52am] *** Come Back Baby *** where are you tonight my love this i'm asking to the stars up above when will you be cumming home? cuz i'm afraid to be alone long before we met that summer i was sure i would never love another now i know i was wrong so wrong my honey why you gone so long chorus: come back baby, come back baby come back baby, the joke is done, so come on home distance makes a heart grow fonder but honey you dont have to wander to make me say those three words my head is heavy, my heart is all a pain and i fear that feeling will remain go to sleep, go to sleep now i pray you find no harm and then i'll dream you're in my arms and i'll keep asking you post comment

[26 Jul 2003|01:26am] And then comes the fighting. I did not want to fight. I just wanted to feel something. I think. That spark, that love that connection. Its gone. From him. It died. I dont know how but it did. And now I am left with the burning embers. I miss it. He says he does to. Oh well. There is only time now. post comment

[25 Jul 2003|10:39pm] So I thought each passing day things would get easier. I was wrong. Its harder every minute. Im crying and alone. I don't want to be with anyone. How can I let someone matter so much. post comment

[25 Jul 2003|04:05pm] http://www.animenmore.com/statues/ff10-kimahri.gif I dunno if that is going to work as a link. But he is soo neat looking and well done. Yum. post comment

And then. [25 Jul 2003|02:41pm] [ mood | restless ] [ music | Toasters-Two Tone Army ] Then I woke up, and for some reason my first thought was, 'my favorite nickname for vagina's is Honey Pot.' I took a nap. Dreamed weird dreams. Must have been the air in the house since my grandma dreamed I gave her a check. (Yea right) "We all know the habit of cats of hesitating in an open doorway. Which of us has not said to a cat, 'Well, come in if you want to?' There are men who, in moments when a decision is called for, hover uncertainly like the cat, at the risk of being crushed by the closing of the door. These cautious spirits may run greater risks than those who are more daring." -Victor Hugo And then I called the boy. But that is another story. Ok I just wanted to know if he would go to a show with me. post comment

MARKLAR! [25 Jul 2003|09:26am] [ mood | groggy ] [ music | Foundations-Build Me Up Buttercup ] Wow. Its too damn early. Considering I went to bed at erm... 4? Eww. Well watching grandma eat breakfast was thrilling. For someone who yells at me for not having 'manners' or 'acting like a lady' she sure eats with her mouth open and speaks with her mouth full. Ewww. Im sitting there afraid that I am going to end up with a peice of egg in my hair and I am going to vomit on her and well, everything will just fly to shit then when I leap across the table and beat her with a slab of bacon. ANYWAY. "Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know." -Ernest Hemingway (So Canary and Taco don't feel so bad. I knew that only stupid people were happy. I suppose that ignorance can be bliss!) post comment

Argh [25 Jul 2003|02:26am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Dave Brubeck-Take Five ] So it has come to my attention that no one ever comments on my Live Journals. I guess that I am just not that interesting. Oh well. "You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life." -Albert Camus 4 comments|post comment

A Really Dumb Survey [24 Jul 2003|04:45pm] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | Pietasters-Girl Take It Easy (The Getz Ended) ] [Last time you:] Really Smiled : Uh. Depends on what you mean by 'Really' Laughed : Probably at Nick or Michelle, or maybe Alec Cried : Uh, last night I think Danced : Oh god. In the shower count? Were sarcastic : He. Right Kissed someone : About a week ago... meh. I hate this line of questioning Watched your favorite movie : Let me think. Well I think I watched Boondock Saints about 6 months ago... grr. Had a nightmare : Last night, it was really really weird [ A Last time for everything.. ] Last book you read : Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix Last song you heard: I am listening to music now, lets see its currently Stan Getz, One Note Samba. Last thing you had to drink: Coffee Last time you showered : Yesterday, I am still waking up Last thing you ate : Uh.... I am not sure... one bite of a Kelbasi I think, but that was yesterday [ Fashion ] 1. Do you wear a watch : Yes! I love it it has 3 different bands, black leather, brown and a tan one! 2. How many coats and jackets do you own : Probably half a dozen. I am a coat whore 3. Most expensive item you've bought : Hm... My boots. I think. 4. What kind of shoes do you wear? : Uh. Flip flops in the summer, Shoes in the winter and boots with dresses. [ Friends ] 1. Do your friends 'know' you : Hell I am not sure if I know me 2. How are you with your friends : Depends on which ones they are. Every one is different around different groups of people. There is only one person that I think I am my true self around 3. Are there traits in you that are universally liked : No. I think that is impossible to judge 4. Are there people that you tell everything to : No [ Other ] 1. Favorite bands ever : Uh. That is too hard. See my info 2. Most listened to bands : Anything ska at the moment 3. Do you find any musicians good-looking : Some. Depends on the muscian. I will never date another one! 4. Can you play an instrument : Piano sorta, flute sorta and bass sorta 5. Type of music listened to : Ska, Reggae, Jazz, Rock, Alternative, Hip-Hop, other. Normally I hate the radio. 6. Type never listened to : Uh, nothing really. I am not a fan of country. It seems to Republican for me [ Religion ] 1. Do you detest religion : No 2. How do you think this universe was formed : I dunno 3. If you currently follow a religion, do you think people who belong to another religion are ignorant : Nope Its all the same damn thing [ Homosexuality ] 1. What is the first thing you think when you see two gay guys or lesbians holding hands : I dont normally think anything. I dont stop and say "hey look gays!" THey are basically part of the landscape of this world just like everyone else [ General Questions ] 1. Whom do you believe is the smartest man alive at the moment : Man? Smart? 2. What do you prefer, a sunny or rainy day : SUNNY! 3. Do you consider yourself lucky : That is the only reason I am still alive 4. Do you feel pity for people who commit suicide : Yes 5.Choose one word to describe how you feel most often : Worried [ Stuff ] 1. Do you own any plaid clothing : Yes 2. Do you own Converse shoes : Used to 3. Do you own Saucony shoes : Nope 4. Do you own old school Nikes : Nope 5. Do you wear tight pants : Yes 6. Is there more than one zipper in your pants : One pair, and a skirt 7. Do you own a messenger bag : Uhh... used to 8. Do you wear your messenger bag across your chest : What a pointless question, and I did when I had one post comment

I vomit surveys [23 Jul 2003|12:41am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Cowboy Bebop thingie-The Egg And I ] [Four beverages you drink frequently] 1. Coffee 2. Pepsi 3. Do cigarettes count? 4. Milk [Four TV shows you liked when you were a little kid] 1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. Inspector Gadget 3. Bob Ross 4. Duck Tales [Four places to go in your area] 1. Home 2. The movie theater? 3. The city (NY) 4. In the city, The Village is good. [Four things to do when you're bored] 1. Sleep 2. Go to Cactuses 3. Artsy shit 4. Go online [Four things that never fail to cheer you up] 1. Well, there was that one thing 2. Howie 3. Michelle 4. My cat [Five things you can't live without] 1. My Cds. 2. My ex... sigh 3. My friends 4. My art 5. My mom [About ten years ago *list three things*] 1. I was eleven 2. I moved four times in that year... I think 3. I liked New Kids... I think (my memory is to shot for this shit) [About four years ago *list three things*] 1. I was 17 2. I was in love 3. Life was fun [About one year ago *list three things*] 1. I was 20 2. I was in love 3. I was a lot happier [Today...] 1. I am 21-ok I will be in like a month and a half. 2. I am in love (see a trend?) 3. I was bored. [Seven things you love] 1. Uh... 2. My mom 3. My cat. 4. My dog 5. My friends. 6. As crappie as it is my art. 7. Music [Seven things you HATE] 1. Ignorance 2. Brent 3. Republicans... lol 4. Boredom 5. Love 6. Femi-nazies 7. Skins (not sharps) [Seven things on your computer desk] 1. GOLD gel medium light molding paste. 2. Uh, my computer. 3. A Pepsi 4. My cigarette case (with like 5 stoges.. meep!) 5. Cup filled with soaking brushes' 6. A box that I have started to paint for Declan 7. A photo [Seven facts about you] 1. I am in love. Yes I consider that a fact relevant to my life. 2. I have lived in over a dozen places (not in the same state) 3. My mom lives in Cali and I miss her. 4. I love Pandas. SURPRISED! 5. I almost have art in a gallery in Cali, I just have to finish them. 6. I am uh... part of a Scottish clan? (Almost too, my mom is doing something weird with all of that.) 7. I like video games? post comment

The Soundtrack of My Life [22 Jul 2003|08:25pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Jurassic5-The Game ] Opening Credits: Rancid-New Dress Waking-up Scene: The Slackers-Have The Time Average-day scene: Ednas Goldfish-Veronica Sawyer Best-friend scene: Harvey Danger-Old Hat First-date scene: The Usuals-Orange Boy Falling-in-love scene: Chris Murray-Rocksteady Love scene: Pilfers-Climb Fight-with-friend scene: Mighty Mighty Bosstones- You Gotta Go Break-up scene: Cat Power-Good Woman Get-back-together scene: U2-One Love (Yea I know what it is about so sue me.) Fight-at-home scene: Dead Kennedys-Stealing Peoples Mail "Life's okay" scene: Ani Difranco-Little Plastic Castles Heartbreak scene: The Slackers-Come Back Baby, Chris Murray-Heartache Mental-breakdown scene: Mephiskapheles-Doomsday Driving scene: The Toasters-Dub56 Lesson-learning scene: Metro Stylee-Shallow Me Deep-thought scene; Cat Power-Cross Bones Style Flashback scene; Talking Heads-And She Was Party scene; Buck-o-Nine-Round Kid Happy dance scene; Ozamatli-Chota Regret scene; Mighty Mighty Bosstones-Someday I Suppose Long-night-alone scene; Ruder Than You-Safe Enough Death scene; Ani Difranco-Swan Dive Closing credits; Issac Green and the Skalars-Change Up post comment

I am like a cake. [22 Jul 2003|02:31pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Hepcat-Marcus Garvey ] LAYER ONE -- Name: Emily -- Birthdate: 09-27-82 -- Birthplace: Boston -- Current Location: Lower Westchseter, NY -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hair Color: Medium-Dark Brown -- Height: 5'5"ish -- Righty or Lefty: Righty -- Zodiac Sign: Libra LAYER TWO -- Your heritage: Scottish, French, German, Irish, English, Native American and a whole other mess of Western European stuff. -- The shoes you wore today: None. I just got up! -- Your weakness: Love -- Your fears: Being alone, Vomit. -- Your perfect pizza: One that was not made out of Gluten (flour allergy!) -- Goal you'd like to achieve: Traveling the world, painting with the person I lurve, (damn hopeless romantic) LAYER THREE -- Your most overused phrase on AIM: *dies -- Your first thoughts waking up: What time is it? -- Your best physical feature: Standing upright. -- Your bedtime: Uh, it varies normally 11pm-6am -- Your most missed memory: I dont get it? LAYER FOUR -- Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi -- McDonald's or Burger King: Wendys, or In and Out Burger -- Single or group dates: Single I guess -- Adidas or Nike: Adidas -- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton -- Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla -- Cappuccino or coffee: Caffe Ole. Take that Starbucks! LAYER FIVE -- smoke: *Lights one. -- Cuss: Fuck you. -- Sing: In the shower, and on the road alone. -- Take a shower everyday: sometimes 4 times aday, depending on my mood. Just trying to Wash Away the Evil. -- Have a crush(es): Yes -- Do you think you've been in love: I know I am in love. -- Want to go to college: You wanna pay? Bribe? -- Like high school: *thumbs down* Whoever said those were the best days of your life were lying. 1 year was cool. -- Want to get married: Yea, and no. If I feel like it is right. -- Believe in yourself: When someone else tells me I should. -- Get motion sickness: Sometimes. -- Think you're attractive: On alternating Tuesdays -- Think you're a health freak: Bah. Health is for suckers. -- Get along with your parents: Mom indeed. Coolest lady in the world. Dad is a pansy asshole. Jeff... well he is Jeff. -- Like thunderstorms: *Listens to the one closing in.* Meep? -- Play an instrument: Some Piano, Flute, Bass. So no. LAYER SIX: In the past month... -- Drank alcohol: Yes -- Smoked: Yes -- Done a drug: Nope. -- Had Sex: Yea... Stupid boy. -- Made out: yes... " -- Gone on a date: Uh... Yea! -- Gone to the mall?: Yup. -- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Stupid allergy. -- Eaten sushi: Yup. -- Been on stage: uh.... no. I think that was more than 6 months ago... or not... so yea. -- Been dumped: Sorta...? -- Gone skating: Nope. -- Made homemade cookies: *sigh. How about a question about food not containing the enemy. -- Gone skinny dipping: Was supposed to. -- Dyed your hair: Yup. -- Stolen anything: Your wallet. LAYER SEVEN: Ever.. -- Played a game that required removal of clothing: Kinda. -- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Fuck yea. -- Been caught "doing something": Sorta? I am good at not being cought. -- Been called a tease: YEA.... *sigh -- Gotten beaten up: Uh, does that count? -- Shoplifted: Indeed. -- Changed who you were to fit in: Everyone has. I stopped. For the most part. Changing and trying new things are different. LAYER EIGHT -- Age you hope to be married: Meh. Kinda I wanna be with someone for the rest of my life kinda thing sounds nice. -- Numbers and Names of Children: 1-2 boys, one being Seamus. -- Describe your dream wedding: With the person I love. Don matter where it is. -- How do you want to die: Quickly. No pain. -- Where you want to go to college: Uh. Art school. But all those kids are pretentious pricks, at least the ones I met. -- What do you want to be when you grow up: Artist. Kerouac little painting prodegy. -- What country would you most like to visit: Ireland right now. It will change tommorrow LAYER NINE: In a guy/girl.. -- Best eye color? Green or Hazel. -- Best hair color? Brown, light brown. -- Short or long hair: Short -- Height: Taller then me or my height. -- Best weight: Slim. -- Best articles of clothing: Shoes. -- Best first date location: My bedroom! Just Kidding. A show. -- Best first kiss location: Wherever. after the show? LAYER TEN -- Number of drugs taken illegally: Uh... *counts. Like 25? -- Number of people I could trust with my life: 3 -- Number of CDs that I own: More than 100 -- Number of piercings: 1 at the moment, lip. Had belly button, nose, eyebrow, ears and tounge. -- Number of tattoos: 4. 3 on forearm, one on back... mm... more! -- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? I am not really sure. Not a fan of the press so I try to stay out of the limelite? -- Number of scars on my body: Uh...*looks around. Nothing huge. Like half a dozen lil ones? -- Number of things in my past that I regret: Cant. Dwelling on the past and past mistakes would only cause me to throw myself off of a bridge. And we would not want that now would we. post comment

[22 Jul 2003|01:36am] Love \Love\, n. [OE. love, luve, AS. lufe, lufu; akin to E. lief, believe, L. lubet, libet,it pleases, Skr. lubh to be lustful. See Lief.] 1. A feeling of strong attachment induced by that which delights or commands admiration; pre["e]minent kindness or devotion to another; affection; tenderness; as, the love of brothers and sisters. Of all the dearest bonds we prove Thou countest sons' and mothers' love Most sacred, most Thine own. --Keble. 2. Especially, devoted attachment to, or tender or passionate affection for, one of the opposite sex. He on his side Leaning half-raised, with looks of cordial love Hung over her enamored. --Milton. 3. Courtship; -- chiefly in the phrase to make love, i. e., to court, to woo, to solicit union in marriage. Demetrius . . . Made love to Nedar's daughter, Helena, And won her soul. --Shak. 4. Affection; kind feeling; friendship; strong liking or desire; fondness; good will; -- opposed to hate; often with of and an object. 1 comment|post comment

ARGH CLEANING [20 Jul 2003|05:29pm] [ mood | determined ] [ music | Herbie Hancock-Chameleon ] Clean. From the websters dictonary and thesaurus. From the Dictonary Clean (klen) adj. 1. free from dirt and impurities; unsoiled 2. morally pure 3. fair; sportsman like 4. neat and tidy 5. well-formed 6. free from flaws 7. clear 8. thorough -adv compleatly -vt.,vi. to make or be made clean -clean up 1. to make clean 2. [Colloq.] to finish 3. [Slang] to make much profit -come clean [Slang] to confess From the Thesaurus clean a. 1[Not Soiled] spotless, washed, stainless, laundered, untarnished, neat, tidy, clear, blank, white, unblemished, unspotted, snowy, well-kept, dustless, cleansed, immaculate, unsoiled, unpolluted, spic and span*, clean as a whistle*. -Ant. DIRTY, soiled, soiled, stained 2[Not contaminated] unadulterated, wholesome, sanitary; see PURE 2. 3[Having sharp outlines] clear-cut, sharp, distinct; see DEFINATE 2. 4[Thorough] complete, entire, total; see ABSOLUTE 1, WHOLE 1. 5[Fair] reliable, decent, lawful; see FAIR 1, HONEST 1. -come clean* confess, reveal, expose; see ADMIT 2. clean v. cleanse, clean up, clear up, clear out, purify, soak, shake out, wash down, scrub off, disinfect, tidy up, deoderize, swab, polish, sterilize, scrape, sweep out, scour, launder, vaccum, scald, dist, mop, cauterize, rinse, sponge, brush, dress, comb, whisk, scrub, sweep, wipe up, clarify, rake, clean away, make clear, bathe, soap, erase, neaten, shampoo, refine, flush, blot, do up*, spruce up, slick up*; see also WASH 1,2 -Ant. DIRTY, soil smear. Balls. post comment

Keepin it real. [19 Jul 2003|10:18pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | Toasters Hard Band For Dead ] Ok. The 7 deadly sins as featured in Whinny the Pooh, and why. Pride:Tigger. Why? Ever hear the tigger song? Avarice: Owl. Why? Ok. So Owl really fits more in the pride section as well, but he always seems to want something in return for his help, hence why he is not often seen. Envy: Piglet. Why? Becuase Piglet is the most self loathing character next to Eyore. Piglet sees everyone else in the 100 acre woods and wishes he was them. Tigger especially if my memory serves me. Anger:Rabbit. Why? Becuase Rabbit is one angry Mo-Fo. Everything that happens in the 100 acre woods he has to blow a gasket over. Lust: Christopher Robbins. Why? Well because being one of the main 7 characters I felt as though he belonged in this somewhere, and let me tell you. It just makes me laugh. (Now, with me, imagine good old CR in bdsm gear.) Gluttony:Pooh. Why? Too much honey, and all he wants is love soo soo much love. Sloth:Eyore. Why? Have you ever seen him not complaining about moving? Some of these are kind of hazy. Many of the facets of each sin can be seen in each individual character. If you have any ideas or changes you would make feel free to comment. COMING SOON! Pooh and the 7 virtues. Then more. I dont know what but something that will be horribly interesting. 2 comments|post comment

First Post EVER! [19 Jul 2003|08:34pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | I think this is Blues Traveler, I am at a friends house. ] So. Blurty Journal eh? This comes once in a minute, twice in a moment and never in a thousand years. Noodle that. Web Comic one day to come soon coming soon will be here oh so hopeful. post comment

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