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Jean Grey

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Prescient dreams or figments of a vivid imagination? [15 May 2003|09:24pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]
[ music | Coldplay // Yellow ]

I've finally found time to freely express my thoughts. And now that I have said time in my grasp, I can't think of the right words. Sounds silly, right? It just seems as though everyone around me is so distant now; as though I'm watching the world I live in through a third-person, almost omniscient point of view. I really don't want to sound like a juvenile about this, but I feel like I'm being overlooked somehow... that I've lost those whom I could usually turn to.

Oh, but I wouldn't want to turn to the professor this time. I feel so weak having to depend on him. I feel so... insignificant in his presence now, anyway. Almost as though my lapse in abilities has rendered me useless.

Besides, I crave emotional comfort, not advice; I crave unconditional understanding and empathy rather than experienced patronage. As laughable as this sounds, I need a shoulder to cry on.

I miss spending time with Scott. As innocent as those times were, I was happy then. Well, I'm not saying I'm depressed now. But, my days seemed so much more complete after even the silliest of chats with him. When he took time out of his own busy schedule to be with me, I secretly felt this high degree of pride. But, I suppose times change, as people do. But, God. I miss the naivety of it all.

These dreams I've been plagued with lately. Unexplainable, really. Irrelevant.

It was wonderful talking with Logan. Sincerely peaceful to know that, despite his brusque appearance, his mind and my own are on the same wavelength in most aspects. But, once again, he's gone.

Ah well. Time to step back to reality.

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Apprehension. [13 May 2003|03:51pm]
[ mood | nervous ]
[ music | Linkin Park // Easier to Run ]

"No!" breathed Jean, the exclamation released amidst a forced exhale. Immediately she rose, propping herself up with her hands as she allowed for a quick scan of her room. Sharp jade eyes darted about, lingering on no particular focus for long than a mere second. Breathing came in short, almost automated rasps, chest heaving in search of air. An unsteady hand braced her throat before quickly moving to her forehead, wiping away at remnants of cold sweat. A bitter taste formed in her mouth as several attempts at swallowing were denied. Far too afraid to move, too afraid to allow normal sensory systems to retain control.

Her room, empty -- no signs of life other than her own anxious form twisted amidst satin sheets. With that simple conclusion, Jean again exhaled, allowing her lids to temporarily conceal her eyes. Forcibly did she bring her legs in against her chest and, in that same motion, wrapped both arms around them to secure their position. For a moment she allowed forehead to rest upon her knees, eyes still closed as she made an effort to bring control to her intermittent breathing. 'Clear your mind, Jean. It was just a dream...'

Warm wind poured in from an opened window, silver moonlight gracing seemingly unreachable crevices of her bedroom, wantonly casting looming shadows. Scarlet hued curtains billowed with every gust, though Jean neither felt the need nor the motivation to alleviate their strain. She shuddered, a spine tingling force tracing the length of her back. It was so real -- her helplessness, her vulnerability. So many people, the family residing within these very same walls, all looking to her and nothing came. No fine tuned telepathy, not even the faintest spark of mind association. Complete nothingness.

All at once Jean's mind wandered, hoping to locate a source of welcoming comfort... anything to silence her thoughts and to draw away uneasy feelings. Ambiguity fogged her senses as her thoughts traced several individuals -- Scott, a mere smile from him rendered any of her lifeless days significantly better. Ah, but an embrace? His unreceptive, almost distracted nature prevented such an act; though, at that moment, she wished for nothing else. Storm was unsettled, in the presence of Xavier. But why? And then, an unexpected void... Logan. Her eyes shot open as she raised her head and turned to look upon the emptiness of the night. He was already gone.

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