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Below are 20 journal entries, after skipping by the 20 most recent ones recorded in
I love Taryn's Blurty:
| Monday, February 16th, 2004 | |
| 8:24 am | My life just got more fucked up. Me and Taryn are both grounded cuz of a few lies we told our parents...I don't know how bad she is grounded but Im grounded from the phone and the internet for a week like usual. Its all my fault since my mom is trying to kick me out and I got Peggi involved and my brother heard me and her talking and told my mom so my mom went to Taryns house and talked with Peggi. Peggi is mad at me, She won't even talk to me. She prolly doesn't trust me or anything. I prolly won't be able to go there or have Taryn come here anymore. We prolly won't be able to see each other all vacation. Me and Taryn talked on the phone last night for like 30 seconds cuz Im grounded and my mom was right there. All we could say is I love you. It made me happy to hear her say that cuz I figured she'd be mad at me. We will see each other 1 day maybe this vacation, Josh and Janette are buying a puppy from Kevin and they gotta pick it up this weekend. Hopefully Taryn will come with them too. |
| Sunday, February 8th, 2004 | |
| 6:40 pm | Remembering the good dates in me and Taryns relationship: 11-26-2003 12-1-2003 12-8-2003 12-31-2003 1-1-2004 1-15-2004 1-16-2004 2-1-2004 2-6-2004 2-7-2004 2-8-2004 |
| 6:23 pm | OMG this weekend kicked ass. Taryn spent Friday night and Saturday night here. We had fun. I have officially turned her into a gamer....She admits to being a small gamer but I know that shes almost a hardcore gamer. She played UT2003 today for like 4 hrs straight...she took a break to take a shower, to eat, and let me play for like 5 min. She is very addicted to the game. She is so quickly becoming a gamer its hilarious. She has already moved to the swearing at the monitor stage. If your not sure of the gamer stages here they are: Stage 1: Find a game you like Stage 2: Play the game once in a while Stage 3: Start to play it alot Stage 4: Get addicted to the game Stage 5: Talk to yourself while playing the game Stage 6: Taunt the monitor while playing Stage 7: Swear and flip the monitor off when you die or kill someone Stage 8: Play the game non-stop Stage 9: Start to get bored of the game Stage 10: Find a new game to play Stage 11: Get addicted to this game while playing the other 1 once in a while Stage 12: Repeat stage 9-11 over and over Stage 13: Congratulations...You are now a hardcore gamer Taryn is moving down the board on this one quickly. She is getting pretty good at the game too. Soon she will play all sorts of games with me... I told her that 1 year for Christmas I was going to build her a gaming computer...Not a badass one but a computer that she can play games on in 800x600 resolution. Im soooo excited cuz I told her when we started going out that I was going to turn her into a gamer and she denied that I could but look what I have done. I am victorious!!!!!!!! Other than that the weekend was a normal weekend...Taryn and I "watched movies", sat upstairs and actually watched TV(my mom won't even let us sit together), ate alot of food, played games. It was all fun though. Taryn felt bad for playing UT2003 for so long cuz she weren't really paying attention to me but I was having fun watching her play the game cuz she was flipping out on the monitor. |
| Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004 | |
| 6:14 pm | Do you all know Justin Sawyer? I hate that kid and Im gonna kick the shit outta him if he dont stop running his mouth. I haven't even been bringing Taryns bracelet into school just incase I kick his ass he won't be able to say I wrapped that around my fist or anything. Hopefully Taryn can come over tommorow...I will be so happy if she can. On Sunday night I asked her mom if she could come over Monday...It made me happy cuz I asked. My mom is retarded...She grounded me from the phone but I can recieve calls from people so Taryn just calls me now. Last night Janette hit me in the tit really hard and it hurt..All I did was I ran to Taryn and was all "Taryn....Janette hit your boob. It was funny. I can't type much cuz Im not even supposed to be online. |
| Sunday, February 1st, 2004 | |
| 8:01 pm | This weekend was all good..well except for the last 2 hrs... I went to the bowling alley with Taryn and I was a cheerleader for Peggi but then she stole my hat and beat me up with it. I got to spend the night over at Taryns house which I never expected to happen again. I stayed over Friday night and Saturday...My mom is fuckin tweaking on me cuz I stayed the night and never called her...Anytime Im at my house she fuckin hates me and anytime I am having fun she hates me. We watched American Wedding and Jason vs. Freddy this weekend. Taryns parents are being at times cool and at times not so cool. Like this morning Peggi came in at like 8:30 and me and Taryn had a blanket over us and her mom was all "I don't like having you guys laying on the bed with a blanket covering you." I think it was cuz Taryn had a tube-top on and a small pair of shorts. Altho throughout the day today both her parents came in and when the left they shut the door! Usually they want us to keep it open but not today. The probe is stuck in my driveway right now. Peggi got it stuck trying to back out. We tried pushing it out but that didn't work so we called TJ and he brought the van up and took them home. It was hectack. Im all home alone right now. Every1 is at Kevins friends house watching the Super Bowl. I hate watchin football now so Im not watching it. |
| Thursday, January 29th, 2004 | |
| 8:49 pm | People pissed me off today...I think it might be cuz I was overtired from yesterday ;) Im serious tho, I got worked hard and didn't get a good night rest. O well I will deal with it I guess. I got in trouble today cuz I sat with Taryn at the assembly and Im a junior. I walked across the gym(not around) and every1 looked at me. When I got to the other side Mr. Sills was laughing his ass off so I couldn't help but laugh. Tommorow is Friday and I finally get to go to the bowling alley with Taryn again...I haven't been able to go in like almost a week. |
| Wednesday, January 28th, 2004 | |
| 10:02 pm | Ok now I have some updates on my schedule.. Blue Day Applied Bio Intro to Tech Study Hall (with Taryn, and Ann) Algebra II Gold Day MOUS Certification Computer Keyboarding (with Taryn) English US History III (with Smitty, and Ann) My schedule is alot better now...O yea....Im really tired so Im heading off to bed. |
| Sunday, January 25th, 2004 | |
| 3:46 pm | Im fuckin bored out of my mind. I wish Taryn was here or I was at her house...Or Norman/Zeb were here so we could have a mini LAN party. Its soooooooooo boring at my house. It used to never be boring untill me and Taryn started going out but now...I need someone to at least talk to or hang out with. When I get on Raven Shield and there are people to talk to on TeamSpeak then I have a fun time but if no1 is on or just not talking then its boring as hell. School tommorow...MidTerms are finally over. heres my schedule: Blue Day Per 1. Applied Bio Per 2. Intro to Tech Per 3. Study Hall(room 207) Per 4. Algebra II A Gold Day Per 1. MOUS Certification Per 2. Study Hall(room 206) Per 3. Jr. English CPI Per 4. US History III B I have lunch with Taryn everyday and a study hall with her. I dunno if shes excited about that cuz shes seems like she is getting bored of me cuz we are around each other too much. I dunno tho cuz look at Norman and Steph...together all the fuckin time. Maybe its just my paranoid side comin out since I've never had a relationship last over a week. It'll be 2 months for me and Taryn on Super Bowl Sunday. Yesterday we went to the movies...Me, Taryn, Karen, and Garry. We saw Paycheck...It was a good movie...I had no clue that it was a technology movie(about computers) but it was and Garry thought thats the reason I wanted to see it. I just thought it looked good. I gave Taryn and Karen shit about smoking...They are way to fuckin young to be throwing their lives away with that shit...I went through that phase and got out before I got addicted. They both say they can quit yet neither are quitting. Tary says she quitting but I dunno. Im not forcing her to quit but Im here if she wants to quit. We are putting the new floor in upstairs that way we can put a rug down. After the floor is down we are doing my walls with plywood....Im glad about that cuz I had to tape my wall up cuz Taryn kicked it in. Kevin noticed it and was all like "what happened to your wall" and then I said "Taryn kicked it in" then he said "Why would she do that" then I said "It was an accident...she got excited." It was hilarious. Hopefully Taryn will be coming over tommorow..I dunno if she wants to or not but maybe she does and just not sounding like she does...Friday when she came over I had to do alot of work...I knew that we were getting a new pump but then Kevin came home with a new door and a bunch of wood to do the floors. It stressed me out really bad cuz when I wanted to bring the wood in I had to do it myself cuz Kevin and Zach had to go feed dogs. I ended up unloading everything and bringing in everything. It pissed me off and stressed me out cuz Tarynwas over here and she was just standing around being bored. I was gonna bring all the wood upstairs but Taryn told me I had to relax cuz I was stressed out and all my muscles were tense. I can't even think of how much good things she does to me. I can't even begin to tell you how much she means to me so Im gonna end this Blurty entry here. |
| Thursday, January 22nd, 2004 | |
| 5:01 pm | Too many people are depressed that are around me and I am having a hard time dealing with it. Im sooooooo fuckin lonely....At school and on the bus you all don't see it cuz Im around people so Im happy but when I get off that bus its like instant lonliness. Any of you guys feel this way? In 7th and 8th grade I had no problem with it cuz I had no friends and I dealt with it...I was fine being a loser and a loner but when I got to highschool I started to gain a few friends..prolly the first being Jeremy Whitney and then the past 3 years I have gained even more friends...not many but theres a few...most people are just random aquaintances not friends. Now that I have friends...or at least I think I do I can't deal with being alone cuz on the bus me and Logan laugh the whole time and its great but then she gets off the bus and on go my headphones to drown everything away. Its the same thing day after day...Come home...feed the dogs..sit on my computer for 6 hrs and play the same games..Its fun when I play online for a while then I get bored. I am usually on the phone with Taryn but its not the same as being with her...I get so lonely at the end of the day when I have to let her go. I have alot of built up emotions that you all don't see...Ive gone through hell just in school. You guys don't realize how much of a loser I was...I was picked on everyday from 4th grade to 9th grade. I had no friends..I had nobody to tell all the good things that ever happened to me(the very few things). All I had was my room and my computer. I made myself a computer geek cuz thats all I had. I was always around the people that had to pick on others to make themselves feel big..Then there were the people that were nice to everybody yet they wouldn't want to be seen talking to a loser like me so they ignored me. You guys don't know what its like being the center of attention when everybody is picking on you and every little thing you do wrong they laugh at you whether its dropping a paper on the floor or trying to change your look to fit in with a different group. Yes Yes Yes..Thats right..I used to be a poser...but now Im all like Fuck it. I don't give a shit what people think about me anymore.. They can go to hell and burn alive if they don't like me. People don't realize what they put each other through if they pick on someone. Try having everyone around you laughing at you just because your a loser. It just makes things worse. Try not getting to play football cause neither of the teams want you. This is the kind of shit that poeple kill themselves over...Luckly I couldn't endor pain onto myself. I can't muster up enough balls to do it. I couldn't kill anybody either. I think Ive rambled on for long enough today...I just felt like getting alot of built up shit off my back..Thanks for listening. Current Mood: accomplished |
| 4:39 pm | I just wrote this poem The DemonThe demon inside me, Eating away at my empty soul. Looking for a small hole, Tearing away at each one. When you are gone, Bait is given to the demon, It feeds off my depression. I need you near me to protect me, Protect me against this demon. You are my savior. Please stay near me, Stay near me to fight, Fight against the demon. Without you I am nothing, Nothing but a good meal, A meal for the demon. The demon slowly takes My dieing body untill You come to my rescue. I love you Taryn Rashel Keenan Hope you guys like it. |
| Wednesday, January 21st, 2004 | |
| 5:44 pm | I fink Taryn is mad at me cuz I was jokin around with her and said "I Love you" and then I was jokin and said "Sure......." and then she was all like "What the fuck! I can't deal with this shit!" so I dunno... She also hung up on me too.... O well...I get to bring my puter to school tommorow......I hope Taryn can come to my house Friday...even tho she might be mad at me right now. I did have more to say but Logan and Zeb are talking to me and I forgot all I was gonna write. I can't wait till Tuesday cuz now me and Taryn have a study hall together. We also have lunch together everyday. I love you Taryn |
| Monday, January 19th, 2004 | |
| 9:22 am | A great weekend This weekend was great. Taryn came over Saturday cuz my aunt picked her up. From like 1-4 we couldn't use my room cuz Kevin was trying to unfreeze the pipes. At 4 we just watched a movie. My lil cousin came down stairs and saw me and Taryn kiss and was like "ewwww. She has cooties" It was great. I had to keep my door open al the way all day cuz Taryns mom wanted it open and I NEVER have my door open...Even when Taryn isn't here my door is usually locked cuz I don't like people in my room. Yesterday we all went to my aunts house in Belgrade. It was great. We watched Finding Nemo and The Hot Chick on a 52" wide screen TV. After Finding Nemo we went into the jaccuzi for like 45 min and your only supposed to stay in it for 20 min. O...O...O....Last night my mom actually talked without yelling at each other and she was talking to me about how Taryn is only 14 and all and then I started to tell her thats 1 reason I WON'T do anything with her. I think she belives me and trusts me cuz at like 8:30 my mom was like if its like that then why do her parents make a big deal out of you 2 sleeping in the same bed? I was soooooooo amazed that she said that. Last night I was on the phone with Taryn and she said she thought my mom hated her and then I told my mom that and she was like "OMG I love Taryn...how could she think I hated her...I love her" Then later on in the night my mom came in my room and took the phone and talked to Taryn for like 20 min mainly about Courtney Ryder(an ex of mine) cuz she despises her and about her work. I couldn't stop laughing. It was great. This weekend has been great. I loved that Taryn met my family and my whole family likes her. |
| Wednesday, January 14th, 2004 | |
| 7:43 pm | I didn't go to school today cuz: 1. Its a half day 2. I weren't walking to the end of my driveway in this weather 3. Taryn weren't going to be at school 4. I had Algebra 2 today 5. I was too tired to goto school 6. We were only going over MidTerm stuff today I can't wait till tommorow...I get to see Taryn and hopefully go to her house. I had to go down the road to my moms friends house to take a shower. I was supposed to get my haircut today but that didn't work out. We have no water cuz our pipes froze yesterday during the day. Saturday Taryn hopefully will be comin over and on Sunday if we go to my aunts house she might come with us...I wanna go to my aunts house soooooooo bad cuz all my muscles are tense and she has a jacuzzi. O yea thats right..Im gonna sit in that for a long time. And I am gonna bring my puter cuz my uncle has T3 internet and I will download at 3MB a sec. Woot! |
| Tuesday, January 13th, 2004 | |
| 8:40 pm | I haven't seen Taryn since Sunday morning and I won't see her tommorow either...not even sure if Im going to school tommorow. I won't see Taryn untill Thursday. I can't go bowling with her on Friday. Her dad hates me nowcuz me and Taryn slept in the same bed. Its not like we did anything or was going to do anything. She might come over Saturday when my aunt comes up to my house this weekend if she will ride with my aunt that is... I know that my aunt will pick her up cuz its only like 5 min out of the way and last year during finals she brought Jeremy Whitney home and he lived like 20 min out of her way. I love my aunt and she loves me..We do everything together like go to Concerts and such. She brought me to my very first concert a few years ago. My aunt is the best. I can't wait to see her again..This is the longest we have gone with out seeing each other since we started going out. Altho in Febuary she is going to Florida for a week and we won't see each other then either. Im sick of writing now so I'll stop. I know that all I write about is Taryn so you all are prolly sick of hearing about it but to fuckin bad.Current Mood: Miserable |
| Sunday, January 11th, 2004 | |
| 11:19 am | I got back from Taryns a while ago and I can NEVER sleep over there again cuz of last night. Taryns dad drank alot and passed out at like 10:30. Me and Taryn went into her room and started to watch Jurassic Park and we both fell asleep. USUALLY when that happens her mom just wakes her up to go into her bedroom for the night. Taryns dad didn't wake her up. He came in at 4AM and just opened the door not waking her up or anything. When he got up this morning and was about to bring me home he told Taryn that I could NEVER sleep there again. I feel REALLY bad about it cuz I think its my fault. She thinks she is gonna get grounded too which will be my fault. She prolly won't be able to come to my house this week either even if she doesn't get grounded. I am going to miss her soooooooooo much now cuz usually every Friday I go to her house for the weekend but now I won't EVER be able to....Hopefully I'll get lucky and eventually I'll be able to sleep there again. I hope she doesn't get grounded or anything cuz then I'll feel 10X's worse about it. Im sorry Taryn...Its all my faultCurrent Mood: depressed |
| Thursday, January 8th, 2004 | |
| 11:16 pm | Taryn sent me this poem a while ago and I like it so I'll post it: I thank God he sent you to me, For you and I were meant to be. We have a bond too strong to break, We have a love no one can take. In you, I have found a love so true, My heart is filled with love for you. Every time I see you, my heart skips a beat, You make my life whole, you make my life complete. My love for you grows more with each passing day, The thought of your gorgeous face takes my breath away: Those brown eyes fill my soul with happiness, Those luscious lips I love to kiss. The day when I become your wife, Will be the happiest day of my life. Even thinking of that day makes me smile, I can't wait 'till I walk down that aisle. I dream of that day when we'll both say, "I do" For always and forever... I will love you. Current Mood: I miss Taryn |
| 10:48 pm | I get to go over Taryns house tommorow after school. Im sooooo happy..I go over there every Friday cuz we always go to the bowling alley...well except for last week we stayed at her house cuz she didn't feel like going. I usually stay there Friday night and Saturday night but Taryns dad doesn't want me there all weekend so I'll be back on Saturday. This is my last entry before Saturday. Me and Taryn can only talk on the phone for like 2 hrs a day now untill my mom gets the new plan at the phone company so we can call Wilton, Carthage, Dixfield, Jay, Mexico, Rumford, Livermore Falls, New Sharon, and a few others....The plan was supposed to start last month but it didn't so the phone bill was quite high...O well...Our pipes froze last night under our bathroom and we spent from 4:00 - 6:30PM today fixing them and there still is a small leak by the toilet untill we get some plumbers tape and fix it. Untill that time we have to keep the water valve off except when we take showers and stuff then we turn it back off...When I got up this morning there was no water so I had to go to school like a grub without a shower...I hate being a grub...I feel so gross and greasy. When I got home Kevin said that we wouldn't have water for 4 days and I flipped out and was like I HAVE TO GO TO TARYNS HOUSE TOMMOROW SO I CAN TAKE A SHOWER! But then we fixed the pipes so I took a shower a while ago. This morning I used a cup of water from last night to brush my teeth with. It sucked. I haven't talked to Taryn since like 8:00 and usually we would JUST be getting off the phone right now...We talk on the phone like 4-6 hrs a day. I can't wait till tommorow cuz it's gonna be great...I have study hall with Norman and Zeb, I have lunch with Taryn and Logan, and I see Taryn alot in the halls. Then I get to go to Taryns house after school which puts the icing on the cake right there. We haven't seen each other after school in like 3 days and usually we go only 1 or 2 days without being together after school. We always spend most of the weekend together.. :( I wish Taryn could spend the night again :(Current Mood: lonely Current Music: Random bunches of Crap...mainly Here Without You and Trapt |
| Wednesday, January 7th, 2004 | |
| 5:36 pm | Hopefully Taryn can come over tommorow...Kevin will be home all day so thats all good but Taryn is afraid of my mom cuz my mom thinks that we are having sex. I dunno if Taryn will be able to get a ride back home tommorow so Im waiting on that. Logan and Karen got Taryn mad at me today cuz Logan asked Karen and Brandiee if Taryn was cheating on me and then Karen asked Taryn if she was....I was soooooooooooooo fuckin scared on the bus ride home cuz I thought she was gonna break up with me cuz she didn't give me a kiss before she got on the bus. All bus ride thats what I thought about. When I got home I called Taryn and told her that I trust her now. Im 99.9% sure that I can trust her now so there is no trust line anymore which is good. That Tina girl talked to me today.....EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. At one point that girl liked me...That scares me. Well I have nothing more to write now....I did have alot more to say but then I got on the phone with Taryn and I forgot all the other stuff. Current Mood: Need to see Taryn Current Music: MuDvAyNe - Cradle |
| Friday, January 2nd, 2004 | |
| 11:58 am | I fuckin hate my mom sooooooooooo bad right now....She never does anything for me unless its convienent for her...I asked her to bring me to Taryns house today so we can go to the pirates game tommorow and she flipped out on me when I asked her....I was on the phone with Taryn too so it was hilarious. My mom thinks that we see too much of each other and we gonna get sick of each toger Current Mood: pissed off |
| Thursday, January 1st, 2004 | |
| 10:22 am | OMG Kevin did the dishes for the first time since we moved up here!!!!! We finally got water hooked up upstairs and this morning he did dishes and I was soooooooooooo happy. |