Tam's Blurty
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Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in Tam's Blurty:

    Saturday, January 31st, 2004
    8:22 pm
    I dont really know exactly how I feel. I usually have a guy to like or to dream about and want but the guys in my life right now...are just friends. I only see them as friends. So theres no one. I liked this guy but now I have none of those feelings towards him anymore because he lied to me about so many things and now I'm ok with just being friends. I have a friend that is way HOT but what would even make me think that a guy like him...nice, funny, way gorgeous, sweet, honest, and trust me thie list goes on...would even be interrested in a girl like me? Truth is I wouldnt have a chance. Hes probably into those beautiful 5'10, blonde hair, blue eyes, super model type, with the absolute perfect 10 figure. He even does modeling. Sure guys say its not about all of that its about whats on the inside that counts...ok that is a little true but if a girl isnt some what up to a guys standards what is going to make him even talk to her in the first place? To guys their standards is a girl with a medium to large rack, an appple bottom type ass, and a perfectly toned everything else for them to even talk to her. I'm not saying that that is how all guys are but probably like 95% are. I am also not saying that I am a hideous too large person but everything is not toned and I do not have that big of T&A. If you were to meet me or get to know me I seem like one of those people who is secure with themselves and knows how to have fun...but I am not secure with myself all the time and lately I havent been a very happy person on the inside. All of you reading (if anyone even reads) are probably thinking everyone has their own shit to deal with and blah blah blah I know all of that...I'm just sharing my thoughts.
    Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
    4:49 am
    How could you do this? How can you say you love me and not even let me in your heart? How can you not trust me if you say I am your bestfriend? How can you be so hurt and still have the one thing that most people dont get and want so badly? How can you not take love for what it is? How can you not love her back? How can you brush it off and not try to feel it back? How can you not give her a chance...a hope...even a little of both? How could you have a bestfriend without love and trust? How could you not see that she wont harm you, she wont hurt you, she wont stab you in the back as you look away, she will be there, she will help you, she will love you anyway you let her and then some...how could you not see?

    AHHH!!!! I'm going crazy right now.

    Current Mood: crushed
    Wednesday, January 21st, 2004
    9:52 am
    Well my aunt is sick. I think that she might die. That guy and I arent talking anymore. But for some reason I am ok. I mean yeah it sucks that bad things are happening but there are also a lot of good things happening too. There is this guy that I talk to who helps me get through a lot of things. He's really nice about everything. The other night I was a huge bitch to him. I felt horrible, he even said that he didnt expect to hear form me again because it sounded like I was mad at him for some reason. Of course I wasnt,I was just being a bitch. I think that I have so many problems with guys because I am not careful and because I always fall fast. I'm not saying that I fall in love with every guy or anything I'm just saying that when I like someone it is usually quickly. Well they do say that women know with in the first 10 minutes of meeting someone whether or not there is a potential relationship or any kind of future. Why do girls have to be so emotional? And when we do think that he have found the right person or the right potential person they usually end up hurting us and giving us a wake up call. But for some reason...we always end up blaming ourselves, even though we arent the stupid ones. Who ever it is that gave you the wake up call is the stupid one. They cant take a good thing for what its worth. They cant see all the greatness they are missing out on because they are too blind by their own stupidity. But one day hes going to wake up and realize what he could of had and how happy one person could have made him feel, then thats when we say hey you missed your chance, and even though I had or still do have those feelings for you...you missed it. Maybe I am just being stupid and he will never realize what hes missing, but I hope he does... so that he can realize all the pain I'm going through because he cant love me.
    Thanks for listening!!!
    Friday, January 16th, 2004
    7:51 am
    This is my first journal entry. I have my own personal journal but I am not able to get feedback on it. I am using my friends computer so if I dont get back to you all right away thats why.

    Lately I have been having sooo much trouble! I my mind is so boggled and confused with so many things.For one theres this guy who I really really like but he doesnt like me. The other night though...I think that I realized that I am glad to just be his friend and be there for him. I would rather be that then anything or loose him forever because I couldnt put my feelings aside. I'm glad I have my other friend.He tells me what I need to hear like there are other guys out there that will see what they have infront of them instead of just brushing it off and ignoring a great thing. Does that make sense? He is a bit older than me and has gotten out way more then I have. He has also done a whole lot more than I have...just in life. But what happends when you like someone and they have absolutley no feelings for you...what do you do when you know you want to be their friend but by not hurting them it might end up hurting you in the long run? Well now everything is cool between,us I think, I know how he feels and he know how I feel...but the truth is I dont know if I feel like that anymore. I thought that I felt one way but I think it changed...instead of having feelings for him as a boyfriend I think that I have the same feelings for him in just a friend kind of way. Its weird though because I will probably change my feelings by like tomarrow. Hmmm...I'm confused. I dont really want to say too much about my crap because the person I talk about I think has a journal on here too. It's just that I wanted comments and feedback. Thats how I write in my journal...as if I was talking to someone and they would say something back...like writting a letter to my friends or something.
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