the last galaxy [amy|entries|friends|calendar]
 
 
 
 
 
count the stars
before they fade.

well, well.. [monday 09.01.03|01:56am]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | pixies : where is my mind? ]

things have been alright i guess. i've been way busier than i thought i would be what with homework and six flags and still trying to find time for everyone. i believe i still owe a few people phone calls though. which reminds me.. i should probably call someone and find out if i'm supposed to go to training today or not. i don't like calling people i don't know very well, though.. it makes me all nervous. i finally went to orientation and got my id made and stuff.. and got my six flags garb. haha eww i hate it. so much. they make it impossible for you to looks attractive, and i already have a hard enough time as it is! friday was fun. we had a suprise 'party' for kathy. it didn't end up being much of a surprise though, because you could hear marissa and rebecca before we opened the door. oh well. i hope kathy had fun though and didn't think it was too lame. matt drove us around which was really sweet of him but i think it got him in trouble with his mom which makes me feel like a big shitface. anyway.. time to go draw pages full of noses. byee.

2 supernovas|take one last look at the stars

lolol [tuesday 08.19.03|10:09pm]
[ music | e ]

General asshats
Circle I Limbo

Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Hipsters
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Goths
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Rednecks
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

George Bush
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Bill Gates
Circle VII Burning Sands

The Pope
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

your mom
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

1 supernova|take one last look at the stars

n00s [tuesday 08.19.03|10:04pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | atom and his package ]

(cross-posted from lj)

well, i gotta make this quick so here's a quick run-down of what's new:

+ i am now employed.. well sorta.. still have to go through training. but john hooked me up with a caricature drawing job at six flags, which i am very grateful for. thank you, john!
+ my friend jaime finally got to see his girlfriend. she sounds so perfect for him, and i'm so glad to see him this happy. he certainly deserves it after all of the misfortunes he's had to endure.
+ OMG SK0OL sUXxx!!!1111
+ i finished a drawing for art and i'm going to start painting with watercolors soonish.
+ dad said i need to get more involved with school so i'm going to run for president of the art club. HAHA nerdc0re.
+ also going to do another comic for the school newspaper
+ KATHY'S BIRTHDAY SOON
+ i got to see matt on saturday and we had lots of pHun

kay, that's all for now. with the job and school i'll have almost no free time. i wonder if i'm biting off way more than i can chew.. i'm not even the greatest student as it is anyway.. oh well, we'll find out! but i think i'm going to like the job.

k bye.

1 supernova|take one last look at the stars

bowl of oranges [tuesday 08.05.03|02:34pm]
[ mood | better ]
[ music | bright eyes ]

this song almost always makes me feel better. and if you haven't heard it, you should. i hate to be lame and post lyrics, but i'm going to anyway.

the rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed.
there was a loophole in my dreaming, so i got out of it.
and to my surpise, my eyes were wide and already open --
just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been.
so i dressed myself and left then, out into the grey streets,
but everything seemed different and completely new to me:
the sky, the trees, houses, building, even my own body,
and each person i encountered, i couldn't wait to meet.
and i came upon a doctor who appeared in quite poor health,
i said, "there's nothing i can do for you you can't do for yourself."
he said, "oh yes you can, just hold my hand. i think that that would help."
so i sat with him a while then asked him how he felt.
he said, "i think i'm cured. no, in fact, i'm sure of it.
thank you stranger, for your therapeutic smile."
so that's how i learned the lesson that everyone's alone,
and your eyes must do some raining if you're ever going to grow,
but when crying doesn't help; you can't compose yourself,
it's best to compose a poem: an honest verse of longing or a simple song of hope.
that's why i'm singing, baby don't worry, 'cause now i've got your back,
and every time you feel like crying, i'm gonna try and make you laugh.
and if i can't, if it just hurts too bad, then we'll wait for it to pass,
and i will keep you company through those days so long and black.
and we'll keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve --
of love's uneven remainder; our lives are fractions of a whole.
but if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall,
then i think we'd see the beauty then -- we'd stand staring in awe
at our still lives posed
like a bowl of oranges,
like a story told
by the fault lines in the soil.


beautiful.

1 supernova|take one last look at the stars

okay [tuesday 08.05.03|02:13pm]
i finally fixed my journal backdrop. it doesn't look that great, but at least it doesn't tile anymore. *shrug*
1 supernova|take one last look at the stars

cure me of this cold winter set heart [saturday 08.02.03|11:16am]
[ music | bright eyes : if winter ends ]

not much news. school's starting soon. haven't started my summer assignments. haven't finished any artwork. everyone will probably show me up with their art. oh well. i don't care enough to make an effort, which kind of bothers me. laziness consumes me.

i went to the doctor the other day. lots of stuff wrong with me, i won't go into details because everyone will be all like, "ew gross, amy, shut your piehole." eh, doesn't matter that much anyway, guess i'm just dying a little faster than some people. you're dying, too (admit it.) it's been a while since i felt like i was alive. and only a few more days until i transfer into a complete drone.

i don't know if i want to get attatched to anyone this year; it hurts too much. i always care so much more than they do.

the end.

35 supernovas|take one last look at the stars

a broken picture. [saturday 07.26.03|08:26am]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | eels : the good old days ]

when i was a kid, i never cared too much for jigsaw puzzles. especially those massive ones with the thousands of little pieces that were somehow supposed to all intertwine flawlessly to create one colossal potrayal of whatever was depicted on the god damned box. i just lost patience with them very quickly, because there was always some piece missing or there would be this one impossible piece that would refuse to interlock with any of the other pieces. i would get so tired of trying to match it with every exposed edge until i would decide that maybe it wasn't supposed to fit with any of the other pieces and discard it into the puzzle box.

now the world seems to be some sort of incomplete puzzle to me; there are some small completed portions that cannot or will not fit together with the other to help create a beautiful, flawless picture. instead they would rather corrupt this ideal image for their own benefits. or their own damn pride. and then there are the pieces that just don't belong anywhere.

that piece i always used to deposit back into the box after minutes or even tedious hours of frustration seems to have manifested itself in me. the puzzle pieces laid out in front of me seem inviting and make me feel as if i belong.. but when i try to lock into place, the puzzles warp; they become their own secluded whole. i am not welcome.

and yet, i am not alone.

1 supernova|take one last look at the stars

eheheheh [tuesday 07.22.03|03:21am]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | radiohead : there, there ]

Frodo's gonna have a hangover tomorrow
easy there, Frodo! you're scaring Bilbo's guests!!
as much as Hobbits can drink without effect,
they DO eventually get drunk. poor Sam can
only wonder how long Mr. Frodo's been at the
Gaffer's old brew.


Which funny paused moment in the FotR or TTT are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

aaaaah i can't wait till i finish this picture. it will be mad awesome.. well.. unless i mess up. which i probably will. fizuck.

take one last look at the stars

hmmm [tuesday 07.22.03|02:27am]
[ mood | doodly ]
[ music | bright eyes : if winter ends ]

i don't always have time for my boyfriend and that makes me feel bad. hmm. i guess it's because he's usually around, so if i feel really crappy i can always talk to him and know that he's there. but i'm always busy and i can't be around all the time. it's not that i don't want to be, i just can't. and i know he understands that.. i think. but it's going to be even harder this year what with art and ap classes and maybe even a job. i might not even see him for weeks at a time.. so.. i dunno. i'm kind of worried about that. and, even if he does understand, that doesn't mean he'll be content with that. in any case... i drew today. i've going to try and actually finish this thing. i'm so out of practice with drawing because i'd been working on drawing from reference, not drawing out of my head. so it's been kind of tough. but i actually drew something decent today, and i'm going to try and finish this thing. wooo.

"screamo is like metal except instead of hating their dads, they hate their ex-girlfriends."

hehehe. uggghhh i don't want to do that crap for school. noooo.

take one last look at the stars

art thing [wednesday 07.16.03|02:26am]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | kenna : freetime (....what?) ]

i went to michael's the other day to grab some modge podge (hee) and i also picked up an application. while i was looking at the art supplies, i noticed someone had written their deviant art url on the pen-testing paper. so i took it. and then i decided to actually put stuff in my account and fix it up and whatnot. sooo.. here it is:

http://amez.deviantart.com/

the server kinda sucks though. oh well.

take one last look at the stars

everything's all wrong, yeah.. where the hell did i think i was? [monday 07.14.03|04:21am]
[ mood | angst-ridden ]
[ music | goo goo dolls : sympathy ]

aww man, life is one big headache.

2 supernovas|take one last look at the stars

if at first you don't succeed, you've got to recreate your misery [sunday 07.06.03|04:36am]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | cursive : art is hard ]

so lately i've been feeling really really discouraged about my artwork. i mean, at school, in a small atmosphere of my own, everyone thinks i'm pretty good, and it's led me to believe that i'm pretty good. i mean i don't let it go to my head, but i mean.. when people tell you something enough you start to believe it. but the thing is, they only think that because i'm better than or as good as my peers.. but when i start looking around online i run into art from people of all ages from all over the world. and i realize how unorginal and mediocre my artwork is. kind of when i went to state competition for v.a.s.e... i saw all of this amazing artwork and i was completely overwhelmed. i mean, sometimes it's very inspirational, but sometimes it's extremely discouraging and i'll quit for a while because i figure, "what's the use? i'll never be that good..".. but that's just the thing, there's no possible way i can be as good if i don't even give it a shot. (but you guys will have to deal when i'm just in one of my pouty "i-can't-draw" moods.) and yeah, i know, i don't have to be the best or whatever.. but i'm really competitive when it comes to art because it's the only thing i can do exceptionally well.. i mean, if i'm going to do it for the rest of my life as a career i better be the damn best i can possibly be at it..

anyway, so i finally pulled myself out of my creative slump and decided to do something a little different. on photoshop, of course, since painting would require me to move. away from the computer. heh, anyway, this piece didn't turn out a whole lot different from my other stuff, but it *is* a little different and more stylized. and it was a major pain in the ass. but i think.. i'm pretty happy with it.. for now anyway, i'll probably hate it in the morning.

my only slightly sucessful experiment.. )

anyway, i hope everyone had a good fourth of july. i know i did! matt took me, alison, and kathy to go watch fireworks. the fireworks were neat, but we actually had a really good time just waiting for them. there was a whole slew of people to make fun of! hehe, but in all seriousness i really had a good time. i'd write more but i'm really tired and i have to wake up earlyish to go to six flags tomorrow.

3 supernovas|take one last look at the stars

everything looks perfect from far away [wednesday 07.02.03|01:55am]
[ music | the postal service : such great heights ]

i guess i was wrong about marissa. it's just that i'm pretty insecure when it comes to friends.. or a lot of things for that matter. so i freak out and overreact to things that shouldn't really be that big of a deal. sunday didn't work out, and i wasn't too thrilled, but we finally went on monday. josh took her and matt took me and it was a whole lot of fun. we went to see finding nemo and then went to barnes and nobles for coffee because the starbucks by the mall was crowded to the max. but yeah, josh's boob exploded.. haha matt can tell a story better than i can. we didn't really wanna go home when barnes and nobles closed though, so we went to adventure world and chilled on the swings. marissa left with josh at one point to get food, so it was just matt and me. it was pretty nice, and we had a nice talk about several things until they got back. it made me feel better about the whole future thing. and i feel a lot more secure about our relationship. not that i had doubts, i was just concerned about our future together and everything.. but i feel good about it now. once marissa and josh got back everyone was pretty much tired and out of conversation, i think.. and matt had to get home, so we left.. it looked like marissa was upset about something as we were leaving though. i was going to talk to her about it today, but she said she wanted to take a nap. i hope nothing serious is going on.

in any case, today was sooo slow. i was really bored earlier. ugh. but i feel okay now.. i'll probably head off to bed soon though. i hope codi's doing alright. i talked with her today, and she said it helped.. but.. i dunno, i'm still kind of worried about her.

well i don't really have anything else to say.. so i guess this is it.

2 supernovas|take one last look at the stars

don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future [sunday 06.29.03|05:33am]
[ mood | wide awake ]
[ music | the postal service : nothing better ]

i finally finally downloaded the blurty client for my new computer. all is well with the universe. maybe not.. but at least i don't have to log in all the time to update. hmm.. lets see.

well, matt finally posted in his livejournal. well he always posts but not about life sorta things. i dunno.. it made me think about posting in mine again. i haven't posted anything in it since.. um.. a long time ago. i bet some of you are thinking, "OMGWTF?! amy has a livejournal?" yes.. yes i do, but i had never let anyone in on it, because i used to be such a goober. an angst-ridden goober. that's pretty scary. in any case.. i wouldn't mind directing some people who actually read my livejournal to my blurty now, but then they'd freak and wonder why i was keeping this from them all that time. bah. and you can't customize the layout and stuff on livejournal i don't think, unless you have a paid account. but i could be wrong (stupid)...? my lj is all.. ugly. and my blurty is all.. not. and i need to make cooler icons. for either journal. but it will not be a photo of connor oberst with lyrics to the side of him. i think that's been done somewhere around fifty million times.

oh jesus. i've been so bored lately. not that there isn't anything to do. i should be studying driving stuff (which i actually have been but you're only allowed to do so much studying a day -- two hours) and i definately need to read grapes of wrath and that other book with the indians. wooo. i hate summer reading with a passion that burns like a million suns. but, usually the last minute panic causes me to complete the assignments on time. anyway. marissa actually made plans with me for today..! ...and then she cancelled at the last minute. it's ok, though, she had to help her mom. but she'd made plans with her friend tara for later in the day.. and i bet she's still hanging out with tara.. even though she sees her all the time. but tara is one of them cooler kids. you know.. the kind with the lives? heheheh... yeah.

tara = fun parties and lots of boys
amy = boring

*gasp/mock-excitement* i wonder who she'll choose!! i wouldn't mind having a fun sorta life thing. you know, like being carefree and not worrying about the future.. only the present. just acting on impulse without thinking of the repercussions. unfortunately, living this sort of life kind of screws up the rest of it. so.. you can either:

a.) have fun with no worries or responsibilities.. and most likely be unsuccessful in life afterward..

or..

b.) be boring and no-so-fun and worry over all sorts of responsibilities but do alright in life later on.

of course, there are in-between sorta variations.. but this is just putting it as simply as possible. i'm not saying all people who have fun will become bums or anything rediculous like that. i'm just saying.. well, i don't really know what i'm saying. but i'll give it a shot:

i'd like to be spontaneous and live life based on impulse decisions.. buuut i don't that's really the life for me. not that i don't like being spontaneous from time to time or having fun (of course) but.. i like having some aspects of my future at least sketched out. not to the point where i've got every last detail in, but just enough to know where i'm going and that i'll be okay. and when i have those things sketched out, i know (or at least have vague ideas) how to get there. and that's kind of comforting, i think. and that's why i'm really busting my ass (well, not currently, but anyway..) on my artwork and looking into colleges.. i'd like to know my prospects and i'd like to get my skills to be upgraded enough to the point where i could get in a college of my choice. of course, i won't be able to go to any out-of-state art school if i don't have money. and that's why i'm trying to make good grades so maybe i can pick up a few academic and art scholarships along the way and get a job soonish and start putting some money in savings. not like that will help a whole lot, but hey i'll need all the help i can get. and then there's always student loans if i need them. but really, the whole college thing is the only thing i really have 'planned out' and those aren't really very intricate plans yet. my only other plan for life that i can think of is getting married. but i think most everyone plans to get married. so anyway. god i'm in a rambley mood tonight. but i've been having trouble sleeping lately and there isn't anything to do online. especially in these wee hours of the morning.

anyway.. what was i saying? oh. yeah, i really hope my vague-plan-sorta things work out. wait i guess i have more than just college-y ones.. but.. i don't know. i'm afraid to put them in writing because it's a little outlandish to think that they'll actually work out.. people (and i mean close people) tend to include me in some idealistic plan of theirs for the future and.. i don't know. it's a little unsettling. it's like.. i want to be a part of their life. it's not that i don't think it sounds good, it's just... well, i have my plans too. and somehow i don't think my plans will splice too well with theirs. i guess this sort of fear is one of the reasons why i broke up with matt awhile back (and yes, we're back together) but i worry about what will happen when i have to go off to college.. and.. well, to be honest, tons of other things. but perhaps this isn't the best place to talk about it.

on to other things.. like... i like the postal service! yay for new music. i was getting pretty tired of my other stuff. i now have a playlist of 647 songs.. which is really nothing compared to kathy's mp3s.. i think. kathy has a lot of mp3s right? anyway, i think matt might like the postal service.. mayyybe.. they've got some electronic action going on. but i'm sort of doubting it. haha no one likes the music i like. okay, some people do.. ok, a lot of people do, but they sure are pretentious little bastards!

marissa better see finding nemo with me tomorrow (well, today technically..) or i will shit myself silly. and that's a threat!

time for bed.

4 supernovas|take one last look at the stars

noo not my liver! [thursday 06.26.03|04:52pm]
[ mood | murr ]
[ music | the postal service ♥ ♥ ♥ ]

a bunch a meaningless bs )

meaningless bs makes me feel better about myself. haha. so um. damn i'm bored. i don't really like getting online anymore. so i don't. yeah.

take one last look at the stars

okay, now i'm angry [tuesday 06.24.03|09:58pm]
[ mood | GRR ]
[ music | hot hot heat : oh, goddamnit ]

so last night when i was out with matt, i called up my parents like any other nice, responsible kid would do.. and today my dad was all insinuating that i was high and that we were getting high with our friends or something? whaat?! first of all, i'm mad because of the simple fact that he should be glad i called because they used to always complain about me calling and checking in and whatnot, and i do something responsible and that insinuation is basically like a slap in the face. another reason i'm mad is that ANYONE who knows me relatively well knows that i don't do drugs or drink or anything like that. i'm not going to say i'm straightedge because i don't like the connotation that goes along with straightedge kids, but anyway. i go out of my way to stay 'clean' (that's how i like putting it) even though i know it's not the cool thing to do or whatever, but i'm not going to screw up my body like that or betray my parents' trust over something so stupid just to be a cool kid. and for them to think that i got high.. man. that really fucking hurts. it really does. god that makes me mad.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRanyway so i got my stitches out today and apparently my wisdom teeth wounds are almost 100% healed. i can eat food! mm sweet precious food, how i have missed thee.

oh yeah, i'm mad. GRRR.

7 supernovas|take one last look at the stars

so go plug in your electric blanket [thursday 06.19.03|05:13pm]
[ mood | in love with vicodin ]
[ music | alkaline trio : every thug needs a lady ]

well.. at least when i'm home alone i can sing along to my playlist as loud as i want, and no one will have to know! hahaha! well.. unless i write it in here.

so i got my wisdom teeth out on tuesday, in case anyone was wondering where i dissapeared off to. it's not so bad with the vicodin, but it is pretty disgusting.

my shirt smells like matt and that makes me happy.

yeah.. i apologize to everyone who reads this for not being interesting. sigh. well -- one of these days...!

3 supernovas|take one last look at the stars

yet another post [friday 06.13.03|02:52am]
[ mood | peachy ]
[ music | super furry animals : sidewalk surfer girl ]

an e-mail survey i did.. )

it's kind of retarded, and i was in a weird mood when i answered it, but yeah.. i got bored enough to post it here.

take one last look at the stars

picture [friday 06.13.03|12:46am]
[ mood | loved ]
[ music | pretty girls make graves : the getaway ]

i had the song bandages by hot hot heat stuck in my head. )

yeah..

i feel better now!

1 supernova|take one last look at the stars

don't worry now -- 'cuz it's all under control [thursday 06.12.03|05:12pm]
[ mood | so bored i might punch myself ]
[ music | hot hot heat : bandages ]

last night i was lonellyyy so i picked up the phone and dialed a few numbers. no one was home. i got mad and i threw the phone down and beat it with a pillow. yeah i have a few temper tantrums from time to time. haha. man, why is it that everytime i really really need someone to be there no one is? last night was rough. but today is better. i slept in until three. i don't even remember half of the reasons why i was upset last night. i attempted to be productive last night.. (my idea of being productive = drawing a picture).. my new desk may suck ass, but hey, at least now i can draw without mangling my posture! i tried to draw with my string of novelty lights as my only light source. they contantly went out because of the storm. bah. but i did manage to draw a decent picture and it only took me two hours! maybe i'll scan it later.

i need a new sketchbook now. and a new curling iron. mine died and so now my hair is something like an unattractive mop atop my head. haha. oh well, i haven't been out much anyway, so it hasn't mattered too much. but i do get to go to the dentist tomorrow. hurrah. they're going to check up on my wisdom teeth and plot their extraction. sounds fun, huh?

so there's this ronnie kid and he thinks i'm "the prettiest girl in the entire world" and wants to play me santa monica on his guitar. which i am much flattered by, considering my self-esteem was pushed through a chipper way back when and is still recovering, buuut i already have a guy. so i guess i'll just have to avoid ronnie like the plague. haha i suck with confrontation. and i don't want to end up doing anything stupid.

i think i'm suffering from a minor case of cabin fever.

1 supernova|take one last look at the stars

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