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Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004
10:41 am - I'm Leaving...
ashley and nick talked me into using xanga. last update was in july for that particular journal/website. i may update this thing every once in a while but ill probably use xanga more.
thanks for all the fun times.

the bg

current mood: stressed
current music: Track 5 - Jeremy Camp's Restored CD

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Monday, November 1st, 2004
3:56 pm - No! I Do Not Want To Makeout With You!!!
im sorry its been so long since i have updated you.
forgive me.
i have alot to talk about.
ill just say for now that i hung out with a really cool girl today.
her name was sarah...go figure.
i know too many sarahs and amandas and jessicas.
she's really cool and we talked about emily a little bit.
she gave me a hug before she left.
well i kind of gave her one but she hugged me back.
she's really cool.
it sucks cuz i dont drive or else i would ask her to hangout.
i hate not having my license.
it always ruins my chances of being with someone.
yeah anway...
i'll be back in a lil bit cuz i'm going to run over to work now.

current mood: okay
current music: Scotty Doesn't Know - Lustra

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11:41 am - Sometimes I Give Myself The Creeps...
i'm sitting in my english class.
and flirting with this girl next to me.
she wont ask for my number.
that's mean.
be back later.

current mood: okay
current music: Basket Case - Green Day

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Monday, October 18th, 2004
4:28 pm - Quite An Eventful Weekend...
ok well friday was good cuz i spent the night over matts.
it kept my mind off emily.
we played halo so that was good for frustration.
i ate too much taco bell and then i ate it again on sunday.
saturday was interesting.
i got yelled at a lot for computer problems.
it's broke again.
saturday night i went to Rachel's party.
53 people or so showed up.
49 of them were girls.
i pretty much hung out with tom and charity all night.
i hung out with rachel.
actually, me and emily hung out too.
i also hung out with this girl named jessica.
i have a lot of friends named jessica.
well back to emily...
it was kind of weird all night.
i think at first we avoided each other but towards the end of the night
we ended up in the same room a lot.
we talked a for a lil bit.
some girl asked us if we were more than friends.
we got kind of weirded out by that.
she said we kind of came off that way.
i dont know.
it was just weird.
but weird.
ok so how about this jess girl...
i met her before emily and i was kind of attracted to her
but i knew i would never see
her so i didnt bother with her.
well i told emily a few weeks ago that i used to
have a crush on jess and her and rachel went and told her.
well she was at the party and she talked to me alot
and i was mean to her but in a joking way.
well i ended up going outside as she was leaving and
we talked for like 20 minutes
and i got her number.
ok well it wasnt that serious
but obviously it is to jess, emily, and rachel.
and i guess now jess told rachel i stalk her.
i sent her one text and called her once.
it's so crazy right now.
i will write about it later.
probably tomorrow at work.
peace ou

current mood: okay
current music: Ever So Sweet - The Early November

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Thursday, October 14th, 2004
12:16 pm - It's Over...
A sigh of relief...
i got the text message of doom.
it's better off this way.

when i can pull myself together, i'll be back.

thanks for listening.
i know you're only electronic, Mr. Journal, but you make me feel better.

current mood: crushed
current music: Everything - Lifehouse (its on the Smallville Talon Mix cd)

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11:26 am - Today Needs To Go Faster!
well i'm semi-happy now.
i'm caught up in MMT.
thank God!
i feel so much better.
now i'm just anxious to talk to emmy.

i got to know what she is thinking.
i'm sorry i always talk about this and her.
i cant help it.

im working now.
i want to go home now.
i wish time would fast forward.
i'm calling her after school.
im not even waiting til 9.
i dont care about my minutes at this point.
as soon as 230 comes
i am calling her.
or maybe a lil later.
but i'm not waiting til 9 to talk to her.
this needs to be discussed ASAP.
no more playing games.

current mood: anxious
current music: Quit Playin' Games With My Heart - BSB

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8:17 am - So Much For My Happy Ending...
i just want to cry right now.
im just waiting to talk to emily and
get the bad news.
she sent me a text last night that said
that she's had a lot of time to think
and if i want to talk to her then i should call her tonight.
i know its going to be bad.

not only does that suck but today has just been a bad day
and its only 817.
it started last night when i had to work extra late and then came home
and got that text and then got yelled at for being on the phone at 11.
i was talking to heather about her breakup.
anyway...i woke up this morning and got yelled at alot.
came to school and found out that my lunch bag is ripped.
that's a heartbreaker.
and now i'm in MMT which i am developing a passion of hate for.
today is going to be bad.
im going to cry later i know it.
whether i get bad news from emily or not im going to cry.
i kind of hope i get the bad news so i can just stop worrying all the time.
it drives me crazy wondering what iis going on in her mind.

yeah so other reasons why i want to cry...
i've lost a few good relationships recently.
sarah is probably number one.
i miss talking to her.
not in the gf/bf way but just in general.
amanda hardly talks to me anymore.
i messed that up to.
well its been off and on with him and for a while now its been off.
i still have matt although it does seem we are drawing apart.
ellie and sarah left the church so i hardly talk to them at all.
bernard isnt around much either.
heather...i talk to her when i can and thats one friendship i want to
i hope that whatever happens tonight we remain friends.
its going to be hard just talking to her knowing that we will probably never date though.
lets just pray for a not-so-bad phone conversation tonight.
pray hard.
i mean it...i like her way too much to just stop.
and im not ready to go through the same thing again cuz i know that's what will happen.
it doesnt matter what i say i want to do cuz it wont work.
i'm feeling crappy.
ok yeah so katie r. and me...we talk every once in a while but i havent seen her since
the Gates Called Beautiful concert a few weeks ago.
i have no friends.
although mine and jackies relationship is doing ok.
ive talked to her alot lately.
sometimes about emily and then sometimes about aj (her off/on man)
and then about anything else.
last night we talked about potatoes.
baked potatoes.
dont ask...
alright well i am done.
i got lots of work to do so i will ttyl.
ill let you know how the convo with em'n'em goes.
on the flipside, homeslice

current mood: crappy
current music: that song i wrote that doesnt have a name yet...

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Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
1:08 pm - Mr. Golden Sun, Please Shine Down On Me!
ok so i lied.
i said i'd be back in like 2 or 3 hours.
it's way past that but i'm here now
so that's all that matters.

MMT kind of depressed me today.
i wont talk about it anymore.
rachel w. invited me to her birthday
party on saturday.
i don't know if i can go because
i think my family is going to the YSU
game and i wont have a ride cuz
i know my sister wont pick me up.
i could just go late but i know my parents
wont want to go back out again once they
get home.
i could go to the game with them and just
go to
the party after that but i dont want to leave
my guitar in the car for that long.
1. it may get stolen
2. the heat could damage it
actually...scratch that out...
2. the cold may damage it.
i don't know
we'll see.
i have something that i really want to give rachel
cuz i know she'll be excited which makes me excited.
plus...yeah you guessed it...
emily will be there.
they're best friends.
i'm not sure if ive ever mentioned that.
well now you know.

so anyway...
i hope i get to go to that.
im at work right now and then i got a guitar lesson
and then class and then home.
and then nick is coming over and then i work on the
rest of my homework and then i talk to emily (maybe)
and then i got to bed.
and then the same old routine starts again.

yeah so theres not much on my mind right now except for
what i have already said.
i'll talk to you tomorrow or maybe tonight if i get a chance
or if i feel like it.
well until then

current mood: okay
current music: Smallville Talon Mix

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8:07 am - A Sigh Of Relief...
well i talked to em'n'em last night.
not on the phone
on the computer
i guess she's ok although she did get off
quite fast when i started talking about why
shes always upset.
i should stop that.
im going to.
i just hate when she gets upset and id like her
to talk about it with me.
i dont know.
she said shed call me today so we'll see what
God i like her so much.
i know i say that a lot but its the truth.
i told her last night that i thought she looked
really cute last saturday when we went out.
i think she was blushing although i really
cant be 100% sure since i said it over the computer.
i wasnt lying though.
she was looking really cute.
and ill explain why again...
when we were looking at pics at her house and she'd lean
back and id pull her closer.
in the car with her glasses on.
at the movies with her little feet up on the chair in front of her.
o theres so much more.
but im done for now.
i got some work to finish up right now but i will talk to you in about
2 or 3 hours.

current mood: okay
current music: the rhythms that i strum in my room...

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Monday, October 11th, 2004
4:25 pm - I Had Something Good To Put Here...
i hate when i forget things.
i always do it.
sometimes i end up remembering them
but usually they just drive me crazy until
i tell myself that its not important anymore.

friday night was cool cuz me, matt and joe b. hung out.
we played XBOX and then a lil guitar.
we laughed really hard at the dvd of church from 2 sundays ago.
it was so silly.
Saturday i went out with emily.
we went to see Napoleon Dynamite.
talk about a movie with absolutely no point or direction.
that is the only movie that i have seen that really lives up to the
"this is a movie about nothing" phrase.
it was funny though.
then we went and got ice cream from handels.
then we went back to her house and looked at pictures.
God she looked so cute!
i kept grabbing her hand to pull her close to me while we looked at pictures.
she wore her glasses on the way home and she looked even cuter.
i think that saturday really opened me up to a new feeling about emily.
i broke the rule though cuz i'm not supposed to like her "too much".
i cant help it and if you were me,
you'd feel the same way.
i don't want things to end between us.
i cant say that they will go on forever but as of right now,
i want to be as close as i can with her.
i enjoy her company and the conversations we have.
i care about her a lot.
i mean that.

i say all that cuz something is wrong with her.
i guess i kind of know what it is but then i dont.
i just want her to be happy even though she believes one can never
be truly happy.
cant she just be happy with what we have?
if you're going to live like that then you seriously will never be happy.
i try and do my best to make her as happy as possible but it just doesnt seem to work.
i dont know what else to do.
i got to talk to her
it just seems like she doesnt want to talk.

well im depressed now so maybe i will talk to you later tonight.
i hope things will get better.

current mood: depressed
current music: Higher - Creed

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Thursday, October 7th, 2004
11:19 am - MULTIMEDIA SUCKS!!!
im so pissed off at my MMT teacher.
she's so annoying and she just throws work in your face
and doesn't think about the work she's already given you.
the second part of my test sucked butt today cuz
i didn't have time to finish it.
i don't want to talk about it anymore.

i talked to emily last night.
bet you wouldn't have guessed that
we had probably the most serious conversation we've ever had.
i don't think we finished though cuz it just feels that way
we don't date but we act like we do.
i don't what is going on.
we don't know what to call ourselves.
i'm confused and pissed off right now.

i will talk to you later if i am feeling better.
if not, then i will talk to you probably monday.
peace out

current mood: pissed off
current music: Motivation - Sum 41

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Wednesday, October 6th, 2004
9:45 pm - "What I Like About You Can't Be Seen In A Mirror..."
quite a rough conversation with emily today.
something was wrong with her.
don't know what it was.
today was okay actually.
until towards the end of the night when things just kind
of became "blah!"
i'm still tired.
i have yet another MMT test tomorrow too.
my new guitar is awesome.
i tried to file my nails the right way and
i ended up messing them up.
bryan is going to kill me.
hes a very understanding guitar teacher though so maybe he wont be
that upset.
i hope not.
i'm trying, i really am.
yeah so i'm tired and ready for bed.
talk to you later.
have a good night.

current mood: tired
current music: Scott Stapp's new song...

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4:17 pm - My Parents Say I Snore And Talk While I Am Sleeping
i'm tired.
really tired.
so tired that i
may not even talk
to people on the phone
i got that guitar from chris.
i think dallas was kind of mad
though cuz he was like "so you played
me man?" it was one of those ''i-don't-if-he-
is-joking" moments. tom g. said he was just messin.
some girl that knows chris and sarah is going to buy his anyway.
so i feel better now.
that's pretty much all of the good news in my life.
ttyl cuz i got to work and try and find a place to take
a nap.

current mood: tired
current music: Best Of Me - The Starting Line

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Tuesday, October 5th, 2004
10:50 am - Maybe Six Feet Ain't So Far Down...
my current music song is the same again just cuz i like it so much.
the original is good but there's just something about the acoustic piano
all by itself.
it's good.
download it.

so me and emily talked again last night.
we talk every night.
she was supposed to only talk for a few minutes
but that didn't work for her.
i cant help i'm so fun to talk to.
we just enjoy talking so much that we forget about the time.
she's my baby.
she'll probably get mad at me for saying that
but i don't even know if she ever reads this.
she also has a lot of nicknames.
i call her by her real name which i don't know if she wants you to know...
her nicknames are em 'n' em, emmy, em, dale earnhardt (her last name is dale),
and now mia is a new one.
o screw it...
her real name is amelia.
i guess you could call her amy too.
there are so many names that can develop out of that name.
wow the last 7 sentences were boring...

moving on...
i wanted to buy dallas's guit but now i kind of want to buy chris's.
such a hard decision to make.
emily was making fun of me cuz i have like 3 guitars already and
she was like "you guys just swap guitars like it's nothing!"
that's what a typical "i-don't-understand-guitarists-cuz-i'm-not-one" person would say.
and we're not swapping...
there's money involved.

ok let's see...what else?...
o i got a 48/50 on my research paper but i already told you that, didn't i?
i had a MMT test today...
i did good, i know it.
it was very easy but only because it's a hands-on class so you're kind of forced
to know what stuff is cuz you can't do the work without any knowledge of it.
there's a second part thursday which is the hands-on part
today was written.
good stuff.

now i'm working and waiting for chris to call me back.
i hope he does.
i'm kind of hungry too.
i'm kind of in a good mood
well, until i go home anyway.
my dad is probably gonna yell like crazy
cuz i never want to get up in the morning.
it's been hard for me to get out of bed for like the past 5 years now.
i don't know what it is...
my parents must yell like at least 5 times every morning for me to get up.
it helps if i take a shower in the morning cuz then i get up real quick and wake up
but if i don't take the shower i can't get up or wake up right away.
im weird like that.

hmm...not sure what else to say...

o i went to lunch with this girl named mallory yesterday.
we met up with some of her friends.
she's cool.
she's in my english class and i make fun of her a lot.
she has this one friend named kevin and he's real cool.
he knows bernie and he plays guitar too.
he didn't come to lunch with us though.
too bad.
inner circle pizza on campus isn't among the best places to eat.
just thought i'd let you know that.

tom, my sister's boyfriend, came to work while i was there last night.
we were messing around and getting the job done at the same time.
we put two really old chairs in the elevator and rode up and down on them.
then we left them there.
i'm gonna go back today and see if they're still in there
we're stupid.

i watched 7th heaven last night.
it was an ok episode.
not one of the better ones.
the premiere of smallville on abc family was last night too.
the first episode is pretty good.
sometimes i hate going back and watching the old ones and
then seeing a new one.
it gets kind of confusing and boring cuz you almost know what's going to happen.
i don't know, maybe im just weird.
it was still good though.
kristin kreuk is hott.
that would be lana lang for smallville lovers and fiona for euro trip watchers.
she's good lookin...
i think i'll say it again...
she's good lookin...

ok i think i am done now


current mood: okay
current music: 3 AM(acoustic version) - Matchbox 20

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Monday, October 4th, 2004
4:47 pm - She Thinks Happiness Is A Mat That Sits On Her Doorway...
it's been a few days i believe.
i'm working.
well not really.
you know how it is.
so i'm buying dallas's guit.
sucks though cuz my parents said
that they would help me get it and then that
would be my hristmas present.
'nuff said.

emily and i had another good convo the other night.
neither of us cried though
it was just fun to talk to her
but then last night seemed a little bit weird.
i don't know...

school is ok right now.
i got a 48/50 on my research paper.
and it would have been perfect if i didn't use "I" so much.
i did good.

yeah and i am bored.

i think me and matt's friendship is slowly slipping away.
ever since that stupid "car accident" things haven't been the same.
i don't want our relationship to change cuz of that.
that would be gay.
i think he's making new friends though.
he was out with some Victory people last night.
that's cool but i don't want him to forget about me.
granted, i have other friends too but matt's really the only trustworthy
and "would-do-anything-for-me" friend that i have.
let's hope things stay the same.

current mood: okay
current music: 3 AM(acoustic version) - Matchbox 20

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Saturday, October 2nd, 2004
1:54 pm - Inflate The Rainbow, Taste The Rainbow
well today kind of sucks.
i'm working for dallas til 5.
actually theres no one else here except me
so i got my music blasting and i brought my
guitar so i can practice my first piece of music.

i didn't call emily back last night cuz i got side-
we talked for about and hour and half or so earlier yesterday though.
she cried and i did a lil too.
but she don't know that.
it was emotional.
i told her i would be there for her no matter what.
we're not dating any time soon.
is it wrong to just really like someone and talk about them
all the time and say how much they mean to you even though
you don't date them?
sure seems like it lately.
i like what em and i have.
i know our relationship is progressing.
i like talking serious like we did last night.
and i kind of was backward at first to cry in front of her but if
we saw a sad movie i wouldn't think twice about letting it all flow out now.
like i said,
she doesn't know that i cried last night.
i'm such a girlie man.

what else is going on?

oh yeah...i still can't convince my dad to let me to buy dallas's guit.
i want it!
he makes up all these excuses about why i don't need it.
i don't know what i am going to do.
hopefully he'll come through.

this morning i got yelled at for eating a pepperoni roll last night
when i was home by myself.
lol it was my brothers.
i hate his and mine.
i was hungry.
i just had arby's like 10 minutes ago.

o i got more to say about guitar...
dallas was helping me work on my strumming the other day.
i'm getting the hang of it now
my strumming patterns were kind of crappy.
it's almost like i have to start all over again though
because i have to learn how to play and sing again.
it's hard to do that.
i'm so used to playing my strumming patterns so trying
to learn new ones and sing at the same time is rough.
plus i'm trying to learn how to play classical too cuz that's what
they teach here at YSU.
it's gonna take some discipline and hard work but i'll be ok.

hmm...i want to play some NCAA.
really bad.
my Chaney squad vs. Matt's
i won last time but i didn't have the roster i do now.
i might get back-2-back wins.

i'm sad...
no one asked me to homecoming.
i thought sarah g. might or amanda.
heck i really thought emily would ask me.
then there's kassie, heather, sarah w., ellie, and...
i know i ain't the best looking guy nor the coolest but geez.

ok i'm done for now.

current mood: okay
current music: Out Of Control - Hoobastank

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Thursday, September 30th, 2004
11:02 am - Thursday Is The Next Best Thing To Friday...
let me tell you that i will be so happy when this week is over.
i might work saturday for dallas so that slightly extends my
he's a nice kid though.
i still gotta talk to my dad about buying that guitar.
i want it.
i need it.
well not really.
but i want it.

it kind of sucked yesterday when i couldn't talk to emily.
she was busy with school work which makes me happy
knowing that she's such a hard worker.
she's a good girl.
i'll talk to her tonight.
i did talk to jess n. last night.
we talked about some serious and not so serious stuff.
she's cool.
i'm supposed to call her tonight.
i talked to tara too.
that's odd cuz we hardly ever talk.
she's cool most of the time.
ellie called me last night too.
man, everyone called me last night lol.
i'm talking to matt right now.
things are good with us.
but i think my parents still don't want us to hang out
because we do dumb things when we're together.
who doesn't?

remember that girl amanda from oregon?
she left a comment in my journal and i IMed her last night.
we couldn't talk though cuz she had to let her brother get on.
she's cool too.
i definitely will talk to her again.
i have a lot of "girl"..."friends"
i have guy friends too.
just more "girl"..."friends"

well i hate to cut it short but i have to finish this paper.

peace out

current mood: okay
current music: Hands - Jewel

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Wednesday, September 29th, 2004
6:56 pm - Research Paper...AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
i miss emily.
i finally got my guitar accessories.
only thing i need now is that acoustic/electric.
ate lunch with dallas again today and he said
he'd give it to me for 225.
not bad.
it's an ovation.
then there's chris's.
it's a little bigger than dallas's.
that one is 300 i think.
i'm shooting for 225.
i don't want to rip chris off so i wouldn't think
of asking him to go lower.
my dad is being real stubborn about it though.
telling me that i ain't in a band or making money
so it's dumb to buy one.
i want it so bad though.
really bad.
i hope i can talk him into it.

school sucks right now.
i got that research paper due friday and found out
like five minutes ago that i could write 20 pages on it
cuz there is a lot to talk about.
that's great!
the professor told me that,
so now i feel like i have to write like 20 pages.
well good luck jon.

i'm tired and really, really hungry.
i want a porkchop.
that's what my mom made.
i'm working so i can't eat for like another 2 and a half hours.

gotta go

current mood: okay
current music: The Reason - Hoobastank

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Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
12:20 pm - Mulitple Thoughts Running Through My Mind...
wow i have so many thoughts running through my head.
the day is not so bad right now but i got a while to go.
i have a lot of ideas for a song or songs.
i cant wait til later when i get my 1/4 inch cables so i can finally use
my distortion pedal.
and if i can get that acoustic/electric from chris,
i'll be set for a while.
plus i can plug both guitars into my pc and re-record my cd.
i'm so exciting.
hopefully my dad wll let me buy it.
i'm really hoping.

i am really sore right now.
actually extremely sore.
or maybe it's pain.
heck, i don't know what it is.
that brings us back to the very important statement:


it hurts...

i'm really bored...actually i'm not.
i'm just trying to find ways out of doing my research paper.
i'm such a procrastinator.
God i hate that.
i'll get it done though.
i can't think of anything else to say right now.
so i'll be back...

current mood: okay
current music: Avril's whole Under My Skin's pretty good

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11:22 am - Another Bad Day...
today is so bad.
my MM teacher was trying to tell me that
i didn't do certain assignments when i know i did.
i tried to show her they were on my computer
in class but it seems that all files on all hard drives
were deleted over the weekend.
isn't that nice...
so i had to do them all over.
then i get like three more projects shoved in my face
after doing all that.
then i can't get on the pc at the lab desk cuz i couldn't remember
the password
and in the search for the piece of paper with the password on it
i discovered that my headphones were broken.
my 25 dollar headphones.
the ones i use for my electric guitar.
now i have a headache and my body hurts from that "car accident"
bad day.
i have to work on a research paper due friday and i don't want to.
such a bad day...
i'm buying the last of my guitar materials today though.
and i may even buy pastor chris's guitar since i got my check
last week.
bout time.

yesterday was okay i guess.
i met a really cool girl from Oregon.
at least i think that's where she's from.
she has a blurty journal which is how i met her lol.
i was just searching for people and i came across her.
she's real cool.
i hope i'll talk to her again.
oh yeah, her name is amanda...
what a coincidence.

i'm hungry and i got to get some work done.


current mood: crappy
current music: Don't Tell Me - Avril Lavigne

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