: REjected.
yeah so i came back to start a second semester here at the illustrous R.U.
it can't be worse then then the first one right. ha ha. ::falls over::
my room is the biggest mess because i can't help but throw things around in a mad dash to get to class on time. i'm going to have to fix the problem before i start wading through stuff. which means i have a while to go before i even have to think about it! :-)
well since i'm now here, i should finish telling about when i was back THERE. and whenever i get behind in this thing, my explanations become short and stilted and never tell the full story of what happened and my feelings and the progression since then...
just keep that in mind.
first and foremost it should be said that i was kicked out of my house last thursday. kicked out as in never allowed to go back again, or at least everyone's almost positive about it. i think i took the news in stride- i didn't even begin crying until monday night when i told my dad about it. and really it was a superficial kind of crying because i was all upset that my mother didn't love me. a weak spot that i'm working on because that particular point shouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things. i mean some people are born without mothers and still survive normally and happily i might add (this might or might not be the point to insert that maybe it's mothers that make mental diseases go round). the reasons why i was kicked out are as follows 1) couldn't keep my room clean, 2) didn't do my chores correctly or on time, and 3) i'm an obvious whore because the living room furniture was moved around.
yes, it ALL make sense to meeeeeeee.....
(note sarcasm)
but like i said, i took it all in stride. i immediatly made plans to live with other people for next summer and duly avoided speaking to her and being in the house the same time as her. i adjusted my nonexistant budget to include rent money and even made plans to get a second job. clearly i'm set.
what happened next to end my vacation? hmmm i hung out with alex alot. he tried to make out with me alot and we did some (his quotes not mine) "cuddling". it all felt natural and real, but now that i'm back here, i'm shaking my head at the stupidity. i guess it has stuff to do with him having a girlfriend yet claiming to love me (how DOES one do that). and no it's not about being played because that's just way too much effort when there's easier ways to get some. it's kind of crazy that i still have feelings for him actually and now they're all getting in the way and reminding me why i probably repressed that b.s. in the first place. anyway he came over last sat morning and it felt so content. like we had grown old together, but he just came home late from a job or something.
maybe that's what i'm missing right now. the emotional intimacy. cuz now i feel very alone, like i wasn't to begin with or something.
that saturday i was supposed to hang with charlie, but he put so many restrictions on how we would hang out (like he needed a time place and specific battle plan) the it didn't happen at all. his fault. all we do is argue now, even though we were talking like civilized people. he's been acting funky and iming me more since i told him about alex. i don't even know if they're related (just an observation).
there was other things to talk about on this vacation that would seem less whiny, so maybe i'll talk about them more tomorrow.
yeah so i came back to start a second semester here at the illustrous R.U.
it can't be worse then then the first one right. ha ha. ::falls over::
my room is the biggest mess because i can't help but throw things around in a mad dash to get to class on time. i'm going to have to fix the problem before i start wading through stuff. which means i have a while to go before i even have to think about it! :-)
well since i'm now here, i should finish telling about when i was back THERE. and whenever i get behind in this thing, my explanations become short and stilted and never tell the full story of what happened and my feelings and the progression since then...
just keep that in mind.
first and foremost it should be said that i was kicked out of my house last thursday. kicked out as in never allowed to go back again, or at least everyone's almost positive about it. i think i took the news in stride- i didn't even begin crying until monday night when i told my dad about it. and really it was a superficial kind of crying because i was all upset that my mother didn't love me. a weak spot that i'm working on because that particular point shouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things. i mean some people are born without mothers and still survive normally and happily i might add (this might or might not be the point to insert that maybe it's mothers that make mental diseases go round). the reasons why i was kicked out are as follows 1) couldn't keep my room clean, 2) didn't do my chores correctly or on time, and 3) i'm an obvious whore because the living room furniture was moved around.
yes, it ALL make sense to meeeeeeee.....
(note sarcasm)
but like i said, i took it all in stride. i immediatly made plans to live with other people for next summer and duly avoided speaking to her and being in the house the same time as her. i adjusted my nonexistant budget to include rent money and even made plans to get a second job. clearly i'm set.
what happened next to end my vacation? hmmm i hung out with alex alot. he tried to make out with me alot and we did some (his quotes not mine) "cuddling". it all felt natural and real, but now that i'm back here, i'm shaking my head at the stupidity. i guess it has stuff to do with him having a girlfriend yet claiming to love me (how DOES one do that). and no it's not about being played because that's just way too much effort when there's easier ways to get some. it's kind of crazy that i still have feelings for him actually and now they're all getting in the way and reminding me why i probably repressed that b.s. in the first place. anyway he came over last sat morning and it felt so content. like we had grown old together, but he just came home late from a job or something.
maybe that's what i'm missing right now. the emotional intimacy. cuz now i feel very alone, like i wasn't to begin with or something.
that saturday i was supposed to hang with charlie, but he put so many restrictions on how we would hang out (like he needed a time place and specific battle plan) the it didn't happen at all. his fault. all we do is argue now, even though we were talking like civilized people. he's been acting funky and iming me more since i told him about alex. i don't even know if they're related (just an observation).
there was other things to talk about on this vacation that would seem less whiny, so maybe i'll talk about them more tomorrow.