: how i'm feeling (lyrics chosen spastically)
( Black Eyed by Placebo )
( Lost by The Cure )
it's been a rough night. i mean sure, it started out good, i went out to dinner with sarah at chipolte, then we walked through a farmer's market to burger king in search of cheesecake for my roomie. we ended up getting those cheap hersey pies that are somehow so incredibly good. we talked about random shit, nothing that seems incredibly important until you think about the fact that we're just connecting, which most people thought could never happen. i'm going to miss not seeing her as much next year, but maybe this means there will be less arguing. lol.
i finally figured out the problem with my parents. i know i've probably said that before, so maybe it's just a huge insight in the the cogworks of their brains. my mother hates me and my brother, specifically for those parts that remind her of my dad and my aunt Cathy (well that whole side of the family anyway). my father admitted to me tonight that he seriously thinks i'm just like my mom. and even if i really wasn't, he's going to take everything i say as though it were her saying it. doesn't that defeat me as a person from the beginning? he doesn't see me as my own person, but rather a "teber" clone. i left my mother because she acted the same way only vice versa. not to mention how hard i've worked to get out from underneath her presence and suddenly run up against the brick wall here. and even worse than that, the whole thing is my fault, just for him seeing her in me.
when do i get to be my own person? with my own personality? and stop being someone else's mirage...
( Black Eyed by Placebo )
( Lost by The Cure )
it's been a rough night. i mean sure, it started out good, i went out to dinner with sarah at chipolte, then we walked through a farmer's market to burger king in search of cheesecake for my roomie. we ended up getting those cheap hersey pies that are somehow so incredibly good. we talked about random shit, nothing that seems incredibly important until you think about the fact that we're just connecting, which most people thought could never happen. i'm going to miss not seeing her as much next year, but maybe this means there will be less arguing. lol.
i finally figured out the problem with my parents. i know i've probably said that before, so maybe it's just a huge insight in the the cogworks of their brains. my mother hates me and my brother, specifically for those parts that remind her of my dad and my aunt Cathy (well that whole side of the family anyway). my father admitted to me tonight that he seriously thinks i'm just like my mom. and even if i really wasn't, he's going to take everything i say as though it were her saying it. doesn't that defeat me as a person from the beginning? he doesn't see me as my own person, but rather a "teber" clone. i left my mother because she acted the same way only vice versa. not to mention how hard i've worked to get out from underneath her presence and suddenly run up against the brick wall here. and even worse than that, the whole thing is my fault, just for him seeing her in me.
when do i get to be my own person? with my own personality? and stop being someone else's mirage...