Tesco Mutherfuckin Vee's Blurty|
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Tesco Mutherfuckin Vee's Blurty:
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|Tuesday, March 12th, 2013|
|Thursday, January 17th, 2013|
Looking back through some of my old posts. WOW. A LOT has transpired over the course of ten years.
|Tuesday, August 28th, 2012|
So I ordered this "jewelry" item from an online company, got the order confirmation AND the shipping info, which DID confirm that it had left the shipping facility via the United States Postal Service. Yesterday, upon checking the tracking information status, I had noted that a delivery confirmation had been posted, informing me that I had my item in the mailbox. Of course there was no such item i
n my box neither yesterday or today, thus beginning the ever-loved process of navigating half-assed automated customer service resources. By the end of SEVERAL disconnects, malfunctioning auto-systems which would cut me off in the middle of my key pushing, and redundant monotone computer messages, I was no closer to holding said item.
The rage swelled.
I FINALLY got in my car and drove up to my local sorting facility, wielding Banger and a viking's lust for conquest. After spilling out of my ride, gripping and empty bottle of Heaven Hill vodka in one hand, and my battle-scarred meat hammer in the other, I stormed the castle's front door, wildly, violently casting postal service customers to either side of my advance. As soon as I flung the fucking doors open, government werkers began to scatter like cockroaches fleeing a midnight snacker stalking through a freshly-lit kitchen. It was at this point when I likened myself to a particular character in an old John Cusack movie, menacingly hunting down his two dollars. As my raging intent bounded atop the business counter, Banger could be felt swelling with the anticipation of letting loose the Torrents of Judgement. I howled and ranted in the general direction of the scrambling werkers, spitting daggers of an unfathomable language towards anyone within earshot of my anger. As the horrified masses began to cluster up in the corner, huddled like frightened slaves avoiding the lion in a Roman arena of death, I jacked my war hammer of hate to a semi-turgid state and muttered a final few werds of intent before unleashing Hell.
"How DARE you werthless government fucks deny me my parcel! How DARE you cock-toking fuckwaffles give me the runaround, assuring your doom with each passing minute, with each muttered excuse!!"
And with the spin of the last hate-filled werd, I began to chuck the torrents of unbridled hatred upon my weakened and wholly defeated foe. With my jaw cocked, my head back and swaying to the rhythm of destruction, I firehosed the insolent postal service werkers as they desperately clawed and fought back. With each passing moment, a postal werker would find the space needed to escape the raging jets of hot coconut oil. And with each of these brave attempts, I'd line them up and blast them back into the fold of death. After what seemed like an eternity of assault, the cries and writhing began to die off, like those slaves bleeding out before the attacking lion. One by one the werkers began to crumble to the floor, drowned and battered, until the final whisps of life departed my defeated foe.
As my swelling rage began to wane, and my war hammer of vengeance finished off its pressurized cauldron of pearlescent destruction, I clambered down from my battle ground, tucked my pride, and sauntered back out to my idling tank of hate...
Actually, I didn't do much of that last part. I just made a couple of phone calls and the USPS had their delivery guy run my item out to me with apologies and kindness. Apparently, they had mistakenly delivered it to a house a couple of streets over. Shit happens. Werd. :)
|Friday, April 13th, 2012|
So who's fuckin' who around here?
|Friday, December 16th, 2011|
|Tuesday, October 25th, 2011|
Oh how I miss you, Blurty. We used to have such a good time interacting with hermans, weenbags, and bohabs alike. I miss the Tescofile days...and perhaps even Bill. Well, everything is sure to come to an end, as is the law of time...nothing stays the same.
Alas, I shall peek in on you (and YOU) from time to time. I just can't shut the door entirely ;)
|Sunday, August 7th, 2011|
Where am I?
|Saturday, June 18th, 2011|
Glub. Blub. Pop.
|Thursday, June 9th, 2011|
Adios...but not really
I guess i'm done here. I have been in denial since it's a hard pill to swallow given the years I have invested. I will look in from time to time in order to catch up with those of you still writing. I'm on Facebook consistently, for those who do the same and want to stay filthy by association.
It's been good.
It's been great.
...now I'm off to toke up and masturbate.
|Tuesday, May 24th, 2011|
What's going on here? Are we square?
|Thursday, April 28th, 2011|
Boy, I sure am hungry. Gimme!
|Saturday, April 23rd, 2011|
Still getting shit spam comments on this thing. So sad.
In other news, I'm making an offer on a house near Austin. It's a two-story beauty with a pool...as I still insist on having a pool ;)
I haven't been employed in three years now. So far, so good with that plan :)
I've sold the sports car and pared it down to the truckster. Gas is simply too expensive, and who needs a fucking sports car anyway.
My dick still gets beaten on the reg.
Things are looking great.
How 'bout you?
|Thursday, April 7th, 2011|
Blurty, you dirty son of a bitch, you're still here, waiting for me! Sorry bout that.
|Thursday, March 24th, 2011|
|Monday, February 28th, 2011|
This Be No Bueno
Wow...three weeks since and update.
|Monday, January 31st, 2011|
|Saturday, January 29th, 2011|
♫ My love for you is ticking clock, Berserker!
Would you like to suck my cock, Berserker!♫
|Saturday, January 22nd, 2011|
|Oldie But A Goodie!
Pedro - 2008
|Wednesday, January 19th, 2011|
Can I Get A Witness
I pumped and thrusted until I was about to explode. At the moment of triumph I popped my cork from her hole and jammed it into her mug for the offload. As she worked my hammer off, greedily milking me of my jam, I leaned over and gathered her things, shoving pamphlets and assorted literature into her bag. By the time she had composed herself and took a pull off my beer, I was already standing at my open door with her knapsack held out in her direction. I must admit, she was a tad miffed at such an efficient brush-off. After the door closed behind her, while I was walking across the living room, I heard her yelling her final question from down the sidewalk: "HEY! Didn't you want one of these Watchtower booklets??"
No, babe. I really didn't.
|Wednesday, January 5th, 2011|
Well, where to begin.
Werd. I've done tons. I've stayed out of trouble...as much as possible. I will be going on a cruise in another month and a half. I traded in my car for an even faster car...with a rag top. The weather sucks. I have become addicted to NHL '11. I have spent more time in homes and hotel rooms in other towns and cities than I have in my own home, at least over the last two-and-a-half months. I am looking HARD at moving to another place by this time next year. I'm looking closely in an area between San Antonio and Austin. I am currently hungry. I still stroke my cock as frequently as a fourteen year old boy.
That's all I can think to say atm as my tummy is growling and I can smell food...