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Sunday, April 11th, 2004
| Time | Event |
| 12:06a | Fucking Depression Hi there Journal and all readers of this fucking thing... I feel depressed in a weird way... which doesnt feel right because... because... because IM me... Dads just being a total fuckhead towards me at the moment... i mean he was getting all physically violent towards me because I refused to show mum photos of my band... So fucking what... its photos... If this shit continues, Im gonna be violent back and you dont want that asshole... Your attempts to take me down arent working on me anymore... Im damn near fully grown... and your getting old man... so just ease up or somethings gonna happen... and I wont let it happen to me... FUCK YOU!!! and Fuck you reader of this journal... Im not in the mood for your shit right now... FUCK OFF!!! |
| 11:24a | Weird Dreams and Suicide... For some unknown reason I get this feeling that I am having lucid dreams... more and more often I have been having dreams which I can recall more and more vividly... Disturbingly, last nights dream was fucked up and I feel at peace with myself for dreaming it because It somewhat reflects what I have been feeling of late... Too bad I know that Im way too soft to go through with what occurs in my dreams... OK heres what happened: The dream began in my old house, a house I am very fond with because while we were there, my nieces were still young and were still developing personalities so they werent assholes or anything yet... Strangely I was the same age as I am now... 17 for those of you who didnt know... (BTW... This is weird to put into words) I was drinking some clear liquid. (At this stage I assumed it was water yet knew something not cool was going to happen...) I sat down at my computer and was typing a letter/note to everyone who had ever influenced my life. My mother came in, she was somewhat sad that I had drank the fluid but felt that it was the right thing to do... (I still was unaware as to what I had drank) I was writing stuff like "Dear everyone, Im sad that this had to happen but It was the only way... To (Insert name here) Im so sorry and have to tell you that I still love you and hope you have a nice life etc. At this stage It was apparent that I was to die... and strangely I was at peace with myself for doing so... It was then that I realised that this clear liquid that I had drank was not water... It was a super liquid which could cause a person to die and give them time to contact everyone they needed/wanted to and then they would pass without feeling any pain at all... Yes, my dream was weird but I strangely liked it... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Leesh... i feel I need to apologise to you... The other night in our conversation when I asked where my hug was... well I lied to you leesh, i wasnt feeling sad or anything... i just felt that I needed to be acknowledged as aperson... and I thank you for that much... But now I do feel like I claimed I was well If you read the conversation in context... I didnt admit to feleing anything but I was IMPLYING it... Anyways... IM sorry Lesshi buddy... -Josh Current Mood:  numbCurrent Music: Jack Johnson - Taylor |
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