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(....ppsssst....the answer is ....time to get ill.....) [27 Sep 2003|11:49am] [ mood | bored ] What's the time? post comment

Like a Breath of Fresh Air... [12 Jun 2003|01:15pm] [ mood | calm ] A few months ago, I never thought I'd find anyone to be with ever again. I never thought I'd love anyone or be in love ever again. I thought i was doomed to be the "single chick" the permanent 3rd wheel to everyone ...... But, now theres Steve and Renee, Renee and Steve, attached at the hip. A reason to smile everyday. A reason to get up in the morning. Its impossible to express in words how excellent this all is. It feels so perfect. I want to hold on to this forever... P.S I think I'm gonna make a new one of these blurtys.....details in the coming entries... post comment

Too Lazy to Use the cut code.... [11 Jun 2003|02:22pm] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | N ] 1. What is your birth name? Renee 2. What is your birthday? 9/3/1984 3. Current age? 18 4. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yup 5. How tall are you? 5'6 6. How much do you weigh? 135 7. Hair Color? brown/Black, Brown and Blue 8. How is it styled? right now? In a pony tail puff thing 9. Who is your best friend?Daryl, Ari.....I dunno 10. What are you wearing right now?Tank Top and Boxers 11. Shoe size? 8 12. Brothers/Sisters? I have 1.5 Brothers 13. Job? I wish. * Favorites* 1. What is your favorite band? Theres too many too pick just one 2. Color? Red. 3. Soda? Ginger Brew 4. Music?Electro-Rock-Industrial- Death- Jazz- Metal Pussy- pUnk.. 5. Stores in the mall? Mall? 6. Ice cream? Vanilla with chocolate swirls 7. Rollercoaster? Nitro 8. Candy? Tootsie Pops, Nerds on a Rope.... 9. CD?Don't know 10. Cookies? Oatmeal-Raisin 11. Juice? ORANGE! or Steve Juice.... 12. Holiday?Halloween. 13. Month? July * In the last 48 Hours* 1. Cried?: Nope 2. Missed Someone?: Yes..a little bit 3. Yelled at someone?: Nope 4. Changed your underwear?:Umm, no actually 5. Drove somewhere? Got a ride to and from Steves, as well as up and down town 6. Talked to someone on the phone?:Steve,Ari, Steve, Steve 7. Been online?: Yes, ALot. 8. Smiled?: SO much I almost cried 9. Had sex?:Yup.Last night.Mhmm. 10. Kissed someone?: Yes 11. Hugged Someone?: Yup 12. Last thing you ate?: Peanut BUtter Natural Valley Granola Bars 13. Talked to an ugly person?:Nope *Have you Ever* 1. Been in love?: Yes. ONce before and Now again. 2. Kissed someone of the same sex?: Yesh 3. Been in trouble with the police?: Yup. 5. Hit someone?: Yes. 6. Broke something?: Umm yeah. 7. Betrayed a friend?:No. I don't think so. 8. Played strip poker?: Yeah, But the guys totally cheated. 9. Skipped school?: Yup. Many times 10. Stole something?:Eckerds? What? 11. Shot a gun?: Nopes 12. Broke something important?: I think so 13. Smoked weed?:yup 14. Dyed your hair?Orange,Red, Blue,Pink, Blackish Blue,Black....etc *One or the OTher* 1. Pepsi/Coke?: Pepsi 2. Bike/Car?: Car 2. Vanilla/Chocolate?: Both! 3. Dr. Pepper/Mountain Dew?: Mountain Dew 4. Left/Right?:Left Rights 5. Telephone/Online?:Depends on the person 6. Hugs/Kisses?: BOTH 7. Tree/Flower?: Flowers 8. Necklaces/Bracelets?: Bracelets 9. Blue/Green?: Green 10. Pen/Pencil?: Pen 11. In Person/On the Phone?: In Person 12. BSB/Nsync?: Die? ~*Okay Last Questions:*~ 1. What is sitting next to you?: No one 2. Do you get along with your mother?: I do now 4. Favorite Sport?: Sex? umm does that count? 5. are you a virgin? Nope. 6. How many partners have you been with?: 4. 7. Are you gay/lesbian/bi/straight?: Umm Bi...id say but I like a the penis better 8. Been in a plane?: Nope 9. Killed someone?: Nope 10. Stepped in Dog shit?: Not that I remember 11. Kicked your cat for the hell of it? Umm Maybe..... 12. Slept during class?: Yeah. Mr Hochreiters 7th Grade Social Studies class...ALL the time 13. Cheated on a test?: yup 14. Are you bored of taking this survey?No not really 15. What time is it now? 2:08 16. Are you tired?: No just shitty Fallen for your best friend?:hahahahhaaaaa. haaaaa. Made out with JUST a friend?: Yup Been rejected?: Yup. Been in love?:I already answered that Been in lust?: yessuh Used someone?: No conciously Been used?: Unfortunatly yes Cheated on someone?: Nope Been cheated on?: Nope Been kissed?: Yuppers Done something you regret?: Definately Who was the last person... You talked to?: Steve on the phone a bit ago You kissed?: Steve, last night You had sex with?: Steve, last night.... Who broke your heart?:Daryl? Who told you they loved you?: Steve, on the phone, not too long ago Do you.. Color your hair?: Yup, sometimes Have tattoos?: not yet.. Have piercings?: Just ears Own a thong?: Two of em Have you / do you / are you... Stolen anything?: yuppers Smoke?: yes. Schizophrenic?:nop Obsessive compulsive?: With some things. Panic?: Yes. Anxiety?: Once again, yes. Suicidal?: *I have been at points but not now If you could be anywhere, where would you be?: With Steve Can you do anything freakish with your body?: Not really, but I am exceptionall flexible What facial feature do you find the most attractive on others?: Eyes. Definatley Would you marry for money?: Nope. Only for love Have you had braces?: NOpe When was the last time you had a hickey?: I think I have one now Could you live without a computer?: yup What is your favorite place to visit?: I dunno....The City What is the last movie you saw?: Plymtoons Do you kiss on the first date?:Depends on the person Do you have any dimples?:When I smile alot Do you drink alcohol?: Occaisionally but I'm kinda sick of being drunk.... Did you like or do you like high school?:Nope. It drained away my soul. Who do you want to kiss?: Steve. Forever and ever Do you like sunrises or sunsets the most?: Sunsets When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off?: Mostly off. Do you think you can draw well?: not at all How many pairs of shoes do you have in your closet?: None In my closet.... Do you like to wear the same shoes everyday or do you like a variety?:Boots or Sneakers thats my choice Do you write poetry?:I used to Do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides?: On my stomach Hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?:Emotional. Do you know anyone who is clinically depressed?: yEAH EVEryone Are you a sex addict?:Nope. Do you know someone who has cancer?: Yup Do you like to argue?:Not really Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?: Zoo Did you drink anything with caffeine in it today?: Nope How long is your hair?: Shoulders What color of eyes do you prefer?: Blue If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself?: Yes. Are you a daredevil?Not really What do you look for in a guy/girl?: Sweet, Appreciative, Caring,Intelligent enought to hold a conversation with, really into music,Sarcastic, similar sense of humor..... What is your nickname?: I dont really have one Do you think you are strong?:Mentally, Yes, Physically...No post comment

[19 May 2003|09:24pm] [ mood | blah ] i've been neglecting this thingy. so i will ingelct it. things are pretty okay. still with the steve yes I am. today is the first day in awhile i haven't seen him. he's sick.it sucks. i wanted to go see him today but i had no ride. if its nice again i will walk there tommorow. its nice. really nice. having someone who cares about me, is really sweet to me, actually thinks i'm beautiful.and smart.and appreciates me. i have fun with. its fucking sweet. we're having some wierdoness though. the fact that i never get to see my friends. we're always with his. and i don't think thats too fair. his friends are also my friends now for the most part. but i wasn't looking to replace anyone. i haven't talked to him about that yet and i suppose i will do that soon. that is all for now. more on that issue when its resolved. Renee post comment

Me and Sara Are Cool [02 May 2003|11:34am] GhettOFunKQueeN : **does a happy dance** RysesTepes : -=Does a happy-dance with you=- GhettOFunKQueeN : oh shit its a fuckin party now RysesTepes : Oooooh yeahhh RysesTepes : -=Pulls in a stuffed animal bunny=- RysesTepes : -=Grinds with it=- GhettOFunKQueeN : aawwww yeah thats hot stuff GhettOFunKQueeN : **creams panties** RysesTepes : Hahaha RysesTepes : What color panties, baby? RysesTepes : -=Makes strange kissy faces=- GhettOFunKQueeN : hehe GhettOFunKQueeN : **blushes sheepishly and hides in corner masturbating** GhettOFunKQueeN : hahaa RysesTepes : -=Grinds the wall= post comment

Spring time..the only pretty ring time [02 May 2003|10:53am] [ mood | content ] Updating to write how wonderful things with my Steve are. Which is pretty damn perfect.For some reason I thought the goddess treatment would have ended by now. But its only gotten better. This is his 1st relationship that isn't one sided. He always say how nice it is too FINALLy have a girlfriend that cares about him back. I'm not worried about him getting sick of me or anything like that. I know its good and I know it will last. **BIG SHEEPISH GRIN** post comment

[30 Apr 2003|11:24am] [ mood | okay ] So today is my Steve's Birthday. I'm about to go to Shoprite to purchase cake mix and whatnot. Fun times. I'm not too worried about shit anymore. After thinking about it there's not much reason too. I still have a few days til I'm "late" anyway. That's when I'll start freaking out. Weeeeee. I made shitty new iconsssss. You love them. That's all for now. -Renee post comment

Thinking of you.... [23 Apr 2003|06:28pm] [ mood | anxious ] So steve has called me 3 times since he's been in Mexico. Today was probably the most sober call of them all. He bought me a sombrero and a really expensive bottle of tequila. For delivery on Friday night. And I might get to go to his house in a limo. The first 3 days he was gone went by sooo slow. But its getting better. Its wednesday and all i have tog et through is the rest of today, tommorow, and friday. So I feel better. Although I do miss him greatly. And I still have no money for cigarettes. Damn me sleeping late and missing work opportunities. I'l do that Friday. Fridays task will be keeping busy until he gets back otherwise I'll go insane. Meh. I made peace with Tamster the tampon tamera hamtaro ...tammy. yes. yes It was a nice and much anticipated thing. Felt really good. I'm out. post comment

And The Sky was ALLL Violet [22 Apr 2003|01:18am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | Hole- Violet ] Today was not so bad. I hung out at home for a long time missing my steve boy. Damn him and his being in cancun for a week drinking tequila and corona without me I can't wait til he comes back. Anywho I hung out with Daryl for awhile. I talked to Kaia on the phone for like two seconds while I was cleaning my room. Tommorow after school I have a pizza date with Tammy Daryl and Britt. Half New Joisey folk and Half New PALtz scumbags.haha. Speaking of which. Check out below... ( Yes, It's true, people can be scared of Renee TOO! ) post comment

SweeT! And this REALLY made me feel better [10 Apr 2003|01:03am] [ mood | content ] And all the paraniod delusions are swept away with this: ( Renee and Steve AIM Convo ) 2 comments|post comment

WHat That's your FACE!? [09 Apr 2003|10:42pm] Oh man this made me feel so much better: Mindlessboy90210 (10:19:08 PM): hahahaha isaac is ugly haha post comment

[09 Apr 2003|07:54pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | Hole- Miss World ] I wish I could just be stable. For more than a day. end of fucking note post comment

Bleh. [09 Apr 2003|05:33pm] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | Jack Off Jill- Super Sadist ] I'm not being harsh I'm just being honest. I'm not mad at anyone. I don't want anyone mad at me. but Hey, I screw up sometimes. And i can deal with it. i feel like i've defended my self and apologized so many fucking times i'm gonna go blue in the face. even though i've only been typing and not actually talking. meh. i'm retarded. what the fuck. and no one ever has a response to what i have to say. i generally don't say things unless i feel them strongly. and usually they're asking for a response. but no one ever cares as much as me. please, someone give some coffee with a couple of spoonfuls of apathy. and something to purge those self depracating paraniod demons out of my head. 2 comments|post comment

[09 Apr 2003|03:30pm] [ mood | anxious ] Sitting here. Doing my least favorite thing. WAITING All me and Steve have been doing is hanging out at his house. Which is nice and all but I can only take a certain amount it. I requested that we do something else and supposedly today will be the. I hope he actually thought of something. Its not easy to think of things to do in new paltz ..let alone something to do in such shitty whether. This boy kicks ass. I have to introduce him to Janey. And Reve. Since I didn't write at all about my weekend in here I guess I'll take some time to do that now. Friday went horribly wrong. I had a plan and some how it didn't work. I should have just went and got cigarettes when I was going to. about 5 girls. Mens Room. lots of liquor= BAD SHIT. If you don't know about it, I don't feel like writing. Just know that shit GOT FUCKED UP not in a good way. and i feel like an idiot. and horrible person.and really fucking guilty.i mean i'm just another townie kid. wait, actually, I'm not. I made one mistake. I didn't know the liquor was gonna effect me the way it did: (i've drank way more than that and it didn't effect me so badly. ari's party .half a bottle of schapps, 8 beers. i remember that night fine. daves party.between7-9 shots of 99 banana's,2shots of tequila, 2 shots of whiskey. yeah i freaked out that night. and puked alot. but i remember it alot better than friday.) on friday i consumed 7 shots of vodka and a cup of schapps.plan and simple. and for some reason. my body didn't deal with it well. but still i feel guilty cause i brought her. but i also didn't know she was gonna go so fucking overboard. i wasnt the one who sat and poured ari's cups full of vodka.she did. but theres nothing i can do now. its the fucking past already. Saturdaynight was very nice. Felt like crap all day. Mentally and physically. Did the, "motherly" thing and bought Daryl his last pack of cigarettes. Despite my dyingness.BUt I was too shitty go to Aaron's. I felt like a reject. So I sat around. Then around 10pm or so I called Steve and I was like "GET ME TO YOUR HOUSE." but everyone there was too drunk or on other things and couldn't drive. So I was gonna take a taxi. Then he called back and was like...Anthony's on his way here from town, he getting you, go outside...NOW. I got there fine, except that I left my cigarettes at home. Hung out with him and his friends. Got my motherfucking back massage. The lights were turned out around 4am I'd say. I think me and Steve went to sleep aound 5, There was a bit of that making out stuff..and touchy stuff..and stuff...but not sex Held each other allll night. Woke up next to each other @around 2 or 3pm, both of us smiling. I hung out there all day. Got home around 10 or 11 pm on Sunday I like the goddess treatment. Makes me feel great. Its overwhelming. That was my weekend. and right now...I'm fucking waiting.....call me. NOW! post comment

[09 Apr 2003|12:52pm] [ mood | bored ] ( Survey.From Reve's JOurnal ) post comment

Pull Me In. To Your Perfect Circle [07 Apr 2003|10:19pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | A Perfect Circle- Diary Of A Madman/Love Song ] There's nothing like staying in all day in your pajama's. Steve tried to call me when i was on the phone with Ari cause he was in town. But he didnt bother stopping over here. And then I called him but was busy and he didn't call me back. Thats all that really happened today. ( A Little Tiny Peice Of A Survey ) post comment

Head Over Feet [02 Apr 2003|01:14pm] i am liking steve. alot. it hit me all hardcore yesterday when we got upfrom lying in his bed to get some sprite.i dunno why but i was all overcome with emotion. the wall i had up that was keeping it as just me wanting to like him, completely fell down. and its wonderful. for some reason i though he'd get sick of me after spending that much time with me. meaning on Sunday, Monday and yesterday we were together from around 3pm-10:30pm. It looks like things may be fine. finally going well. my misery pessimistic side says that hes gonna get bored.and dissapointed. but if i actually pay attention to reality, then i see that things will most likely be okay. ( Testing ) 1 comment|post comment

[30 Mar 2003|11:49pm] [ mood | loved ] i had a wonderful past few days. friday i hung around town for awhile. and saturday i stayed home all day and then went to aris which was great fun. drinking smoking dancing music singing.... then there was the crying and the talking to mr. steve mcbride....i swears i told him my life story...and then there was alot of kissing and hugging and stuff.... then i spent the rest of the night trying to make alley and tristan not sad anymore today i spent the majority of my time with steve. in is arms. him telling me im beautifual and sweet and just treating me like a princess...."you saved my life...."....oh man it was nice. very nice.mhmm... i feel all giddy like a school girl..hehehe i'll right more when im not all...FUCKING HAPPY ...hahaha... i mean i could complain about people slipping away and me starting to miss them but its not the time for that right now.... Laterz post comment

I Really Like to Ride the Train [26 Mar 2003|06:33pm] [ mood | bitchy ] I need accompaniment to the DOG FASHION DISCO SHOW on april 6th. Applications for train parters can be sought...now...comment mo fuckas post comment

ANd thats the END of That storyAKA PT Grimm adventure [22 Mar 2003|01:54pm] So here's how the steps actually went. Note: This is a super long entry about the PT Grimm show adventure. First of all. It was raining. Raining like whoa. We made the bus okay, But missed 5:30 train by like a minute. SO we hung around the train station until the next train. We were a bit confused about the subway. But we followed this nice girl who was getting off on the same stop as us. She called her boyfriend and asked for directions to CBGB's from there. We walked completely to the end of Bleeker street before we found out that it was on the opposite end. In the cold POURING rain in which my shitty umbrella didn't help much.I got frustrated and went into little girl mode. I think it annoyed Daryl but towards the end of trek I asked people where to go from there and kinda snapped myself out of it. And all we would have had to do was go a block or two from where we got out of the subway. We got there cold wet and annoyed around 9:30 thinking PT was going on around then. But the band was just getting there and one of the shitty opening bands was on stage. So we hung around. Met people from the cult site. I got upset at one point, cuz I felt like I was gonna be abandoned.And have to go home alone. And even though I didn't think it was gonna happen, it could've and so i started crying. But then Daryl came back to where I was standing and he made me feel better. I felt out of place for awhile, cause everyone sorta knew each other and didn't. Daryl introduced me to some people he knew from the cult site. I he even introduced me to the man himself. And then people started commenting on what it said on my back and I talked to people and hung around with people and that got a bit better. There was a crazy old fat guy who thought Daryl was in band and it was cool, he said something about buying drinks for us, but that didn't happen. Gah. I dunno keep rememembering things that happened but I don't feel like typing them. I was alone quite a bit. I sat in a corner waiting for Otto's Daughter to come on. Daryl came back a few times to see how I was doing. That was good cause my mood kept wavering. Anywho, I'd never really heard them before but they were supposedly cool. So eventually I stood up and went over to the stage.Not too bad. I liked on or two of the songs. When they were done all the gothy girls that were only there to see them clear away leaving the PT Grimm fans to floor in front of the stage. That included, besides Daryl and myself, Heath,Jay,Drew,Sean, Regina andErika. There may have been more but not that many.They played the following songs: Enter Prize, Lolita;Entropy's Sideshow, People Are Strange, Black Seed, Awaiting the Eclipse, and Crummy.Mostly new shit. Short set but cool none the less. Half time I was in awe cause it was my first Grimm show and I didn't think I was even gonna make it there, and the half I was rocking out and exposing my boobies :x. Actually I only did that once during Crummy. . PT pulled Daryl on stage and like sat on his back neck head something. SOOO fast forward to after the show. My watch read 1:20 am. Meaning the last train to Poughkeepsie was leaving Grand Central as we spoke. Daryl talked to the othe upstate NY kids, Heath,Jay,Erika and Drew and got us a ride. Woot! So we leave, get to the car fine and all the trouble ensued from there. The car wouldn't start. We tried getting it jumped and pop staring it but no. We walked around til we found a service station to get it fixed. Then we had to walk back to the car and push it all the way there. and that had to be at least 8 blocks. We then found out that the car couldn't get fixed until later that morning mean 9 or10 which was still several hours away. So we pushed to car on to the street and piled in for sleep. Yeah 6 people. Two door car. Not too comfortable. I curled up in a ball and sorta dozed off. We got up and got the car back inside around 8 or so. And sorta hung around. Daryl and I decided to take the train back and we started our mission to get back to Grand Central. We made two errors. Stupid coin. But we did get going the right way. We walked really far to get there. It took us over an hour. Daryl's feet hurt really badly too. The subway confused us and we didn't want to make a mistake so we just kept walking. We missed the 10:53 train by a minute or so. And sat around for and hour til the next one. In that time I got food and stuff. The train ride home was nice. Once we got to Poughkeepsie I called my mom to tell her that we were fine and would be home in about an hour. We got in to New Paltz around 2:45, with Daryl still limping and all crippled. I went home and tried to sleep while Daryl hung around in town. I went out later, told people cocert stories and gave Daryl the coat I had been holding back for him back. He was alll sick and stuffness.I hope he feeels better and that his parent didn't kill him. Bleh anywho I went home around 11, Erin Mcconnell slept over and we just passed out after 15 minutes. And here I am now. ALive. Although feeling very dirty because I haven't shower yet. And It still sorta says SHIT SLUT on my chest. That the story of Thursday and Friday. Probably missed some details. BUt that okay. I'm sure you don't mind. I don't know if that was my ass or the garbage truck. I'm out like a...Renee post comment

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