:
luckily, i’m calm now, but earlier i was dangerous. i was so full of energy that i could’ve crashed my car and not cared. driving home from the movies proved to be fortuitous because i’m still alive. that sounds like desperation going overboard but it’s true. i would’ve cut like crazy, but i’ve trained myself not to. i thought about how to solve the problem. i could do the ninety mile an hour over the beltway, but was feeling self destructive and not particularly full of common sense... it would’ve ended in death.
i’m not sure where all this crazy hyper angryness came from. I think that it maybe a reaction to the antifeminism of the Stepford Wives, which I saw tonight with Keli. The beginning credits were all those fashionista commercials from the fifties (or fairly good representations) that collectively embodied the women as she should be: the homemaker, dancing in front of the state of the art stove, smiling at her dishwasher, or sweeping up the floor playfully touch her husband’s shoes. OH IT MAKES ME SICK!!!
watching that (plus the standard horror music soundtrack playing behind it) scared the shit out of me. i felt like crawling up the walls, as far away as possible from what i see as my almost certain future.
but like i said, i’m better now, though not completely with it. i think it had something to do with the AFI special on t.v.: top 100 movie songs. i have no idea why, but it was calming.
mmm it’s so funny to have these thoughts today, whereas yesterday i was all about mushy love songs.
“i found a millionaire’s dream
and i sold for it a penny
because i realized that it’s not what i wanted
i wanted you instead
we were given this chance
and brought back together
why shouldn’t we get it right this time?
it’s not often that two people
get the chance to try again
why shouldn’t we be together this time”
ithat’s all i really remember from it. i guess i decided not to write it down last night because i realized how false it would be.
i’m not sure where all this crazy hyper angryness came from. I think that it maybe a reaction to the antifeminism of the Stepford Wives, which I saw tonight with Keli. The beginning credits were all those fashionista commercials from the fifties (or fairly good representations) that collectively embodied the women as she should be: the homemaker, dancing in front of the state of the art stove, smiling at her dishwasher, or sweeping up the floor playfully touch her husband’s shoes. OH IT MAKES ME SICK!!!
watching that (plus the standard horror music soundtrack playing behind it) scared the shit out of me. i felt like crawling up the walls, as far away as possible from what i see as my almost certain future.
but like i said, i’m better now, though not completely with it. i think it had something to do with the AFI special on t.v.: top 100 movie songs. i have no idea why, but it was calming.
mmm it’s so funny to have these thoughts today, whereas yesterday i was all about mushy love songs.
“i found a millionaire’s dream
and i sold for it a penny
because i realized that it’s not what i wanted
i wanted you instead
we were given this chance
and brought back together
why shouldn’t we get it right this time?
it’s not often that two people
get the chance to try again
why shouldn’t we be together this time”
ithat’s all i really remember from it. i guess i decided not to write it down last night because i realized how false it would be.
