: happy 4/20
i hate concerts. especially ones that i play in. because no one ever comes to see me. i know it sounds selfish but it's probably just me being human. i mean even as i type this, i feel dumb saying that friends of mine should come to my concerts. after all, i only play bass and that's certainly not an integral part of the concert. especially at radford, because all we do is play the cello parts, like that gets any sort of recognition at all.
i just want to feel appreciated and this is definitely a sore point where i don't. ever. no one ever fucking makes the effort. i think what makes it worse in my particular case is saying that you can or maybe will come. then saying sorry later when you didn't. don't even make the promise. it doesn't seem like a promise to you but it is a promise to me. that's desperation, but oh well, i don't give a fuck.
and then they continually say sorry like once isn't enough and i just want to drop the entire subject all together. like shut up about it because it's not making it any better. it just makes it worse. and i hate taking out my personal anger on people.
well the concert went okay anyway. people clapped and stuff, and my playing sucked like normal.
i hate concerts. especially ones that i play in. because no one ever comes to see me. i know it sounds selfish but it's probably just me being human. i mean even as i type this, i feel dumb saying that friends of mine should come to my concerts. after all, i only play bass and that's certainly not an integral part of the concert. especially at radford, because all we do is play the cello parts, like that gets any sort of recognition at all.
i just want to feel appreciated and this is definitely a sore point where i don't. ever. no one ever fucking makes the effort. i think what makes it worse in my particular case is saying that you can or maybe will come. then saying sorry later when you didn't. don't even make the promise. it doesn't seem like a promise to you but it is a promise to me. that's desperation, but oh well, i don't give a fuck.
and then they continually say sorry like once isn't enough and i just want to drop the entire subject all together. like shut up about it because it's not making it any better. it just makes it worse. and i hate taking out my personal anger on people.
well the concert went okay anyway. people clapped and stuff, and my playing sucked like normal.