| I STILL LOVE YOU... |
[27 Jun 2008|07:44pm] |
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it's crazy... i have a 9 month old son now. and yes, still with my one any only. so much has happened and i had shed enough tears, but i'm such a different person from when i first got this journal thing. i can't believe i still know the password lol. but yes, i'm happy. so happy.
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[27 Sep 2007|05:30pm] |
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4 days to go!!
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[16 Sep 2007|11:02am] |
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37 weeks down, 3 weeks to go. (:
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| UPDATEEEEEE. lol |
[03 Aug 2007|11:34pm] |
it's been a while since i've last done that but let's see... HAVING A BABYYYY woo. lol funny how i always wanted a baby at a young age but i didn't really saw it happening. now i wish it wasn't as soon but i definitely do not regret this chapter in my life. having a son should teach me great lessons which i'm hoping to learn.
as of everthing else? same ol shit. quit my job today after 6 months of hell there, HOORAY. lol & relationship wise, roly finally manned up tho i really didn't want to get back with him. some things about him just dpesn't sit well with me but i must admit, loving him as much as i do was the only reason another chance couldn't hurt.. shouldn't. and if it does.. oh, he will pay horribly (:
omg i just can't wait to see my son face-2-face. it's going to be awesome!
well, toddles.
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[02 Feb 2007|01:42pm] |
life has been grand the past month. LOL well, actually, it hasn`t, but things are working out according to plan. roly and I are on "chill mode" letting things between us get better. we`re doing our own things as we patch up things between us, but i mean, that`s all in the process of finding out whether we`re for eachother or not. i`m for it... but i`m not up for a game. i believe i made that clear to him. since the "break up", we`ve been going out to diner, hanging out, &sexing as usual. i mean, wtf, no sex? ah, please LOL. some say we should remain over while most believe we`re going to end up getting married. lol.. honestly, i`m just going with the flow.. i don`t know if we`re going to get married.. and i don`t know if we will even work out. but i do know i want us to try mend things. i`d be nice to be with someone who i love and loves me back at the end. true love always finds a way to work, no matter what.
hm, what else? eh, been going out clubbing more. it`s great, i guess... minus the random guys jumping in trying to dance with me. i got out of that stage after pace. i really don`t find the dancing as great when some dude is rubbing his ding gong on my junk in the trunk. lol.
ugh, i love roly :l he`s great. well, minus his ignorant ways, and always assuming he`s right, he`s great. he always found a way to make me happy &never forgot about me on special days like christmas and birthdays and valentines. and yeah, can`t say he hasn`t made me cry, but he always found a way to make up for hurting me &always apologized, meaning it. ah, i hope i see him tonight or spend tomorrow with him (:!! my poppa bear is such a dickfaceeeeeeee.
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[01 Jan 2007|12:18am] |
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happy fucking new years.....
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[05 Oct 2006|05:28pm] |
venting time!
so, there`s this place that`s selling the type of car i want for a really good price. i mean, REALLY GOOD. something i can afford & plus it`s the kind of car that are made to last. so after weeks of getting the same story "oh, i`m not lending you money for a car that`s going to be financed because then you`ll have to pay a lot." now the excuse is "oh i don`t want to lend you money for a car that costs 2,000$ or less because that means it`s no good." wtf.. at the end of the day, i have to pay that fuckin` money back. it`s going to come out of MY pocket! now it`s bunch of bull... it`s a bunch of excuses that i just don`t want to hear about anymore.
to top it all off, the computer my dad fixed over a thousand times decided to not work today &ofcourse it`s my fault. so my sister is like, blah blah i`m going to get a lap top. so i`m like "okay, so then why don`t you give me the computer &i`ll take it to dad so that he can fix it." &her little stupid bitch ass attitude just fuckin` blew me away. i didn`t get slick with her.. i didn`t say i was going to KEEP it.. i just wanted to take it to dads so that he can fix it &restore what he can.
oh lordy lord lord... have mercy on me. i mean, some people would think i`m just a pain in the ass.. but fucking shit, this kind of shit gets to you when it happens over &over again. 19 years of crap.. i don`t want to deal with it anymore.
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| mama mia! |
[04 Oct 2006|09:08pm] |
so i`m home for the night... hooray! (note the sarcasm) lol... so yeah. i had an alright weekend. roly got mad at me staurday night cause i aint call him when i was his sister, so i had to spend the night at roly`s mom`s crib. got drunk off my ass, argued politics with a marine &yeah lol. interesting night i had saturday night.
uhh, let`s see... got a job at the body shop. i have to call the lady on friday to let her know i want the job for sure. cashier making 7$ an hours. ot bad for starting.. til i get a better deal some place else.
going to halloween horror nights this year, for once. hopefully it`s fun cause then i`ll never go again with roly lol. woo! besides that, nothing else new. i miss my man :l. i know i wont sleep tonight. i`ve gotten so used to him that i have to hear him snoring to sleep. what kind of gay shit is that? lol i hould be getting (hopefully) my chevy tomorrow, god willing. my step dad just gotta come thru this time.. he better come thru.
well, switching comps.. since this is my sister`s &no longer considered ours :/.
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| a real show stoppah! |
[08 Sep 2006|06:08pm] |
so, i`m at my mom`s house, pretty much spent the day here. i`m leaving my babies here til next weekend cause i have to put a tick bomb at my place.yep, there are ticks everywhere, but not as bad as it is here at my mom`s house. yucky, i know! anyway, i`m just about to go see my chiropractor &have a little check up. &then i`m getting my brows` waxed cause they`re lookin` alittle hairy lol.
ah, i`m loving the danity kane`s ride with you song. it`s like, nice? cheaaa.
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| i`m alive, b! lol |
[02 Sep 2006|07:46pm] |
so moving out isn`t all that great, but it`s better than where i was before. haven`t started the police academy yet cause i`m still waiting to get a job, which is hopefully real soon. my mom is driving me crazy, STILL! yeah i know, wtf right? but besides that.. nothing new. still not net.. still no cable &i have a screwed up cell fone to top it all off. hello real world!
roly got his hair braided, finally. looks good if you ask me lol. umm, i`m becoming real good at monopoly too lol. that`s all i do, besides go outside &smoke squares trying to get a hold of people while i still can. crazy.. rosie is moving out soon. on the 9th as a matter of fact. no more drama for her! geez, i think that`s the best news i`ve gotten by far lol. oh well, i`m out. hope everyone has a safe labor day weekend.
i`m going to the beach on mondaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, yippy!
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| i moved.. |
[10 Aug 2006|09:17pm] |
yeah.. i`m home right now pickin` up some more clothes but that`s pretty much it. i hope i get internet soon at my new place cause that shit is driving me insane. i now live in hialeah gardens.. a whole lot of nosey cubans if you really ask me lol. whatever, better than here.
well, g2g... i`ma check my myspace page.
laterr.
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| i wrote this.. enjoy (: |
[02 Aug 2006|06:14pm] |
my mind.. what thoughts!
i can`t seem to forget.. i want to forget.
how can i escape my memories?
i`m hurting, old thoughts. please, let me be!
even in my sleep, you haunt my dreams.
go away... be gone! i`m sick of the pain.
i`m tired remembering *his love & *his face.
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[02 Aug 2006|05:30pm] |
well.. time for an update. my weekend went by smoothly after i got out of my house later that night. ended up sleeping over roly`s. actually, he did the sleeping.. i stayed up watching tv lol. before that, hung out with his sister outside. smoked a few cigs with her... complained about guys &blah. it was cool.. then at 4am, roly gets his little hunger urges &we ended up munching on taco bell lol.. i swear taco bell never tasted so good. sunday, went to the pool with erica, roly &ryan. had fun spashing in water with ryan til he was brought in. erica &i got thrown in the pool a good few times before we all decided to go in. &yeah, pretty chilled weekend.
jennifer wants to make me ryan`s god-mother. it`s not 100% for sure yet, but i think i will be the god-mother. i don`t mind at all being his god-mother. ofcourse roly is like "yeah, but what if we break up?" i said "so? that wont change the fact that i`ll be his god-mother. i`ll still be there for him." lol.. he didn`t like the answer, but whatever.
spoke to rosie the night before for a good hour.. talked about the whole fidel castro crap. then about things at home &shit. joel`s doing great, or so she says. he was surprised i keep in contact with rosie.. he was like "are you serious?" lol YEAH, stupid.
i think i`ll be getting a job soon then i thought. there`s a part time offering at auto city. cashier/receptionist. not bad at all.. evenings, nights &weekends. fexible hours &says will work with school hours, which will be perfect because i`m going to tae a small course in miami dade for medical assistant. i mean, fuck it.. i might as well do something in the mean time while i apply at the police academy. which is a year`s process, so works out perfectly.
my car will finally get fixed next week. so that`s also a plus. hooray! i`m glad.. cause i`ve had it being home &dealing with everyone complaining about me. (:
well, i`m out like a light... ♥
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| alittle something i just came up with.. |
[29 Jul 2006|01:34pm] |
life.. for what it`s worth, is one of the hardest obsticles we face. nothing is ever certain; nothing is ever guarenteed. hope can only mend a heart when fear devours our dreams. fate is written &destinies are set. heart break seems to be the only thing that teaches us &the memories we can`t seem to forget. for one thing lies true, death`s day will surely come. whether it`s tonight or 20 years beyond this date, the life we all live will one day be life for none.
talk about depressing? lol.. i was bored :l
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| i are like this quote (: |
[29 Jul 2006|11:16am] |
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She's moved on, and I feel sorry for you, because she thought you were the most amazing boy ever. If she could have any guy in the world, she would have picked you above the others. She loved you with everything she had, and you meant the world to her. She thought that the love she had for you would last forever, and you would give the same in return. You were the guy that made her believe in love, and you took that all away from her. Its funny how the same guy who made her believe in love, is also the same guy who reassured her that assholes do exist, and hearts can be broken.
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[26 Jul 2006|06:22pm] |
my mother makes absolutely no sense.. NO FUCKING SENSE. i was close to getting strep throat &ofcourse, i told her just incase it was to get worse, &what does she says when she comes back from puerto rico on monday? "since you`re having sex with roly, he`s going to pay for your hospital bills." pretty much saying the shit i got in my throat is because of him.. yeah, because roly is that dirty &he`s been around &i`m the idiot that sucks his dirty dick &gets fucked by him with no condom... BITCH. i`m not stupid.. i know there are things called std`s &i know that you can never be "too careful" when it comes to protecting yourself. i`m not sucking on roly`s dick like it`s a damn lolli-pop! wtf does she think i am? okay, so i admitted to her that i`m sexually active.. GIVE ME SOME FUCKIN` CREDIT. i mean shit, if it was my daughter, i`ll be kinda glad she`s open with me.. &i`ll do anything &everything to help her make the right choices while she does her thing! FUCK.. this shit has gone so fukin` far, it`s not even funny. she asked me before how many guys i`ve slept with &that every guy on my phonebook has gotten some from me.. my sister even said once "atleast i`m not the one that opens my legs to every guy i talk to.".. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT SHIT FUCKIN` HURTS WHEN YOUR MOM THINKS YOUR A TRAMP?
Victor was a one-time mistake. lasted less than 5 minutes &i never did it again with him because it turned out he was a complete idiot. i had sex with joel A YEAR &TWO MONTHS of being together because i loved him &it felt right. &now roly.. (which i don`t really like talkin` about cause that`s weird.) in feb., i was 2-3 months delayed with my period.. so i told my mom when i noticed my belly was swollen. i didn`t think i was pregnant, but there was always a small chance that i was, so i opened up to her. first she was like "oh no, please tell me it`s roly`s kid cause i don`t want it to be joel`s." i was like "well mom, good luck with that cause if i am, then it is joel`s." after that day, she`s done nothing but put me down.. made me take like 10 pregnancy test, which all came out negative. &then a blood test to check for std`s in my blood &for the hormones that a woman produces when she`s pregnant.. both negative. doctor said it was either a falso alarm or miscarrage (how ever the fuck you spell that.) interesting, right?
it only got worse.. i was known as the slut in the house. my mom even said "patty`s mom is right, you are a lost case.. should have left you at joel`s." God, i`m not surprised she agreed with patty`s mom after all the shit she said that 'she defended me' my ass.. &then she doesn`t like any of my friends. they all have something she doesn`t like.. all of my friends were either lesbians, trouble makers or i wasn`t good enough to have friends that are smarter than me. i can`t even go fishing NEAR MY HOUSE WITH A GIRL I GREW UP WITH cause she`s a druggie &"callejera" :l okay, so she smokes.. so do i. she didn`t introduce me, i introduced my self to drugs. i just recently found out she smoked.. but i don`t judge her because i know her.. i know who she is, &she is still the same weirdo i went to elementary school with...
what did i do wrong? why does she treat me like a criminal? i swear if i bring up going out, she starts assuming i`m going to hotels to have sex. sorry mom, but if i really wanted to fuck.. i don`t need a hotel :l but it`s not even that.. i just do things normal couples do.. go out &have a good time. chill with some other people.. watch movies, play video games.. anything that isn`t sexual. fuckin` shit, man.. it hurts me so much that she thinks of me this way.. :l i`ve tried my hardest to make her proud.. yet nothing. my graduation wasn`t good enough for her to go to... my grades were below average in her eyes... i didn`t win any awards because i`m stupid.. &i`ll be nothing if i stay with roly, so she says. she puts me down for everything.. &i try my hardest not to cry. i hold it in &just let it build up inside of me until it converts into anger... hate.
&then she wonders why i don`t bother leavin` my room sometimes.. &i just stay on the computer listening to music.. she says i do it because i`m crazy.. ofcourse she would know cause it takes one to know one, right? i`m just losing faith.. tired of the bullshit. tired of life all together.. &they say one day it will all go away, but it wont. not until she pushes me to the edge &i do something drastic infront of her.. then maybe, just MAYBE she`ll be like "damn, so this is how she felt on the inside."
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[24 Jul 2006|10:53pm] |
i love crip...
end of discussion.
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| quote |
[24 Jul 2006|04:34am] |
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I'm so pissed at myself. That's right pissed at myself, not you. I'm pissed for always being nice, always apologizing for things I didn't do, for getting attached, making you my life, depending on you, wasting my time on you, thinking about you, following you, changing for you, forgiving you, wishing for you, dreaming of you, & most of all for not hating you, which I know I should, but I can't.
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| oh FUCKING man... |
[22 Jul 2006|02:28pm] |
if last night wasn`t fucking enough for me.. okay, so i didn`t drug myself to sleep thanks to patty, but right now i feel like chokin` my sister til she turns blue. she goes out whenever she fuckin` wants &i can`t BITCH about it because "she never goes out.." aint my fuckin` fault her cheap ass man doesn`t take her anywhere that doesn`t cost more than 20 bucks. so whatever, i bitched her ass out.. called her every name in the book. &i was like "call your mother fuckin` man &call mom.. i don`t gve a fuck! i`ll tell her myself what i said to you, bitch." so i did just that.. called my mom &told her how it all went down. but i still was heated.. so i call roly.. yeah, he doesn`t have the best advices, but i didn`t want him to give me advice or to hear any of his bullshit opinions... all i wanted was for him to listen &calm me down. BUT FUCKIN` NO. he`s like "well, i have nothing to do with it, that`s all you." &then i tell him the rest &he`s like, "well calling your mom wasn`t going to make a difference." I DIDN`T WANT TO HEAR HIS FUCKIN` OPINIONS! ALL I WANTED WAS FOR HIM TO FUCKIN` LISTEN. THAT`S FUCKIN` IT!! then i told him that i shouldn `t have called.. being that he was in bad terms with me from last night... &then he calls me back &leaves me a voicemail saying to keep fucking up... THAT`S MY FUCKIN` PROBLEM.. I JUST KEEP FUCKIN` UP. I DON`T FUCKIN` KNOW HOW, BUT I JUST DO.. &I`M TIRED... IM FUCKIN` TIRED OF PEOPLE TELLIN` ME I`M A DAMN FUCK UP.. I`M TIRED OF PEOPLE CALLIN` ME NAMES &TREATIN` ME LIKE I`M SHIT. I`M FUCKIN` SICK &TIRED OF ALL THIS FUCKIN` NONSENSE &I HAVE NO FUCKIN` ONE WHO CAN JUST FUCKIN` LISTEN!! THAT`S ALL I FUCKIN` WANT.. SOMEONE TO FUCKIN` LISTEN!
GOD FUCKIN` DAMN IT, I FUCKIN` HATE THIS FUCKIN` SHIT. I FUCKIN` HATE IT! I SWEAR TO GOD I CAN`T FUCKIN` WAIT TIL MY FRIEND DROPS OFF THE FUCKIN` WEED CAUSE I`MA FUCKIN` GET PLASTERED TONIGHT &TOMORROW...
FUCK ROLY, FUCK MY SISTER .. FUCK EVERYONE WHO`S EVER FUCKIN` LET ME DOWN &MADE ME FEEL LIKE I`M WORTHLESS... FUCKIN` PIECES OF SHITS!
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| snap ya fingaz; do ya stair !! |
[20 Jul 2006|03:08pm] |
SNAP YA FINGAZ`; THEN ROCK WIT IT !!
lol, sorry.. got waaay into the song.. but anyways, yeah. i got plastered on sunday. smoked resin cause we didn`t have weed &i drank 6 yager bombs &three yager shots.. oh man, did i fuckin` throw up a storm. i threw up everything i ate that day &i think the day before lol. i was zoned out after that.. don`t really remember much. one minute i was layin` on the floor &the next, i wake up around 6 am on my bed wonderin` how the fuck i got there. weeeeeeeeird !!
roly said i got freaky... which i don`t remember at all. not going into details, but he sent me instead cause he didn`t want to take advantage of the situation.. aww, what a loser lol. we`re buying a half of an eight tomorrow.. woo! we gon` smoke that crippy, BITCH! then on saturday, might chill with roy, adrian &his girl so i can smoke on with her before she leaves to new york :l gaaaaaay.
OHH, i think i get my grill on sat. just four pk to the bottom, since that looks decent on a female. was going to get my tats, but we`re going to leave that for when i move out in the next month or 2. adrian &his girl might end up livin` with us, if adrian finds a job by then.. cause she doesn`t want to go &i doubt he wants her to leave neither. hope that works out :l
ah, i think joel has been trying to contact me.. but i`ve been ignoring every blocked number that calls my cell.. if he really wants to talk, he needs to grow some balls &get off that kid shit cause i`m not with it anymore.
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