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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
sally's Blurty:
| Tuesday, July 8th, 2008 | |
| 12:43 pm | It turns out, sometimes you have to do the wrong thing. Sometimes you have to make a big mistake to figure out how to make things right. Mistakes are painful, but they're the only way to find out who you really are. |
| Wednesday, May 7th, 2008 | |
| 9:30 pm | poppi started making jokes again. mead had another minor seizure. we put your dog down. i quit my job. things are starting to go on again without you and i cant get used to it. your missing everything. and the thing is that you swore you would be here for me. well where are you now? |
| Saturday, April 26th, 2008 | |
| 8:51 am | . i remember this one time i was sitting by you in hospice and you started to giggle. and i asked you what was so funny and you told me this story. you said "last night i woke up in the middle of the night, and my body hurt badly. so i picked up the call button to get a nurse and it didnt make the sound it normally does. so i pressed it again and again and was gettign very frusterated when i realized that i was pressing the catheter button. and for some reasoon this stuck me as funny. and i laughed. and it had been so long since i remembered laughing like that; it felt so good so i laughed harder. and then all i could think was 'if anyone was to walk in right now they would think im an old crazy woman who cant stop laughing.'" and then you started to cry. and then you fell asleep. and i never heard your concious voice again. |
| Sunday, April 20th, 2008 | |
| 4:50 pm | you were dead long before you stopped breathing. |
| Wednesday, April 16th, 2008 | |
| 8:53 pm | . i dont want your purses. i dont want your makeup or your perfumes or your jewelery. i dont want your afganss that you made me, i dont want the music boxes, or the qvc stuff, or your pill boxes. i dont want your scarves, or your red chair, i dont want your vests, your paintings. i want to hear you tell me that i smell like sunshine one more time. and i cant. fuck you for leaving. |
| Thursday, February 21st, 2008 | |
| 9:11 pm | bad day.fucking worst day ive had all year. 1. told first hour that i cant go into honors chemistry because i suck ass at math. 2. eat nothing 3. fail my driving test. with flying colors. cool people dont make left turns right anyways. 4. get yelled at by my dad for not eating 5. work and no tip$. 6. get into a fight with my boyfriend 7. cant get the key chain i want because its "more ruby" since when was a peace sign more your thing? im pretty sure you didnt invent it? whatever fuck today. |
| Sunday, February 17th, 2008 | |
| 8:03 pm | the beach the agony on your lips fills to the corners of your smile we layed together, you shut your eyes, and i sat there all the while just listening to every breath, knowing in my mind i have not yet bought a black dress so i can still deny. do you remember our trip to the beach just a few years before? you needed my support just to make it to the shore your arms around my shoulders, it was a beautiful day and had you not been holding on to me, i would have floated away. we are running from a nightmare that is catching up to you we are fighting every moment that seems to end too soon caught up in a second, in a minute, in a day the memories of sunshine and of seashells start to fade. im sorry when im silent, i just dont know what to say its hard for me to let these waves carry you away it is time for you to go for you are breathing but not alive, but without you i dont know how i will survive. |
| 7:36 pm | why do i do this to myself? I stayed awake for fourteen days, and then I slept a week. Why do I do this to myself? I drank out on your fire escape until I couldn't speak. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I do this to myself? Refusing any kind of help, I'm not hurtin' no one else, as I can see. Why do I do this to myself, If I knew just how it felt? I'm not hurtin' no one else, as I can see. The whiskey makes my friends more fun, and keeps my bed far from lonely. Why do we do this to ourselves? Full nose, full arms, full stomach and lungs ---they mold this smile and sing for peace. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we do this to ourselves? Refusing any kind of help, We're not hurtin' no one else, as we can see. Why do we do this to ourselves If we knew just how it felt? We're not hurtin' no one else, as we can see. What you call battling addiction, I call abstaining sobriety, 'Cause with eyes like a kaliedoscope, dischord fades into periphery. Just one-hundred and sixty milligrams, and the aide of my ID: Self-medicate to slaughter the hate; Life's a terminal disease. I guess that's why I do this to myself. |
| Thursday, February 7th, 2008 | |
| 9:36 pm | ruby b. i know you dont read this anymore, but i really hope you know how much i love you. sometimes i dont feel like i tell you enough how important you are to me. like you really are what keeps me hanging on sometimes. i feel like generally your the only one who understands me. i love ashley and im so glad we're friends but there are so many differences between her and you when it comes to our friendships. yeah, ashley is more easy-going then you are and we get the stupid shit that you look at as kind of immature, but there are things that you will do that she wont. like tell me something that you know will upset me or hurt my feelings, but tell me it because i'm wrong and because its your real opinion instead of what you think i want to hear. your the only person who i can completely let my guard down around and i always feel like the stupid shit doesnt matter. i look up to you, not just because your smart and determined and have the drive to do probably whatever you set your mind to, but because i know that you are facing the same hard shit i am everyday. i feel like every fucking day we are being constantly reminded that every grade we get determines where we could end up in life, and that people with double the money only have to work half as hard and people who work their asses off can only dream to get as far. i hate that the people we hang out with determine the value of your freindship by the car you drive or the jeans you wear. and it infuriates me that, against all odds, we eventually let it change how we feel about ourselves. it feels like it always comes down to "us vs. them" but i would much rather be us anyday. because us means that i have a second home to come to on the weekends. and us means that i have somebody that i can laugh and cry about the stupid shit that i wont remember in 6 months, and i can laugh and cry about the stupid shit that i will remember for the rest of my life. if it wasnt for you, i dont kow who i would be today. |
| Monday, January 28th, 2008 | |
| 8:35 pm | . i'll amplify you fuckups and knock your mind around i'll rip aparet your values, we bring the stucture down. |
| Saturday, January 19th, 2008 | |
| 10:14 pm | :)  me and my boyfriend were sitting on the couch together. we were both intensely into the movie and after the best part, we looked down and saw that we were holding hands. :) neither of us could remember grabbing each other's hand in the first place. secret: he makes me so happy, it scares me. |
| Tuesday, January 15th, 2008 | |
| 2:24 pm |  |
| 1:27 pm | grandma dream #2 i didnt want to forget this one so im writing it down. i dont remember pretty much how i got there in the first place but im walking around this place. there is a lot of random people i know like segev and his dad and the michaan family and a bunch of my grandma's friends. dad and jake are somewhere they werent with me for most of what i can remember. it looks like we're in the middle of the woods on a huge wooden railing-like thing leading up to a big patio and a house. i've never seen this place before but it was beautiful. in the back of my mind, i knew why we were all there but it really wasnt occuring to me for some reason. all i knew was that i absolutely did not want to be there and i just had really bad feelings. i kept walking around and people kept coming up to me and saying they were sorry and everyone seemed to be really sad. finally i walked into the patio-house thing and sat down next to my dad and my brother. the entire half of the room was lined with cushioned seats and im sitting in the corner and the person immediately to my right is my grandma and i asked her what she and everyone else is doing here and she said to me that she was going to die soon and that all of these people were there to celebrate her last good day with her. and everyone looked at me like i should have already known that. i dont know how i knew this, but she was supposed to die the next day. my grandma was so calm about it and the whole situation was terrifying. |
| Monday, January 7th, 2008 | |
| 8:27 pm | im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. im going to keep going. |
| Saturday, December 22nd, 2007 | |
| 6:13 pm | l |
| Wednesday, December 12th, 2007 | |
| 9:14 pm | how could you? honestly? does it make you feel special having a secret? |
| 9:13 pm | a fantastic end to a fantastic fucking day. |
| Wednesday, December 5th, 2007 | |
| 9:25 pm | pull and push. you dont answer. you dont call back. you dont reply on aim myspace texts. if it doesnt matter, then it doesnt matter. but im officially done trying. |
| 9:23 pm |  |
| 9:21 pm | wait . |