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Random Emo Shit

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[30 Dec 2003|10:56pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]
[ music | mega man techno remix (trance) ]

http://www.blunttruthgame.com/takesurvey.cfm?uid=704768

go there.

chris.

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everybody says i'm mexican i'm indian in your eyes [28 Dec 2003|01:15am]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | twothirtyeight - indian in your eyes ]

I hate the phone...bellsouth is my enemy...I need to overcome said enemy...I shall smite it. I will, I will.

laser tag + peter pan = fun fun fun...i can't wait.


i'm making up reasons
i have answers for questions never asked
this is the sound of me thinking too loud
this is the sound of my brainwaves
in a chaotic symphony of thought
or something like that

everybody says i'm mexican
i'm indian in your eyes

i stood in the street last night
i laughed a darkened houses and they laughed back at me
i felt like i was in an old movie
i just wanted to run away from here forever
i dreamt i was a runway model
i tripped...and broke my leg on the catwalk
everyone stared and you were there and it all made sense

everybody says i'm mexican
i'm indian in your eyes

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[26 Dec 2003|12:10am]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Prodigy - Breathe ]

oh ya....merry christmas. I'm going to sleep...gotta go to work in the morning...goodnight.

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pussy-whipped without a girlfriend...laugh your asses off. [26 Dec 2003|12:07am]
[ mood | apathetic ]
[ music | The Mars Volta - Initial ]

I talked to Brandi a little bit today. We probably aren't going to St. Anne's to see the Christmas lights, but she says we'll do something before Christmas break is over. I'm glad. I like Brandi alot, even though she probably doesn't like me the same way back. I'm just going to sit in my normal apathetic pool of shit...I don't mind. I'm a stupid boy. I shaved my face today...I look MUCH younger now. I did it for a girl...who I'm not even dating...or have even gone on A date with. Wow, I'm pussy-whipped without a girlfriend....pathetic.

whatever.
apathy.
christopher.

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i'm gone muthafucka' [24 Dec 2003|05:44pm]
[ mood | lazy ]
[ music | Ben Folds Five - Kate ]

I've moved to a new journal site because of Lauren...yessir....ok bye bye now.

My new journal.

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100 things... [23 Dec 2003|08:46pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | Group X - Prostitute Song ]

I read about this on Lauren(user: eatmyshoes)'s journal, so I might as well do it.... I'll post 100 things about myself, and anyone who reads this can reply with what you have in common with me.

1. I am a virgin in every way.
2. I have never kissed a girl
3. I distance myself from people as soon as I get close to them.
4. I was named after my dad's drug dealer
5. I love VH1, MTV, Comedy Central, Sci-Fi, and Cartoon Network
6. My favorite movie is Breakfast at Tiffany's
7. I've never had a girlfriend
8. My parents are divorced
9. I am the youngest in my family.
10. I make techno music, but I don't listen to it
11. I am starting college early
12. I have never drank alcohol
13. I have never smoked pot or done any drugs
14. I smoked cigarettes one time when I was 8, but got sick.
15. I'm allergic to something in cigarette smoke.
16. I had tonsilitus 20 times when I was a kid...my tonsils were never removed because my mom didn't have health insurance.
17. I say I hate politics, but I obsess over them.
18. I hate the news, but I watch at least an hour of CNN everyday.
19. I love reality shows (especially MTV ones)
20. I'm obsessed with the mechanics of sex.
21. I am agnostic.
22. I read about religion constantly.
23. I'm currently sharing 883 files on Kazaa,
24. I watch quite a bit of porn, but I don't like talking about it without joking.
25. When I watch scary movies with girls, I love it when they jump and cling to me.
26. I don't think I'm good looking
27. I always have to make people laugh.
28. I like it when a girl talks about everything to me, no matter what.
29. I work at Hungry Howie's
30. I want to make documentary films for a living
31. I haven't taken medication for 5 years, and I haven't had more than a cough for the same amount of time.
32. I hate my name.
33. I get annoyed pretty easily
34. I like to watch sketch comedy shows
35. I was a vegetarian for two years, and GAINED weight
36. I currently weigh...225 pounds
37. I drink milk with spaghetti
38. I am 5'11", but I usually just say 6'...
39. I wear a size 10.5 shoe
40. I wear a size 38 in the waist of my pants.
41. I read alot of satire.
42. I wish I could write good satire.
43. I hate seafood.
44. I have a hard time eating pork because I think about it too much (they eat their own shit)
45. My favorite candy is raisonets.
46. I am too mature...always have been
47. I didn't have much of an imagination as a child
48. I hate children...except my nephew Hunter.
49. I tear up when an animal dies in a movie, but I don't even flinch when someone gets shot in the head...
50. I love zombie movies
51. I love to go to late shows at my local theatre.
52. I like to read DIY Guides.
53. I love paperback books, because I like to put books in my pocket.
54. I like the smell of a brand new book.
55. I was afraid of rollercoasters until I rode one in Dollywood (of all places) now I love them.
56. I am insanely afraid of rides at fairs.
57. I don't like crowds.
58. I am afraid of ladders.
59. I hate the word "cunt"
60. I have never said or even wrote the "n" word and don't intend to start.
61. I hate being called "innocent"
62. I'm tired of being called a "good guy"
63. I want to get married one day.
64. I love Christmas movies, especially claymation ones.
65. I love VH1 "documentaries"
66. I fall in love easily, but I don't feel that I have ever been loved back.
67. I listen to sad music to feel happy.
68. ...and angry music to cool down.
69. I don't know what to do with my hair, so I just cut it all the same length and brush it straight down.
70. I laugh alot for no reason.
71. Up until about 6 months ago, I was too shy to even ask a girl out on a date.
72. I've only been on about 6 dates in my whole life...and all of those in the last 6 months.
73. I've been told I have the mind of a 30-year-old man.
74. ...I don't know if that is bad or good
75. I made fun of Jesus to a Christian girl I had a crush on, she never talked to me again.
76. I like to piss people off sometimes
77. I gotten bad grades in art classes for projects that were "too hostile" or "too angry"
78. I hate sports.
79. I have played football, baseball, and soccer.
80. I don't remember people if I don't talk to them for more than a year.
81. I don't remember a majority of my childhood.
82. I've had at least a minor crush on all of my female friends
83. My favorite fruit is the banana.
84. I have an XBOX that I never play.
85. I like to spend money on girls, even if I'm not dating them.
86. I want to get acupunture one day.
87. I love 80s pop music.
88. I love pop culture.
89. I want to write a novel.
90. I went to Disney World and didn't like it.
91. I like girls with interesting faces...not nessecarily classically pretty.
92. I've had three poems published.
93. I can listen to Justin Timberlake all day (laugh it up...)
94. I am told I look like Jack Black.
95. I watch ALOT of tv.
96. I drive a multi-colored car.
97. I want to buy a Vespa.
98. My favorite food is Lasagna
99, I drink about a gallon of milk ever day or two.
100. I can't thiink of a last thing to write.

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lots and lots of fun political quotes...yay. [21 Dec 2003|12:14am]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | The Refused - Poetry Written in Gasoline ]

To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. Theodore Roosevelt, May 7, 1918

Companionate Conservatism -- Making the streets safer before people are kicked out onto them. -- Dennis Miller

If "con" is the opposite of "pro", does that mean Congress is the opposite of progress. -- unknown

POLITICS definition: "poly" = many, "tics" = blood sucking parasites. -- L. K. Foltz

We're the party that wants to see an America in which people can still get rich -- Ronald Reagan

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I want to....I want to be someone else or i'll explode. [21 Dec 2003|12:02am]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | Radiohead - Talk Show Host ]

I wanna fall in love
fall in love like you
I wanna fall in love
I just wanna love you.

but you love another
another better than me
but you love another
why? I can see

he is so good to you
I don't know how
he is so good to you
oh I see now

i wanna fall in love
but I don't deserve it
i wanna fall in love
who am i without it

i wanna love another
someone just like me
i wanna love another
why can't you see?

your...just...like...me

.-christopher-.

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The lights are off again, she took me by surprise... [19 Dec 2003|11:29pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Ben Folds - Losing Lisa ]

So, tonight I took Brandi to the movies. We went and saw a movie called "Love Actually"....yeah, it was pretty cheesy. That is okay though, because I had a good time hanging out with her. We actually talked the whole time which is new. Brandi is cool.

....me....

4 comments|post comment

The boredom overtakes my stability.... [17 Dec 2003|08:17pm]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | Eisley - Telescope Eyes ]

Thefilmeditor86: hi
Thefilmeditor86: hi
Thefilmeditor86: what's up?
Thefilmeditor86: what's up?
Thefilmeditor86: bitch I asked you first
Thefilmeditor86: bitch I asked you first
Thefilmeditor86: stop copying me
Thefilmeditor86: stop copying me
Thefilmeditor86: STOP COPYING ME!
Thefilmeditor86: STOP COPYING ME!
Thefilmeditor86: I MEAN IT!!!!!!
Thefilmeditor86: I MEAN IT!!!!!!
Thefilmeditor86: I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Thefilmeditor86: I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Thefilmeditor86: you do?
Thefilmeditor86: you do?
Thefilmeditor86: what?
Thefilmeditor86: what?
Thefilmeditor86: the muffin man?
Thefilmeditor86: the muffin man?
Thefilmeditor86: I AM ASKING THE FUCKING QUESTIONS HERE!!!!
Thefilmeditor86: I AM ASKING THE FUCKING QUESTIONS HERE!!!!
Thefilmeditor86: NO YOU ARE NOT!
Thefilmeditor86: NO YOU ARE NOT!
Thefilmeditor86: I AM
Thefilmeditor86: I AM
Thefilmeditor86: ME
Thefilmeditor86: ME
Thefilmeditor86: ME
Thefilmeditor86: ME
Thefilmeditor86: ME
Thefilmeditor86: ME
Thefilmeditor86: ME
Thefilmeditor86: ME
Thefilmeditor86: fine
Thefilmeditor86: fine
Thefilmeditor86: fuck it
Thefilmeditor86: fuck it
Thefilmeditor86: you win
Thefilmeditor86: you win
Thefilmeditor86: i do?
Thefilmeditor86: i do?
Thefilmeditor86: make up your mind you mentally abusive asshole!
Thefilmeditor86: make up your mind you mentally abusive asshole!
Thefilmeditor86: you make me sad
Thefilmeditor86: you make me sad
Thefilmeditor86: why do I make you sad?
Thefilmeditor86: why do I make you sad?
Thefilmeditor86: I asked first
Thefilmeditor86: I asked first
Thefilmeditor86: no you didn't
Thefilmeditor86: no you didn't
Thefilmeditor86: yes I did
Thefilmeditor86: yes I did
Thefilmeditor86: what?
Thefilmeditor86: what?
Thefilmeditor86: I'm confused
Thefilmeditor86: I'm confused
Thefilmeditor86: Are you planning on putting this in your online journal?
Thefilmeditor86: Are you planning on putting this in your online journal?
Thefilmeditor86: no, why would I put it in my journal?
Thefilmeditor86: no, why would I put it in my journal?
Thefilmeditor86: then why are you doing this to me?
Thefilmeditor86: then why are you doing this to me?
Thefilmeditor86: I HATE YOU!!!!!
Thefilmeditor86: I HATE YOU!!!!!
Thefilmeditor86: fine bye!
Thefilmeditor86: fine bye!

4 comments|post comment

Once again...listening to The Faint and contemplating something... [14 Dec 2003|09:42pm]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | The Faint - Ballad of a Paralysed Citizen ]

I am your straight gay friend. I repeat, I am your straight gay friend. I'm the guy who gets talked to when some jackass pretty boy breaks your heart. I own the shoulder you cry on. Did you ever stop to think that I might develop feelings for you? You are one of the most beautiful people I've ever met. I feel like love you. Yet you have no feelings for me. We're friends. Only friends. Stupid fucking friends. Straight gay friend. You have no idea how wonderful you are. You cry and say "why can't I meet a guy like you?" I'm right here. Oh I'm sorry, you didn't want me to have feelings for you. Your friend asks, "Who are you talking to on the phone?". "Just a friend," you reply, without a second thought. Just a friend. That is all I am to you. I feel like I love you. NO. I do love you. I am your straight..gay...friend.

told you i'd write something about it K.

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[12 Dec 2003|02:24pm]
[ mood | mellow ]
[ music | The Faint - Violent ]

I am technically on restriction from the computer, so I'll make this post brief...

I had MEGA fun on Wednsday when I went to see Anti-Flag...although I didn't get to see Anti-Flag, I got to see Against Me which was AWESOME! I got to see Brandi for the first time in a while, Kara, and I got to hang out with Kenzie which is always good. Midway through the show I noticed that Kara didn't look like she was feeling too good. She told me she hadn't eaten in 2 DAYS!!!! My fat ass hasn't gone without food for more than 6 hours....I dragged her out of the show and ran her to McDonald's to get something to eat...I missed Rise Against..big deal. When I got back Kenzie and I had to go because she had to be home by 10:30... Fun night. I never got to buy Kenzie that hoodie though......maybe another time. :P (<==to Kenzie)

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[07 Dec 2003|11:45pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]
[ music | The Faint - Posed to Death ]

My weekend was....interesting. I went to see the movie Gothika Friday. High school drama is funny as hell....damn economy size pack of douchebags got my cousin pissed off. I always feel wierd when I'm around people i don't know, so I end up just making fun of them. Saw Amber for about 3 minutes. I thought Kenzie was going to go to the movie with us and I bought her a Johnny the Homicidal Maniac comic but she couldn't come. Saturday I asked a girl out and was rejected. Saturday night I was pissed off. Sunday early morning I had a little counseling session with Courtney...I'm not AS pissed. For some reason out of the blue I started thinking about the three girls who kind of liked me but I never acted on. That made me sad. I'm ready for some kind of relationship but don't know what I want...I've had to many one-sided loves to count and they keep stacking up. I just want to cuddle...to kiss...to hug a girl who feels the same about me that I feel about her. My biggest turn on is a girl who likes me. I miss Lynn.... I don't feel like anything will get back to the way it was. Anytime a girl is interested in me, I suddenly become distant for NO REASON! I don't understand myself. The most interesting/cool person I've met recently has to be Kenzie... Why can't she be older? I'm pissed off at myself for being myself. I'm pissed off at myself for talking about movies all the time...I'm pissed off at myself for distancing myself from other people my own age for so long. I feel like an outsider anytime I'm with people my age and feel right at home with people in their mid-20s to early-30s. The last crush I had was on my 23-year-old manager who I could have never dated merely for the age factor. Am I going to grow into dating or am I slowly growing out of my dating age? I feel like the longer I go without even kissing a girl the harder it will be to find a girl who actually likes me. I think I distanced myself from Lynn because she reminded me too much of my mother...i have just began disliking my mother in the last year. It is like I'm going through teenage rebellion three years late. I want to go to an out-of-state school just to get away from everyone I know and start over. I'll probably end up spending all four years of college in UWF and then just fade into the everyday life of office work. No video/film editing career. No graphic design career. No documentary filmmaking...just boring cubicle contained office work that has no social relevance whatsoever. Fuck. Shit. Piss. God damn. I don't know what I believe. I don't know what I feel. I don't feel anything and that is the problem. I want to feel something, even if it is hurt. I want a girl to hurt me. Not frustrate me or dissapoint me, but hurt me. I want to date, then break up. I want to love and then be betrayed. I want someone to love me and me mess up and break up. What is art without emotion? What is philosophy without emotion? What is emotion without previous extreme emotional experiences? I'm always looking for Holly Golighty but she is not out there. Even if she is, she would never love me. I'm looking for Alyssa Jones but she wouldn't change her way of thinking for me. Too many movies. I have a warped perception of love. I just want the closest thing to real love there is. I want to be able to sleep with her...and I mean literally sleep with her and feel more safe and comfortable everytime she takes a breath. I want to kiss her and feel the wetness and warmth of her lips. I just don't know who she is, and I don't know if she will like me.

7 comments|post comment

[01 Dec 2003|02:36am]
[ music | some metal music on Uranium (crap) ]

I no longer know who i am, i am your shadow and nothing more. I've lost all I know in my feelings for you. Everyday I wake up and you are the first thing on my mind. Every night I go to sleep and you are the only thing in my dreams. Fuck convention. Fuck primal urges. Fuck what your eyes see in front of them. It is all emotion nothing more. If you don't return the emotion, fuck if I care. Tell me, tell me what you think. Tell me, tell me what you feel. If only for one second I wish to know you.

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[25 Nov 2003|04:15pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | Billy Talent - Try Honesty ]

I finally talked to that girl...her name is Christy. I was so nervous though that I didn't crack a single joke. That is crazy....I joke about everything. Afterwards I felt like I had just faced some horrible fear because my hands were shaking...I'm such a nerd.

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[22 Nov 2003|07:24pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | Eisley - Telescope Eyes ]

I hope I don't get fired. I woke up late this morning and showed up to work and hour and a half late and the manager told me she didn't need me. If that means just today, great...but if that was me getting fired that sucks.

2 comments|post comment

[22 Nov 2003|12:32am]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | Eisley - Laughing City ]

Alright, so there is a girl I go to school with named Christy. She is seriously one of the cutest girls I've ever seen in my whole life and I've had a crush on her since the beginning of 9th grade. I'm not going to be going to Pace after December and I want to talk to her before I leave. Today I had a prime opportunity to talk to her while her friends (the pack of wolves) weren't around and I totally pussied out. I just can't believe myself. Then to add some ridicule my friend Danielle embarasses me everytime I pussy out on talking to Christy...........Why am I so intimidated by girls?

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[20 Nov 2003|12:34am]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | The Strokes - 12:51 ]

Wow, my entire day was bright because I met the most amazing person last nite. Kenzie = awesome.

2 comments|post comment

[17 Nov 2003|11:23pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | The Strokes - Meet Me in the Bathroom ]

I wish I could meet a guy like you.
You say that as you look at me.
I wish I could meet a guy like you.
You say that as you date that jerk Randy.
I wish I could meet a guy like you.
You say that as I feel lonely.
I wish I could meet a guy like you.
I'm right in front of you, can't you fucking see.


I'm in love and yet don't know what love is all at once.

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[21 Oct 2003|06:24am]
Kill Bill was completely fucking insane!
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