anthony's Blurty
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Monday, July 14th, 2003

    Time Event
    the last day of my life
    i been reviewing the last few days and i think i do love this girl more than she will ever know that is y i am gonna make one last attempt, if she still says no i am just gonna take a break from my life go away for a little bit, cut loose from reality, reality is a bitch sometimes, i will never forget her or the times we shared, i always try to take something good from all the relationships i have been in, i think i took the greatest memory of all from this one, i have fealt the closest thing to heaven that i will ever feel, i dont know if there is an afterlife, i dont really even want to know, but what i do know is if heaven is half as great as the way i fealt when i looked into her eyes for the first time,i am gonna try my hardest to get in. from this relationship i have learned to be a better man, and i thank you for teaching me that,even though we didnt last long the memory will remain with me forever, the first time i can truely say i was in love, i wasnt in it for sex, i wasnt in it out of boredom or loneliness, i was in it because i loved her with all my heart,i didnt need to cheat on her, well this is anthony, saying goodnight to everyone who reads this, goodnight to the people i love and goodnight to the girl who stole my heart. maybe we will meet again someday
    i swear i cant believe how shitty my life has become, today me and my mother are having dinner, i cant stand her, she starts talking about leaving and how she really doesnt want to but has to, then she starts crying, what the fuck am i supposed to do, i have her crying, my girl just broke up with me, i am so depressed i aint been eating or sleeping, i have been wrighting in this stupid journal 2 times a day what the fuck man, y cant everything go back to the way it was, my fucking birthday is next week and i almost forgot about it, how the hell am i supposed to think about my birthdaywhen i have so much shit going on in my life right now, i will tell u my girl used to tell me how her x left her at a really bad time in her life and how she hated him for that, well guess what u just did the same thing to me, this is the worst time in my life and u left me and dont even give a shit, i seen u today in the supermarket i lost my breath i cant keep doing this to myself. people wonder y i drink alot, they wonder y i am overly happy alot of times, y i am the life of the party. the truth is because i dont give a fuck about my life, i drink so much because i wish i was dead, i hate myself and i hate everyone around me, i put on a mask for u people making it look ike everything is alright, well nothing is alright, i miss certain people i hate having my feelings locked inside, i hate the fact everything is changing, i hate myself most of all

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