| ...or just the notion of |
[01 Sep 2006|02:08pm] |
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mood |
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 apathetic |
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i felt my callback yesterday was mediocre. well, no; it went fine, but was nothing special. indeed, i didn't get cast and frankly i'm a little relieved. although the question of stage managing arose... randy is going to need a stage manager and i don't know if i want to do it, for the same reason i'm glad to not be in the show - it's a big time commitment. i'm already doing the props and the list for that is enormous.
maybe he won't even ask me to SM. but if he does, i'm not sure what i'll do. i'm leaning toward saying no.
wow. unless some crazy miracle happens and i end up cast in the music man next spring (which i guess isn't completely out of the question, but i'm not counting on it, either), i will be in no shows this year. my last year. it's odd that, mentally, i think i should feel something about that, but i feel nothing. so it goes. i feel like i'm currently living a life of apathy and indifference. maybe my perspective is skewed.
this weekend should be good. i'm hoping to feel motivated enough to get my hair cut (finally). i'll ride my bike (finally). tomorrow night is snakes on a plane. nice.
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| "is it bad that i want to say that i miss you?" |
[01 Sep 2006|10:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pensive |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"rain" - breaking benjamin |
] |
i am addicted to this song right now.
sometimes i go through phases where i update a lot for no reason.
and sometimes, for lack of anything better to do (woooo, friday night!), i go back through old entries, just so see what was up at some random point. tonight's adventure was more intentional and took me back to last fall - i started with the theatre disaster and ended up going as far as february. in my reading, i realized two things:
1) in that [approximately 5 month] span of time, i wrote a lot of locked and private entries.
2) the existence of this post, which was private until tonight, made me consider some things.
i openly divulge almost nothing. wait, that's not true - it's personal, emotional stuff that i don't talk about. i'm not just referring to what i write in the blog. if i say anything, it's usually pretty vague. it isn't that i'm not an open person; it's just that i don't simply put it all out there. not usually. if you were to ask me something directly, i would tell you what you wanted to know. i think i'm afraid of letting myself be vulnerable. that doesn't mean i never do. some of you have seen it. but in general, i downplay some things and only give everyone the cliffnotes version. if i really really open up to you, it's pretty much because you're awesome. that is, you mean something to me.
i feel like i'm making myself sound as though i'm full of secrets. ha.
sometime in january i posted a chapter from the tao. i don't know how that's relevent to this post, but i liked it, so there she be.
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