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Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
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8:58a - Its not okay. i made dinner here for 2 and its not okay. ive got candles lit for you.
Last night i went to sleep around 11:30. that's earlier than shit for me. and im tired.. it sucks. im not tired when i go to sleep at 2 but i am when i sleep earlier. very strange. the fish had more babies. 6 this time. my mom wants me to get another female or my tank will be an incest pool and they'll end up being deformed. but my water's shitty cause i suck. so i have to clean it a couple of times before i can get more fish. last night i had a dream about the hot dude in my school. it was weird. i called him burrito boy.. i dont know.. i was thinking inside the dream that he never eats burritos so its gonna make me sound like a dumbass, but i said it anyway.
Me and emily went snowboarding on saturday. for my birthday. and it was our first time so we kinda sucked but it was fun. there was a really hot worker. he reminded me of the guitarist from matchbook romance and kinda the one from eve 6 too. he had long black curly hair and green eyes and was kinda tan. i think its cool when dudes have black hair and blue or green eyes. but yeah.. me and emily were kinda following him. and i think he could tell. i would just stare at him cause its not like im every gonna see him again. he was snow-skating and it was cool. just staying in place and doing tricks. i kept on whispering to emily that i love that man. he was really hot though.. i told adam about him and deron is friends with an italian dude that looks like that and works up there. they get free lift tickets from him and i think that italian people are tan. deron's my hero. he has hot friends and he's hot himself. and he plays he bass and bassists are cool.
I've never missed a day of school. there was that one time that i was really sick and i couldve but i didnt. that's all thanks to the hot dudes at my school. i told my mom about that this morning and she said "its amazing what good lookings guys can make you do".
I have quite a bit of work to do today. im behind and it sucks..
Awake at ground zero,
Another day wasting away,
Nothing seems to matter,
'Cause nothing's ever changed.
California dreamin',
Has never meant that much to me,
When living in this nightmare,
Comes so easily.
current mood:  aggravated
current music: "Tomorrow" by Homegrown (comment on this)
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10:36a - Today it fell. it felt better. just knowing this matters i just feel stronger.
I just got out of class for a break. we were talking about the amendment to ban gay marriages. people are ignorant as hell. i was getting pissed because people were saying that its wrong and shit. but i dont talk so i didnt say anything. i mean, i may not be gay myself but people who are against it piss me off so much. when someone said that being gay is a choice not your genes i got totally pissed cause that is not true in any fucking way. in the putnam GSA we talked about how if you talk to any gay person that they hate being made fun of and they'd do anything to be straight but its the way that they are. this is a subject that people dont understand and they'll just believe the stupidest shit. well. i learned who the dicks are in my class and i think they should all burn in hell. robyn's a total bitch. she should be shot along with bush.
current mood: pissed off
current music: "Box Full of Sharp Objects" by The Used (comment on this)
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2:14p - I want you to know that i miss you.. i miss you so.
Emily's mom has a new job so she can pick us up from school less and less. which really sucks cause that means more walking. mr. king was amazed at how far we live away. but it isnt that far if you think about it. we just take the longer way because other people walk home the shorter way and if we start walking their way it'll be.. iono. stalkerish and i'll feel bad. and that way we'd have to go either by the highway or fred meyers. and i hate traffic. we dont have school on friday which is our concert day. emilys mom has to go to work at 2:30 so she's gonna drop us off at that time. so we'll be there really early like senses fail. and hopefully we're there before the bands again cause that was awesome. i still have to write about that concert. almost 2 weeks past the date. meh. we have a diversity meeting today. its like GSA but with more topics like race, religion and shit. it sucked cause when me and emily were in the counselor's area around 1:30 to help ms. rau some more but she wasnt there yet. so emily went to sit in the chair against the wall but saw something down the hall and went back to the bean bags. i didnt understand that a group of dudes were sitting at the office table. so i went over and sat in the chair. when i looked down the hall a couple of them were watching me so i freaked out and put my hands up a little and said "oh god" and ran to the bean bags. screw that. groups of people i dont know scare me. me and emily are the master filers for ms. rau and now ms. glickenhaus. we're the senior advisors on the yearbook staff. and im wondering what the diversity club thing's gonna be about. that's what takes quite a bit of my work time away. people probably think that me and emily are slacking off cause we're always gone out of out seats and in the counselor's area. but no. we're working our asses off. well. i guess not working our asses off but we are working. go us.
current mood:  anxious
current music: "Letters To You" by Finch (comment on this)
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