Jackie's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
Jackie

[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

that was then this is now [25 Sep 2004|01:11am]
[ mood | cranky ]
[ music | no one knows me anymore ]

wow i havent updated in mad long. well a lot things have changed since we last talked. i am no longer with bryan. ha no mater how many times i say that i cant not get use to the idea of that but o well u guess i had to do what i had to do. maybe things will work out one day til then its just me.

dorothy, megan, alisha and i dont really talk much anymore. hoop*rah doesnt mean friends forever after all.

i've changed a lot. i kinda stopped caring what people thought or felt or said. i mean why should i care when they dont. hum .. i dont know anymore.

well thats all for now...

i love my sam (for her cute quotes) [07 Aug 2004|03:49am]
* why after all the pain you put my through i still seem to think of you*

* meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, falling in love with you was beyond my control*

ya know .. im thinking all alone and the only thing on my mind is him. i know that everyone is getting tired of me but guess what ... i dont give a damn! DEAL BITCHES!

heather will b home soon .... its gonna be weird with her back.

well im out

jackie

i want this feeling to be real ... but i think im just making it up ... [31 Jul 2004|05:38am]
[ mood | alone ]
[ music | tonight n the rest of my life ]

well i just got home from wildwood a bit ago. it was an all and all good time. that means i can g back to cheering agin. im happy about that though. well ... hum ... i gotta start my new diet tomorrow .. i feel the need for food .. i eat ice ... hum let's just hope this works .. i think im getting sick again ... like really sick. no one understand ... like i dont wanna talk to n e one n e more and tahts how it always seems to start ... mmm idk

why would anyone care anyway ...

jackie

and ps if this is bryan i still love you ... [24 Jul 2004|07:03am]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | ausitn ... ]

hey just got home from eating yummy food. wow thats like all i ever do. eat! haha i love it. well im just thinking about nothing .. well something but again nothing... i dont know. i have a lot on my mind with the whole bryan thingy. he's such a loser. haha well i know that. i fell down the stairs and hurt my back. that kida sucks being as my tattoo is around that area so i thought i fucked that up but nah i was lucky with that. well i just wanted to say hello and im alive. lol

jackie

run away with me where we can be together [23 Jul 2004|10:49am]
[ mood | unloved ]
[ music | underneath ]

was reading this thing about the perfect man for you ... and i know what i want .. i just dont think hes out there and if he is he doesnt want me. He has brown hair .. eyes i can get lost in .. either blue or hazel. they are both pretty. his jaw bone is like m m m tight and bigger then most kinda like you can notice it more. he would be in a band and write me a song caue he loves me just that much. he's taller them me (but then again everyone is) he loves my dumb comments and laughs at them not at me. he's my best friend. he likes to take care of me but lets me take care of him but hes not a baby and a pussy about it. but then again he's not all manly man about it either, i hate that. lol i am so picky and this is why my mr wonderful cant be real. i just wish sometimes that he was. his fav movies are the same as mine ... the crow edward scissorhands a bronx tale and the notebook. his music is kinda like mine .. he support me in everything and is always there when i need him. he calls when he says he will and is cool about everything. no cheating just being honest to eachother. getting lost in eachothers eyes with hands on eachothers hips and lips together ... hum wouldnt that be great ... and if i cant have all this i guess i can settle with johnny depp lol

jackie

did you know you use to be my hero ... ? [23 Jul 2004|09:22am]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | perfect - simple plan ]

i feel so weird .. so not me or maybe i feel like myself and i just dont know ... i dont know anything right at this moment. my thoughts are all over the place. im just never gonna be good enough .. am i ? really .. am i ever gonna be the one that he thinks about before he falls asleep and dreams about as he's sleeping? like i sit here and wonder where did i go right and he sits there thinking why me. i just wish i was good enough for him. to be the one in his arms and his thoughts .. but im not and chances are im not gonna be ... im so lost in my own thoughts. as i sit here alone in the dark room i think of all our memories together good and bad and it breaks my heart. well im done for now .. i have some thinking to do ...

i'm always laughing when its not cool to smile ... [23 Jul 2004|08:15am]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | too much ]

well now that i've been at my dads for some time now i am starting to think about a lot of things ... like bryan. he didnt call me last night and hasnt all day. i mean im like "hello im home come see me" but nothing. whatever though .. im mad. i tried to chill with dotty last night and once again i did something stupid .. didnt have the cell so didnt get the call to come over. this is another sea side thing ... w/e im off to my cuz's house for a party.

jackie

ps it is PM not am

the things i do for the people i love ... ummm [22 Jul 2004|01:58am]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | and you asked if i cared ... ]

got up took a shower that kinda sucked cause the water kinda hurts my tattoo still. eh a few more days of this shit and it'll be all good. well ... im bored and kinda eh. dorothy got sick so im gonna go home tonight and take care of her and then tomorrow morning i gotta go to the school and get my shit figured out. arhg i hste ppl. lol
im done ..

jak

i've had you so many times but somehow i want more [19 Jul 2004|07:02am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]
[ music | she will be loved ]

hey so went in the pool for a little bit with liz and then hung out up in my room and talked about shit. haha we are such dorks. oh so i was just reading my mail and rocco (x boyfriend) wants me to call him cause he says he doesnt bite. haha no he doesnt but he break heart pretty well i must say. im gonna call him later though cause im getting ready to go out for dinner with karen, rob, dad, and karens mom. this might be weird though cause they seem a little different then my family. lol i wanted to go pick bryan up tonight but he hasnt answered his phone or called so i guess not. arhg! Im gonna have to get him tomorrow and then go to mom's house and get money for my tattoo. i cant wait, im so happy. (yay) so wendy's party is tomorrow night so i think im gonna go to the mall and get sometning to wear. Maybe the dress for senior pics ill wear i dont know yet. ill find something im sure. haha i dont know. i love this song (she will be loved) it is just so awesome - haha so yea im ready to go out and so is everyone else .. be back later and i will update on the weirdo dinner convo's we had.

jackie

what can i do to make u mine [19 Jul 2004|01:00am]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | how did i fall in love with you ]

i know i know you have already done this but please do it once more for me ...


What Would You do if...
I cried:
I asked you to help:
I died from natural causes:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I started smoking:
I stole something:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got in a fight and you were there:
I got dumped:
I pissed you off:
I did something that you could never forgive me for:

What Do You Think Of My...
Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Humor:
Choice of music:
Mannerisms:
Family:
Body:
Friends:
Decisions:

Would You...
Be my friend:
Tell me the truth no matter what:
Lie to make me feel better:
Keep a secret if I told you one:
Loan me some cash:
Hold my hand:
Take a bullet for me:
Keep in touch:
Try and solve my problems:
Love me:
Ditch me:
Use me:
Date me:
Beat me up:

Who are you, what's our relationship:
How and where did we meet:
What's my middle name:
How long have you known me:
Tell me one good thing about myself:
When you first saw me what was your impression:
Tell me one bad thing about myelf:
Have you ever had a crush on me:
Do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you:
Describe me in 3 words:
Do you think I'm good looking:
How would you describe me to someone:
Would you ever date me:
Tell me one thing you've always wanted to say but never did:
What do you like most about me:
If we could spend a day together what would we do:
Have we ever gotten in a fight:
Do you think we will be friends for at least 3 or 4 more years:
Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
What do you think my weakness is?
Do you think I'll get married?
What makes me happy?
What makes me sad?
What reminds you of me?
If you could give me anything what would it be?
When's the last time you saw me?
Do you think our ...friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?
What song (if any) reminds you of me?
If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
Do we 'hang'?
Do I cross your mind at least once a day?


the count down .... 25 hours and 59 mins til i get my tattoo ...

happy birthday to me ... cha cha cha .... [18 Jul 2004|12:24am]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | happy birthday ]

guess who is 18 ? i'll give u one hint ..... M E ! haha im so happy. just thought i should tell you all thatim 18 and i will so be in jail today. lol hahah im a loser. well .. going to the mall to shoppe! hahahhahahaha i love money and spending it. tues my tattoo ... hell yeah

jackie

ps
i hate jennifer and cupo with all my heart, they can suck my tit. i hope they choke on all the fucked up things they said to me. Final thought ...

it's my PARTY and ill cry is i want to [16 Jul 2004|11:59pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | its my party ]

oazzfest was awesome. got home about 12:30 ish last night. it was a good time, we saw mad sp bitchz there. lol fry got his ass handed to him - like his lip is just icky. haha i got a few things for myself. of course, lol. Slipknot was awesome i loved it. i was so happy. haha well bryan and i are blowing things up now so im gonna go but ill update later on.

im gone

jackie

sleep is good ... i want some of that ... [12 Jul 2004|12:35am]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | i wanna sleep all day ]

hey going home today for like 2 days then coming back for ozzfest and my party and my tattoo :)

i cant wait i cant wait i cant wait. lol

well yeah .. i miss ppl. like dorothy and meggo and lish and heather and lauren and ali and ppl.

lol i wanna go home now ... arhg

well just had to tell u i miss you.

im done.

jaxs

sleep is good ... i want some of that ... [12 Jul 2004|12:33am]
hey going home today for like 2 days then coming back for ozzfest and my party and my tattoo :)

i cant wait i cant wait i cant wait. lol

well yeah .. i miss ppl. like dorothy and meggo and lish and heather and lauren and ali and ppl.

lol i wanna go home now ... arhg

well just had to tell u i miss you.

im done.

jaxs

i hate the way love makes you feel yet i would die without it ... [09 Jul 2004|12:11pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | the reason ]

*Loving Me For Me*

People ask if I'm in love with you
Because I'm sitting here with your picture
And smiling to myself
I'm kinda lost in my own thoughts of you
My heart speaks before my mind thinks through
And I blush as I say yes

What a feeling of vulnerability coming over me
And I'm feeling weak and I can't speak
Never thought I'd give in so willingly to a human being
With abilities to set me free
Free, make me be me
Makes me want to say

Your lips, your love, your smile, your kiss
I must admit it's a part of me
You please me, complete me, believe me
Like a melody
Your soul, your flow, your youth, your truth is simply proof
We were meant to be
But the best quality thats hookin' me
Is that you're loving me for me
Is that you're loving me for me

People ask why I'm in love with you
Well, let me start by saying
You got my heart by just being who you are
And what we got is between me and you
It doesn't matter about the money I make
Or what I do, or that I'm a, huh, a star

Unconditionally you're there for me
Undeniably you inspire me, spiritually, so sweet
This is meaningful, is incredible, pleasurable, unforgettable
The way I feel, so sweet
Makes me want to say

Your lips, your love, your smile, your kiss
I must admit it's a part of me
You please me, complete me, believe me
Like a melody
Your soul, your flow, your youth, your truth is simply proof
We were meant to be
But the best quality thats hookin' me
Is that you're loving me for me
Is that you're loving me for me

Its so amazing how something so sweet
Has come and rearranged my life
I've been kissed by destiny
Oh, heaven came and saved me
An angel was placed at my feet
This isn't ordinary, he's loving me for me

Stripped of all make up, no need for fancy clothes
No cover ups, push ups
With him, I dont have to put on a show
He loves every freckle, every curve, every inch of my skin
Fulfilling me entirely, taking all of me in
He's real,he's honest, he's loving me for me
Yeah...

- * - * - * - * -


have you ever loved somebody so much it makes u cry?
have u ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night?
have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right?
have you ever? have you ever?
have you ever been in love, been in love so bad?
you'd do anything to make them understand.
have you ever had someone steal ur heart away?
you'd give anything to make them feel the same.
have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart?
but you don't know wut to say, and you don't know where to start.
have you ever loved somebody so much it makes u cry?
have u ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night?
have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right?
have you ever? have you ever?
have you ever found the one you dreamed of all ur life?
do just about anything to look into their eyes.
have you finally found the one youve given ur heart to,
only to find that one wont give their heart to u.
have you ever closed ur eyes and dreamed that they were there?
and all u can do is wait for the day when they will care?
have you ever loved somebody so much it makes u cry?
have u ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night?
have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right?
have you ever? have you ever?
wut do i gotta do to get u in my arms baby?
wut do i gotta say to get to ur heart?
to make u understand how i need u next to me
gotta get u in my world cuz baby i cant sleep
have you ever loved somebody so much it makes u cry?
have u ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night?
have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right?
have you ever? have you ever?



Just Friends

A tale of two lovers,
Who loved each other so much,
But their differences separated them,
And soon it ruined their love.
.
He approached her one sunny day,
And said, "We have to talk."
And as the clouds came rolling in,
She knew what he thought.
.
He said, "My dear, I love you so much,
But I'm afraid it has to end.
Perhaps we'd both be better off,
If we were just friends."
.
The meaning suddenly hit her,
And the words broke her heart.
She couldn't stand to lose him,
She couldn't stand to part.
She looked at him with tearful yes,
And asked, "Is that what you want?"
And as he shifted from foot to foot,
She knew their love was gone.
.
The words repeated in her mind,
Just friends, just friends…
She would have to stand the test of time,
A test that would never end.
.
He said, "I'm glad you understand,
But that's how you've always been."
And as he walked away, he heard her say,
Just friends."
.
She sat at home that night,
Thinking everything through.
"How could love end so suddenly.
A love that was so true?"
.
He saw her the next morning,
Smiled and said, "Hello."
She wanted to hold him and love him,
But refused to let her feelings show.
.
She smiled back and said, "Hi."
And then she kept on walking.
As he watched her drift by,
He thought, "What was I thinking?"
.
He called her that very night,
And said, "It's true what they say,
You never know how much you love someone
Until they leave you one day."
.
She said, "I didn't leave you,
In fact, you left me."
And as the tears fell from her eyes,
She said, "Why can't you see?"
.
"Our love has already been slaughtered,
There is no life after death.
And if friendship is all that matters,
Then we shall be just friends."
.
It was his turn to cry.
He thought, "What have I done?"
"How could something like this happen?
How could I be so dumb?"
.
She practically read his thoughts,
And said, "My dear, don't cry.
It wouldn't have worked anyway."
And all he asked was, "Why?"
.
"We both want different things,
We want to lead different lives."
And as he hung up the phone,
He thought about her reply.
.
"Perhaps she is right," he thought.
"I don't need her."
But he knew he was lying,
They both needed each other.
.
He walked down the hall to the kitchen,
And then pulled out knife.
And as she sat there crying,
He ended his life.
.
She knew something had happened,
And she cried, "Please God, no!"
And as she ran down the street,
She yelled, "I loved him so!"
.
She knew she was too late.
As she walked through the front door.
And there, of course, he lay,
Crumpled on the floor.
.
She fell forward with a sob,
And he opened his eyes.
She said, "Darling, I love you.
Darling, please don't die!"
He lifted a bloody hand,
As she put pressure on the wound.
And as he caressed her cheek,
He whispered, "I love you, too."
.
She became aware of the sirens.
And they took him away.
He was still alive, barely,
And she held his hand all the way.
.
She sat in the waiting room
And cried her heart out.
The doctor emerged from the hall
And said, "There's nothing we can do now."
.
She ran into the room and held his hand,
As she cried,
"If you leave me, I'm leaving with you."
And then, he died.
.
She walked out feeling helpless,
And ran into the street.
As the truck turned the corner,
She began to feel weak.
.
It was too late to run.
The truck was going forty-five.
And like her lover,
She also died.
.
In the paper, the headlines read,
"Two peoples lives end,
Because one thought they should be
Just friends."


my reflection shortly fades as i stare into the puddle, of my own unsound tears
leaving behind our memories, and my self-inflicted fears.

i'll postpone my remaining tears, in hopes they wash away
along with all the times you told me that you were going to stay.

i'm closing up the hole in my heart, that you left the day you lied
it took every undamaged part of me to pretend i never cried.

i'm forbidding myself to look at you, in hopes that i'll forget
the way you broke my heart in pieces, the day you up and left.

i'm ridding my mind of the hopes i had, of the day that you'd love me
but my eyes were closed too wide to tell, and too blinded by u to see.

i'll pack up all my feelings, and ensure myself i'll be okay
as i walk out the door and out of your life, while i slowly fade away.

hehe [09 Jul 2004|12:06pm]
[ mood | eh ]
[ music | killing myself ... alone ]

HASH(0x8ad0570)
You are Jack the Ripper. Yours were some of the
most brutal murders recorded in history--yet
your case is still to this day unsolved. You
came from out of the fog, killed violently and
quickly and disappeared without a trace. Then
for no apparent reason, you satisfy your blood
lust with ever-increasing ferocity, culminating
in the near destruction of your final victim,
and then you vanish from the scene forever. The
perfect ingredients for the perennial thriller.
You are quite the mysteriously demented?


Which Imfamous criminal are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

and the reason is you ....... [09 Jul 2004|11:49am]
[ mood | good ]
[ music | the reason ]

the real things i feel right now ...


thanks for the help dorothy ...
and in case i dont tell you enough. your amazing and i love you.
You are one of my bestest friends and i couldnt live without you.
i sometimes forget that you need me to tell you this otherwise
you dont know. So i am telling you now.
i love you and thank you for everything you've ever done for me.
hoop*rah for ever, and always. i love you.



to someone else who seems to be thinking about me tonight. (in a bad way)


I finally found someone who knocks me off my feet
i finally found sumone who makes my life complete
it started out over nothen - we started out as friends
its funnii from 1 simple thing the best things begin


the picture wouldnt be the same -> If you werent standing next to me


will always be that  o n e  special
boy that no mattar what he does to you
or  h o w   b a d   he    h u r t s  y o u
you could  [( N e V e R )]  let  h i m  g0


The only reason you hate me is cause i hate you
We are so much a like
we were so meant to be


be cArefuL wit every decisiOn u make cauSe wen uU lo0k bacc it cuda been da
biggeSt mistake


» i qOt the quy whO lauqhs at my stupid jOkEs
putS up with my bad m0Ods ... q0Es aL0nq with
all of my crazie idEas + still [ sees the best in me ]


the song that made us smile ...

im not a perfect person
there are many things i wish i didnt do
but i continue learning
i never meant to do those things to you
so i have to say before i go
that i just want you to know

ive found a reason for me
to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

im sorry that i hurt you
its something i must live with everday
and all the pain i put you through
i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears
that why i need you to hear

ive found a reason for me
to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

im not a perfect person
i never meant to do those things to you
and so i have to say before i go
that i just want you to know

i found a reason for me
to cahnge who i used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you
i found a reason to show
a side me you didnt know
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you



There's no time in life to think about the beginning or the ending


i hate everything about you - why do i love you


well im done for the night ...

jackie

i hate you with soo much passion ... [09 Jul 2004|10:26am]
[ mood | bitchy ]
[ music | slipknot ]

just thought i'd start this ... something that i am starting to really believe in more and more ...

you're not even worth the breath it would take to say goodbye.
saying that you are now a waste of time would be giving you way more credit than you deserve.
the simple words i hate you could not possibly do my feelings justice.
friends?
what could i ever have been thinking.


get a life.
leave me out of it.

if you think this is for you ... it is ...

that is to 3 ppl in my life right now ((along with others of course but def those 3))

i really am starting to get fed up with people's shit.

i really really really hate people.

wow i love that the ppl i hate read my journal too. i hate you stop reading my shit. fucking assholes.

also thank you so much for making me the center of your world. i am loving it!

to all of you who hate me and yet still read my thoughts this is to you:

i hate you .. i really hate you. i could give a shit if you were alive or dead. you mean nothing to no one. you are dumb, ugly, and no one loves you. so please go away. i think you are a bad person and you should just drop dead right now. bitch you shouldnt have fucked with me cause karma will get your ass in the end, im not a bad person im just not someone your gonna walk all over and when i say something you seem to think your the right one and your hurt and blah blah ... this is me not caring about you. Please stop reading my shit, bitchzz


okay sorry had to get that out.

while i am getting things out ...

wormy (u know who u r)

i think you are a fucking prick and an asshole. You are 2 faced and back stabbing. I am too good for you. You need to get over yourself and the fact that i love Bryan and not you. Sorry ...


wow i feel better now.

thanks for listening ....


- me -

oh i love him ... [09 Jul 2004|10:20am]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | i love you ]

went to get jj and justin today.

got to see bryan. o how ive missed him.

giggle

i love him so muchies.

hehe im a loser.

well gonna go ...


jackie

i am eating pizza & drinking yoo-hoo * cant beat that [08 Jul 2004|09:53am]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | slipknot ]

eh ... im bored.

talking to rocco about my car. i wanna go back to j&l and get something from it. but i dont know if its still there.

j&l i hate those ppl. arhg

lol well yeah .. im bored.

sending pics with dotty - nothing other then that. i am a loser.

wow ... gonna go talk to ppl

later


j a c k i e

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