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(Kick My Ass) hello [03 Nov 2009|03:16pm] years. good bye, years.

(Kick My Ass) blogs from myspace [30 Nov 2004|03:00am] [ mood | chipper ] ( blogs from myspace: 17 Oct 04 Sunday 3:40 PM - ) (  13 Sep 04 Monday 11:20 AM  ) (  02 Aug 04 Monday 5:34 AM )

(1 Beating | Kick My Ass) woah [21 Nov 2004|03:09pm] i was somewhere. i think a movie was being played. there was some lady there with her friend. i lured her to come with me out of the room, so i could kill her. my friend and i burned her body, but for some reason her hands werent destroyed like the rest. we started digging a hole so we could put her down there, i looked at him and asked "do you think we'll get away with this?" he just laughed and said "i hope so." i had to pick up her hand off the floor and i remember it still felt warm. while we were putting the dirt back on top of the hole, it seemed like we were in a shed, but we got rushed because the movie got out in the other room. before anybody could ask what happened to her, some guy started going crazy. he started throwing glass shards at everybody, and just freaked out. he somehow acquired a bebe gun, and started shooting random things. i was hiding behind a wall and he saw me and started messin with me. somebody finally restrained him, and the cops showed up. the lady wasnt even brought up until after the cops left, they took the freak away, and me and N just looked at eachother and laughed. then the ladies friend, she asked us where whatever her name was went, we just said "we havnt seen her since she left" and her friend just nodded. all the sudden i was at bingham high school, and it was well past midnight. i walked in the gym door, and saw a group of people getting ready to leave. i was with someone, a girl, i dont know who. the guy who was in charge gave me the keys to the place, and said, "just make sure you lock it up when you leave" and so i took the keys, and left the building, leaving the door open. then i realized i didnt lock it, and went back to find a group of kids messin around in there. i told everybody to leave, and they were like, "you cant tell us what to do" and then the cops showed up again, i was trying to explain to him what happened and he wouldnt listen to me, he was just being an #######. dunno where this dream came from, pretty crazy.

(1 Beating | Kick My Ass) woah! [17 Nov 2004|03:27am] [ music | coal chamber - loco ] new avatar! its so effin cool! thanks megan! and i made this, my first photo manip! but its not really a manip, just a poem by JESSICA that i put to a picture, its pretty cool, i like it.

(1 Beating | Kick My Ass) so [14 Nov 2004|02:53am] [ mood | calm ] [ music | tool ] i come home with the smell of her coating me. she kissed me tonite, but i think its only because she was drunk. "what was that for?" "you", i hate liking someone so much, especially for this long. i hate opening up when i know its only going to be my humiliation in the end. 3 songs: H. Schism The Patient what they mean to me? it means he can go and do whatever he wants, until he decides he either a) wants her back, or b) decides to tell her he doesnt. which means, im left with not much. alls fair in love and war, and i hate it. why do my feelings for her only get stronger when she pulls away? when she tells me she's leading me on. i knew she was, i can tell when someone likes someone, and while i can tell she does like me, thats all it is, and more than likely all it ever will be. so technically, she wasnt leading me on, since i knew damn well that it was bound to happen. yet i still persist, and thrive for her eye contact. REPITITION. thats all that happens. it gets so old, but at the same time it never does, just because it keeps going. the spiral.

(Kick My Ass) 86% correct. by megan turner (awesome girl) [12 Nov 2004|03:38am] The Devil Can't Write Love Songs I never thought I would be thrust into your life again. I abandoned you like I never should have. I had something you didn't and I don't know how, but I let you go because I thought you didn't want me anymore. Truth be told, I could never make it without you. I don't know if I let you see that weakness in me that you draw out like blood into a tube, if you could taste my nervous breath when you looked into my eyes, if you could smell the smile I tried to hide when I watched you wave goodbye. But the weakness was there for your taking. Maybe you saw it, and didn't want it. I remember a tearful discussion one night while we were both holding each other on this wall of sanity, and the heartbreaking words you told me, even though it was what we both needed. I don't know what hurt me worse; that you were giving up on that chance, or that you knew I couldn't make you happy. All I want to do is kiss your emotional wounds and nurse you back into the strong, amazing man I know you are inside. I honestly can't say for sure if you've ever thought about me like that, or if you just kept me at a friend's length. But I can tell you that when your face appears in my dreams, your piercing eyes linger long after I've woken up. You're always the hero in my memories and in my sleeping fantasies, saving me and engulfing me into a loving hug like you actually missed me half as much as I missed you. I could feel you wanting to take it further, even if it was just my wishful subconscious, and your warm breath on my neck still tickles every time I remember the thought. Your phone with me on the other end may have stopped ringing, but your face is still the one I see when I fall asleep; your voice is still ringing in my ears; my feelings for you haven't died. If anything, I think they have incubated and become stronger. I don't know what is to happen to us. I don't know if we will pick up where we left off, or if this is hopeless. We were both so lost when we found each other, and I don't know if I helped you but God knows you helped me. I still have your pillowcase, with your lingering scent in my head. They say people that have never been in love and been burned cannot truly love someone; they say people aching for someone to carry them are not ready for anyone at all; they say sometimes you meet people for a reason, and sometimes they come back for completely different intents. When I heard your voice for the first time in so long, I thought I could feel you smile. I wonder what you thought when you knew it was me. I wonder if your heart skipped a beat. Am I putting my heart out just to have it stepped on one last time? At least I will know sooner because unlike the rest of the people in my life, you are the only one that has never lied to me. You tell me exactly what is going on, what you're feeling, and why. I never had to question you. I feel so strongly now that I have a chance again. We're both different people; we're both stronger, we're both older, we've both been through drama and roller coasters of emotion and lust. We've both been burned; but we've both healed. Maybe this time, we can put out the fire together. Maybe that smile you give to me has a message behind it that I didn't catch before. Maybe you see me differently. You can't write a love song if you've never had your heart broken. But now, even with the haunting, sticky residue of bandages I have used, my still tender but strongly beating heart is ready to try writing that love song. I've cried. I've hurt. And I know how to do things right this time. I hope you can see it in my eyes when I look at you. I hope I can feel you again. The emotionless Devil in me shattered when I heard your voice. That love song is playing in my head and I hope and pray that you can hear it too.

(2 Beatings | Kick My Ass) fuck. [01 Nov 2004|01:23am] i cant fucking believe it. "its not the end of the world" -mom i fucking wish it was. so im driving down grizzly way with shawn, on the way to bruces, and im telling shawn about how last year i fucked up my car because of black ice, and that it better not fucking happen this year, and right as he says "yea, this'll be alright" --slide--CRASH. oh gee. how fucking ironic. my car is fucked. i want to kick the shit out of the road with my face. because thats the only way something will come out of this. i do not want to exist right now but i cant think of a way to end it properly, and im so glad i took my amp back because now i can pay for this. joy. FUCK. i envy the dead. otherwise... tonite was alright. went to aftermath of a trainwreck, skeiff d bargg, and some other hardcore bands, and skeiff did better than everyone else. carbon monoxide needs to be sold at the neighberhood grocer.

(1 Beating | Kick My Ass) aj owes me money [28 Oct 2004|01:53pm] [ mood | cold ] [ music | the dilinger escape plan - sugar. coated. sour. ] i went to idaho at 2:30 AM on monday morning. got to boise at 7:30, sat around, and left boise for salt lake at 11:30 AM. got to work 5 minutes late, haha. how crazy. i took my mesa back to guitar center, i kept the hard case tho. and the free cable. currently i just dont play enough music with a need of loudness. one day ill have it again. probably within the year. and an 8x10 too. i got some advance info from DR DANO from guitar center, so maybe even as soon as november. whitney and parkin jammed. whitney asked "do you actually know someone who'd play bass for us?" haha, parkins stoked. im stoked. morgan hasnt gotten back to me yet. but its going to feel good to play some heavy fucking metal. i took a cash advance for a QP. $230, and after its all gone ill have $400+. sweet. dropped out of SLCC. i start at ITT Tech in november. digital multimedia, audio/visual, and game design. hell yea. 3 days a week, 0900 - 1400. after nine months it drops to 2 days a week. im excited. i hate my job, and i hope to be finding a new one. i constantly feel like im in a hole, because for some reason he feels he's above me, and while he can go ahead and think that, im not going to be a victim. lamb of god still is the fucking shit. and im eating lasagna. currently waiting for the washer to finish doing its verb, and then ill be headed out. watch 'battle for ozzfest' cuz i bet ill be in it. i was relieved to not be in the 'rejects of ozzfest' because that would have been shameful. and we werent rejects, we were finalists. so technically, rejects, but the bands they showed didnt even get passed the first stage. and the guy with the megaphone was just out by the line of bands, i bet one of the bands that made it was standing in that line, i just have no clue cuz that was the new york version. parents are in vegas, along with bruderlein. he dressed up as me for halloween, i laughed my ass off. piece.

(2 Beatings | Kick My Ass) ug. [01 Oct 2004|11:28am] just had the most elaborate dream with whitney in it ive had yet. i wish she'd just come knock on my door. or maybe not. maybe just someone who i can talk to, and enjoy spending time with, while she can talk to me and enjoy spending time with me. cant imagine that anymore. im no good. my loan got approved! 600W MESA PULSE! HELL YEA. plus the 4x10x15 heard parkin quit the band?? marlisa is a bitch!?

(Kick My Ass) like it went "chk" like that like it went "chk" like a pencil [15 Sep 2004|04:45pm] so i just thought of a really cool band name. and i think thats a good start. and it kind of represents what i want the core of the band to be.. diminor.

(1 Beating | Kick My Ass) and its still being misunderstood. [27 Jul 2004|09:13am] hello stupid journal. first of all, let me set the record straight. its not the decision about me not being in the band anymore that is what made my disdain for dylan set in. ive tried to tell him 3 times now i believe. he still thinks that the decision to move on without me is the reason my "hate" came about. direct quote: "Skyler is not one of us. Never would be, never could be. Skyler is a great guy, a great musician, but you gotta fullfill what your heart desires. So I wish him, and his band the utmost luck and I mean that more than anything. So Sky, if you are reading this, my band has no negitive feelings towards you what so ever. We just realized we were wanting something to happen that just wasn't possible. We thank for what you've showed, taught, and been through with us. You are a great man and I hope Muder II Genocide takes you were you want to be." now, this paragraph was started using the exact words: "skyler is not one of us. never would be, never could be." now, does that statement not make the rest of the paragraph a candy coated piece of shit? you are talking like "your" band is not going to talk to me now or something, and sir, i do believe you are wrong. i told matt how i felt about this today, and he seems to get it just fine. unearth was ok, except the guitarist in front of me had a picture of jesus on his belt buckle. i told him several times how jesus was my bitch. atreyu was fuckin bad ass. lamb of god brutally murdered my senses and i lost control. it was sweet as fuck. and every time i die SUCKED. the singer sounds like a squealing pig, and has a major case of the freak leg syndrome. the guitarist is an OLD mustached mother fucker, and does not belong on the stage. i didnt hesitate to tell them that it wasnt because of their band that the last show they played here was such a success, as i lay dying kills these fucks, and for them to take credit for a bad ass show, is almost as pathetic as.. haha. lamb of god is the shit.

(Kick My Ass) all that you've claimed not to be, has now come to define you [25 Jul 2004|04:51pm] [ mood | pissed ] dont worry, the knife wasnt long enough to leave too big a wound on my back. it was easy to take out. its not anyone, but one. and he knows. its not a band thing, its personal. this song is quite fitting. Welcome home to my reality. So you taste yourself every time? This must be your pleasure This your swan song I'll sing for you. I'll cut the words from your mouth You'll never speak my name again. Locked up and sold the fuck out Don't think you won't see me again. It'll come back three times Once in the name of deceit Twice for your malice Three times when I take you away. This is a homicide daydream I won't waste my hate on you. All that you've claimed not to be Has now come to define you. It'll come back three times Once in the name of regret Twice for your envy Three times when I take you away. Turn on my heels And spit apathy on this bridge you have burnt. Feast on my own blood I'll drain myself to sleep. I'll rise from death to knife this beast These last regrets the ones I keep. It'll come back three times Once in the name of deceit Twice for your malice Three times when I take you away.

(1 Beating | Kick My Ass) OZZFEST and US [15 Jun 2004|03:59pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | niente ] Tuesday/6.8.04: Find out about potential of playing Ozzfest by going to Los Angeles, CA. Amount of time between finding out and going: 3 days. At this point in time, it still seemed impossible. 11:00 PM: decide to go. Wednesday/6.9.04: Take off days originally scheduled with work. Had to find someone to trade Saturdays with me, and luckily found someone. Find out Garrens Dad's buddy has a ride for us. Spent night at Nicks. Thursday/6.10.04: Woke up at 8:00 AM to the bad news of our ride bailed out. We're not going, oh well. At least we tried. Commence sleeping. Wake up again to Kevins voice at about 11:00 AM. The decision to rent a van is made, and the trip is once again a go. I wanted to leave by 3:00 PM, but that didnt happen. The van didnt get home until about 5:00 PM. We still had shopping to do. So we are on the road by 7:30 PM (thanks to a minor detour towards Delta..) Friday/6.11.04: 3:30 AM; arrive in Las Angeles, CA. Eat Denny's. 6:00 AM; $15.00 parking cover. BULLSHIT. Stand near front of line, thanks to Garren. 9:00 AM; bands are beginning to enter premisis. At gate: Announcement that only 18 and older are allowed to enter, turn around if you're not. FUCK THAT. We got told to go home, but we managed our way in. In result, heavy exposure is placed on us. Camera's flood us to find out what happened. Bands glare.. We were only allowed in on the condition that Garren and Collin T were not allowed to play, due to minorism. They consented, and we commenced. Without guitarist and bassist.. unlikely. After standing in hot sun with countless bands (at the time, it rose to 250 bands) we arrived at the entrance. We are told that we must give Ozzy and Sharon (aka a Camera) the best reason we can to be allowed a slot on Ozzfest. We were scared.. but we did fine. Second interview was given, a 30 second, and then a 5 minute interview was given (not all bands were given the 5 minute). Saturday/6.12.04: Get the call at about 7:00 PM, that we had been selected to come back to play in front of judges. WE WERE CALLED BACK! awesome. We stayed the night, and the previous night, and the next night to come, at our good buddy Mike's house, whom he shares with his sister. THANK YOU. Typical Newport Beach stuff... Ocean and walkin and drinkin ;). Sunday/6.13.04: Arrive back in LA at 11:00 AM to play call backs. 20 bands were called back today, so we were 1/25 :: 25/250. Pretty lucky. We take pictures, we eat, we chill and listen to bands, and we jam in front of the judges. WE ROCKED. Even tho we did not have guitarist and bassist (two key items in a band) we impressed the hell out of them anyways. Pee tests, medical history, band, and individual interviews are conducted. We were held back for a final interview, post playing, and when I asked other bands if they were held back for a last interview, they told us no, and asked if we did.. mhmm. That night, at about 7:30/8:00 PM, we get the call. "Hi Skyler, this is Courtney from Ozzfest! We have some very good news for you! Call us back at ***.***.**** and we'll let you know! Call us back tonight! Bye!" Well we were selected as finalists. Murder II Genocide is now a finalist band on the Ozzfest band Competition! sweeeeeeet. Im excited, I knew we had the potential. I FUCKING KNEW IT. Now we wait for NY, and end june, early july, we will get the call with the good or bad news. Ill keep you posted. Source: Ozzfest.com June 14, 2004 OZZFEST BAND COMPETITION UPDATE Thanks to all the bands that showed up at the Los Angeles Ozzfest Band Camp auditions. We saw a few hundred bands on Friday and have narrowed it down to some excellent contenders. We assumed that we would mostly draw local L.A. bands but that was not the case at all. You guys came for all over the place for your shot at Ozzfest glory. Good luck to those who have been selected to move ahead to the next round. Now we are off to New York for the same process. Make sure to have your entire band with you and have your applications filled out in their entirety. We will announce the NYC location shortly. Check back soon for more info... AND possibly a sneak peak at some footage from the line of contenders in L.A.

(1 Beating | Kick My Ass) holy shit [11 Jun 2004|12:50pm] [ mood | hot ] [ music | some internet cafe song, haha ] well... im in LA, california. i saw the HOLLYWOOD sign on the mountain, it sure is a lot smalle then i thought.. i only have 14 minutes left on my card.. grr. anyways. my band tried out for ozzfest. well, 4 of us. collin and garren are not 18, so they were not allowed. they consented us to try with out them, since if we win, when we tour ozzfest 05 they will be 18. we are trying, and hopefully we get called back. we got farther than most bands. i know this because we did not get escorted out, instead we got put in a room, with other bands, and then we went and had a 5 minute interview. it was awesome. so that made 2 interviews. the guy listening to our demo was jammin out, it was awesome. so hopefully we get a call back! we'll know by sunday, im not sure when we are supposed to get called if we do get called.. but yea. i hated standing in the sun. i hate "cali" because a) people call it "cali" and b) its hot as fuck and the sun is 10x brighter here then it ever has been in utah. fuck california. im glad ill never live here. it reminds me a lot of italy, but italy is way cooler, because its italy. yea,. 11 minutes left... stupid internet cafe'. tyson's mom needs to email me a copy of his birth certificate, since he doesnt have a state id.. for some reason. he really should get one of those, since he cant get his licence. KIMM HURRY.. yea right so its 12:55 PM and we are about to go get a motel, or drive to newport beach to meet up with mike. id rather stay here since it will take less gas, then maybe he could come here. mikes cool. my phone is gonna die :/ we need to find somewhere where ever it may be. 9 minutes and counting. (ps 2 bucks for 23 minutes, lame) i hate california, did i mention that? i want to sleep somewhere where it is COLD because HEAT sucks ASS. heh.. cold heat ass. i think im gonna call whitney whenever we arrive to wherever we arrive. (oh yea, i got her number :D) cool. bye

(Kick My Ass) eenteresting [07 Jun 2004|01:55am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | slipknot - scream ] i need to buy some sample libraries, soon! i want an entire octave of bass notes, that'd be cool. and i just want a mess of things i can pick and choose from, so i can edit them and do whatever i want with it. i wish my computer was faster, and i wish i was more literate when it came to sounds, but hey ill get there. electronics are cool. hopefully next pay check ill get some, if i can find out where to buy the shit. my callous on my middle finger dissipated from lack of bass playing, and when i played it last weekend i got the most painful blister id had to date. it then turned into the hardest callous id had to date, then is now turning into an ugly thing on the end of my finger. oh well it didnt hurt to play bass today. im pretty sure this one is gonna fall off tho, so i have to start over again. dammit. so graduation day i stayed at the E center to watch Brighton High graduate. why? why did i sit through two additional hours of high school graduates talking about how life is commencing like we all knew it would? well.. because my ex-girlfriend, whitney, went there, and i hadnt seen her since 9th grade. im cheesy, but i had to see her. i did, i got a picture too! yay. she's really beautiful. i want to get a hold of her, but her dad is unlisted in the phone book. i know her friend, well she's my friend too.. kinda, but im scared to call her. even tho ive known her for 10 damn years, lol. im a freak. i hope i can contact her tho, ill attach her graduation picture to this email. i wish i would have stayed at the e center to talk to her, but i wussed out then too. same with the flowers i was gonna send her on valentines day for the past 3 years, haha. skyler=pathetic. oh well tho, we'll see what happens, hehe. ( Circle ) my uncle borrowed the only two pictures i had of her (at the time) and he had them forever.. i asked for them back and he had LOST THEM! BUT he did upload them to his website at one point in time.. then he deleted the account. fortunately i had saved them before that but, not to my computer. to a website, that i made a long time ago, right, right. but i had forgot the website address/password anyways i figured out the ID. i had to remember the secret answer to the secret question, but that was easy. just had to remember my old kittie :] and now i have the pics again -wipes sweat from forehead- au revoir for now mon cherie.

(2 Beatings | Kick My Ass) wow [04 Jun 2004|02:10pm] [ mood | hot ] [ music | hp and the sorcerers stone movie ] life is weird and unexplainable. oh well. so... graduation yesterday morning. sat next to amy valenzuela and kassie robins. :] both quite pretty. amy brought up whitney, that was weird, but im glad she did. "i remember when you and whitney were gonna get married" haha, yea, me too ;] good times. so yea i did the whole walk thing and had a very interesting conversation with kassie. too bad we didnt talk more during the year, ah well -shrug- :/ after CHHS graduation i stayed for BHS (Brighton's) graduation. why? because whitney was graduating. i havnt seen her since 9th grade, i had to stay. i even managed to get a picture of her. i was going to stay and try to talk to her, or at least see her face to face, but i chickened out.. it was overwhelming. (no im not a stalker) but anyways.. wow the picture i got of her is absolutly beautiful. she always was gorgeous, but she is so, so, sosososo amazing now. i wish i could figure out a way to get a hold of her. her dads not in the phone book anymore, ever since they moved away :/ i should have asked amy for her number, but i didnt have my phone, and no pen, so i would have forgotten it, but i should really try and get it. -day dreams- after that, went to nicks, well my house first to change, then to nicks to pack up the stuff. garren wanted to use my amp for the show so we went back to parkins to get it, then picked up chris. went back to nicks, finished packing up for the show, and left. the battle of the bands had gotten moved, but we didnt know that, well, I didnt know that. but it was just down the street. we played at seven o clock, and to our surprise.. -since i didnt pack up my sampler, (doug did), my power cable got left at nicks. i was going to go get it, but we were supposed to play so i turned around after i left to get it. no samples. bummer. -collin broke a string during the second song. -tyson broke his stick, and his bass pedal kept falling off of his bass drum. -the vocals were WAY too loud. to put it bluntly we sucked, but.. obviously we didnt. we took second place, out of 10 bands. the first place band was a COVER band (played STYX, KISS, and AC/DC) and guess what first place won.. 12 hours recording time in a studio, minimum two songs. WTF are they going to record? you cant record cover songs! the dad of the kid in the band was a judge. (RIGGED) but we still managed to take second, im surprised we even placed with how ###### our luck was. during the whole day i stared at the picture of whitney, she's just so damned beautiful, its crazy to think that the girl i was looking at used to be my girlfriend. she really helped me define who i am, but i doubt she knows that. she's really awesome, and i miss her. when i was with her, i was way ignorant, and i didnt know how to treat a girl.. i did, in the sense that i wasnt a jerk, and i respected her, but i didnt know how to act around her. i had fun with her tho, i still have tons of notes that she gave me. wow she is so awesome, i better find her number! GRR grad party at tysons afterwards, that was fun. ethan.neisha.tyson.nick.garren.collin.doug.tovar.tiffany.torie.jd.latoya.chris.isaac.jt.sarah.mattie.tristan. brian.maybe more but i forgot. it was fun. now its friday and im watching harry potter, and thinking about you know who. how pathetic. oh yea i miss her too. i think im gonna quit intoxications. au revoir

(1 Beating | Kick My Ass) shit [29 May 2004|08:09am] wow shits gotten confusing real quick. its 8:11 AM, havnt been to sleep yet, and i have work @ 10:00 AM. damn. that sucks :/ ----------------------- poison the well rules. im gonna sleeep now.

(1 Beating | Kick My Ass) up da te [23 May 2004|08:17pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | for glory ] why the hell did i forget to bring my amp back from tysons. its the last thing i wanted to do, i even tried to remember it. failed. sad. oh well. next weekend. ps the new shit is cool at work ive been listening to the first 3 harry potter books, very cool series so far. we dont have any others on cd, so ill have to actually read them, lol. today i watched harry potter and the chamber of secrets, and developed a crush on emma watson. she plays hermione. did a bit of research on her and she's very young. damn. all i can say is, if she's that beautiful now, when she's of age, she's gonna be a total knock out. she's even got the british accent. damn my luck. i HOPE i didnt lost my samplers memory card! i hope its at nicks, thats the last place i remember having it. if i put it in my pocket that day, its gone. because its not there anymore. i have a few places to look before its officially lost tho. bought a super nintendo from ebay, got a game that i once had, but lost, again. thats cool, plus i got 2 paddles. i also bought a video game from ebay, but it didnt work, so we left negative feedback. im a jerk, haha. he called and said he wishes we would have contacted him first, because on ebay, negative feedback is the shits, youre screwed if you have it. so oh well, he's screwed i guess. i went to a game crazy and bought the game that didnt work, except this copy does work, so i dont care anyway. spent the weekend at tysons, mostly. it was fun we played ultimate mortal kombat 3 (the game i bought) on his 72 inch screen. very, very bad ass. i think i may go back tonite, its already 8:24 tho.. so if not, ill just go to nicks to look for my memory card. i forgot what else i lost.. oh well. guess it didnt matter. OH! my black and red bracelets.. i saw them in a dream i think, i wish i could remember if i saw them in a dream or for real, because i miss those damn things. my room is getting slowly messier and messier. i dont ever clean it either, just make room. so now the mess is out to my computer room, and bathroom too. which reminds me of another thing i lost, a box full of my first slipknot tee shirt, korn tee shirt, some other korn shirts, and my key chain that i had had since i was wee. :[ sad. i hate losing things, and i do it a lot. today is dads birthday! i wish i would have gotten him something suave, but im short on cash. so when i get paid (im not expecting much money this check) ill hopefully get him something. speaking of work, i moved to day shift (11-6) and hated it. so i switched back to nights (5-11) much better. but the whole confusion of it all will probably affect the pay load. BOOOO. i hate not getting paid a solid rate. fat sucks. i need to do laundry.. very badly. later tonite most likely. gas prices suck. um.......................................................emma watson needs to be older! dammit. she's just so damn pretty. end

(Kick My Ass) cool [14 May 2004|01:18am] [ music | slipknot - the nameless ] the new slipknot cd leaked. its fuckin great, i cant wait to buy the cd. a lot different then what slipknot was, but its definately understandable. i was hesitant to download it, but since i know im gonna buy it anyway i figured what the hell. and i got pics of me from the duality video, its about time, lol. and brides of destruction are here next weekend. week after GWAR! lol. ill hopefully be attending. also purchased 'slayer- reign in blood' finally, dave lombardo is a fucking drum GOD. well here ya go.. ( The pictures from the video )

(3 Beatings | Kick My Ass) so con fused [11 May 2004|01:37am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | sleep ] i really dont know what to think. ive tried to explain in an update like, 3 times now. but every time i just get frustrated and close the window. what to do? what to think? who to be? i still havnt gotten my amp from nicks house. i need to do that. i just hate having to leave it at parkins. i want to jam with those guys, but i dont like being at parkins, i dont like leaving my stuff at parkins, but if i dont leave it there, its just a pain in my ass taking it home after practice and taking it back before it. why does parkins mom have to be such a whore? why does brandons "girlfriend" have to have such a whore mother? why cant i go over there without encountering something that ticks me off? GOD. i dont know. the "new" song is way cool. most of it. i love the main riffs, im not sure which part didnt catch my fancy, but it wasnt horrible. i like what dylan and matt have, i havnt heard the whole with drums tho. so i await that day, maybe this weekend? saturday is dougs party @ tysons. should be fun. 19 years old, i should make him buy me prime times :P only because he doesnt smoke and whats the point in not taking your 19 year old virginity? exactly. the guys in this band have a new song too. its cool. too bad i suck at electronics and cant find any new samples :( im in a shit mood. have been for days. im stuck in pessimist mode. this isnt a cheesy cry for help or anything, just thoughts. -- i sit at work and think about how much cooler it would be to kill yourself, rather not kill yourself. if you do it, you then know the ultimate question: what happens after death? do you think maybe what happens after death depends on how you die? do you think if i were to just pass away, the after life would be different, then say, i commit suicide? or do you think they both end the same way, one just comes sooner and is self inflicted... who knows. but it sure sounds a lot more interesting on the other side, even tho i know absolutly nothing about "the other side", but thats what makes it so much more interesting. im stupid i know. i changed my work schedule from M thru Th 5-11, to Monday: 3-9, and T thru Th 11-6. yay. go me. i still get to sleep in but now i have time at the end of the day to go visit things that close after 10. yea.. that starts tomorrow. woot woot. i dont know if i want to even try to waste time with girls anymore.. its not wasting time, but it always avails to nothing. just makes me more aware of my selfconsciencness. and plus all the girls i like nowadays have male counterparts. not that its a bad thing, but im too late in most scenarios. appently im the last of a "nu metal / raver" breed. and every time im onstage, i make a fool of myself. i dont buy it, but its been said about me. i've convinced myself that most of the valley hates me, so any attempts i make with bands are going to be made in vane, because i'm in it. and because people suck and those people that suck, are what i would need to rely on in a band scenario. and since ive convinced myself most everyone here hates me, its sort of become impossible for me to see anything im a part of getting anywhere. berklee? me? yea fuckin right. thats such a sophisticated skool. im not the type of person that should be going there. all the shit i know about music is probably just that, shit. i shouldve paid more attention during piano lessons. i shouldnt have let it end at 7 years, i should have kept it going until just recently, and i shouldnt have always thought my piano teacher was fucking my mom, because then maybe i would have wanted to pay a little more attention because i wouldnt have hated my piano teacher. maybe then i could have amounted to something. maybe then i wouldnt be a post high skool graduate with a thought in his head that will never go anywhere. money sucks. life fucking sucks. god ive turned into the depressed bitch i always feared i would. how shitty. i have work tomorrow @ 11 so im going to sleep. lets hope hiroshima 2 happens in salt lake city tonite.

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