[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 9 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Monday, May 19th, 2003|
Homework, Homework, Homework....
So, today was my first day back to school in hella long. Went a lot better then expected and the work is do able, have TONS of fuckin homework, but it's all good...I got most of it done already. I have to appeal my classes, but I think it will be okay. Hopefully, it will all go through. If I work my ASS off, I can get good grades.
I am goin to Cali June 30th hopefully. Lets pray for it, man. It should be so nice. And it is semi- close. So that's even better. All I need is a $69 ticket from Greyhound, n I am on my way. It will actually be a lot nicer knowing that I did good at Bethel, and it can be like my little vacation, and I can tan! Damn, you know I be tanning all the time when I am there. I an gonna get brown.! I am so excited. Tonight, I gotta call Mike, and make plans. But even if Mike says no I can't stay, I can still go but just stay with Grandma. But I did my entry for today, so I am out....peace out.
|Sunday, May 18th, 2003|
|What a Weekend...
I guess I had a pretty good weekend. Didn't do much fo fun, but got the carpets clean, my Dad wouldn't let me go out, but I ended up getting some beer, and a dime bag, and just chillin at home, but been working on the fuckin carpets all day!
so, I am finally goin back to school tomorrow. Nervous, and pray to GOD I can get good grades. Very important to move back to New Hampshire, which I plan to do. I figure it will make college more easy. And as much as I love dad, I need to get out of Spanaway! And Washington as a matter of fact.
I haven't talked to John and Greg, don't know why I am trippin over that. My mind works against me I swear! They were good people, but I know they will only get me in trouble, so maybe its a good thing, but I want nothing more then them to contact me. Why???
I got big plans for summer, tryin to go to Summer Jam, Hempfest, job, California, New Hampshire, GREYHOUND! Chillin with peeps, going to be good. Very excited, plus maybe Las Vegas...and that would be soo nice. It's almost here too...anticipation!
So, I did an entry! Yes! Cause I hardly do them. I'm bouts to e-mail Grandma, and hit the bed, cause it is pretty late on a Sun. night....peace! Current Mood: happyCurrent Music: 2 Pac, Snoop, Lauryn, 50 Cent, Anything gangsta rap!
|Wednesday, May 14th, 2003|
|my long days
Wow, So I haven't written anything in hella long time. A lot has happened, and I am faced with a dilemma. Many of them.
So, since this is my own personal site of my thoughts, I figure I can take this thing to wherever I want. Discuss anything, or share anything. I hope this can be a forum of unlimited possibilities. So, lets all get real....
I am very split on what to do, either go back and live with my mom in Nashua, or stay here in Spanaway with my dad. Hopefully I can make a wise decision and be happy with it. Currently. I am unsure if I am even getting my high school credits, or passing my classes, and since I took 6 days of school off to go fuck around in Seattle, my hard work, or thereof lack of it, has probably gone to hell. I know if I push my mind, I will be able to go to college. I need to choose a home that will make this goal more of a possibility. If I stay here, I will go to Bethel for the rest of my high school days, continue to smoke pot, and have a higher risk of getting into hardcore drugs. I could excel at Bethel, but the education dept. sucks, and no way of getting a scholarship unless through sports. Home life would be happy, boring, content, and be in contact with all the people who tend to get me in trouble. If I were to stay, I would most likely end up getting a car over summer, but who knows. I would stay here with dad, and I know he would like that. If I were to go back to New Hampshire, I would face fights with mom and Tricia, have to deal with weird stuff that I think is fucked up. School and future wise, I could tough it out at Nashua High, and get good grades, if I work real hard. I know I would have better luck with college, just because if I show my mom I am smart, and do have potential not to be a fuck up, she would help me. I could also use my relationship with Frank to my benefit. And then there was his offer. I believe it is still valid. But do I want to take someone else?s word or work to that level myself without relying on someone?? I think in all, for the future, it will be better to live with mom, but I am worried since I am content with my life right now, and am not unhappy, I will go there and just want to come back. I also don't want to leave Dad alone. Too much alone time is bad, and I think it?s fucked up that he would have to live all alone cause he is a really good person. What should I do?????
Okay, now that was my biggest problem right now, if anyone is out there reading this, lol....please respond and give me advice. Kind of intense and a ghetto little problem.
In other news, Seattle was fun. Ended up being gone for 6 days and met up with these peeps and did meth. I am actually disappointed in myself. I just can't do it again. That shit will fuck you up, and the high wasn't even that intense. Drugs like that just aren't worth taking. If I am going to fuck up my body by doing drugs, then I at least want a drug that I really like, and that I get really fucked up on. I also did DXM for the first time in like 2-3 months. O man, it was so stupid. I can't believe I took as much of that shit as I did. And that shit is the whole reason why everything even got fucked up. I am glad I took it again, cause I knew somewhere in the back of my mind, I was going to do it again, and now that I have, I am done with it forever. It serves me no valid purpose for taking it.
I ended up having a blast down there tho, and got to see Christina. First time in a long time, and I can say that I do not want to be with her. I always thought I was madly in love with her, and that she and I would get married. All this time apart from one another has made me feel differently. But, we are good friends, and I missed her hella. It was so good to see her and Lisa. I intend on seeing them soon. If I am ever aloud to go back up there.
Tomorrow is my first day back to school since 6 days ago...please wish me luck, and hope I don't get caught smokin off campus. haha, nah, it will all be cool....but thanks for listening to me vent..... Current Mood: contemplative
|Monday, April 21st, 2003|
|What day is it????
I got a real spiral notebook, that's going to be a real journal so I don't have to express all the bullshit that goes on in my mind, in a private, non public forum. Ha ha,...
So yesterday day was the big 420, but it was also Easter, so I ended up just smoking weed all day, and not at all paying attention to my walk with God. Man, I am getting far from that, and I don't think I am as focused as I was. Just keep my shit together, I guess. Tonight, Aaron and me went to the mall, and smoked a bowl, it was nice to get out of the house, and I got a pack of smokes, so it is all good.
I have the WASL all this week and next week, and it means a fucked up schedule. All juniors and seniors get to come 1 1/2 late, so pretty much everyone I know gets to sleep in while I take some dumb ass test....What the hell??!!
Talkin to Tricia quite a bit...learing to get along, and that's cool cause I gotta cool ass sister. Too bad I didn't get my shit together when she was here, but her leaving kind of gave me a wake up call. Dad has been cool shit lately. We've been getting along hella good, and I am content with living here. Except for my fuckin walking class. sum ppl were clowin on me bout rasicst stuff, and fuck that shit man, if they all wanna talk, I could get mad people to back me. Ooh, I really need to call Christina, it is her birthday coming up n its good to talk to her, I love you! Your fuckin Awesome. But ya;ll, if ANYONE out there is reading this, please respond, anyonomous if you wish, but just so I know....ya'll live and peace and represent for your fallen brothers! I am out until another day...... Current Mood: blahCurrent Music: Lauryn, Snoop, sum tyte songs I heard to day, ya hearr me???
|Thursday, April 17th, 2003|
Does this War make you faint?
As if you aren't fake.
I can't believe all of the destruction
Can't you see we are only deducting?
Man is deceiving
only believing what they want
You all gotta change the font.
My words are STRONG,
But they might not last long,
For Adam lives in sin,
and I gotta depart from them.
I am looking for freedom but in all the wrong places,
We all have the same faces
We've all been to the same places.
We need to repent,
Or we will just dement,
This generation is so sad,
Always getting mad,
Drifting from the truth,
Damn, its so aloof.
Okay, Okay, that is my 1st one this year. you can tell I was inspired my Lauyrn, it is in that style....
The future is waiting.
Damn, things are happening, It seems like my future is a lot more for certain. Komo 4 News invited me to spend the day, and that means if I make a good impression, I might get offered an internship while I go to school. And, I took that college test today, I hella bombed Math, but I think I did well on the other tests, as long as I pass English I will get accepted. I was being stupid and smoked before school, and I all felt stupid all day. But once I got the test, I did fine. Now, I am in that lazy/tired mood. But this weekend Alisha is back from rehab for the first time in like 3 months. So Ima go kick it with them. I need to get smokes, I am COMPLETELY out, like NO possible nicotine. I am just gonna get some at school tomorrow, but it is 7:30, N I don't wanna wait til noon! But I gotta, I just gotta pull thru. Well, Hopefully everything pulls thru that's goin for me. Im gonna post the first poem I have written in like 4 months. Havn't been creative AT ALL. But ya'all enjoy it. I still gotta search for better words. So it will definitely get revised.....Peace.
Current Mood: ciggerette withdraws
Current Music: Nothin new...
|Tuesday, April 15th, 2003|
|And the Saga continues....
So, I havn't been doing this thing cause I have a bad feeling that one day all this shit will come up and bite me in the ass. The fact that I use the World Wide Web as a journal is kind of scary, just knowing anyone can look this shit up, hmmm. I gotta vent tho you know, so Blurty.com gives me the fourum to do it.
So, nothing much has happend, just random thoughts, and encounters. I am in a tuff spot because Easter is on 420, and as I am walking with God, that doen't match up, should I stay sober for my favorite holiday? I know I should. Easter has a lot of significance to it. I have been layin low on the pot thing, havn't smoked since Sun, but damn, that was only a couple days ago. At least I havn't been doin the DXM or anything else hardcore. No more rollin, trippin, or flyin for me! I am just tryin to get my shit together, because I will be an adult soon,and I don't wanna be a poor version of Ozzy. Man, I be gettin out of the trailer park, I swear! Out of Wash, and this huge meth lab of a town I am in.
So they got me doing this big damn test on Thurs. Hope I don't fail. It is for college courses next year, just in case I am still in Wash. Covering my bases, even though I plan to get out of here ASAP. Ya'all that don't live here better count your blessings, and know your lucky...I guess it's no Nebraska, but I am just being iignorant. Just so much people doin drugs, and they will die in thier box, not me man, not me!
As a recomendation, ya'all should watch Crank Yankers on Comedy Central, it is mad funny, and I still like to prank call so ya know, it is the shit. I think that goes for most the shit up on that network, Chappele Show, Man Show, STRANGERS WITH CANDY, n South Park, hell yea! Ooh, sum dude in my math class whored it up n got $400, I just thought that was kinda funny enough to post on the web, no names tho...
I gotta wake up at 6:00 am, which may not seem bad to ya'll that gotta wake up at like, 4:30, but fuck that, it is horrible! And every damn morning, I never have time to listen to T-Man, it sucks so bad, I always liked to lye in bed in the mornin just laughing. One time, our neighbor called the pigs cause my alarm was too loud and Howard Stern was sayin some offensive things, haha...fuckin pig callers. Aint no one call the cops up here, I tell ya, I could have a knife in me, n no one would call no body. But ya'll, I am out...gotta shower, and watch Tom and Jerry, cause they are the shit.
PeAcE OuT MoThA FuCkA's, j/k, j/k Current Mood: boredCurrent Music: lil bit of Sean Paul, n theres a tyte song with Jay-Z with Aaliyah in the back ground...hot shit
|Saturday, April 12th, 2003|
Wow, a lot of shit happened today, a little too complex for my little brain. Well, I woke up to a call from Tricia, my sister, and we just bullshitted for like 2 hours. It was kind of nice, just got to talk to her without one of getting pissed off. Then, I got a dime bag, and I know I shouldn't of. Like why am I still doing drugs when I was sober for a month, and my life got 100% better. Anyway, Mom called right after I got done smoking whihc sucks cause we are really getting along good, and I didn't want to fuck it up. But Mom just signed a lease to a new place which means no more Cyndy. the roomate. It was cool, because she can finally be happy, well it turns out the roomie was a flake, and no more then a leach. Usng us in all sorts of ways. I felt so pissed that someone used us and I really felt betayed,because me and what I will refer to Cyndy as, White Trash, actually had some of what I thought to be, good times, and there were times I really liked her. I will never forget this whole thing, and I will always keep the birthday card she gave me that tells me shes there for me. You only makin us stronger bitch, lay off the dick, our family don't fuck around hoe. Well, tomorrow a bunch of shits bouts to go down, We'll see what happens. Let me tell you straight up, this leach is about to fall...I am very loyal, I don't like it when people cause my mom anguish,even tho i shouldn't be talking, I am her son.
Thats the major shit that happened today,I feel kind of burnt, Maybe I will go listen to music?? But school is starting up again soon, so no more smokin for me.... Current Mood: shockedCurrent Music: Lil bit of Luaryn, Snoop, Bob, n Sublime
My 1st entry...hopefully not my last...
So, I decided to give this web thing a shot, maybe it will help wit some of these problems I got, So I will do it as long as it serves a purpose, or until get bored with it.
Today was a pretty good day, got along great with Dad, which is a first and talked to Christina on the phone for like 1 1/2 hours....it was so good to talk to her, man, I have seriously been in love with this chic since the day I met her, if ya'all don't know who she is, she is this bomb girl that is not superficial at all, and I beilive she is the only one I know that gets me. I am not afraid to let down my walls with her...She isn't my match tho,she went on a different road then me, but it is all good.
You know, I really dont understand why I get so nervous starting a new school...I just feeze up not knowing what to say or do. But the second I get on a Greyhound, or go to Seattle, I am Mr. Social, and I just seem so outgoing and confident. The other night, Aaron picked me up n we went to Graham Fitness with Adam n we met some ppl up there n smoked, I just tottally froze and didn't say a word. It's like I can't be a real person any more because I am too afraid of what people will think...okay.when the hell did this happen cause I was the kid that said fuck ya'll, Ima do my thing, but now, my insecurity's are running my life. And latey, when I am social, I have to hide my face by living up to some reputation, and I just allow myself to be the butt of the joke. I hope this doesn't sound like I am fake, I just got a lot of layers to me.
Wow, ya'll...were getting kind of personal, Im just letting it all hang out on the first entry....
As a recomendation, I think EVERYONE should get Lauryn Hill Unplugged, it is amazing, seriously. I was listening to that during my worst time, when I was just druggin up all day, It is so powerful, and I just got it! It made me want to repent and just be a better person. I truly feel I have gone thru a change in these last few months, but my walk with God is a hard one. I feel like I am a luke-warm Christain, and that ain't cool. oh, and please don't put me in a catagory....I am not a prune, or an asshole because I beilive in God, I am not Mormon people!! Haha, j/k....damn, my sense of humor went to shit. As you will see if you follow up with entry's, you can tell how my walk is going, I think I'l be talking about smokin, then the next entry be talking about how I need to repent. I need to change that bad! But I am gonna do other shit for now, PeACE